Netmonkey Weekly Report
Issue XX
Oktoberfeust 20!, 1998






	Well boys, 2 weeks in a row, but this time it was a little late.
    Our apologies but we had a few snags and some delays this week, we will
    continue to bring you the mag on Sunday evenings from now on. As promised
    last week, we have some new features, the ongoing adventures of Lester will
    continue, thanks to all the praise from the first story. It will be
    included maybe twice a month or every 3 weeks, or if I come up with enough
    plots and twists then every week for awhile, but it will be there for you
    to
    check out. This week is a 2 parter, and next week there will be the
    conclusion.
    We also have a secondary biased report, brought to us by our good friend
    Jaydee. This allows me to slack off and occassionally not do my report and
    spend more time pretending to work on articles and stories. :P
	We have also begun production of our webpage, which we plan to make
    somewhat like Blackacid's scene news page where we will update daily the
    happenings of the scene that are more urgent than the weekly mag can
    provide. We also have a new interviewer and writer in Rockz, who will begin
    her interviewing skills soon(Hint, Hint:)) We will have some new features
    in the upcoming weeks as well as we get in more of a groove. But enough
    rambling, on with the show!
                                         Lester [Co-Editor/Head Writer]



	BLAH! Lot of bad shit happened this week, i'll try to explain
    as much of it as possible in my articles.. I think that the recent
    topic that i saw in a channel pretty much sums up my feelings right
    now:
    *** Topic is 'TWH/CH/IC/DWH/FOS/DL/ET/PM(temp)  gone :( --Downward Spiral?'

	Keeping with that, we are going to try our best to stick to our
    policy of not mentioning the names of siteops. Its not like they aren't
    easy to find out anyways, but we don't want to be root of any problems
    in the scene, so in the future, we will just XXXXX the person's name
    out...   bleh!
	Ho hum..  not much else to say.. A lot of shit happening over here
    at NWR.. watch for us in the coming weeks! Oh, and if anyone is
    reading this, SOMEONE MAKE US A F#$%KING ASCII HEADER AND .DIZ!!!!
	heh..       ;]
                                         ndetroit [Co-Editor/Head Fatass]




-----------[ index ]-----------

   I.)   Intro
               a) Lester
               b) ndetroit

   II.)  Stats - Weekly Stats, and comments on Sites.
   III.) JAYDEE'S (UN?)Biased Courier Report

   IV.)  Articles
               a) Narking in the .nl - ndetroit
               b) Video Review - Xfiles
               c) Lesters Story - "Stairway to Heaven"

   V.)   Scene News - All the news thats fit to print

   VI.)  Rumors!

   VII.) Closing


-----------[ ndetroit's sites and stats section ]-----------


	Man.. What a depressing week. I guess it just goes to show,
  when it rains, it pours..  ;(

	My greets go out to the siteops of all the sites that got taken
  down this past week. Its not an easy thing to cope with when you know
  that all the hard work, all the sacrifices, all the accomplishments,
  and all the good times got wiped away, probably by someone you barely
  know.
	But wait. Check that. The good times didn't get taken away. If
  any of you siteops out there are reading this, and are feeling bitter,
  well.. you have every right to be bitter. I would be too. I would be
  out for revenge, and i would probably quit the scene, and stay bitter
  when i think about it.
	But try not to forget what you got out of all this. One person
  who deserves a lot of my respect is TWH's former siteop. We all know
  who he is... Hell, TWH was around for smth like 4 years, by his
  reckoning. Thats a damn long time, and he lost an awful lost. But when
  i msged him my condolences, all he had to say was "Yeah, it was really
  awesome while it lasted, but now i guess it's time to move on.. I
  sure had a lot of fun doing TWH, but i'm not really going to dwell on it..."
	and I later saw a topic posted by him:

  *** Topic is TWH gone :(    --> Siteop looking for a new job <g> (j/k)
  *** Set by [the siteop] on xxx xxx xxxx xxxx

	At least he could keep his sense of humor about the whole thing.


	So TWH is gone. TWH and ET were narked by the same person.
  *sigh*.. read more about that in a later article this issue.

