Netmonkey Weekly Report
Issue XIX
Oktoberfeust 5!, 1998






	WE ARE BACK! Ndetroit has returned, read my accounting of how
    I got him back in the articles section. Next week you will see
    some new features added to NWR, I dont want to spoil the surprise
    though. We will also be going into production on our webpage and
    coded version of the mag. If you want to be helpful, let us know.
    Anyways, I hope you enjoy the mag and every welcome Nd back to the
    show!


                                         Lester [Co-Editor/Head Writer]


         BLAH!.... ok, ok.. so i disappeared for a while... heh.
    But as Mo'Lesta all ready said.. we ARE back.. and this issue kicks
    some major ass. All i can say is, read Lester's story.. read Lester's
    story.. read Lester's story...
    *Sigh*.. its nice to know that i was missed while i was gone.. Thanks
    to everyone who msged me to welcome me back.. i appreciate it....
    Heh.. thanks also to Tech and duranged over at CWS for reporting that
    i was possibly "flushed down a toilet somewhere, nowhere to be found"
    hahah.. thats pretty accurate!.. ;)
	Anyways.. Enough about me.. BRING ON THE DANCING GIRLS!!

                                         ndetroit [Co-Editor/Head Fatass]




-----------[ index ]-----------

   I.)   Intro
               a) Lester
               b) ndetroit

   II.)  Stats - Weekly Stats, and comments on Sites.
   III.) Lester's Biased Courier Report

   IV.)  Articles
               a) Why Couriers Suck - Lester
               b) Movie Review - Ronin
               c) The User Policies on Todays Top Sites
               d) What was the Best Site of Alltime?
               e) Special: mgd on SWMP
               f) Lesters Story - DAMN FUCKING FUNNY!

   V.)   Scene News - All the news thats fit to print

   VI.)  Rumors!

   VII.) Closing


-----------[ ndetroit's sites and stats section ]-----------


	So yeah.. I've been gone for a while, and don't know shit about
whats good, and whats shit.. This weeks rankings are based on a general
concensus of a bunch of fucking wankers that i talked to, since most
of the fucking lame-assfuck siteops out there went ahead and killed
my accounts on their sites while i was gone.. (i love you guys too)


	So.. Ambiquous seems to be back, now as AMBII (boy.. where the
fuck HAVE i been). Too bad, they are no longer a .ca site, and are now
buried somewhere in the U S of A. FOS is up and holding strong. There are
a million other fucking sites out there that have popped up, but i don't
really give a shit about most of them, nor will I, until one of them
manages to distinguish itself from the pack... good luck, boys.

	I was gonna have IC on the list this week, (as it should be)..
but fuck if i could find a weektop from it, and SilentJoe is an
un-cooperative bastard (hi SJ! *kiss*), so i replaced it with RDX
for this week, so that i could get some anal-sex0r from dee... (hi dee!)


=--------------------------------------------------------------------------=
	Sites are rated on a 3X and 2X scale.. if you want to know why we
 do it that way, read an old issue. Couriers get 10 points per site they get
 #1 on, 9 points for 2nd place, 8 points for 3rd, etc, etc.
	Sites are rated by us. If you don't like the ratings, then....
heh... fuck off and die..
=--------------------------------------------------------------------------=

          The Top Ten sites for this week are:


	  x3 STH -*- FS -*- E -*- MW -*- ET
 	  x2 TWH -*- HOL -*- FOS -*- RDX -*- AMB2


	          ---=NETMONKEY COURiER REPORT=---

 trader       group  STH FS  E  MW  ET TWH HOL FOS RDX AMB2  pts   pos
 ---------------------------------------------------------------------
 garoto       DEV      2  1  1   1   1   0   7   0   1    0  175   [1]
 godbless     DMS      5  5  5   3   0   5   1   2   3    1  162   [2]
 brain        RiSC     0  8  4   2   8   4   2   1   5    0  130   [3]
 acidapple    DEV      0  4  6   8   5   1   3   0   4   10  115   [4]
 tc           VGN      3  6  3   0   7   2   0   0   0    0   93   [5]
 eich         INS      0  0  0   6  10   3   0   2   2    2   70   [6]
 neuroman     MNM      7  0  2   5   3   0   0   0   6    4   63   [7]
 mrsandman    DEV      1  2  0   0   0   0   0   0   0    0   57   [8]
 skuz         THD      0  3  0   4   0   0   0   0   0    0   45   [9]
 toadie       AMB      0  0  8   0   6   0   0   0   8    7   38  [10]


 * = no weektop this week.

