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  .d&&&v&&&b.`v.d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&bnd&&b.`v .d&&&&&&b.`b `&&&&&&&b.
                                                                `b
    t h e  n e o - c o m i n t e r n   e l e c t r o n i c  m a g z i n e
                  I n s t a l l m e n t    N u m b e r  8 5

         WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL - LANOITANRETNI ht5 EHT ERA EW
                  November 30th, 1999 - 9991 ,ht03 rebmevoN
                          Editor: BMC - CMB :rotidE
                             Writers: - :sretirW
                                  BMC - CMB

                   
  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                      Featured in this installment                      .b
 $                                                                          $
 $         Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Being Elite- BMC        $
 `q                                                                        p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

                               EDITOR'S NOTE

Vodka- It is excellent when you drink a 40 of this at a sitting
Gin- Tanqueray is the official drink of the communist party
Mike's Hard Lemonade- It is excellent to drink first thing in the morning,
                      and it is also good to brush your teeth with
Rye- If you drink Wiser's, it makes you wiser
Kaluha is also good.

**NOTE- This is NOT intended as a supplementary to "Fries" from issue 5**


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P          EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT BEING 3L!t3          .b
 :        (but were afraid to ask and didn't care enough to look up)        :
 `q                                by BMC                                  p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

        Everything I know about being elite was learned from e-mags, so I
figure I have the credentials.  Without ever having to have couriered warez
I have learned some of the nuances of that vital sector of the computer
industry.  I have learned that they (warez) have an important role in the
world and that without them we would be as screwed as if we lost all the
thernometers.  I also learned about the idiolect of the English language
referred to as 3L!+3 ("Elite" in common Engsish).  The name of the language
comes from a mispelling of "illiterate," and originated sometime around the
beginning of the warez trade back in the 80's.  The way warez trading started
out was that someone would steal a stack of 0-day (new) punch cards and make
copies for all of their friends.  However, this is not a science class so I
will avoid any further technical discussion that may expose my complete lack
of knowledge about computers and the little men inside of them that talk to
me and Cheryl.

        I know seven different versions of the elite language, and I will
discuss several of them with you, ranging from the very basic ones to the
more advanced ones that many lamers (not cool people who are not knowledgable
of the lingo) would not understand.  By the time you have finished reading
this article you will be wise and perhaps will have a wispy moustache to
prove it (unless you are a girl, cause then you will have some other sort of
desirable feature that distinguishes you from the other people).

        Have you ever wanted to read a cool text file, but were unable to
comprehend it because you were not elite enough?  It is my reccomendation
that you compile those articles right now and look at them.  If they are not
starting to make sense already, something may be wrong.  But keep looking
at them as we progress through the several levels of the language and they
will become progressively easier to understand.

        Prepare!


        Step One: Random Caps (random capital letters)

        RanDom cApITAl lEttERS IN seNTEncES IS THe FIRsT elEmENt In WRiTIng
IN THE deViOUS lANGuagE Of EliTE.  YOU WiLL NOtice thRouGH MY exaMpLe ThaT
The wOrds arE StilL qUite Easy TO undErsTand, And this is beCAuSe they are
STiLl BeiNG WriTten In the engLisH LaNgUaGE.  the faCT tHat theY ARE sTILl
uNdErstandable is a Bit Of a prObleM AnD will BE cOrrECTED IN tHe moRE
advaNced LEvels. I PeRSONaLly only rECcomEnd tHis Form Of eliTE FOR CreatIng
bBs AlIASEs.


        Step Two: Using Numbers as Substitutes For Letters

        7h15 0n3 15 pr3tty s1mpl3 45 w3ll.  7h3r3 4r3 3x4c7ly 73n num3r4l5 0n
4 574nd4rd c0mpu73r k3y804rd.  7h3y c4n b3 f0und 1n 7h3 70p r0w 0f k3y5 0f
7h47 r3c74n9ul4r 7h1n9 y0u 4r3 70uch1n9 r19ht n0w (n0t 7h3 func710n k3y5,
y0u j4ck455, 7h3 f1r57 r0w 0f k3y5 7h47 4C7U4LLY D035 50M37H1N6!).  50 wh3n
y0u 4r3 7yp1n9 57uff, ju57 u53 0n3 0f 7h053 numb3r5 wh3n3v3r p0551bl3.  1f
y0u 4r3 57up1d 0r 4re un4bl3 t0 f0ll0w my 50ph1571c473d 7h0u9h7 p4773rn5 f0r
50m3 07h3r 57up1d17y-b453d r3450n, 1 4m 901n9 70 1nclud3 4 k3y f0r y0u
19n0r4n7 m07h3rfuck3r5.

        1 = I
        2 = Z
        3 = E (try n0t t0 c0nfu53 th3 3 w1th 4 y09h.)
        4 = A
        5 = S
        6 = G, B (y0u mu5t 63 c4r3ful w1th th15 0n3.)
        7 = T
        8 = B
        9 = G
        0 = O

        1f y0u 4lr34dy h4d 1t f19ur3d 0u7, 1 hum8ly 4p0l09123 f0r 1n5ult1n9
y0ur 1n73ll193nc3.  1f you 571ll d0n'7 und3r574nd wh4t 1 4m 7ry1n9 70 54y
70 y0u 7h3n y0u 5h0uld pr0848ly ju57 5k1p 4h34d 70 7h3 n3x7 53c710n.