	Thats 2. But thats not nearly all of them. Here is a brief
  breakdown:

	TWH = narked by "hax0r-".. more on that later.
	ET  = ditto.
	CH  = narked by "fooboo", claiming to be DeStRoYeR (later proved
              innocent) and claiming also to be with RiSC... bleh..
	FOS = narked. Dunno the details, but sorry to see that oldschool
              site go... ;(
	DL  = hacked, looking for new link.
	IC  = massive hardware failure. Unlikely to come back up for a
	      for fear of nukings.
	DWH = lost their link. Wasn't a nark, they were just unable to
              continue in their current situation.
	E   = temp. down, due to narking possibility.


	So, that is more than 1 of the scene's top sites right there.

	Consequently, the list of 10 sites you are about to see are
  probably sites that some of you have never even heard of. Hell, some
  of them *i* have never even logged in to... ;/
 	I know that is kind of sad, but i guess this is what it has come
  to. I just hope that the narkings have stopped, and the scene can work
  on rebuilding, as it always has...



=--------------------------------------------------------------------------=
	Sites are rated on a 3X and 2X scale.. if you want to know why we
 do it that way, read an old issue. Couriers get 10 points per site they get
 #1 on, 9 points for 2nd place, 8 points for 3rd, etc, etc.
	Sites are rated by us. If you don't like the ratings, then....
heh... fuck off and die..
=--------------------------------------------------------------------------=

          The Top Ten sites for this week are:


	  x3 STH -*- FS -*- MW -*- TWH -*- HOL
	  x2 LA -*- RDX -*- ROC-*- SOH -*- AMB2


	          ---=NETMONKEY COURiER REPORT=---

 trader       group  STH FS MW TWH HOL *LA RDX ROC SOH *AMB2  pts   pos
 --------------------------------------------------------------------
 acidapple    DEV      2  1  2   1   1   0   2   0   0     0  142   [1]
 garoto       DEV      1  3  1   3   0   0   1   0   0     0  128   [2]
 officedog    RiSC     7  4  5   6   2   0   3   3   0     0  106   [3]
 godbless     DMS      5  9  4   5   3   0   4   0   0     0   93   [4]
 snap         EQL     10  0  7   2   5   0   0   1   0     0   72   [5]
 morbid       AOD      3  0  6   0   0   0   6   0   0     0   49   [6]
 xfrog        AOD      6  0  0   4   0   0   0   5   0     0   48   [7]
 mrpumpkin    DMS      4  8 10   0   0   0   0   4   0     0   47   [8]
 kerisma      AMB      0  0  3   0   0   0   0   0   7     0   32   [9]
 basec|w      DMS      0  2  0   0   0   0   0   0   0     0   27  [10]


 * = no weektop this week.

=--------------------------------=--------------------------------------=


-----------[ Jaydee's Biased Courier Section ]-----------

Jaydee's Biased Report

For thoose of you who was tired of Lesters bullshit trading-group rating (he
should stick to his kiddie action stories).
Here comes the ABSOLUTELY UNBIASED Report, done by your very own Incognito!
Enjoy! (Hi mom)

Ratings:

fATE: Who ?

RTS: Who ?!?!?!

MNM: Who ?!?!

M8:  Coming back ?

EQL: Snap did a nice week, but they need more then 1 dude to compete.

RiSC: Well, they still are dissapointing me. The great RiSC, where are you ?
      Sure their dog crew ald and office make some weektops but WTF ?!
      Kruzin somewhere in the middle too, but STILL, long way to the top.

DMS: What can I say ? Pretty impressive week by the dms crew. Many dudes on
     weektops; pre´s and trading, perfect combination. Godbless did some nice
     positions as well as baseclaw. Donno what Lester, mad and MrP did but
     they got some weektops too, prolly phat ass Siege and MFD pre´s. Stix
     did some PFT pre´s too. In overall a very nice work by DMS.

AMB: For once darkman was outside of the weektops leaving toadie alone at the
     middle of the ranks.

AOD: Dissapointing for a new group but you have to love theese guys. Morbid
     did a few weektops and nightsky pre´d his way to the top5 on some LND
     sites. The BAD rumours around AOD might have somehting to do with this
     downfall.

VGN: tctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctc
     tictactictactictactictactictactictactictactictactictactictac
     AND THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wake up VGN!

