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                        Editor: The Capitalism Monster
                               Writer/Slave: BMC

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                         Featured in this installment

                         How to defend capitalism- BMC
                         Ask an expert: Communism- BMC


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                                MONSTER'S NOTE

        I am going to use my note this week to discuss a common
misconception among Canadians.  Nationalistic Canadians often complain about
that neighbouring country to the South, yeah you know which one I'm talking
about, the United States of America.  Now, nationalism is a very good thing
but I assure you that any anger or resentment aimed at the good people of
the U.S.A. is misdirected.  Some people say that they hate the fact that
Canada is bombarded by capitalistic propaganda force-fed us by our big
brother next door.  Their claims, however, are simply not true.  The
citizens of the United States are humble, peace-loving people who are only
looking after our best interests.  They are our friends and would never
exploit us in any way.

        Now, I can agree that it is true that we watch their T.V. and
movies, shop at their stores, vacation in their cities, fuel their economy
by selling their products and of course, we gave them William Shatner and
James Doohan… It may also be true that they make claim to the title
"America" although in all of North, Central and South America, they are only
one country among numerous others.  These things are not terrible though, I
tell you.  In fact I believe our southern neighbours have a lot to teach us.
I am proud when I find that our national, provincial and municipal politics
are changing to reflect the ideals that have been so perfectly modelled for
us.

	There is a danger near us though, a nearby one at that.  This next-
door neighbour is a hazard to us and is all the more threatening because no
one ever talks about it and so it has gone unchecked for a very long time.
No, I'm not talking about Quebec, I'm talking about the horrible NORTHERN
country which threatens the purity of our national identity and race - The
North West Territories.

	This country is horrible because it floods the United States with
propaganda so that they believe all Canadians live in igloos and skate to
school, even though we know that it is only the North West Territorians who
wear polar bear fur and carve snow-shoes out of mammoth tusks.  Those people
from up north are stuck up and arrogant.  They think they are better than us
because they eat raw meat with their bare hands in minus forty degree
(Fahrenheit) weather, even though they have fire available to them.

	Now, I've noticed that there is an air of silence around the whole
"NWT" debate.  It seems no one wants to offend those sumo-wrestlers that
live up north.  They may think they're tough and all that, but remember, we
have an army.  It may be a small one compared to most other countries in the
world but I'm pretty sure it could destroy all signs of life above the 49th
parallel.

	It is time to take action, my friends.  Join me in my search for
equality between countries.  Say "NO!" to the Northern Threat; Say "YEA!" to
everything else (especially all things capitalist).


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The sponsor of the week is our lord and my personal savior Jesus Christ.
Make sure to visit his website <http://bsotl.com> and free yourself from
Satan's plagues on our world which include (but are not limited to) science,
magic, communism, rationalism and homosexuality.  Jesus loves us all, but he
will kill you and send you to hell if you try to fuck with his shit, so go
to his website and pray for forgiveness.  Also note that each hit he gets 
will take a day off of my stay in Purgatory.

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                            HOW TO DEFEND CAPITALISM
                                     by BMC

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        Sometimes someone will come up to you and say, "Hey, capitalism is
bad.  There are about five kinds of ways you can defend capitalism, so listen
closely and arm yourself with tools to convert the subverter.


        1) Pretend to ignore them.  If mountains don't care, why should you?

        2) Beat them up.  This one will hit them by surprise because it has
rarely been done before.

        3) Tell them it is the Sabbath and they are not allowed to work.
When they stop working, tell their boss and they will get fired.

        4) Eat a sandwich and don't offer any to them (note: this also works
with zombies).  If this doesn't convert them, nothing will.

        5) I don't feel like writing any more so be imaginative and make up
your own but don't make it too good or the Capitalism Monster will enslave
you and you will have to sleep on the floor and write two articles a week
until your creativity is totally drained.

        The end.

        p.s. Don't get hoodwinked!


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                           ASK AN EXPERT: COMMUNISM
                                     by BMC

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        "What would it be like to live in a communist society?" -V.I. Lenin

        I think it would be bad.


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                                   PART FOUR
                                     by BMC

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Captain's Log
Stardate: 5432.1

Apparently the Capitalism Monster never lets his guard down.

I have heard rumours among the prisoners of an ancient race that populated
this galaxy a hundred thousand years ago.  At this I laugh and offer them
the true story.  I tell the tales of Atlantis and all are amazed.  I think I
may be able to recruit them to my cause.  We agree that we like the food
here in the Kaves of Kapitalism but miss the light of truth.

I am weak, I am tired, and I am old, but I believe that the Capitalism
Monster can be defeated.  Time is essential because my mental health is
deteriorating.  I have been listening to Revolution Number Nine over and
over again and it is giving me ideas.

BMC out. 



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    ___________________________________________________
   |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
   |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
   | BRING ON THE NIGHT                 (306) 373-4218 |
   | CLUB PARADISE                      (306) 978-2542 |
   | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME           (306) 373-9778 |
   |___________________________________________________|
   |   Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern   |
   |           Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com           |
   |___________________________________________________|

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 Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern                           #121-09/10/00

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