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    888     888 888 888   ,     the weekly capitalist electronic magazine  $$ 
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                                                   installment number 123  $$
                                                     September 28th, 2000  $$
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                        Editor: The Capitalism Monster
                               Writer/Slave: BMC

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                         Featured in this installment

                          Taking Saul for Lunch- BMC
                          Ask an expert: Voting- BMC


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                                MONSTER'S NOTE

	The "Literacy Crisis" is a problem that our society has been
battling for a long time.  It seems that, even though there are plenty of
opportunities for everyone to learn to read and write, some idiots still
haven't picked up these elementary skills.

	It also seems that there is a whole sub-culture of  "do-gooders" out
there who work towards helping those in need.  As if the poor and uneducated
of our society were the equivalent of stray puppies, these charitable people
take the losers of this game I like to call Life under their wing and try to
teach them a few things.  Many goody-types believe that teaching the
illiterate of this world and filling them in on what they lack is exactly
the remedy for poverty and homelessness.

	Now, I believe the goal of universal literacy is a noble one
(granted, it is only important if we are speaking about ENGLISH literacy,
mind you) but I also know that the wealthy people of our society should not
waste their time trying to help those who won't help themselves.  Schooling
is available to all those who wish to attend. Sure, some might argue that it
is unfair that school resources are allocated according to property taxes,
but I think any right-thinking person will acknowledge that this isn't a
problem.  Teachers in every school are equally respectful of their students
and the quality of education across cities, provinces and the country is
uniform.  I say, it is a problem with the attitude of the student and
nothing more if they do not learn literacy skills.  Any student who WANTS to
learn will be taught.

	We do not neglect the poor; even poor children are given the
benefits of education - it is provided to them free of charge!  If they do
not want to take advantage of the generous gesture then I don't see what we
can do about it - furthermore, I don't see why we would even care.

        In fact, I would like to suggest that the lack of reading and
writing skills in some of our population is an asset to our society, rather
than a detriment.  Listen, we need people to work in factories, mines,
sweat-shops and chain gangs - isn't it better that these people be
illiterate?  If they knew how to read and write they would surely read such
evil material as Abbie Hoffman's "Revolution for the Hell of It," curse
their fate, and try to overthrow the hierarchy that is so very comfortable
for me, I mean, everyone.  As harsh as this may sound, we also need people
to live on the streets.  Who would we look down on, degrade, and spit at if
we didn't have these hobos?  We need these creatures to remind us of how
smart, innovative and educated we are.  And prostitutes?  Do I even need to
explain their importance?  I think you can agree how unnecessary literacy
would be in a profession such as this - do we want these women quoting
Shakespeare?  I think you get my point.

        So, instead of crying about illiteracy, I feel we should embrace it.
Anyway, what good is literacy if you aren't using it to promote Capitalism
anyway?  I think BMC would agree with me on this one.


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This week we're promoting <http://www.mcsweenys.net>.  I don't know what this
site is about but somebody told me that it was pro-capitalist.

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                            TAKING SAUL FOR LUNCH
                                    by BMC

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        Oh, so he worked in a union, huh?  Well I guess I should take him
out for lunch then and let him know what it's all about.

        He applied for the job and I eventually gave it to him, but the last
thing I want in my factory is union spirit.  My solution was to take him out
for lunch for a little one-on-one conversation.  This is my element, because
I thrive by myself and he is helpless without his precious union.  So there
we were at the restaurant and the first question I asked him was, "So, do
you have a political mind?"

        He thought for a few moments before answering.  "No," he replied,
but I could tell it was a lie.  He thought about it too long and I could see
fear in his eyes.

        "Oh, really?" I responded, "Well I was hoping you would be.  What is
your affiliation, Saul?" I asked him.

        "Oh, well maybe you could say I'm a... liberal?" said Jeff.  Yes, an
American euphemism for SOCIALIST!  I deliberately misunderstood the word
using my own definition a la Adam Smith.

        "Ahh yes, laissez-faire is the way of the future, isn't it?" I
responded, and how quaint the look of confusion on his undereducated face
was!