DEV: Garoto, Slammar and acidapple was devotions 3 men of the week. Traders
     doing their shit; trading. No pre´s, just pure trading. Overall #2 this
     week, pretty impressive.


=----------------------------------=----------------------------------------=



-----------[ Articles ]-----------



-----------------------[Narking in the .nl]--------------------------


	We were all shocked to hear about TWH going down this past week.
  It hardly seems fair to [Xxxxx] that 4 years of blood, sweat, and phear
  should be taken away by one person. Well.. its not fair. It fucking
  sucks. Let me tell you a bit about the story.

	It all started with a dude by the nick of "hax0r-".. blah... so
  31337... i pheer, you, man....

	To make a long story short, he manages to track down who the siteops
  of TWH are, AND the IP by simply asking around to people, saying "Hey,
  I lost the IP to TWH, can anyone msg it to me?"
	... how many times have you helped out a fellow scene member with
  just a quick IP msg..?   yeah.. me too...

	He gets the IP's, and a little while later, the siteops each
  recieve a little msg that says "Hi! I have the IP of your site, TWH..
  give me a leech account, or i will nark you.. thanks!"
	What can they do?... obviously he's not getting an account, so
  the only other alternative is... well... where TWH is now.

	Not fair?... Nope.

	He moves on to another .nl site.. one that has been up for an
  equally long time, and one of my scene favorites, ET.
	He again demanded an account, but this time, instead of letting
  it go at simply threatening to nark the site, he posted the IP to one
  of .nl's largest news servers. Not good.
	Roughly translated it said: "The biggest warez site in europe
  is sitting right in your backyard! they move many gigs of illegal pirated
  software a day! go check it out for yourself at: xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx (ET's IP)
	Not good.

	What can the siteops do? No one was able to reach them to shut
  the site down until several hours after the post was discovered...
  I was set to nuke ET, in the hopes of shutting the box down, until one
  of the siteops could be contacted...but eventually they were found..
  during that time, who KNOWS who read it..
	Needless to say, ET is gone, and won't be back for a long time,
  if ever..


	What does this teach us?

	I don't know.... To be more careful?.. i guess so.. but there is
  only so much a siteop can do. I know that when i used to run TMS, we
  tried our best to be careful, but ultimately, we just gave accounts
  away to whoever the fuck wanted one, whether it was because they could
  move a lot of megs, or they seemed like a decent person, and we wanted
  to give them a shot on a good site...

	Our security was shit. There are sites a lot worse out there.
  ET and TWH were 2 of the scenes more careful sites.. They had to be to
  last that long. But all it took was one person to ruin it.

	When i found out about this guy, and that he was on a static ip,
  i logged into my shell, started to send out the 10 meg pings, and walked
  away.. (yeah, i know, i am a little nuke-happy.. eat me)
  i was planning on leaving it running for the next 3 days or so... ;p
  	Turns out he was wingated... so.. whoever's @home account that was..
  sorry about that... <g>

	The sad thing is, we'll never see this guy again.. I hope we never see
  him again. In the meantime, people... i am begging you.. don't give out
  anything.. to anyone... ever... send them to the channel..
  let the siteop deal with it...

	We can't let shit like this guy run our scene.. no fucking way.

                                                        -ndetroit
=----------------------------------=-------------------------------------=

=---------[ Lester's Movie Review Section ]----------=

   Sure he's a prominent scene member, leader of the #1 courier group, and
   former "Miss Scene 1995".. But did you also know that in real life, Lester's
   real name is "Roger", and he hosts a popular syndicated television show,
   where he plays a big fatass who has nothing better to do with his time than
   go to every single movie ever released?
   Well.. now you know..



X-Files Home Video Review
Starring: David Duchovny, Gillian Andersen, Martin Landau
Rating : 3 and 1/2 stars

If your a fan of the series, you will love the movie as well. It's that simple,
and if you don't like the series or have never watched the series. They do a
great job of not making it impossible to pick up or too hard for people to
follow.
But they also don't dumb it down so much that hardcore philez fans will be
bored
and upset with it. It's a solid balance. I don't want to go into the story as I
don't wish to spoil it for anyone. But Duchovny and Gillian are great together
as
always, they play off of each other perfectly and the first scenes where they
are
together are classic Mulder/Scully exchanges. You get to see all the characters
that you love, Smoking man, The Lone Gunmen, Skinner, Well-Manicured Man...etc.
The plot moves quickly, they cover alot of ground and answer more questions
then
have ever been answered in the series. Overall for a non-fan, the movie has
great
dialogue, comedy, suspense and solid action. Your never bored. For a fan, why
do
I even need to talk about it? You have to see it or you won't be able to watch
next season dumbass!