=--------------------------------=--------------------------------------=


-----------[ Lester's Biased Courier Section ]-----------

Lester's Biased Report

It's been awhile guys, and I am kind of out of touch for this report, but
what does it really matter anyways? I mean... it's biased..:P
But I'll do what I can, and next week it will be much better I promise,
plus we will have a surprise for you too.


Ratings:

Dimension: Wow talk about slacking huh? The new guys doing well, Godbless
ranked #2 overall for this week I think. But clearly a down week for the
crew. You will all just have to fear my return I guess.

Risc: I guess they will take just about anybody huh? Kruzin, Glen..etc..
Where did the Risc of old go? Oh wait, I remember now. I heard Geno is
back trading some, but Frozen Water returned and quit for Devotion.
So talk about being fucked.

Devotion: Wow, they are trading, or pre'ing alot too. Mrsandman with all
the class stuff, Garoto turned in the #1 trader in NWR stats this week,
and they have Frzn Water now to possibly do some damage. We will see.

NGT: Ouch...

Vengeance: Who?

MNM: Hah!

AOD: The new boys! wohooooo

Weekly shit: Lots of people have changed groups, mostly for the better,
some not so great. I can't say alot because I have been on a mild vacation.
I'll do a full report next week kids. Enjoy the rest of NWR.


=----------------------------------=----------------------------------------=



-----------[ Articles ]-----------




-----------------------[Why Couriers Suck]--------------------------

	Are you a courier?


If you answered yes to this question, more than likely a large
number of people think you are a loser.

Why?

Read on.


	Not all couriers are losers, but then again, people say that not
all Nazi's are bad, so who can say for sure?

	If you follow the downfalls of most groups, they are usually at
the hands of a courier who got himself a big bad ego and thought he knew
how to run a group... and turns out he doesn't.
	Most couriers fail to realize how to act around other people that
ARE NOT couriers. And the implementation of SO many couriers has decreased
the amount of level headed scene people that you saw in the past.

	But let's consider why couriers tend to be hated. First of all,
if you do good, your competition will hate you and tell you that you cheat
and try to fuck you over, because you are beating them. This is the level
of maturity that the courier scene has, which has spilled over onto all of
us. Then there's the courier who uses an unfair advantage to make himself
good, be it a script, pftp, extra ppl trading for him, restarting... whatever
it may be. That causes couriers and siteops and most people in general to
hate him, and for what? A weektop?
	Trading is NOT that difficult, you shouldn't have to cheat.
Couriers who are good get egos, hell even couriers who suck have egos, and
a courier with a big ego that cannot back up his ego with anything, is the
funniest person you will ever see in the scene, though unbeknownst to him.

	Now, by this point you people are probably saying, "Wait, doesn't
Lester run a courier group? Didn't Lester courier?" The answer to both is
Yes, of course.
	But don't get me wrong.
	I am not trying to say that I hate the couriers in DMS, because that
is not the case. The ones I hate get kicked out, and there are couriers in
many other groups that I do not think this all applies to either. But I AM
referring to the vast majority of couriers in the scene.
And yes I did and still on occassion do trade, but I became a council member
in DOD and learned how to do other things first, and added couriering as a
side hobby that I became good at. My break in the scene was not through
couriering, so I never had these experiences that I speak of.

	I will now continue to talk about the many reasons to hate couriers.

	Couriers have added a vast amount of absolute SHIT to the scene. It
is truly pathetic what is allowed to be released on sites simply so mr. elite
courier can be #1 on a weektop--Couriers do not give a shit, they simply want
to be the best, no matter what toll it has on the scene as a whole. The
majority
of couriers are looking out for themselves--that is why you see so few couriers
being loyal to their groups. The respect for the people that helped you and
the respect for your fellow traders is gone, and that spills over onto the
entire scene as couriers are brought into the scene by the hundreds each day.
(that may be extreme, but it almost seems like that).