        Step Three: Ebonics

        If U wana B leet den U gota talk like U neva been 2 skool b4.  I dont
even no howta do dis, yo, but eye gotz 2 bitz of advise 4 ya azz.  Take all
those fuking S's and throw em in tha fukking trazh.  Were all tha emty spotz
remain put in a buncha Z's.  O, and uze ph insted of f 2.  If U need mo
advise den U kan DL (download) Jim Knoph's "Onics" frum hour DL (download)
sekshun.  It will teech U a few thangs about beeng dum.  If u're still not
reddy then eye jus advise dat u beecum homiez wit Pimp Daddy Welfare and
lissen to wot dat nza haz 2 sae.  He seemz 2 B doun wit da wordz of da
steetz.  Anywae, keep tawkin like a ideeut an youll get spect in the seen.
Dis iz B-cumming tuff, butt B paytiunt cos your closed 2 been eleet.


        Step Four: Using Various Non-Numerical ASCII Characters as
                   Substitutes For Letters

        +h!$ one $eem$ $!mple @+ f!r$+, bu+ +h@+ !$ merely be(@u$e ! @m only
$ub$+!+u+!ng $!ngle aS(!! (h@r@(+er$ +o repre$en+ +he le++er$ +h@+ ! @m
repl@(!ng.  !+ be(ome$ (on$!der@bly more (ompl!(@+ed when we u$e +wo, +hree,
or even four (h@r@(+er$ +o repl@(e @ $!ngle le++er.  For !n$+@n(e, we w!ll
now beg!n +o $ub$+!+u+e "\/" for "V," "/\/" for "N," "/\/\" for "M," and
"\/\/" for "W."  /\/o\/\/ \/\/e @re $+@r+!/\/g +o pu+ @ b!+ of @ de/\/+ !/\/
+he l@/\/gu@ge!  +he /\/ex+ o/\/e$ \/\/e do \/\/!ll @ll !/\/\/ol\/e $l@$he$
of o/\/e k!/\/d or @/\/0+her.

        B = /3
        D = />
        E = |#
        H = /-/
        K = /<
        L = |_
        M = /\/\
        N = /\/
        R = /~
        V = \/
        W = \/\/

        (/-/o/\/ou/~a/~y /\/\|#/\/+!o/\/:  U = (_) )

        $o /\/o\/\/ \/\/|#'\/|# +@/<|#/\/ !+ p/~|#++y f@/~.
(o/\/g/~@+(_)|_@+!o/\/$!!1!  Yo(_) @/~|# \/|#/~y \/|#/~y (|_o$|# +o
(o/\/\p|_|#+!/\/g +/-/|# \/\/|-|o|_|# +/-/!/\/g, @/\//> +/-/|#/\/ yo(_)
(@/\/ go o(_)+ @/\//> /~|#@/> @|_|_ of +/-/o$|# /<-/~@/> |#|_!+|# @/~+!(|_|#$
+/-/@+ ! /-/@\/|# +o|_/> yo(_) $o /\/\(_)(/-/ @/3o(_)+!!!11!!


        Step Five: Incorporating All of It

        0/\/(3 >-4 5+4/~7 9377!/\/ /<\/\/!+3 5/<1|_|_/> 4+ /~34/>!/\/
3|_337 !5/-/+ >-4 /<4/\/ 5+@/~+ 93++1/\/6 /x\0 \</~334+1\/ \x/|+ />@+
p@/~+1|<(_)|_4/~2 (_)\/ >-<o\/\/ >-0(_) /~1+3 1+.  o/-\ J34/-/, />!/> !
/\/\3/\/+1(_)/\/ />4+ /\/0\/\/ (_) /~ /<\/\/4|_1/=>-/>3 2 \/\//~!+3 />4+
5/-/|+ 42 \/\/3|_|_!!!  +/~(_) \>@+, >-0!!!  /\/ 3 \x/43, /\/0\/\/ (_) /~
Z /=(_)(/<1/\/ |_337 2 /~33/> +/-/!2 4/~+1/<(_)|_ /\/ |# /\/\0o/~.
(0/\/9/~4+(_)|_@5/-/(_)/\/2 4 /<(_)/\/\p|_33+1/\/9 +/-/4 p/~1/x\3/~ /<0/~5
0/\/ +/-/4 /-/4/~/>332+ 5/-/1+ 3\//~ +4\/\/+.  /\/0\/\/ (_) 5\-/0o/> 90
o\/\/+ /\/ /~33/> $(_)/x\ 3L373 4/~+!/<|_32 /3>- 5(_)/\/\ 4(_)+/-/0/~5
+/-/4+ /~ 3\/(_)/\/ /\/\0/~3 |_3|#7 +<->@/\/ /\/\>-53|_\/ (/\/o+ 4
/>!/=/=!/<(_)|_+ +4z/<).  o/-/, /3(_)+ 2 p/~0o\/ +/-/4+ 4|_|_ (_)\/ +/-/4
\_33+/\/355 /-/42 /\/0+ 90++3/\/ 2 /x\>- /-/3/>, 4/\/53/~ +/-/4
/=o\_|_o\/\/!/\/ /<\/\/35/-/(_)/\/ 4/\/ ! \/\/!\_\_ /3 >-(_)/~
P3/~5(_)/\/4|_ /=13/\//>!!!!1!

/<\/\/35+!0/\/: \/\/0+ \2 /3|_4(/< /\/ \/\/1+3 4/\//> \\/\#o/\@ |+|\/83
                +3|#5\/\!~ 6/>0-/<?!?!?!?


        Well I guess that is about all there is to be said about that
language.  Next week I will be delving into Esperanto.  Peace out!


 .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b.
    ___________________________________________________
   |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
   |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
   | BRING ON THE NIGHT                 (306) 373-4218 |
   | CLUB PARADISE                      (306) 978-2542 |
   | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME           (306) 373-9778 |
   |___________________________________________________|
   |   Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern   |
   |           Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com           |
   |___________________________________________________|

 .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b.
 Copyright 1999 by The Neo-Comintern                            #85-11/30/99

All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
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