=----------------------------------=------------------------------------------=


------------------------[Lesters Story]-----------------------------------

A Word From The Author

	I would just like to take this time to thank everyone for all the response
I received from the first story and I'm glad you all enjoyed it as it was meant
to be and not take it as slanderous, as it was not intended to be.
	Hopefully I can continue to write on that level, but as one friend said,
"the first one was so good that the rest are bound to be a little worse."
	So I guess that's a good thing. :)
You may notice that in the first part of this second story, the story isn't as
smooth and the reasons for this is I was trying too hard to include people
who said "Well why didn't you put me in it?" etc, and so I was forcing some
subplots that really didn't need to be there.
	Part 2 should be better. I won't know until I begin to write it, as I
haven't even figured out how it's going to end yet, but I will just write and
put people in as I see fit, so no requests to be killed or maimed in future
stories.:) Thanks again for all the support.
	Enjoy the story.!

                                                            Lester




The Stairway to Heaven

The Ongoing adventures of Lester and his gimp friend Ndetroit.



	I was sitting around my house, happy to be back in my own country and my
own house, and out of the hellhole that they call Vancouver. Nd was sleeping on
the couch, still recuperating from his experience. (He still limps around a
little from the whole anal raping thing). It's been about 2 weeks since that
trip, and things are back to normal as	much as that's possible.

	We were sitting around the house, watching some football when I heard
a commotion in the dining room. I got up to investigate, and sitting there on
a barstool was "Cyber Angel", someone I hadn't seen in quite some time,
especially
considering the fact that he had died a few years ago!
	But, with my recent adventures, seeing a dead Angel in my dining room
really didn't faze me all that much.
	I took a seat and said "Hello Alex, long time no see". He greeted me
similarly and said that he had watched my trip to Vancouver and God had
personally sent him down to request my assistance on a mission...

	The only catch was that of course I would first have to die, because
living beings dont make it to heaven. I really wasn't too keen on that whole
"giving up my life" thing, so Alex said he would be right back and see if
they could work out a better deal.
	I went to the fridge and got myself a beer and turned around to see
that he had returned with a smile. He told me that they had agreed if I
would allow myself to be killed now, and if I completed my mission
successfully,
they would bring me back to life... the only catch there being that they could
not guarantee I would be brought back to the same day/time that I had been
killed.
I downed my beer and figured "what the hell". Things had been pretty dull the
last few days, and a visit to heaven surely seemed like a better vacation
spot than Vancouver had been. I asked Alex how I might go about being killed,
and he grabbed my arm and when I blinked there was a large semi-truck giving me
a big wet kiss......

	 I woke up some time later feeling a great deal lighter...that was
probably because I lacked a body.
	Alex was there and he began to debrief me on my mission.

	It seems the Stairway to Heaven had become backed up.
The people who were to maintain it, "VGN" as they were called, had been nowhere
to be seen, and people were being forced to go down to Hell or wait in limbo
for all eternity. So not exactly the 2 choices most people prefer to have when
they die, either burn in agony for all ETERNITY, or stand in a never-ending,
never-moving line for all ETERNITY.
	I told Alex I would need my usual weapons, and they were laid out for me
on a small table. Alex wished me luck and then disappeared.
	I wondered to myself how he was getting to heaven and back without the
stairway and why everyone else couldn't just do his little trick?


	But that was not my job, and so I set out to free the Stairway,
or figure out:  "Where's VGN?"


