       _       _  _      ____.        _  _      ____.     ____
      FJ_     FJ  L]    F___ J       F L L]    F ___J    F __ ]
     J  _|   J |__| L   '-__| L     J   \| L  J |___:   J |--| L    ______
     | |-'   |  __  |    |__  (     | |\   |  | _____|  | |  | |   |______| 
     F |__-. F L__J J .-____] J     F L\\  J  F L____:  F L__J J   L______J 
     \_____/J__L  J__LJ\______/F   J__L \\__LJ________LJ\______/F
     J_____F|__L  J__| J______F    |__L  J__||________| J______F 
 
   ___      ____      __  __    __    _  _   ____   ____.             _  _
 ,"___".   F _  ]    F  \/  ]  / J   F L L] F___ ] F___ J    _ ___   F L L]
 FJ---L]  J |/ | L  J |\__/| L LFJ  J   \| L'--7 / '-__| L  J '__ ",J   \| L
J |   LJ  | | /| |  | |'--'| | J  L | |\   |  / //  |__  (  | |__|-J| |\   |
| \___--. F  /_J J  F L    J J J  L F L\\  J J  L.-____] J  F L  '-'F L\\  J
J\_____/FJ\______/FJ__L    J__LJ__LJ__L \\__LJ__LJ\______/FJ__L    J__L \\__L
 J_____F  J______F |__L    J__||__||__L  J__||__| J______F |__L    |__L  J__|

 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 
    t h e  n e o - c o m i n t e r n   e l e c t r o n i c  m a g z i n e
                 I n s t a l l m e n t    N u m b e r  1 6 4
                  
                         We Are the New International
                         July 29th, 2001
                         Editor: BMC

                                             Writers:
                                              CV.CRUD
                                            Melatonin
                                               Heckat
                                                  Cog
                                         Gnarly Wayne
                                                  BMC


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                      Featured in this installment                      .b
 $                                                                          $
 $                             Riddle - CV.CRUD                             $
 $                 Fun and Games for Kids Age 7-12 - Melatonin              $
 $            Elemental Conflict and the Resulting Strife - Heckat          $
 $                           Riddle-Dee-Dum - Cog                           $
 $                        Funny Funny - Gnarly Wayne                        $
 $                             Another One - BMC                            $
 `q                                                                        p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

                                EDITOR'S NOTE
                      (please do not read the following)

        The Neo-Comintern Angels baseball team has put together another
  grand slam issue with a few steals and the occasional strikeout.  There
  are some pop flies and a balk or two.  I think there is also a pinch
  hitter.  So come bat with us tonight as we hit for the cycle.

        So this is an issue where we have determined to write about riddles,
  for riddles.  Enjoy it while you can, for it could be our last (just
  kidding, it won't, but hopefully it will be our last riddles/baseball
  one).


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b. 
 ;P                                 RIDDLE                                 .b
 `q                               by CV.CRUD                               p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

                          What is jolly yet exciting,
                          and always seems inviting?

                                  ...alcohol.


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b. 
 ;P                     FUN AND GAMES FOR KIDS AGE 7-12                    .b
 `q                              by Melatonin                              p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

  FUN AND GAMES FOR KIDS AGE 7-12 

  Hey kids age 7-12, can you find ten differences between Story A and 
  Story B?  If so, send your answers to the BMC and he'll reward you 
  with a great prize.  But remember, win or lose, the important thing 
  is always to HAVE FUN -- preferably by winning. 

  STORY A 

  The alarm clock struck seven and the radio went off, Franco Country 
  Western blaring from the tiny speakers.  Albert opened his eyes and 
  smiled.  The sun was out, the birds were singing, and yes, he was in 
  love.  Without wasting another second, Albert swung his feet off the 
  bed and scurried down to the kitchen, where Babette, his fiance of 
  twelve hours, was scrambling eggs and frying bacon.  Albert 
  approached her from behind and slid his arms around her waist, 
  kissing the nape of her neck.  Babette tucked her head down and 
  purred like a Siamese kitten.  It was oh-so-lovely and 
  oh-so-romantic. 

  "One day, the two of us will be husband and wife," Albert said, a 
  startling confidence shining in his eyes.  "We will live together in 
  a little rustic cottage in the Parisian countryside and have nine 
  children -- five boys and four girls." 

  "Yeppers!" Babette added, as she was a bit of a moron. 

  Albert grabbed a piece of bacon and popped it in his mouth, then 
  looked out the window and listened as somewhere down the street, the 
  wail of a police siren cut through the warm summer air. 

  STORY B 

  The alarm clock struck seven and the radio went off, Franco Country 
  Western blaring from the tiny speakers.  Charlie opened his eyes and 
  scowled.  The sun was down, the birds had long since migrated south, 
  and yes, he was in love -- not with his wife Rita, as one might 
  assume, but rather Babette, the village idiot.  "Oh, Babette, you 
  lovely, lovely creature," Charlie thought to himself.  "How I long to 
  kiss the nape of your neck and hear you purr like a kitten of Siamese 
  descent."  Without wasting another minute, Charlie swung his feet off 
  the bed, scurried downstairs, and ran outside to propose to Babette, 
  barefoot and still in his pajamas.  Unfortunately, the streets were 
  quite frozen and Charlie's feet went numb within seconds.  He quickly 
  dove onto the hood of a nearby parked car and, clutching his icy 
  toes, sat there for the remainder of the afternoon. 

  Eventually a police car pulled up and Slylock Fox and Max Mouse got 
  out.  "Aha!" Slylock said, "It is clear to me that you, Mr. Charlie 
  Spartan, are responsible for the gruesome rape and murder of Mrs. 
  Juniper, the dress-maker down the road." 

