                                     ~                  ~
                  *                   *                *       *
                               *               *
               ~       *                *         ~    *
                           *       ~        *              *   ~
                               )         (         )              *
                 *    ~     ) (_)   (   (_)   )   (_) (  *
                        *  (_) # ) (_) ) # ( (_) ( # (_)       *
                           _#.-#(_)-#-(_)#(_)-#-(_)#-.#_
               *         .' #  # #  #  # # #  #  # #  # `.   ~     *
                        :   #    #  #  #   #  #  #    #   :
                 ~      :.       #     #   #     #       .:      *
                     *  | `-.__                     __.-' | *
                        |      `````"""""""""""`````      |         *
                  *     |         | ||\ |~)|~)\ /         |
                        |         |~||~\|~ |~  |          |       ~
                ~   *   |                                 | *
                        |      |~)||~)~|~| ||~\|\ \ /     |         *
                *    _.-|      |~)||~\ | |~|| /|~\ |      |-._
                   .'   '.      ~            ~           .'   `.  *
              jgs :      `-.__                     __.-'      :
                   `.         `````"""""""""""`````         .'
                     `-.._                             _..-'
                          `````""""-----------""""`````

	We still don't have a cool ascii, so i thought i would share this
	little tidbit with you: Did you know it was LESTER'S BIRTHDAY this
	week? Be sure to catch up with him, and wish him a Happy B-DAY!!!


Netmonkey Weekly Report
Issue XVI
August 2nd, 1998
New Format





         This is issue #2 since the expansion into a full emag, we have opened
    a channel which is held in #nwr, and we are looking into our webpage/coded
    mag. So if you want to help out, go ahead and visit us in #nwr. Now
    I didn't expect it so soon, but already there is a copycat mag, as
    RCN was to INQ. And in the same sense, a much lesser quality mag than
    what you are currently reading if I dont say so myself! We will continue
    to bring you what is useful to you and what you want to hear about, rather
    than 5 pages of shit about a site you probably aren't even on. Or logs
    of the editor telling people how great his own group is. But enough
    attention towards the other mags. We have put together another nice issue
    for you, with a submission from an outside source, Tslayer of SWAT,
    who wrote an article about the scene. I have also changed my movie review
    format, where I will review 1-2 movies in depth each week and then just
    put a summary review(ratings) of the current movies. I'll let ND fill
    you guys in on whatever else may be important. Enjoy!


                                            Lester [Co-Editor/Head Writer]


         Hey hey kids... Well... I didn't think that that our first
    big assed issue would go over so well.. but, judging from all the feedback
    we got about it, i'll just take a few minutes here to remove my lower 2
    ribs, so that i might more easily suck my own dick...
         Yeah, here we are, back for another jamm (!) packed issue full
    of hard facts, witty editorials, and all around quaker goodness.
    As you can see, we are still in need of some ascii artists, so... get
    off your fat ass, you lazy sluts, and find us in #nwr!
    We always have room for more writers as well, so anyone who is willing
    to submit something topical will be greatly thanked...
         Ho hum.. thats about it for now.. Bring on the dancing girls!


                                            ndetroit [Co-Editor/Head Fatass]




-----------[ index ]-----------

   I.)   Intro
               a) Lester
               b) ndetroit

   II.)  Stats - Weekly Stats, and comments on Sites.
   III.) Lester's Biased Courier Report

   IV.)  Articles
               a) Tslayers Thoughts - Narcing, release groups, swat, and fun.
               b) Video Review - Phantoms
               c) Movie Review - Saving Private Ryan
               d) The #1 Group - Lester

   V.)   Scene News - All the news thats fit to print

   VI.)  Rumors!

   VII.) Closing

-----------[ ndetroit's sites and stats section ]-----------


	Ok... i admit it. I was really out of things this week, so
i just sort of went with what we had on the report before. Deal with
it.

	Mistworld stayed up for a whole week this week, so.. congrats
to them.. See the news section for more on MW.