	Cyber Angel wasn't kidding: the Stairway was extremely overcrowded,
and some of Hell's crew had setup shop. A whorehouse here, crackhouse down
the block, a couple casinos, etc.
	I began to think it looked quite similar to Vancouver, but once you
reached the Stairway it was all golden and white. I knew I had to rectify this
situation. I figured I should do some recon and get some information about
VGN and who I needed to talk to.
	I began approaching some of the more impatient people in line.
I ran into "Stix", the psychopath who I had killed on my last mission.
	He had been carving "SMG" into his skin over and over as he said he'd
been in this same spot since he died and the line hadn't moved one step.
So I asked him if he had heard anything about this VGN or who I might talk to
that was in charge of the Stairway?
	He told me some guy named Gimi was the manager and I might try to get
in touch with him, but that no one had seen anyone from VGN except for a guy
named Hawkeye who always wore an army uniform and came around every few days
to make his rounds.
	I thanked him and apologized for killing him and all, and as I was walking
away I thought I might make him a little happier and I gave him a few polaroids
of my adventures with Sarah Michelle Gellar. He freaked out and began carving
deeper
and deeper into his skin... to convey his love to her I guess. I said I would
give her the message next time I saw her.

	Moving forward through the line I saw a few other people I had recently
killed, but didn't see the need to speak to them. I approached one of the
Casinos,
referred to as "The Gateway", overseen by an ex-mob pimp named "Dee".
	(The bodyguards outside were a little team of folks called NGT, and I was
able to move through them without even wasting a bullet.)
	I kicked down Dee's door and sat down for a quick man to ..err..man.. chat.
Dee had really let himself go in the decomposition area of being dead, but I
guess
it's hard to get alot of facial moisturizer in Hell.
	Despite his appearance he was a semi-pleasant person. I asked about VGN
and the stairway, and he told me that he had only seen this duo of guys named
Freakshow and TC who never left each others side, and more or less never left
the casinos or whorehouses. He said the Stairway being down was great for
business
and his place had never been better. I remarked that his place looked like shit
and he ought to pack up and head on back to Hell.
	He whistled (err attempted to whistle, before he blew his front teeth out
of his mouth), and when no one came he got a little worried, and began
whimpering
and crying. He yelled for someone named "Hazzy" and I told him that no one
would
be coming for him, I had dealt with them on the way in.
	I thanked him for his help and shoved the 12 guage into his mouth and
said goodbye.

	I honestly think he looked better without a head, than with the decomposing
mass of flesh and bone that he had.

	Nonetheless, my final task was to burn the casino to the ground.
I figured I could clean out the scum one way or another.
	I turned around and was greeted with a fist to the face!
	Normally this is an unpleasant experience, but as it was delivered by a
12 year old boy who weighed around 88 pounds, I barely even felt it.
	I knelt down and lifted the boy up by his throat and asked if he was Hazzy?
He nodded and made a few gurgling noises.. I said it wasn't nice to hit people
and
then crushed his neck with my hand and tossed him aside-I Lit my trail of
gasoline
and was on my way...
	I decided the whorehouse would be my next trip to find the VGN duo that
still was in town.

	On my way I saw a few kids spray-painting a wall with "Where's VGN?" and
stopped to add my own writing, in their blood of course.

	I first told them that it's notnice to deface private property, especially
when it belongs to God himself. They looked at each other and one of them said
	"Let's teach this fucker a lesson Warlord."
	Sigh, everyone is so hostile these days... No one ever learns not to mess
with someone who carries guns that are larger than their entire body.
I drew both pistols and dispensed with the first boy and shot Warlord in all
the
crucial joint areas and left him in a pile while I repainted the wall with the
first
boy's head as a paintbrush.
	Warlord was crying and bleeding a great deal and asking me to finish him
	off,
but I was already on my way.... No time to waste on favors.

	The whorehouse was all you could expect from a whorehouse. The only
interesting character was the head mistress, "Rockz", a large woman with
enormous breasts that made it possible for her to move around only in a
wheelchair...
That, and she also lacked hands and feet.

	She was friendly enough though and told me that Freakshow and TC were up in
room 7 with Jamili, the only male whore they had.
	I thanked her and began my climb to room 7, thinking that the scene would
not be very pretty. Three guys in a whorehouse that was owned by Satan was
probably
going to put Nd's escapade to shame.