	There used to be maybe 4 courier groups that mattered or got on sites.
Now... Hell there is probably 9 that can get accounts on most good sites, and
Mr. Joe Schmoe courier just has to say "I can pre this group's releases" and
he has an account on the top site in the world, which leads to narcing...
and you can visit my past article on "Why sites suck" to learn more about that!

	I don't say all of this to piss people off or make it sound like I
think I am better than everyone else, I say it to hope that it will get through
to some people and improve the scene.. that's my job as a writer in NWR--to
speak
my mind, and this angers alot of people... which is fine. Generally the people
who get pissed off are the people I am writing about and they are part of the
problem anyways.

	I think that will do it kids.

                                                        -Lester
=----------------------------------=-------------------------------------=

=---------[ Lester's Movie Review Section ]----------=

   Sure he's a prominent scene member, leader of the #1 courier group, and
   former "Miss Scene 1995".. But did you also know that in real life, Lester's
   real name is "Roger", and he hosts a popular syndicated television show,
   where he plays a big fatass who has nothing better to do with his time than
   go to every single movie ever released?
   Well.. now you know..



Ronin
Starring: Robert DeNiro, Jean Reno, and some other people
Rating:  **/out of 4 stars

Well this is about as basic action movie plot as you're gonna get.
Deniro, car chases, explosions, nice cars, backstabbing..
But also, there's nothing that drives this movie to be any different than any
other movie with those points. DeNiro is good, but when isn't he?
and there are some good jokes spread throughout, but the movie drags in
the beginning and only during the car chases is it really good to watch.
I will give them credit that the final chase scene is one of the better ones
I can remember, and it lasts for like 10 minutes or so. But overall this is
truly a rental, predictable as it is and the highlights being few and far
between, I wouldn't suggest spending the $7.50 on it.
But if you can theater-hop and catch the car chases, by all means go for it!


=----------------------------------=------------------------------------------=

-----------[The User Policies on Todays Top Sites]-----------

Recently we had a chance to track down the siteops from great
sites, past and present, and discuss with them their adduser
policies. Who gets on? Who gets the boot?... Find out here.


THE QUESTION:
<Lester_>  What is your policy on adding users? What expectations to they
           have to meet to be added?
<Lester_>  And do you think something should be done to make sites more
           prestigious and with smaller user bases?



THE ANSWERS:

 <jamili>  hahahaha.. am i the right siteop to ask? Well from a bitch point
           of view, i don't add anyone as a rule..:)
 <jamili>  if you're gonna add everyone and their grandma, dont be
           surprised if you go down.


  <_dee_>  1. depends on the site
  <_dee_>  second, everyone today is just a different name running macro
  magic..
           depending on the time..
  <_dee_>  I add people that are doing well on other top sites, and my friends.
  <_dee_>  I could care less if people upload and download.. I just don't like
           people that don't use the account.
  <_dee_>  Basically I first try to make sure every good group has about 5
           people.. so everyone is represented.. and from there I only add top
           people that trade more than 1 week.


    <S^J>  well, i wont add some1 who i dont know.
    <S^J>  dont care for who he pre.
    <S^J>  i usually check with other siteop (to see) if they know him.
    <S^J>  it has to be some1 i have seen around. I am usually everywhere and
           watch most top sites, and if i see the person working hard, i'll add
           him.
    <S^J>  i think sites should have smaller userbase. On my site, max ppl
           is 160. This makes me pretty sure that i know every account, or
           99% of ppl on.
    <S^J>  i know sites with 300 ppl or so who never do sweeps,
           which i dont think makes the site any good.

<ndetroit> man.. when TMS was up, we added anyone who seemed cool, or could
           move a meg or 2.. wanted to give everyone a chance, you know?
<ndetroit> fuck that shit.. we're goddamn lucky we didn't get narked out.
<ndetroit> As a siteop, i was stupid and took a lot of risks.. never gonna
           make those mistakes again.
<ndetroit> when the new site comes up.... well... you'll see... <g>



---------------[What was the best site of Alltime?]----------------

The BEST site of alltime...
What makes a site the best?.. Is is the link.. the affils, the size?
Is it a matter of how quickly it gets the goods?... Are the siteops
people who work a little harder than most, and make trading there
worthwhile?
Who knows?