	NMS was down. Again. So.. whatever to them..
	MSV was up, but... fuck if i can find an MSV weektop. Sorry
to everyone who did well there. Someone taught me how to find the
weektop on LA, so... two scoops of raisons to me for getting them
back on the fucking list.
	Next week i may check out getting FOS on the list, if i get
a chance to login there and check it out. Also being debated is DL..
(back from the dead?).. i would check it out.. but.. they caned my
login.. seems that some sites expect people to actually UPLOAD stuff..
weird.

	Couple of new sites up this week that you might want to check
out if you have a fast US shell, and a few screens to fill.. ;p

	MD:  Meltdown.. NGT's (atom-x for all you people that have a
	     hard time dealing with current affairs) I-NET HQ, based out
	     of Texas, running the new gftpd, a sweet looking new daemon
	     that pays homage to ftp4all.. 22 gigs, and a good euro link.

	SLR: Cellar.. F4CG affilled, a 40 gig T3 located in the heart
	     of the U S of A.. and "half" of AMB lists the site as being
	     quite "shagadelic".. reason enough to trade there(!)
	     Impressive staff, and Red Obelisk was #1 on the weektop there
	     last week.. wtf? didn't he retire??
	     RED OBELISK! STOP TRADING! START RUNNING!

	Down this week: DV, NMS, MS, MP, (yawn) and... *sigh*, UC...
Dray.. what happened to big beautiful United Center? .... ....  <ndetroit
crys>


=--------------------------------------------------------------------------=
	Sites are rated on a 3X and 2X scale.. if you want to know why we
 do it that way, read an old issue. Couriers get 10 points per site they get
 #1 on, 9 points for 2nd place, 8 points for 3rd, etc, etc.
	Sites are rated by us. If you don't like the ratings, then....
heh... fuck off and die..
=--------------------------------------------------------------------------=


	Once again, let me mother fucking clarify why a site like ET
is on the top row of our little ranking thing:  We go by what the best
overall sites are. ET has good speed, a nice daemon, and pretty phearsome
affils, so it stands out in my mind.
But, (again) just in case you don't agree with me, i'd like to take this
opportunity to tell you to fuck off.

	Also, you might disagree with which sites we have as top 10 sites,
and which have been omitted. You might think that we are inaccurate, or
incorrect in our interpretations what constitutes the "Best 10 sites in
the world".
	If you are one of those people who think that there is another
site that is more deserving to be on this list, then unfortunately, it
turns out (sadly)... that you are wrong.
	You are also a homosexual. Its true.
	I asked jesus last night.

	 "Jesus, which are the top 10 sites in the world, and who in the
scene is a homosexual, so that i might have someone to set tdpriest up
with so that he can _finally_ get a date?"

	And my children, do you know what jesus said?

	"Ndetroit, my son, the top ten sites for this week are
	  x3 STH -*- FS -*- E -*- MW -*- ET
 	  x2 IC -*- MSV -*- TMS -*- PL -*- LA, now eat me."


	          ---=NETMONKEY COURiER REPORTS=---

 trader        group  STH FS  E  MW  ET IC *MSV TMS PL LA  pts   pos
 -------------------------------------------------------------------
 roller        MnM      4  2  2   1   1  0    0   0  1  1  175   [1]
 garoto        DEV      6  3  1   2   3  5    0   0  0  0  136   [2]
 lester        DMS     10  5  0   3   0  4    0   1  0  7  108   [3]
 mgd           DMS      1  1  5   9   0  0    0   0  0  0  100   [4]
 stix          DMS      5  8  0   5   2  1    0   0  0  0   92   [5]
 sacx          MnM      0  0  7   4   0  0    0   2  4  0   65   [6]
 officedog     RiSC     7  4  4   0   0  0    0   0  6  0   61   [7]
 davan         DMS      0  0  3   0   4  0    0   0  0  0   45   [8]
 deb           RC       2  0  0   0   0  0    0   0  0  2   45   [8]
 toadie        RTS      3  0  9   7   0  0    0   0  0  0   42  [10]


 * = no weektop this week.

=----------------------------------=----------------------------------------=


-----------[ Lester's Biased Courier Section ]-----------

Well it's time to write my report again kids. Lazy intro because I'm tired,
maybe I'll go back and write something nice later.

