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                        Editor: The Capitalism Monster
                               Writer/Slave: BMC

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                         Featured in this installment

                             The second gender- BMC
                           Ask an expert: Drugs- BMC


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                                MONSTER'S NOTE

        Whatever.

        This issue sucks and I just want to let you know up front because a
Capitalist never lies.

        BMC, in a fit of self-presumption, tried to start a union this week.
Of course, I took disciplinary action against him; there will be no more
insurrections.

        I think his humiliation might be amusing to some of you so I will
fill you in on these events.  On Monday, BMC erected a statue of his own
penis in the office lunchroom as a sign of his independence and freedom.  He
stood near it and kept yelling to anyone within earshot, "Come on over!"
(I must mention that while he was up to these antics he was, of course, not
working or writing articles)  Everyone in the office ignored him because
they all knew that I would fire them if they dared to join his rash and
unadvised rebellion.  By Wednesday he began to realize that he would be
ALONE in his attempt to escape me and he grew desperate.  The sight of BMC
foaming at the mouth and screaming "IMPERIUS REX!" over and over was
pathetic to say the least.  I decided to let his little drama play out until
the end of the week because I felt that the powerful experience of utter
rejection and ostracism would humble him properly.

        Of course, I was right.  On Friday, BMC crawled into my office on
his hands and knees, tears in his eyes, begging me not to fire him, begging
me to SAVE him.

        I played with his emotions for a while, telling him he had gone too
far this time and there was nothing I could do.  I made him do hard labour
for a couple of days in an underground concentration camp where he was
forced to shovel the dead bodies of socialists onto heaps of burning coals.

        That did the trick.  I called him into my office and told him he
could have his old job back as long as the quality of his articles improved.
He assured me that it would be nothing but solid gold from now on.  I then
told him his articles for this week were due and asked him to give them to
me.  He stared at me frightened for a moment and then turned his back,
walked to the corner and scrawled something on a napkin.

        Capitalists are punctual and that is a fact.  Therefore, I am
bringing you BMC's terrible articles, partially because I need to fill space
and partially because I am delighted to demean him further by exposing his
lack of talent to the world.  Read and enjoy (or don't - I couldn't care
less).


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                               THE SECOND GENDER
                                     by BMC

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        It is a well-known fact that ten percent of the people have control
over ninety percent of the world.  But, before I go any further, I would like
to say that this is a good thing because if the other ninety percent of
people got any power they would just mess everything up.  Those lazy supid
losers don't know anything about running things and the only way that they
have any worth at all is as part of the machinery of post-industrialism.
That being said, I would like for you to forget about it for the moment
as I make my real point.

        Look at that ten percent that composes the upper caste.  LOOK AT
THEM!  They all have something in common: None of them are women.  There is
a simple reason for this and it is that women are not worth anything.  In
fact, women are just dead-weight that all of the other genders have to bear.


When you really think about it, it is obvious that women serve no purpose in
society.  They do nothing but be mean and slam the door when you try to show
them how the windows on the new car work.  Despite these facts, some idiots
of society think we should treat members of the female race as equals.  I
disagree strongly, and this is why:

        First of all, some say that women are only good for one thing.  I
don't think that is true.  The reality of the situation is that women
don't even know how to have sex properly.  Oral sex, for example, does
not result in procreation.  As far as I know, there is no productive purpose
for this, so I am dismissing it as completely worthless.  Plus it hurts.

        Speaking of sex, women always try to be into all kinds of cool
things in bed when you first meet them but then after a couple of days they
just want to do boring things like sex.  Jumping on the bed is way more fun
than that.

        And speaking of playing games, it seems when I am on a date often
the girl I am with wants to do things like play make believe.  I don't play
make believe though.  The only exception is when I am having sex and I
imagine that I am skrewing a pile of money (a blend of American ones and
fives peppered with some twenties).

        Ok, and here is my last and most important point, women have breasts.
As far as I can tell these things serve no point but to be an excuse for
laziness.  Who's going to force someone with breasts to help carry a couch?
No one.  That's it, I'm never helping a woman move ever again in my life
unless I see fifty bucks up front.  In fact, I'm never helping a woman do
anything ever again.  We know they are inferior and I think it is time to
start treating them as such.     


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                              ASK AN EXPERT: DRUGS
                                     by BMC

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        "Hey BMC, I think that drugs are bad but my older brother sayd they
were kewl.  What?" -Carrot

        Carrot, it makes me proud to know that this hot topic that's been in
my heart for ages is finally going to grace the 640x480 screen.  Carl Marks
talked about the "plight" (boo hoo) of the proletariat and said that there
was an opium that was the religious of the masses or something like that.
Well I'm not sure what he was talking about, but he was right.  The masses
(as in kiligrams, not people in the churches) need drugs and plenty of them
in order to shut the hell up and stop bugging us rich peoples.

        So I say keep em on drugs.  It keeps them happy.  If it weren't for
being high they would be worried about things like their rights and how they
don't have any, but as I have said on numerous occasions they have the right
to work and the right to shut the fuck up.  If getting drunk and high keeps
that edge off and keeps the working class mildly satisfied then nothing will
change and there is nothing for us to worry about.

        Oh right, and the other thing is that if we keep drugs illegal then
the working class will feel like criminals.   That's great, because they'll
stay low and out of my way.  As long as they are criminals they will be
coy and never make a stand for themselves.  That's the way it ought to be.
Yeah sure we could make things equal, but why bother?  The weak make for
easy pikkkins!

        Fuck em!  Fuck em!  Fuck the working poor!  As long as they keep
putting dollaz in my pockets that is all I care about.  So the answer to your
question on drugs is simple... we should neither legalize them or enforce
laws against drug abuse.  As the Capitalism Monster would say, "How
KKKapital!"


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    ___________________________________________________
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 Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern                           #120-09/02/00

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