       ___________ __              _______                         
       \__    ___/|  |__   ____    \      \   ____  ____           
         |    |   |  |  \_/ __ \   /   |   \_/ __ \/  _ \   ______ 
         |    |   |   Y  \  ___/  /    |    \  ___(  <_> ) /_____/ 
         |____|   |___|  /\___  > \____|__  /\___  >____/
                       \/     \/          \/     \/
       _________                 __        __
       \_   ___ \  ____   _____ |__| _____/  |_  ___________  ____  
       /    \  \/ /  _ \ /     \|  |/    \   __\/ __ \_  __ \/    \ 
       \     \___(  <_> )  Y Y  \  |   |  \  | \  ___/|  | \/   |  \
        \______  /\____/|__|_|  /__|___|  /__|  \___  >__|  |___|  /
               \/             \/        \/          \/           \/ 
.......... ......... ........ ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. .  .   .    .
   .   .  . . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... ..........

    t h e  n e o - c o m i n t e r n   e l e c t r o n i c  m a g z i n e
                 I n s t a l l m e n t    N u m b e r  1 3 7

                         We Are the New International
                         January 14th, 2001
                         Editor: BMC

                                             Writers:
                                                  Cog
                                                  BMC


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                      Featured in this installment                      .b
 $                                                                          $
 $                Jehova Begins With an Eye for Detail - Cog                $
 $                            Think-Writes - BMC                            $
 `q                                                                        p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

                                 EDITOR'S NOTE

Now here's something stupid for Windows people only.

You know sometimes a program freezes up and stops responding and then you
hit ctrl-alt-del and request that the computer "end task"?  How come it
waits for a few seconds and then a box pops up that says "program is not
responding" and gives you two choices: Cancel or END TASK...

BMC- End task.
Computer- OK.
BMC- Thanks.
Computer- The program is not responding...
BMC- Yes I know, hence my using the "end task" function instead of clicking
     the little X in the upper right corner.
Computer- So would you like me to end task?
BMC- Yes!  That is why I selected that option in the first place!

Do you get it?  Because my computer obviously doesn't.

 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 WARNING - This issue contains an article by Cog (author of Art Review) that
                     will offend and alienate all readers.
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

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 ;P                  JEHOVAH BEGINS WITH AN EYE FOR DETAIL                 .b
 `q                                  by Cog                                p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

               "So, you know that true G's follow the true God,
     And that's coming straight at you from the 9-9 to the triple-ought"
                                                   -The Holy Trinity of Rap


There was a time when I thought life was nothing but an encasement for youth
and death, and that nothing could escape that barrier; a mark would never be
left on society as a monument to your accomplishments.  That there would be
nothing on the earth to express to future generations the fact that you had
existed at all ... except for your gravestone, that is.

Now I find that this is not the case!  ANYONE can become a figure of societal
importance along the lines of, say, your Ghandi, your Edison, or your garden-
variety Jesus!

It's funny, but necessary, that I should mention the man who beat the fuck
out of the Devil and sealed off hell with a bunch of rocks so that no-one
would ever have to go there again (Jesus).  This scripture is about how to
become a member of (until now) the most exclusive club around: I will teach
you how to become a Jesus.

                           STEP ONE: "Son of Man"

Jesus was known for some stupid reason as "The Son of Man", though God is not
a man.  I'll state right now that we will not discuss the theological
implications of this (i.e, was someone fucking God's prime piece of ass, is
God's name Manny, etc.).  Weight of the issue aside, this is an easy step to
accomplish!  Every one of us was created when a man ejaculated into our
mother's womb (twat).  Some of our mothers probably liked it.  I know yours
did.  Fantasies aside, however, we are ALL sons of men -- some of them good,
and some of them bad, but all men.  Saying the above statements out loud
bring you one step closer to being a Jesus.


                           STEP TWO: "Son of God"

More fittingly, Jesus also carried around the nameplate "The Son of God".
This one is easier to understand, but for those uneducated in the ways of the
cloth, I will explain:
	
One day God was mad about something, so he started throwing some lightning
bolts at the earth.  That didn't work, so then he decided to flood it.  Still
no luck.  He then built an Ark of the Covenant and put two of each type of
stone tablet in it.  Almost, but not quite!  An idea went off in his head as
though it was a mortar fired from BrainCannon; he would throw the Ark at a
mountain!  That did the trick!  Satisfied with his results but not with his
aching balls, he walked down to Earth and fucked a woman named Hail Mary up
the ass.  This took her by surprise, but she wasn't too surprised to give
ol' God a rim job.  Nine months later, Mary shit a baby out onto a pile of
hay.