Group Rankings:

Dimension: Well fear, that's about all there is to it, and to the people
who say all we do is pre, fuck off, we trade as well.:) If only that
lamer tdpriest was trading, then you'd all be in deep shit.

Overall: The Untouchables(for now)

Risc:  OFFICEDOG! wow, risc has themselves a new trader, why OD would
choose to goto Risc, I cannot say, but it's still not doing much for them
and OD isn't all that impressive though he's doing more than the entire
Risc team has done for the past month or so.

Overall:  Desperate Measures

Millennium: I am compelled to mention Kruzin this week, as he is disturbed
that I have never mentioned him in one of my reports, so I'll just say
that  he's a little whorish monkey.:) Roller wasn't quite as good
this week I noticed, but still his usual performance.

Overall:  Thelma & Louise

Devotion:  Garoto, Garoto, and PFT pre's. That's dev for ya, Garoto was
back pretty strong this week, seems to have gotten himself his new shell.
And we are all happy to see that, but still, Devotion is still not
consistantly putting any trader out there besides Garoto.

Overall:  Multiplicity(for those that haven't seen the movie, the first
guy (garoto) is really good, they try to clone him, it works out ok,
and each time they clone again it gets worse and worse:))

Revelation: Since they are just tearing up all the sites(only 800 megs
behind DMS on IC), and since they decided to start their own emag to copy
NWR like the whores they are. I felt I must mention them, but as they
have done nothing special, there's not much to say.

Overall:  Vice Versa(ie, lamahs pretending to be real traders)

Vengeance:  Not as much of a comeback as I had expected, but Roc was
doing quite well annd the other guys made some brief appearances and
so they did end up in the top 3 of some sites for the first time in a
LONG time.

Overall:  Night of the Living Dead

You may have noticed that this week was in dedication to movies. I dont
know if I'll continue a theme each week or not:)

Weekly Shit:  Well RVL released their own mag with reviews similar to mine
only unwilling to rag on anyone. RVL makes alot of claims about being so
good when they really haven't shown up anywhere but IC, and they are
being severely raped by DMS there. So new groups need to learn to keep
their mouths shut and just trade, best way to earn respect.:) I'm in
the middle of writing some other articles guys, so I'm just gonna let you
enjoy the reviews.

=----------------------------------=----------------------------------------=


-----------[ Articles ]-----------




-----------[A few thoughts on the scene from an oldtimer]----------


	Well, most of you are probably tired hearing how bad the scene is
but I feel I need to write about it as I have been in the scene for about 10-11
years now.  Bear with me.

	I'll get right to the point.  The scene is not dying and will NEVER
die. It will just keep degrading until there is absolutely no fun left.
What is the point of being in a group whether it be a courier group or a
release group?  FUN, FUN, FUN.  It is a pass-time, a hobby, nothing more.
Unfortunately there are way too many people out there who believe the scene is
more than that.  They let it control their lives and take it to a point
beyond fun.  It is taken too seriously and consequently, that degrades the
scene.
	When I first started 10-11 years back, the scene was fun.  BBS were
the big thing then.  Those were fun.  Message boards, doors, trading, and
other things like phone conferences, was a blast and JUST a hobby.  As the
internet became more popular, everyone wanted to get on.  I have no problems
with that except the fact that that probably 95% of the scene are teenagers
and probably around 15-16 years old.  Still immature and rebellious.  A prime
example of this would be the recent narqing of sites.  You don't get your way,
you get deleted from a site, you get caught cheating, you narq a site.  That is
just ridiculous. Sit back, be mature, and suck it in.  What does narqing
do to the scene?  It hurts it tremendously.  Ok, enough about narqing as
that has been covered enough.

	I now want to talk about release groups.  They seem to be a trend
now.  New groups forming everyday.  Same groups dying shortly thereafter.
Everyone wants glory.  Everyone wants to release as much as possible.
I'm going to be honest.  I am one of the leaders of a release group called
SWAT.
I admit that we try to release a lot of webwarez even if it is CRAP
just to keep up with the competition.

	That is not right and will no longer be done.