   <S^J>  i have not been on for long, but in last 18 months i think best
          site of alltime is/was FH.
   <S^J>  i know both siteops well, and the way they runned site made it
          popular and every1 loved it. (except narqes)


<[STiX]>  im not answering any of your questions! damn you tabloid morons@#%
<[STiX]>  ...
<[STiX]>  sth.. because it has the best affils,
<[STiX]>  and its  on a fast system
<[STiX]>  and an awesome link.
<[STiX]>  And ppl respect the site because they respect the staff.


<Lester>  LA: Site's been up longer than i've been on the net, and it's
          never changed daemons or sold out to be #1..I respect that.


<jamili>  umm.. bbx, la, crc
<jamili>  dunno
<jamili>  k ill say crc


<_dee_>   I would say TG most probably is my favorite.


[S]peedy  TMS was the best site and because it was run'ed by the right
          people and had a nice sitebot and a well configured deamon..

          (editors note: i had to include that one, i'm biased.. <g> )

=----------------------------------=------------------------------------------=

From everyone else, we got quotes about the best site of alltime.
Here is what midnight grave digger had to say about HIS favorite
site of alltime... An interesting read, enjoy!

<mgd>  swmp :)

<mgd>  it was an ind site, no bias, nothing.
       There were 200 something users on it and like no leeches.

       The only users that could get on and stay on were traders,
       people were voted on by the staff and people just didnt get
       on because they joined some group, i.e. some fag joining
       vgn, (thats why there are soo many in vgn) to get on sth.
<mgd>  It was a site run on xftpd, didnt need any special commands
       or any special daemon to get support, people supported it because
       they liked the main idea behind the site, that it was ind.
<mgd>  another reason why it was so good is because traders weren't complete
       assholes back then, they didnt think that the scene revolved around
       them, as many do today..
<mgd>  It was really fast for everyone.. back then was the fastest site too,
       there are plenty of other traders today that thought swmp was the
       best site ever
<mgd>  HBD EHQ.. it was like... 10 gigs? dunno aobut link and dont wanna
       disclose the siteops :)
<mgd>  (The Siteops) just let the site run its own course, but they did
       work, unlike hawkeye on sth thinking he's bad because he's a tagalong
       siteop!
<mgd>  most traders today couldn't even get on the site, we had like no
       cheaters, any cheaters that were proved to be cheaters were gone,
       ppl didnt get to keep their accounts after they came up with a
       little text file crying like a baby.. (like some people in the scene
       have done, nowadays)
<mgd>  site didnt have some bitchy siteops that demanded hybrid to pre
       to HQs only because the site didnt need any pre's at all to be good.
<mgd>  sites didnt have stupid announce bots back then, traders had to work,
       not see some stupid announcebot tell them what releases were out when.
<mgd>  SWMP went down in late 96 or early 97 because someone emailed the
       admins on the network about the site, so in precautions the ops took
       it down.... it never came back up.



Welcome to SWMP port XXXX. uploads go in /files
Current free space on filesystem: %F
                   [ STRANGE DAYS / SWMP ]

                  HYBRID EHQ ! ANTHROX WHQ


-- - now with a linux conf!



     OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
     O The WeekTop10 starting Sun Sep 28 00:02:00 MET DST 1997 O
     OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
      Top 10 Uploaders:

       1. mgd             8072M    8 GIGS BITCH! COME GET SOME!
       2. frnthead        6957M    HYBRID $ RiSC $ X-FORCE
       3. elmo            6661M    DEVOTiON COURiERS 1997!
       4. prozac          5902M    5 Gigs, Punk!
       5. h-cane          5556M    HYBRID DEVOTION X-FORCE
       6. corps           5494M    DEVOTiON -//- MASQUE
       7. trix            4837M    not a pre trader
       8. bugz            4231M    DEVOTiON COURiERS
       9. cyberjac        3654M    uNITED cR’CKING fORCE
      10. davan           3637M    Razor 1911

     OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
     O    Last updated at: Sun Sep 28 13:25:01 MET DST 1997   O
     OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo


--------------------------------------------------------------------------


------------------------[Lesters Story]-----------------------------------



"Ndetroit gets lost."



This is a true story, no names have been changed to protect the innocent.