	I busted in the door and found that it wasn't 3 guys but 4, as well as
4-5 dead guys who looked as if they had just been ripped to pieces.
The 4th was still conscious and looked mildy familiar, but I didn't have time
to address
it.
	The whore Jamili turned and approached angrily, telling me to get the fuck
out of here and mind my own business. I informed him it was my business by
unloading
a short burst from my H&K and ending his days of whoring.
	TC and Freakshow stood up and this was when I realized it wasn't 2 people,
but 2 heads and one body that worked as one, which I am assuming where the name
"Freakshow" came from! They yelled,
	"What the fuck do you want, boy?"

	I said, "I just want to know... Where's VGN?"

	Freakshow uttered a little snarl/laugh and said they were all that was left
of VGN! I asked how that could be and they would still be able to maintain the
Stairway,
they laughed and said they didn't give a shit about the Stairway, but it could
never
leave them because Hawkeye had taken Gimi hostage and was purposefully blocking
the
gates to destroy the Stairway and bring Hell closer.
	I was shocked to hear this and asked,
	"Why would anyone want to block the gates to heaven?"
	They replied, "Hawkeye was denied his place in heaven and he decided if he
couldn't have it, no one could!"
	I thanked them for the input and decided it best to rid the world of this
freakshow. A full clip from the H&K seemed to do the trick, reducing the
2-headed
monster to a puddle of goo.

	This is when I noticed the 4th person, huddled in a corner, and to my great
shock, it was ............................. (?)


	TO BE CONTINUED IN NEXT WEEKS EXCITING ISSUE OF  N W R!!!



-----------[The Scene News]-----------

All the news thats fit to print...
and then some...

-Very active week. Never a good thing in this biz. Too many sites
 got narked. Nd covered the details in his columns, so i don't think
 that i need a beat a dead horse.. The only thing that i will say is:
 for the love of god, people, be more careful with who you let on your
 sites...   ;/

-A lot of crazy goings on with the SPA, or the former SPA.
 Razor, Class, and Paradigm (i guess you can call them the big 3)
 have broken away from the SPA, and formed their own little band.
 Since they are the ones that are gonna be doing the most releasing
 out there, i guess it's fair to say that their rules are what will
 go, and what most siteops will nuke by... Not a lot of changes
 to their new rules, but the most contraversial one is:
	Release size = 50 x 2.88, and MUST INCLUDE addons..
 Very wacky..
 Read all the details at defacto2.net

-A lot of sites down, and a lot more sites will be going down, in the
 near future at least, primarily for security reasons. ET and E are
 both down as a precautionay measure, as is PM..

-Coming back soon: UC, IC, TMS... who knows whether or not this is
 true... but, it would be nice to see.

-MANiFEST... who are they? Someone told me it was PREMiERE with
 integrity.. I hate to say it, but for once, i am actually impressed
 with a new utils group. Keep up the good work, boys and gals.

-Wtf happened to blackacid? damnit! that page 0wned me! bring it back,
 big boy!

-it seems like i am trading homes back and forth between CWS and NWR..
 its nice to be loved so much... Look for the NWR webpage soon, i hear..



					-sky masterson
=----------------------------------=------------------------------------------=


--------[Stories from the Watercooler]----------

Ahh yes, rumors, we all love them even though we love to say how much we
hate them when they are about us. And these are some of the better ones
circulating around this week. Email us or find us on irc if you have a
good rumor you'd like entered, your name will not be included, but we
do not add rumors like that say "Tdpriest is having anal sex with Fusion"
because we know that Fusion is only having sex with Xtremist and therefore
there is no hard evidence of that rumor, so if you have real rumors, let us
know. Let's begin!


Rumor has it that we couldn't think of any rumors this week, and therefore
we suck.


=-------------------------------------=--------------------------------------=


Well friends.. Thats about it. If you've read this far, we sincerly thank you.
We like to know this thing gets read, so if you get the time, drop one of us
a quick msg, and tell us what you think, give us suggestions, tell us it sucks,
or just say "hi" to us!....

Greets fly out to: jaydee, mgd, stix, tdp, hr, eci, jamili, raptor, skill,
mandrake, zeus, speedy, subzero, superfly@okcomputer, dee, SJ, tech+his crew,
Kusa, ssava, acidapple, and all the rest of you that we love...

Find us on IRC in #nwr (channel returning soon!), or email us at our
phearsome address:

netmonkey@penis.com


take care..

peace.

                                       -ndetroit + lester.

NWR 10/20/98