	So much of the released webwarez are crap and should not be released.
Our beloved #1 utilz group, PREMIERE, is the king of that.  I don't like
ragging on other groups, but I do not like Fusion because of his cocky,
egotistical attitude and therefore I have a bad image of PREMIERE.  I've
talked to a few of PRM's members and they have told me that it does not
matter what they release, but they need to release at least 10 utilz a day.
It has come to a point now where they release any crap, whether registered,
unregistered, cracked, uncracked and can get away with it because 95% of
releases these days are not even touched by most people.  Yes, SWAT has
done the same by releasing CRAP but we can admit it and we will now refrain
from doing so in the future.  Release groups should release quality, meaning
something that MOST people would find useful.

	Next topic is groups in general.  This has to do with the scene
being FUN.  Groups are meant to be fun.  Why join a group if you are not
going to have fun in them?  Why have deadlines, ultimaduums?  There should be
no pressure to do anything in the scene.  SWAT has been around for 2 years now.
Not because we are a great release group and keep releasing, because that is
not it at all, but because we have FUN in our group.  We are all friends and
have fun.  The reason SWAT does not excel like other top release groups is
because we do not take on people that do not have fun.  We once tried that
and it turned out disastrous.  We took on someone who was able to supply
for us but wanted to pre the releases.  By mistake someone sent 1 disk too
early and he flipped out deleting everything on our release site.
	We have not made that mistake since.

	SWAT has decided to lay low and not release CRAP anymore.
We are going to sit back and have fun like when we first started out and
release useful stuff when we can.  We cannot compete with all those groups
out there and release shitloads of crap each day.  We can't offer hardware,
we don't offer OC-1000000 shells, we don't make promises that we can't keep.
How can we compete with groups that offer that? Oh well...

	Well, I think that is enough from me right now.  KEEP THE SCENE FUN!!!

Just a few quotes from some friends.

<Speed`> everybody wants to play the pimp.. noone wants to be a hoe... without
some sort
         of compromise the scene will suxor.


<HiGhLaNdR> Nowdays we can say that The Scene is a wh0re and all people is
fucking her.

<tdpriest> the scene is going to the dogs


							Tslayer/SWAT

=----------------------------------=-------------------------------------=

=---------[ Lester's Movie Review Section ]----------=

   Sure he's a prominent scene member, leader of the #1 courier group, and
   former "Miss Scene 1995".. But did you also know that in real life, Lester's
   real name is "Roger", and he hosts a popular syndicated television show,
   where he plays a big fatass who has nothing better to do with his time than
   go to every single movie ever released?
   Well.. now you know..


Video Review: Phantoms
From the novel by Dean Koontz
Starring Ben Affleck(Good Will Hunting/Armageddon/Mallrats/Chasing Amy,etc),
Rose McGowan(hottie!, Scream/Doom Generation) and some other recognizable
fellows like Cotton Weary of scream(Liev Schrieber or however you spell it)


Rose Mcgowan and her older sister return to Snowfield, a small ski resort
town of about 400 people, to find that there is no one there, they find
the housekeeper dead and the phones dead, no signs of life whatsoever
in this small mountain town. The eeriness continues as they find more
bodies and still no life, until they come across big bad sherrif Hammond
played by Ben Affleck, and they try to tackle this unknown enemy, which
leads to more and more unexplainable attacks and events. If you read the
book Phantoms, then you will notice that some things have obviously been
changed, but overall they do a decent job of maintaining the book, which
is truly rare for a Koontz movie adaption(they generally suck). If you
haven't read the book, then it's not Scream, and it's not Nightmare on
Elm St., but it' in the middle with a different kind of enemy and some pretty
decent scare/gore shots, but not too many to scare off my sister from
watching Ben Affleck run around for a little while:) So overall if you
like scary movies, give it a rental, I mean shit it's only 2 bucks,
if you dont like scary movies you may think it sucks because well, you suck
too. Lighten up and dont expect an academy award winning performance from
any of the actors, because it's a HORROR movie, that's what you expect!

I give it (**/out of four) for the overall movie quality.
but (***/out of four) in the scary movie sense, I liked it, and besides
Rose Mcgowan is a real  cutie too, plus for the girls you have Ben Affleck,
so you can't go wrong there.


