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      The Neo-Comintern Electronic Magazine  --  Installment Number 213
 .... .. .  .   .    .     .      .        .      .     .    .   .  . .. ....
    `""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
      
                  Subversive Literature for Subverted People

                  Date:                    November 18, 2002

                  Editor:                                BMC

                  Writers:              Margarina Cataclysma 
                                                         BMC



  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                      Featured in this installment:                     .b
 $                                                                          $
 $                             Eurocoins - BMC                              $
 $                   Margarina Cataclysma's Advice Column                   $
 `q                                                                        p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

                                EDITOR'S NOTE
                      (please do not read the following)

  Dear Readers,

  This summer, I, BMC, went for a trip to the village of Gotham.  As I was
  on my way there, I got an email from Margarina saying, "Hey what are you
  doing?"  I replied, "Going to England."  She told me to come and see her
  in Brussels, where she was.  So I went straight there.

  I hung out with Margarina, I met Metal K. Dick, and I even got to take
  several photographs of the Mannekin Pis.  It was at this point that I
  defected in my heart and became an honourary citizen of Belgium.

  From this point forward, The Neo-Comintern is officially a Belgian
  production, with no loyalties but to the Belgian crown.  Furthermore, from
  this point forward, only articles produced in the city of Brussels will be
  accepted for publication in The Neo-Comintern.  No more of this Canadian/
  International crap.

  So, without further hesitation, I bring you the first and greatest
  installment of The Neo-Comintern: Edition Bruxelles, featuring the truest
  son and daughter of Belgium, the BMC and Margarina Cataclysma.

  Hail King Albert!

                                                                       ,o$o
   o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$Y$$$$b
  d$$$'                                                               `  `$$b 
 d$$'                             Eurocoins                               ,$$
 $$:                                by BMC                               ,$P
  `$n,.. .  .   .    .     .      .        .      .     .    .   .  . ..P' 
    `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'

  Dear Everyone,

  I have a very exciting story for you and it is about Belgium and it is
  about Brussels (or Bruxelles, as the natives call it) so I really truly
  sincerely hope that you enjoy it.  It is mostly about how exciting the
  money here is and how pretty and shiny and how very many different kinds
  there are and how I have begun to collect them for myself to keep and save
  and treasure.

  There are eight different kinds of coins, all of which are very exciting.
  Keep in mind that these are not common ordinary Canadian coins but in fact
  special Euro coins!  In this country of Belguim they are a part of the
  E.U. (not the Etats-Unis, my friends, but the European Union!)!  All
  members of the E.U. receive many special benefits, the greatest one being
  that they all use the same kind of nifty coins which are knows simply as
  Euros.  The crazy coins of the E.U. are called cents or Euro cents.  I
  call them Euro cents, and I think that Margarina Cataclysma and Metal K.
  Dick do too.  They are right here right now, but I won't ask them because
  they are busy writing articles and washing dishes.

  There are many amazing and fascinating coins in Belgium, all of which are
  Euro coins.  First there are three copper coins, then there are three
  brassy coins, and finally there are two coins that are brassy and
  silvery.


  The Copper coins:

  -First there is the Euro penny.  This is like the Canadian penny, but it
   is 1.5 times more valuable and much smaller.  On the front it says "1
   EURO CENT" and on the back there is a picture of King Albert of Belgium.
   All of the Belgian coins have king Albert on them, but there are also
   coins from other countries with other pictures on them!  Do not fear, I
   will tell you more about those soon enough.

  -Next there is the 2 Euro Cent coin.  It is funny.  It looks like a
   Canadian penny but it is worth a lot more.

  -Most importantly, there is the 5 Euro Cent coin.  It is the size of a
   Canadian nickel, but it is made out of copper since Europeans don't think
   it is worthwhile to use silvery metals in the production of nickels.
   This is because Europeans are all very rich and throw all of their copper
   coins away or even give them away to the poor.


  The Brassy Coins:

  -The Ten Euro Cent Coin: These coins are pieces of junk and really
   annoying to fill our change purse with.  Keep them stowed safely in a
   sock in your backpack.

  -The Twenty Euro Cent Coin: Much like the Canadian dime in the sense that
   they are the coolest looking coins around.  The 20-E-Cent piece has seven
   ridges around the edge, and this is cool but the number 7 is of no
   particular significance but that it is cool.

  -The 50 Euro Cent coin:  This is where things start picking up!  This
   coin is actually worth something and can be used to buy just about
   anything you like when used in conjunction with other coins.  Practice
   makes perfect, so learn how to use it and use it well!