  "I didn't do it!" Charlie protested, still clasping his feet. 

  "Do you doubt the Fox?" Slylock asked, raising an eyebrow. 

  Charlie tried to counter the inspector's determined gaze, but quickly 
  broke down and confessed.  "All right, all right, I did it!  I 
  stabbed the old hag to death!  Take me away, coppers!  I'm guilty!" 

  Slylock Fox threw on a pair of sunglasses and flashed a toothy grin.  
  "Oh yeah, the Fox rocks," he said, then stuck his finger in the air.  
  "To the Batcave, my little squirrely partner!"

  Hello kids.  Detective Dan asks, How did Slylock Fox know that 
  Charlie Spartan had brutally raped and murdered the town dress-maker, 
  and, more importantly, why didn't you?  Dickweeds. 

  HOW TO DRAW A DICKWEED 

  Step 1: Draw a long, curved line roughly six inches long. 
  Step 2: Mirror the line to create a round, phallic shape. 
  Step 3: Ask your parents what "phallic" means. 
  Step 4: Switch over to a blunter drawing utensil, like say a piece of 
  charcoal, or your own severed toe. 
  Step 5: Turn the phallic shape into a dickweed using your piece of 
  charcoal or severed toe. 
  Step 6: Tack drawing onto refrigerator and wait for grandparents to 
  show up for brunch.  
  Step 7: Hide article and feign ignorance when interrogated about the 
  disgusting pollution of your innocent little mind. 

  RIDDLE OF THE WEEK 

  Little Suzie Johnson of Grand Forks, North Dakota (age 9) asks: 

    Q: What has four legs, grey skin, and a long, elephant-like trunk? 
    A: An elephant. 

  Thanks to Suzie Johnson for her entry.  We'll be sending her a pair 
  of oven mits and a helmet for whenever she tips over. 


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P  ELEMENTAL CONFLICT AND THE RESULTING STRIFE INFLICTED UPON THE WORLD  .b
 `q                               by Heckat                                p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

  Let's say there are two powerful forces of nature operating in the world
  as we know it.  We will call one of these fictional elements Fog and the
  other one Clouds.  Let's also suppose that these two elements decide to
  have a duel to see who is the MOST powerful element (remember that even
  though one is the lonliest number, two can be as bad as one, and this is
  the way it was for Clouds and Fog).  Clouds wants to abolish Fog from the
  face of the earth so it can look down upon all the happy people and
  animoes without Fog getting in the way, and Fog wants to abolish Clouds
  from the face of the sky so that it can stare up at the beautiful heavens
  without interference.  Now the question is, if Clouds uses lightning, rain
  and hail as its weapons against Fog, and Fog uses things it collects off
  of the ground such as stones and fossils, who will emerge triumphant?

  Answer: Neither Fog nor Clouds will emerge triumphant over the other
  because Clouds will find that lightning, rain and hail are ineffective
  weapons against an insubstantial enemy, and Fog will discover that it is
  insubstantial and so cannot use rocks and fossils as weapons because it
  cannot pick them up.  Even once they realize they cannot defeat one
  another, they will continue to live in constant conflict and bitterness
  for about 12,000 years.  After all this time, Mist will finally decide to
  become the peacemaker and confront Fog and Clouds about their fighting --
  which happens to keep all the lesser elements, like steam and vapour, up
  until all hours of the night.  Mist will come upon the two enemies and
  remind them that they are related.  Clouds and Fog will then make up and
  join forces in order to take over the world by making it impossible for
  humans to see on land or in the sky.


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                            RIDDLE-DEE-DUM                              .b
 `q                                by Cog                                  p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

	In preparation for this most riddle-iculous issue, I read up on the
  history of the riddle as we know it today.  I didn't really come up with
  anything that was interesting to share here, but let's just say I know
  what I'm doing when I pose a riddle now.

	What follows is the culmination of an effort I had begun months
  ago.  These are the perfect riddles; the riddles which people at riddle-
  fairs ev'rywhere dream of knowing.  This represents nights awake smoking
  too many cigarettes and drinking much too much Coke, until my stomach felt
  like it was full of marbles.

	Riddles, y'all:


  Riddle: Why does the wind blows?

  Answer: No one nose.


  Riddle: When is a door not a door?

  Answer: When it is ajar.


  Riddle: When is a jar not a jar?

  Answer: When it is closed.


  Riddle: Why did the hyperactive child take up riddlin'?

  Answer: He thought it was Ritalin.


  Riddle: If I had four and gave you seven, and Bill gave me two - How many
          would I have?

  Answer: -1 apples.


	And finally, the best riddle ever:


  Riddle: From the hunter came forth meat, from the hunted came forth sweet.

  Answer: A dead lion with bees in its head.


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                              FUNNY FUNNY                               .b
 `q                            by Gnarly Wayne                             p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

  Q. Why does BMC have a penis?
  A. Most gay men do.

  Q. Why is Gnarly Wayne so mean to BMC?
  A. Most gay men are.

  Q. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
  A. What?

  Q. How much wood could a woodchuck wood if a chuck would wood chuck?
  A. Three.

  Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
  A. He didn't.

  Q. Frank and Cecil walk into a bar.  Frank orders a Pilsner.  What did
     Cecil order?
  A. Pilsner.

  These riddles took a long time for me to write because, obviously, I
  laughed for five minutes after coming up with each one.


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                              ANOTHER ONE                               .b
 `q                                 by BMC                                 p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

                                     Why?
                                  -because.


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    ___________________________________________________         
   |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
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   |___________________________________________________|

 .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b.
 Copyright 2001 by The Neo-Comintern                           #164-07/29/01

All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way.  Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited.  All rights reserved.  Made in Canada.