"Saving Private Ryan"
Directed by Steven Spielberg
Starring Tom Hanks, Ed Burns, Tom Sizemore and Matt Damon
(small appearance by Paul Giamatti)

Saving Private Ryan is a gritty, gut wrenching look at WWII. Superbly
directed by Spielberg and brought to life by a great ensemble cast led
by the always impressive Tom Hanks. It focuses on one specific mission
and one specific squad in the war instead of trying to show you the full
scope of the entire war, and in that sense becomes much more effective
in bringing you the horror of war and also the intense comradery and
friendship that is formed between soldiers. The first 20 minutes or
so is a bloody disturbing look at the soldiers washing up on the
beach of Normandy. It is a very intense and jolting sequence, but the
movie also is able to focus on the characters and even some funny parts
are introduced, so even at 2 hours and 50 minutes, the movie does not
drag along at any point. Look for Paul Giamatti(Pig Vomit from Private Parts)
as a sergeant Hanks and company meet, he delivers a solid performance as
usual. So all in all, it ranks as one of the best, if not the best war
movies that I have seen. I strongly suggest going to see it, but do not
go if you can't stand to see some strong gore and I dont suggest bringing
small children to see it.

Rating: ****/(Out of 4 Stars)

=----------------------------------=------------------------------------------=

What makes a group #1?

	Many groups claim to be #1, either by stature, meggage stats, most
released, or most couriers. Whatever the specialty may be.
	But how do you truly define who is the BEST? I'll offer my opinion,
if you dont wanna hear it, dont read it.:)

	Being #1 is a responsibility, people are supposed to look up to you.
You are above the rest, the elite of the elite. You dominate the sites, or
you release mass amounts. There should be a standard, an integrity that comes
with being #1 though. If you simply lie, cheat, steal and backstab your way
to the top and do that to remain on top. Are you really #1? Seems like more
of a facade. Any group that can maintain it's integrity, respect and discipline
in the face of stardom, is the real #1.
	More of the smaller less productive groups have better morals and
ethics than the people on top. I guess that's why they aren't on top?
In retrospect, we all seem to lose sight of what's important. Having fun
and bringing releases to the masses. It's not about killing the competition
and conniving to remain on top.

                                              -lester

=----------------------------------=------------------------------------------=

-----------[The Scene News]-----------

All the news thats fit to print...
and then some...

-Whew! What a week! *yawn*... another slow one in the scene,
 business as usual.. which i'm not complaining about.. no sites
 narced, no one got arrested, and everyone was just fucking happy
 and dandy, weren't they?

-First off, let me just APOLOGIZE for my GROSSLY inaccurate news
 reports of the past 2 weeks that have stated that DUALSTANDARD
 was trading for fATE.. i just read the "revelation report" (wtf?
 why don't you just come right out and call it "the new testament")
 It turns out that DUAL was in RiSC the whole time!! BOY! is MY
 face RED.. they sure showed me who knows more about wtf is going
 on in the scene..
-How could i EVER have confused fATE, an old group of inactive
 has-been traders, for RiSC, a dynamic group of top-quality couriers
 who consistently manage to provide a leadership presence in the
 scene with their weekly domination of all the top sites?
 What was i thinking?

-pheared.com was down for most of the week, so that basically leaves
 me as the scene's #1 news source.. (laff).. GODDAMNIT, BLACKACID!
 FIX YOUR FUCKING PAGE, AND CAN THE COLORS!    <g>

-new US site up called the Evildrome, lots of affils, probably
 decently fast, with a big HD full of archives, or smth.

-there is a new US site up called "Meltdown" running the new
 "gftpd". You should all pester your favorite NGT member (and i
 know everyone has at least one) and tell them to put you on MD,
 or you will poison their birdfeeder, or smth..

-it actually turns out that i was being sarcastic in my comments
 3 news items ago.. go figure. RvL, or whatever the fuck you call
 yourselves... your first step is gonna be to sit back and learn
 a few things about how the scene works. Your second step is gonna
 be to shut the fuck up about shit you don't know about, cause
 boys.. acting like the bigshot pricks.. you gonna be pissing off
 a lot of the wrong peoples in the scene.. (that ain't a threat
 boys, i'm neutral in this shit.. just fair warning)
 *Sigh*.. wtf am i? the den mother around here?