  Brassy and silvery coins:

  -One Euro: The base unit of the economy of the European Union!  This in
   itself should be enough to make this coin XXXtra special, but the One
   Euro coin also looks snazzy as a sonofabitch.  It's got a silvery centre
   and a brassy ring around it.  Who would have thought it possible to make
   a coin with two distinct and seperate alloys in it?  And yet, it's not
   like the Canadian coin that has brass on the inside and silver on the
   outside.  No, this coin has silver no the inside and brass on the
   outside!

  -The 2 Euro Coin: This one looks, feels, and even tastes exactly like the
   Canadian two dollar coin.  The only difference is that the Euro and the
   Canadian dollar have different values on the world market and that I am
   holding a 2 Euro coin in my hand right at this moment and not a Canadian
   "Toonie."  Another advantage of the 2 Euro coin is that it doesn't have
   an idiotic name like "Toonie" that you are forced to say when referring
   to it.  Two Euro coins are great when buying something inexpensive in
   Brussels, because they will tell you how much you owe them in French and
   you will have no idea how much money they are asking you for.  Overpay by
   as much as you feel comfortable with and let them provide you with as
   much change as you are due.  They will say "S'il vous plait."  You, in
   return should say "Merci."


  After a week of overpaying and receiving lots of change from every
  purchase, take it home and look at it.  I believe you will find an Irish
  Europenny, a French 2 cent coin, 5 cent coin, and Euro, a German 5 cent
  coin and Euro, a 5-center from Luxembourg, a Spanish 5, 10, 20, and 50, a
  10 and 20 from Italy, and a 20 cent and 2 Euro coin from the Netherlands.
  These can all be especially helpful.  You will get more Eurocoins from
  other lands if you shop at tourist locations.
   
  In closing, I would like to encourage all of you to invest in Euros.  They
  are the way of the future.  I have obtained many Euro coins and I plan on
  saving those that I do not spend.

  Sincerely,
  BMC

                                                                       ,o$o
   o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$Y$$$$b
  d$$$'                                                               `  `$$b 
 d$$'                Margarina Cataclysma's Advice Column                 ,$$
 $$:                       by Margarina Cataclysma                       ,$P
  `$n,.. .  .   .    .     .      .        .      .     .    .   .  . ..P' 
    `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'

  Dear Margarina,
  I just went to the bathroom and I can't flush the toilet.  Where is the
  handle?
  -Dingbat

  Dear Dingbat,
  You must be kidding me, open your eyes.  There is no handle.  Run to the
  crick and bring back a bucket of eau, Dingbat.  What is this, the modern
  era?
  Love, Margarina.


  Dear Margarina,
  I went out the other night to the Halloween bar, and now I can't stop
  fantasizing about egg-laying demonic hyper-muscular satan women.  How can
  I begin to crawl my way back to human-human sexuality?  
  -Cog

  Dear Cog, 
  I don't mean to be un-gentle, but really, when have you ever been at
  human-human sexuality?  The satan-bitch you are talking about is really
  quite stunning, I agree, and she shan't be easily supplanted in your
  imagination, I suppose.  I would advise you to think about which of her
  characteristics most appeals to you- egg-laying, hyper-muscularity,
  what-have-you, and then simply find a pal who embodies or is willing to
  emulate the thing you love most.
  Love, Margarina.


  Dear Margarina,
  I have just taken the elevator up to the 5th floor and now I can't get
  out.  Why?
  -BMC

  Dear BMC,
  Push on the door as if it were a door and not an automated thing.  You
  will be quite impressed with the result.  
  Love, Margarina.  


  Dear Margarina,
  I have beeen spending the last few weeks at the Atomium, and I would like
  you to tell me what kind of psychoactive drug will make the Atomium an
  illustration of the wave model of atomic structure for me.  
  -sexyslut284@hotmail.com

  Dear Friend,
  You could try a bunch of things and then let me know how it turns out.
  Perhaps your basic cornerstore inhalants might aid you.  Whatever you do,
  try to avoid hassles with the inevitably uptight Flemish clerk.  
  Love, Margarina.
 

  Dear Margarina,
  I am told that I am not allowed to submit articles that use the word
  'bitch' anymore.  Can you please find a way to get around this use of the
  word 'bitch', bitch?  Is the supression of my free speech the first sign
  that BMC is merging under some sort of corporate-influenced mind-drone
  control-factor that will slowly limit my freedoms and affect my mental
  health, increasing the repressive nature of the self-editor?  
  -Bargarina Hzataslysma

  Dear Bargarina Hzataslysma,
  Yes.
  Love, Margarina.