	Ndetroit and myself ran this little e-mag called NWR, things were
going along nicely, and Nd was fully involved in the day to day runnings of
his site and the emag. Then one day, he disappeared, and no one heard from him.
Needless to say I became worried. I began my search to find his dead carcass
or bring him back to the scene. It has begun...


	I hopped a flight to Vancouver after not hearing from Nd for a full
week straight. Upon arriving in Vancouver I went and checked out his house,
(which is being generous!).
	Turns out that Nd lived in a warehouse overrun by crackwhores and
vagrants, all overseen by the local pimp, Steve(a.k.a. Toast). I asked some
of the whores and bums if they had recently seen him, and managed to talk to
one particularly feminine man who called himself "Xavier" and kept screaming
"Giselle!". I was able to get his attention long enough to ask about Nd, and
he told me that the last time he saw Nd was when he was getting drunk with
ArchVile, the village idiot. Xavier asked if I had seen Giselle and I told him
that I saw some chick fucking this guy with a tattoo that said "The Dark
Priest"
and he might wanna check into that. He stormed off screaming and wielding a
large
axe and that's the last I saw of that character.

	I had my lead and was not about to give up my search. I started walking
the streets in search of this fellow Arch Vile or someone else who could point
me in their direction. While I was speaking to a small child named Rich who
kept
saying that he was Arch Vile, I was ambushed by a gang that called themselves
"the Millennium Group".
	Their ringleaders were a rather amusing bunch. They called themselves "The
Onion", "Doobie", and "Mossyoak".
	The first was a rather overweight fellow that
essentially looked like an onion, which is probably how he got his name.
	The second is self-explanatory, he couldn't focus on much of anything, as
	he
was in his own world smoking.
	The third, and final leader was different though. He talked a lot of
trash for a 6'8" 99 pound man with one arm!
	The rest of the group was not much better either. There was one fellow
that essentially seemed to be trying to look like a woman but still had a beard
and his dick hanging out, (nice set of tits on him though) tattooed with the
name "Psyber" on it.

	Mossyoak started the attack! He rushed me and I pulled out my trusty
machete, a gift from my mom, and cut one of his twiglike legs right the fuck
off.
He began screaming about how he was the best and I could never beat him, but
my attention was elsewhere. I slammed my machete down the middle of the onion
and sliced him in half. I glanced to my right and saw Psyber charging at me,
I knew I wouldn't be able to cut this one down, so I dropped and spun and drew
my trusty glock and popped Psyber right in between the eyes.
	The rest of the crowd scattered and I picked myself up to check the
damage. As I approached Psyber I noticed that it wasn't a man or a woman, but a
robot, with the logo PFTP (c) Psi on the back of it's neck. I heard sirens and
felt it was time to move on. It was getting late and I needed a place to stay,
so I checked into the Firesite Hotel. The manager was this clown by the name
of "Chronik" who kept trying to get me to let him in my room for some reason.
I was able to sit down and talk to the janitor, Jermaine, and he was able to
tell me some information about Arch Vile and where I might find him.
	He told me that I could probably find AV in the RiSC district, but he
warned me that there was a Lunatic Asylum and other hazards to deal with out
there. Their guardian robot, Bizzy, that patrolled the perimeter was a lot
stronger than Psyber.
	I thanked him and in the morning I set out for the RiSC District. Along
the way I asked people that I came across what they thought of this "Risc"
powerhouse, and surprisingly, most of them said that they weren't what they
used
to be and I should have no trouble getting through there to continue my
mission.
	Nonetheless, I decided it would be wise to stock up on weapons.

	I had heard that this fellow by the name of Stix would be able to get
me what I needed, but I was warned never to mention the name "Sarah Michelle
Gellar" or he would go into a ravenous fit and try to rip you to pieces.
	Bearing this in mind, I met Stix. He seemed like a solid fellow, and he set
me up without any trouble. I picked up a H&K Fully Automatic, a sawed off 12
guage,
a .45 with teflon coated bullets, throwing stars, couple of sticks of dynamite
and
a sniper rifle. I assumed that this would guide me through this so called RiSC
district.
	On my way out I could not resist mentioning that I had fucked
Sarah Michelle Gellar the day before I set out on my mission, and true to form,
Stix erupted a loud "YOU BASTARD!@#!" and went for his shotgun. He wasn't fast
enough and I was able to test out my trusty H&K, filling Stix's body with
holes.
	I continued my journey and I wondered how I might know when I was in the
RiSC district, but it was not hard to find. There was graffiti and a lot of
whores and fags hanging around the perimeter, afraid to go too close for fear
of
BIZZY.
	I noticed one fellow by the name of Brain on his way out. I figured
someone with the name "Brain" would be able to give me some information, but
his name clearly was not given to him to show that he was intelligent, as he
just
drooled and smiled weakly at whatever I said, so I waved a cookie in front of
him
and he followed me into the alley that would begin my journey through the
Risc district.