        The waiter came and I said, "We'll have two of your fattiest,
bloodiest steaks."  He nodded, smiled, and went into the kitchen to inform
the chef to carve another layer of flesh from the animal in the back room.

        Jeff told me that he didn't eat meat.  

        "What?  What the hell are you talking about?  What other
alternatives are there?  Either you eat meat or you die!  What else can you
do, feed off of sound?  That just sounds ridiculous!  How can you live like
that?"

        Jeff tried to tell me that he's a vegetarian.  Of course that made
me furious.

        "Well that's a bit of a grey area, isn't it Saul?" I asked.  "The
consistancy of beans is thick and I would even say it is meat-like.  Does it
count as meat?  Does it, Saul?  Does it!?!?"

        He explained to me that no killing is involved in eating beans.

        "Well what then," I exclaimed, "is murder for any reason wrong?  I
find that a bit hard to believe.  What about war?  That's important.  Of
course it's ok to kill people when it is for the sake of defending your
nation and its capitalist ideals!  Are you going to tell me I'm wrong?"

        Jeff was silent.

        The waiter came back and put out steaks in front of us.  I smiled at
the waiter and the waiter smiled back.  "Thank you," I said.  Then I turned
back to Jeff and smiled charmingly at him and the bloody flesh that sat
piled in front of him.

        I said, "Hey, it's not like it's a human being or anything."  He had
to accept the fact that he was going to eat the steak.  Jeff saw that this
violation of his choice of lifestyle might be worth it to get the job.  My
words soothed him, swayed him, but there was more to the matter than
calories and cholesterol.

        Eating meat is feeding off of the life of a warm, thinking, living
being.  It is an extreme form of benefiting from the misfortune of others.
Not only am I a rich company owner who impoverishes his minimum wage
employees so that he can make more money, I will also kill an animal so that
I can take a small amount of energy from its life force.  It's the "drop in
the bucket" that you always hear about, but this drop had a heartbeat.  This
drop would still be alive if it weren't for my desire to ingest it for the
sake of novelty.

        I have no respect for life, and this human being sitting at the
table with me is just as expendable as that living animal was to me.  What
the animal is to me in a physical sense the worker is to me in a financial
sense.  Yes I will kill both, but I will feast on one and starve the other.

        And I do it because I can.  And I do it because I have the power.
And I do it because it's legal.  Hey, I'm the one who made that law.  And I
do it because nobody's going to stop me.

        As death is digested, there's nothing that can be done.  "No
vomiting, son.  No choking in the house of capitalism!"  And as the Jeff
consumed the poison of capitalism, his struggle was lost.

        "Well Saul," I said, "how does six fifty an hour sound?  You've got
the job.  Congratulations, my boy!  I'll have to be off now!"

	I left the bill on the table.


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                             ASK AN EXPERT: VOTING
                                     by BMC

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        "Dear BMC, my boyfriend has just turned 18 and is interested in
voting.  What should I do?" -Jen

        Well you sassy young thing, suffrage is like candy because it makes
the proletariat feel dizzy and happy... it makes them feel like they are
influencing their society in some way, but in reality it is all a facade.
If given the choice between Chretien, Day, Count Dante and Capitalism
Monster does it really make a difference who you vote for?

        Answer: NOPE.  No matter how you cast that ballot you're voting for
capitalism.  Ain't it grand?

        I usually end my articles by berating society, but this time I
think it will suffice to say, "Keep on doing what you're doing and the
economic gap will continue to widen."  I've heard it said that there is
power in numbers, but take a good look around and see who really holds the
power.  Not the masses, but us... and I propose that we keep it that way.


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    ___________________________________________________
   |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
   |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
   | BRING ON THE NIGHT                 (306) 373-4218 |
   | CLUB PARADISE                      (306) 978-2542 |
   | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME           (306) 373-9778 |
   |___________________________________________________|
   |   Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern   |
   |           Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com           |
   |___________________________________________________|

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 Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern                           #123-09/28/00

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