  nnnnnn nnn                nnn   nnn
  $ $$ $  $$                  $$b   $
    $$    $$nd$b  .d$$b.      $`$b  $  .d$$b. .d$$b.
    $$    $$  $$  $$  $$      $ `$b $  $$  $$ $$  $$  nnn
    $$    $$  $$  $$""""      $  `$b$  $$"""" $$  $$  """
   nSSn  nSSi SSn "Sbnn"     nSn  `SS  "Sbnn" "SbdS"


  .nP"=$$                      $P          nnn                          TM
  $$   ""                     `n'          n$$nnn
  $$      .d$$b. $$$nd$bnd$b  nnn  $$$nd$b  $$    .d$$b. $$$nd$b $$$nd$b
  $$      $$  $$  $$  $$  $$   $$   $$  $$  $$    $$  $$  $$  S$  $$  $$
  $$   i$ $$  $$  $$  $$  $$   $$   $$  $$  $$    $$""""  $$      $$  $$
  "SbndS" "SbdS" nSSi SSn SSn nSSi nSSi SSn "Sbn" "Sbnn" nSSi    nSSi SSn

.......... ......... ........ ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. .  .   .    .
   .   .  . . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... ..........

    t h e  n e o - c o m i n t e r n   e l e c t r o n i c  m a g z i n e
                  I n s t a l l m e n t    N u m b e r  9 7

         LANOITANRETNI ht5 EHT ERA EW - WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
                      0002 ,ts1 hcraM - March 1st, 2000
                          CMB :rotidE - Editor: BMC
                             :sretirW - Writers:
                         enyaW ylranG - Gnarly Wayne
                                  CMB - BMC


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                      Featured in this installment                      .b
 $                                                                          $
 $                        My Love For Children- BMC                         $
 $  Umar and Alfonso and Bzarhands Start A Telephone Company- Gnarly Wayne  $
 `q                                                                        p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

                               EDITOR'S NOTE

        Occasionally I realize that I am not a god, and this week is one of
them.  Well I can't help but notice it, because my "O" key has been sticking
(which you should hopefully not notice once I have revised this), and when I
try to use two O's in a row it usually doesn't work.

        You're probably thinking that this would be no big deal, but to me
it is worse than being in Hades!  There is nothing worse than when my friends
mock me for my limited skill with the English language, so you can imagine
when I am trying to spell the word "too," and it comes out as "to."  It is
absolutely horrible, cause then they think that I am like one of these ICQ
chicks with rocks in her head that doesn't know the difference in spelling
between the to meanings of the word.  I see it sometimes after I have pushed
the send button in ICQ, and I weep because I am too late to save my dignity.

        Though half my time is spent looking like an idiot and half is not,
the third half is spent looking like an egotistical deity.  People will send
me a message saying "how are you" and I will respond "I am god."  Some people
kneel at my awesome power and worship me as a false god, and the others hate
me for being such a star in life.  All acknowledge my power, and I have been
told by the miggitty Machiavelli that it is best to be both feared and
loved, but between the too, tis better to be feared than loved.  Well the
cliche is true, and this is how I hold my own in the world of capitalism.

        As you can see, my missing "O" button is making me change for the
worse, so I want to go back before Christmas and ask Santa for one.  Can I
do that?  Hmm... I think that when Santa finds out I am god he will do
whatever I want him too, maybe even love me again.


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                         MY LOVE FOR CHILDREN                           .b
 `q                                by BMC                                  p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

        I really do love kids, but I think there are a few good reasons why
I am not ready to have my own.  I think it would be nice to teach them how
to read and buy expensive American-made toys for them, but there would also
be a down-side to having these small versions of me around the house.

        The first one that comes to mind is the occasional ommission of
shrill sounds that I can say at the very least annoy me.  It just plain
ol' hurts my ears.  I have been told that the scream of the baby is designed
to destroy your ears if you don't give the child what it wants, but I'm not
sure if that is true or not.

        I was at a friend's place the other day, and I had been there a
couple of hours when she told me that her baby had just gone to the bathroom.

        "How can this possibly be?" I asked.  "If the baby had left the room,
I certainly would have seen it get up, or at the very least I would have
heard the bathroom door close or the toilet flush!"

        You can't imagine the embarassment I felt when I realized that "gone
to the bathroom" was a euphemism for "defecated in his pants."  I asked her
what sort of punishment she was going to administer to the child for soiling
his undergarments, and she told me that babies are actually supposed to shit
in their pants!  Imagine my outrage when she went on to explain that the
parents, or in this case the visitor of the house, then had to perform the
task of cleaning baby off.

        "Forget that," I said as I put on my jacket and boots.  "If that
little fiend is too lazy to get up off his ass and walk to the bathroom, then
he ain't getting any respect from me, and he CERTAINLY gets none of my
sympathy!"

        As she broke down into tears in front of me I glared at the baby one
more time before leaving and slamming the door behind me.  I walked for
hours in the rain that night, just thinking about what had transpired, trying
to make sense of it all, trying to set it all straight in my very confused
mind.

        That was one of my first experiences with babies, but since then I
have learned that they are all as lazy as that one was.  I hate to make
broad generalizations, but most of them are like that.  Most of them don't
work, but, well, they don't seem to want to work either!  They don't do
anything productive, they do not gather food, they can't roll cigarettes
worth a damn.  They never have anything amazing to add to the conversation,
and they are generally unmotivated or useless.

        The only babies that I have any respect for are those bigger ones who
actually have the self-motivation to get out of the house, even if it is only
to go to school.  It's swell and all, and it shows that they can have a head
on their shoulders if they really try, but it is still pretty unproductive.
Does it help pay for their upkeep?  No.  Does it produce a product that is
marketable in a capitalist economy?  No.  Does it promote extraction and
refining of natural resources?  No.  You see where I am getting with this,
don't you?  Education is worthless.  WORTHLESS, I tell you!  And when babies
get educated, I think they're worthless too.

        They hate me.


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P         UMAR AND ALFONSO AND BZARHANDS START A TELEPHONE COMPANY       .b
 `q                            by Gnarly Wayne                             p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

        One day, Umar got sick of making rain barrel (his one true passion)
and decided to start a local phone company to compete with Sprint Canada.
Bzarhands and Alfonso quickly joined in.  Bzarhands was the telephone repair
technician, so he went to purchase overalls to put all over his body.
HahAHAHHAhah get it?  Cause it goes all over him.

        Alfonso worked the switchboard.  He was terrible at this job, like
most things he tried in life.  Umar was the CEO and brought in business by
cutting down telephone poles and starting a smear campaign against
telephones in general.

        Since he ran a telephone company, this was kinda bad for business and
he quickly went bankrupt.  But he had gangs of gold so he didn't care.

        Word up!

        THE END


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 .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b.
 Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern                            #97-03/01/00

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