-the Evildrome, a long standing and well respected (for the US, anyway)
 site has been taken down indefinately. The siteops have cited
 "North America Sucks" as a factor in their decisions.

-whoa.. just heard that there will be some kind of a contest or some
 shit on IC featuring DMS vs RvL.. now again, i try to be unbiased
 in the way i present news to you, dear readers <g>, but.. hmmm..
 uhhh... RvL, *yawn*, you will be owned.. to tell the truth,
 i would be willing to put down a liu.se that mgd alone could own you..
 All pre's aside.. Whats that i hear? don't believe me? well.. believe
 it or not, mgd used to actually be a REAL TRADER years ago.. but i
 guess that is a bit before your time, eh kids? *yawn*.. wake me up
 when the carnage is over.

-seems that Premiere has taken a bit of a break to "rest and
 re-evaluate their situation in the scene". Good Luck to PRM,
 may they enjoy their time off!

 Here.. let me translate this news item for all you out there who
 may be a little slow:
 '-seems that Premiere has taken a bit of a break to "get the fuck
   out of all the limelight and controversy surrounding the recent
   anti-prm campaign that p0tz and his minions are waging". Good
   Luck to PRM, may they enjoy their time off!'


-Officedog, the scene's perennial over-achieving free-agent has finally
 sold his soul to the Eagle, and signed up with RiSC...

-Lester of Dimension, formerly dod, formerly AMN, formerly way too many
 groups to bother with (and now NWR editor.. weird..) celebrated a
 birthday this week... Lester turns 57, and sends greets out to his 4
 kids, and 13 grandkids.. congrats!

-the games scene is full tilt into its semi-annual "period of
 hibernation" right now. Not only has shit-all been released lately,
 but Ionizer has decided to pack it up again for another summer.
 *Sigh*, does that leave it up to me to do game reviews?

-in a shocking and sad bit of news, "thepep" has retired from the
 scene for the fifth, and perhaps final, time. Thepep plans to devote
 his newfound free time to masterbation.

					-sky masterson
=----------------------------------=------------------------------------------=

--------[Stories from the Watercooler]----------

Ahh yes, rumors, we all love them even though we love to say how much we
hate them when they are about us. And these are some of the better ones
circulating around this week. Email us or find us on irc if you have a
good rumor you'd like entered, your name will not be included, but we
do not add rumors like that say "Tdpriest is having anal sex with Fusion"
because we know that Fusion is only having sex with Xtremist and therefore
there is no hard evidence of that rumor, so if you have real rumors, let us
know. Let's begin!


Rumor has it that if MW doesn't manage to stay up more than a week at a time,
Biggy can kiss his DEV adios..

Rumor has it that RiSC is prepping to undergo some big-assed overhaul,
kicking many long-time members, and going back to the massive recruiting
drives of RiSC's by-gone days...



=-------------------------------------=--------------------------------------=

   *     (   +      *.  . )
           )       .===,      (   *
       .  (   \|/ (_,/\ \ \|/       .
        + .-"-|( (`a a(  ) )| + (
         /    \\ ) \=  ) ( //    )  +
      .  |#    \'---' (__)'/* .-"-. )
          \___/ '-(_)^(_)-'  /#    \  (  '
       *   /^      \   /   . |     |
          (    *  '/ . \ *    \___/
      .    \      /\___/\  '    ^\   +
            )    |  \_/  |    ) . )
        *    . @%@%@%@%@%@%@ (   (
        (      {   happy   }  )      *
         ) *   { birthday! }     +  (
        (    @%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@       ) '
      +      {               }  *   (
             {    LESTER     }
       jgs   {               }        (
     *      @%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@    +



Well friends.. Thats about it. If you've read this far, we sincerly thank you.
We like to know this thing gets read, so if you get the time, drop one of us
a quick msg, and tell us what you think, give us suggestions, tell us it sucks,
or just say "hi" to us!....
Find us on IRC in #nwr, or email us at our phearsome address:

netmonkey@penis.com


take care..

peace.

                                       -ndetroit + lester.

NWR 8/2/98