	It didn't take long before Bizzy approached, but he didn't come alone.
Geno a small italian kid with 2 swords and a gimpy laugh was with him. Bizzy
was
a powerhouse, a marvelous looking android with some serious firepower, but they
didn't spend much money on the Artifical Intelligence, so I knew I could
outsmart
this thing. I threw Brain out into the street, distracting Bizzy and Geno long
enough to decapitate Geno and get behind Bizzy. My H&K had no effect on the
armor
of Bizzy though, and after he tore Brain into 4 different pieces, he realized I
was still behind him. I knew I had to act fast and remembered the dynamite I
had
picked up, so I ran and leaped onto Bizzy's back, jamming a couple of sticks
into
his neck and lit the fuse. He threw me off and I bolted for cover as I knew
this
would do the trick. The explosion was slightly stronger than I expected, but
needless to say the "great" Bizzy was no more than a small pile of melting
metal
and microchips.
	At this point I began to wonder if my friend Ndetroit was really worth all
this trouble, but I knew that he would have come for me. I stormed the Lunatic
Asylum, gutting Eci, the head doctor, I went from room to room, killing anyone
I saw that couldn't help me. The doors all had names on them, "Eagle_1",
"Enforcer", "Kruzin", "Glen", "Thug"... none put up much of a fight. I reached
a banquet room and there I saw my friend Nd, spread-eagled on the floor, taking
it in the ass and choking on a dildo that a rather large man was shoving in and
out of his mouth. As soon as I saw the man standing there with his dick in his
hand watching all of this, I knew I had found Arch Vile.
	Because I had the element of surprise I drew my Throwing Stars and gave
Arch a surprise. He was now stroking air and squirting blood out of what used
to
be his penis. Now that I had his attention I demanded he release my friend.
He screamed in pain and yelled something that sounded like "Mandrake!!!".
The large fellow withdrew from Nd and turned around. I knew that this would not
be such an easy task. 3 others came in from another room: Midnight Grave
Digger,
Mr. Pumpkin and Mad.
	Pumpkin rushed first. I swung my 12 guage around and blasted a nice clean
hole through his lower abdomen, but he did not stop coming, and threw me to the
ground, knocking my guns away from me. I would have to deal with these thugs
with my hands. I slammed my hand up into the hole in Mr. P's stomach and
reached
up to remove his still beating heart and shoved it down his throat. He gaggled
in
surprise and slumped over dead.
	Next was Mad, he seemed unsure after that episode, and he motioned for
MGD to help doubleteam. I knew that this would be trouble. As MGD advanced, the
left side of his forehead was removed and he fell twitching to the floor!
	As I spun around, I saw Jermaine standing there holding my sniper rifle
and winking, said, "I always hated that guy". With the odds evened I turned my
attention to Mad who realized he was overmatched and tried to head back the
other
way, I knew that Mad was wearing a bulletproof vest so I pulled my .45 and
emptied
the Teflon coated clip into his back, pinning him against the wall and removing
the mild threat that he was.

	Now I just had to deal with Mandrake. Jermaine fired a few shots into
him and it had no effect, so I yelled for him to get out of here. He dropped
the
gun and ran, and I was in the hands of Mandrake and tossed against a wall.
	Shaken I grabbed my 12 guage and pumped a few rounds into the legs of
Mandrake, but the behemoth was unfazed even by that. I began to think I may not
be able to handle this one. I saw Arch trying to get Nd cleaned up and get away
with him, and knew I had little time to waste, pulling myself up I began
screaming
slurs at Mandrake about what a fag he was and how Xavier and Tdpriest were
fucking
his mother and his dog. Needless to say, this angered him, and he rushed.
	This was my chance. I withdrew my machete, slid to the right just before
he would have hit me and brought the machete down on the back of the neck of
this
monster, taking his head 3 quarters of the way off. He spun and his head kind
of
bobbed back and forth like one of those little guys that's head bounces around
in
your car, which would have been funny under any of circumstances, but I had no
time to waste, making 3 quick slices through his midsection, finally driving
the
blade through his groin and out his back, dropping him to his knees for good.