This is the main reason that Jesus is called "The Son of God", but you don't
have to go through anything as painful as being sodomized (get it?) by God
to achieve our goal.  The bible actually says that we are ALL sons of God!
Does this mean that God anally rapes us at birth at about the same time he
is forcibly ripping off our foreskins?  Yes.  This is why true sons of God
are circumcised, so I would have to say that step two is to be circumcised.
If you're not, then what are you waiting for?  Do it now as you read this!


                           STEP THREE: "Miracles"

It seems that performing miracles is required to be revered as a Jesus, and
I suppose I can understand this.  A Jesus needs something to set him apart
from the common man.  My advice to you is this: If you have a talent, or a
physical abnormality, or even some kind of quirk ... AMPLIFY IT!  I cannot
stress this enough!  For example, if you can play the piano passably well,
then PLAY IT EVERYWHERE!  Take a Casio keyboard everywhere you go, and never
stop a-rockin'!  IT'S A MIRACLE!  If you have an obvious physical difference
from the bulk of the population (a large mole, ears that stick out, or
perhaps a lazy eye) then draw as much attention to it as possible!  Shove it
in everyone's faces and emphasize it until you are regarded like that kid
from Mask!  IT'S A MIRACLE!  I think you get the idea.  We'll test you with
the "personal quirk" category, though.  If you like eating at McDonald's,
what do you do to turn it into a miracle?  Simply eat there more often --
MUCH more often!  IT'S A FUCKING MIRACLE!

Incidentally, if you know some card tricks, you may also be able to pass
those off as bonus miracles.


                           STEP FOUR: "Endgame"

Guess what?  You are now a card-carrying Jesus!  So, get out there and SAVE
some people!  Stick those chrome fish on the backs of every car you pass,
paying special attention to luxury automobiles and restored classics with
original paint jobs!  Burst into churches on Sunday and screech out "JESUS
HAS RISEN AND HE IS ME!" with your arms in the air!  Go to Israel and see if
you can't forcibly get the Jewish people to believe in YOU!  Make people eat
your body parts and drink your blood!

It is at this point that you will find out the sad eventual truth about what
must befall every Jesus.  You won't be the first, and certainly not the last
if I have anything to do with it.  Now you get to go home and sit on your
father's right hand and let him do whatever he wants with said hand.  The
only thing that seems to have changed, however, is that people now tend to
use a noose rather than a cross for the deed.  It is, however, most often
tied to a tree just like Jesus was.  In closing, then, I would have to say
that the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Good luck in
heaven, kid!


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                              THINK-WRITES                              .b
 `q                                 by BMC                                 p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

Lying laying passionately equivalent on a subversive subverted super-sub-
version of the atomic age in a sub-super cage.  I say sub super because it
is wanting for many things like openness and cagelessness and above all yet
below a something undiscusssed, freedom itself.  Yes, the very thing that
you would have had considered yourself tricked to have learned out for
yourself.  If I knew this were the case I would never have sold that green
couch or the beige and brown daisies that covered it.  I could have never
asked for more as we sailed the waves of felt, our black velvet painting
being the only boat to keep us atop of the tides.  Oh the tides,

                                                                 the tides,
why the tides turn rise cape crest cover and fall, weaving brown felt with
black velvet until the mixture was just so pure that all you could do was
tell that they were not originally ones of two.  Oh they were, but now they
were something more and less it was onder and wiser and younger.  All we
learn from this,

                                 if anything,

is that we can not necessarily learn anything from anything.  So again we
find ourself trapped in that cageless cage, the thing the defies existance,
but ensures the constant existance of all things other.  Take me for
example, sailing brown felt seas in the submarine super subversive subway
train of purity and the essence of the word "seek".  And here I find nothing
that disappoints me, yet here I find nothing; that disappoints me.

Yet I'm not disappointed because I am reaching the end, and when I reach
the end, I have been told of my story, there will be something wonderful on
the other side.  So now my story is done and I should be rewarded for all of
my good deeds at any time.

The End
my story is done
I am done writing
I wanted to use the word ipecac but it is too late
there is just waiting left
well, hmm... it's getting late here
tick tick tick 
tick- - -.
          \
           where's that reward?  I can feel myself getting a feeling of
bads.  But that's ok, all of my think-writes turn out happy and so has this
one,

                                               
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    ___________________________________________________         
   |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
   |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
   | TWILIGHT ZONE                      (905) 432-7667 |
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   | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME           (306) 373-9778 |
   |___________________________________________________|
   |   Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern   |
   |           Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com           |
   |___________________________________________________|

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 Copyright 2001 by The Neo-Comintern                           #137-01/14/01

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