  Dear Margarina,
  I was arrested for exposing myself while trying to get money out of my
  money belt.  Can I claim insanity, or ought I TO DEFER THE CRIMINAL
  CHARGES TO MY MOTHER?
  -BMC

  Dear BMC,
  This really has been an exciting week for you, what with the elevator and
  all.  Once I had a money belt, too.  It was cotton, and rectangular, and
  had a zipper.  It was an environmental model -- that is, it was not made
  from bleached cotton but from un-bleached enviro-cotton.  I hid it in the
  secret pocket of my backpack.  I eventually ditched it but I assume that
  someday, somewhere, it will catch up to me, like useless objects tend to
  do.  Then I will kill it the death it deserves finally and feed its
  emptiness to the satan-bitch in the basement.
  Love, Margarina.


  Dear Margarina,
  Can you tell BMC to phone me?  I have nothing to say.  I hope that he does
  not have anything to say either.  
  -Melatonin

  Dear Melatonin,
  What the hell are you talking about, you ninny?!  Why would you want to
  waste the BMC's precious most-valuable time like that when both he and you
  could be out in the world doing things instead of breathing at each other
  over miles and miles of cable, pretending not to be masturbating?  I don't
  get it!!  Why??
  What a waste!!
  Love, Margarina.


  Dear Margarina,
  If I blow up the European Parliament, will little children everywhere,
  hundreds of years from now, build effigies of me and set off fireworks in
  honour or my audacity? 
  -Metal K. Dick

  Dear Metal K. Dick,
  I would certainly hope that the scenario you describe would come to pass.
  I love the way you smell when you burn.  I love the sparks that come off
  your hair.  I love to dance around your burning self.  
  Love, Margarina.


  Dear Margarina,
  Can you please keep BMC in Belgium for a while cause I have big plans.  
  Thanks, ok? 
  -Heckat


  Dear Margarina,
  I am very glad that BMC is there with you.  Please keep him for another
  two weeks, that is all I ask.  I really like the peace and quiet.  
  -Cog


  Dear Oaragarbg,
  I was walking around today, and I was thinking about the words
  'dialectic', 'delicto', 'delicate', and 'delectable'.  Can you tell me
  about these words?
  -Albert Le Deux

  Dear Albert,
  Yes indeed these are words.  Put them onto squares and arrange them before
  you.  Do not stack them.  
  Love, Margarina.


  Dear Margarina,
  How would you most like to spend an afternoon in Brussels?  If someone
  says to me that I am the Mannikin Pis of such-and-such, should I react
  with rage or with joy?  
  -Joseph J. Moyle, Jr.

  Dear Peter B. Cech,
  I'd rather be called a Mannikin Pis than a Eurocrat.


  When you are in Bruxelles, as the Bruxelleians spell it, it is nice to
  stroll around and look at people.  People are handsome and interesting.
  When you get fatigued, say in the foot area or whatever, it is nice to sit
  in a little cafe and have a Stella or a Mort Subite ou quelque chose.
  Some people (me, for instance) like to have a little Pernod, some people
  (not me) think Pernod is disgusting.  Some people like to have fries.  Me,
  for instance, cause fries are superlatively great when doused with copious
  quantities of sauce.  Also they are a cheap source of potatoes.  The
  Mannikin Pis that you mention is indeed something that falls into the
  things to see category.  Not a very exciting thing really, but a thing
  nevertheless.  Mostly what to do in the afternoon depends upon the
  weather.  It rains quite a lot in Bruxelles.  The really best thing to
  do in Bruxelles is to have a mandatory naked day at your domicile and then
  to not go outside at all, and not permit any sort of research-related or
  edification-related forays by any of the residents of the domicile, and to
  stay in your apartment listening to the cuckoos cuckooing in the greenery
  outside your windows, and listening to the Eurocrats lunching on the patio
  below.  But that might seem a little blase to you.    
  Love, Margarina.
                                                       

 .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b.

  The Neo-Comintern Magazine / Online Magazine is seeking submissions.
  Unpublished stories and articles of an unusual, experimental, or
  anti-capitalist nature are wanted.  Contributors are encouraged to
  submit works incorporating any or all of the following: Musings, Delvings
  into Philosophy, Flights of Fancy, Freefall Selections, and Tales of
  General Mirth.  The more creative and astray from the norm, the better.
  For examples of typical Neo-Comintern writing, see our website at
  <http://www.neo-comintern.com>.

  Submissions of 25-4000 words are wanted; the average article length is
  approximately 200-1000 words.  Send submissions via email attachment to
  <bmc@neo-comintern.com>, or through ICQ to #29981964.

  Contributors will receive copies of the most recent print issue of The
  Neo-Comintern; works of any length and type will be considered for
  publication in The Neo-Comintern Online Magazine and/or The Neo-Comintern
  Magazine.

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  copyright 2002 by                                            #213-11/18/02
  the neo-comintern

  All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
  You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and
  the content must not be altered or modified in any way.  Unauthorized use
  of any part of this document is prohibited.  All rights reserved.  Made in
  Bruxelles.