	I whipped around and yelled for Arch Vile to stop where he was. He said
he would kill Nd if I came any closer. Threats never seem to faze me so I
continued to advance (primarily as I saw he had no weapon and clearly wasn't in
any shape to kill someone with his bare hands as he still clenched his now
detachable penis).
	When I was within 5 feet he threw his penis at me in one final desperate
attempt to save himself. I caught it in midair and rushed him, pushing Nd aside
and slamming Arch vile against the wall, I drove the penis down his throat
until
I could only see the end sticking up from his throat. He made gagging noises
and
turned lots of cool shades of blue and purple, but I wasn't done yet.
	Withdrawing my pocketknife I cut incisions into his throat and pulled the
penis out through his throat. At this point I'm sure he lost consciousness or
maybe
even died altogether, but I saw the condition Nd was in, and knew I had to make
him pay.
	I tossed the penis aside and then cut both his testicles off and cut his
eyes out, placing the testicles in his eye sockets and then finally driving the
knife into his heart, ending it all.

	I picked nd up and he kept thanking me and praising god for my coming.
I put him over my shoulder and began the journey back to the hotel....


                                                      -Lester





-----------[The Scene News]-----------

All the news thats fit to print...
and then some...

-Well, the scene hasn't really  been too active lately, so i'll just
 try to recap all that happened since my last NWR news piece...

-AMBiquous came back.. (I *still* have no idea what the fuck "ambiquous"
 means)... and it is now called AMB2... (how original!). Site is US,
 multiple T3 lines, and 20+ gigs..

-HADES came and went.. *sigh*.. would have liked to have seen that one
 make a comeback.

-UC is nowhere to be seen.. TMS went down after ndetroit went missing
 (coming back maybe?), and IC took Devotion for curry affil.. (who saw
 THAT coming?)

-Lester became a leader in Siege, #dod got taken by mossyoak (i don't
 know if thats true.. i just asked someone who took it, and they said
 "mossyoak"... so.. whatever), and premiere *cough* still *cough* sucks.

-TPC is trying to make a comeback.. Heh.. they sucked before.. what do
 you think the chances are they will suck even worse this time around,
 having to compete with the rest of the 2nd tier games groups out there?
 (reflux, origin, divine, warrior, *cough* hybrid *cough*)...

-Well.. thats about it for now.. should be a better section next week,
 i hope... later!

					-sky masterson
=----------------------------------=------------------------------------------=


--------[Stories from the Watercooler]----------

Ahh yes, rumors, we all love them even though we love to say how much we
hate them when they are about us. And these are some of the better ones
circulating around this week. Email us or find us on irc if you have a
good rumor you'd like entered, your name will not be included, but we
do not add rumors like that say "Tdpriest is having anal sex with Fusion"
because we know that Fusion is only having sex with Xtremist and therefore
there is no hard evidence of that rumor, so if you have real rumors, let us
know. Let's begin!


Rumor has it that we couldn't think of any rumors this week, and therefore
we suck.


=-------------------------------------=--------------------------------------=


Well friends.. Thats about it. If you've read this far, we sincerly thank you.
We like to know this thing gets read, so if you get the time, drop one of us
a quick msg, and tell us what you think, give us suggestions, tell us it sucks,
or just say "hi" to us!....

Greets fly out to: jaydee, mgd, stix, tdp, hr, eci, jamili, raptor, skill,
mandrake, zeus, speedy, subzero, superfly@okcomputer, dee, SJ, tech+his crew,
Kusa, ssava, and all the rest of you that we love...

Find us on IRC in #nwr (channel returning soon!), or email us at our
phearsome address:

netmonkey@penis.com


take care..

peace.

                                       -ndetroit + lester.

NWR 10/5/98

