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                                                                `b
    t h e  n e o - c o m i n t e r n   e l e c t r o n i c  m a g z i n e
                  I n s t a l l m e n t    N u m b e r  9 0

         WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL - LANOITANRETNI ht5 EHT ERA EW
                  December 28th, 1999 - 9991 ,ht82 rebmeceD
                          Editor: BMC - CMB :rotidE
                             Writers: - :sretirW
                          Scrilla Tee - eeT allircS
                 Margarina Cataclysma - amsylcataC aniragraM
                                  BMC - CMB

                   
  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                      Featured in this installment                      .b
 $                                                                          $
 $                          Love's For Losers- BMC                          $
 $                  Fucking Pixels in My Sleep- Scrilla Tee                 $
 $               A Mathematical Universe- Margarina Cataclysma              $
 `q                                                                        p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

                               EDITOR'S NOTE

        I'm just too tired to think of anything particularly amusing to say
right now.  I'm sorry for the let-down, but all of my energy has been going
into recycling.  I love the environment, and the environment loves me.  Since
you love me and I love you, it would be nice if you loved the environment
too.  It only makes sense when you think about it.  So make sure to recycle
stuff, k?


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                            LOVE'S FOR LOSERS                           .b
 `q                                 by BMC                                 p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

        Do I even need to expand on the title?  You heard it.  Love is for
losers.  LOSERS!  Look around at who's winning and who's losing.  Take the
great lovers like Valentino and Cassanova.  They're DEAD now.  Way to win,
losers!  (ps that was sarcasm)  Take famous lovers like Romeo and Juliet.
Not only are they dead, but they were also fictional.  That makes them
double-dead.  And what about their creator, William Shakespeare?  Well well
well.  He appears to be dead too.  The common bond is that all of these
people loved.

        Yeah, this may come as a shock to all of you, especially coming from
me, the world's greatest lover of the 20th century (and soon the 21st as
well), but it is absolutely true, and this is also the man who has never lied
to you (except on that steamy summer night when I told you that you were the
only one).  Yes, love has all been a hoax and I have the proof.

        "But oh BMC," you say, "love is not for losers at all.  Love makes
the world-go-round."  If that was true we wouldn't need money.  Instead of
our current system of crapitalism we would all be loveunists and chart our
success in society by how much love we get.  John Lennon once said "all you
need is love," and the song made him a million dollars.  What's that all
about?

        So imagine that we switched over to loveunism.  The world would be
different.  You'd open the paper in the morning and find out that your
next-door neighbour had won the love lottery.  Then you'd go to work to pick
up your pay stub, and then do to the bank machine to withdraw your valentine
cards and heart-shaped box of chocolates or rock candy.  Did I mention that
your job would not be office work or the production of goods?  No, you would
love for a living, and it would be grand.

        That is the fantasy world where you have lived until now.  Now I'm
here to tell you that it was all a hoax and that you don't really get ahead
in life by loving.  Take the richest man in Canada for example- Jean
Chretien, I believe.  Do you think he gives a damn about love?  Look at his
wife.  She's not physically attractive, so there is no possible way that he
could love her.  And dammit, she doesn't love him at all either.  That's how
they got to be so successful.

        Capitalist propaganda has tricked us into thinking that love is worth
something, but look who's running the world.  The haters.  So I just wanted
to let you know that it was all a trick to keep you away from the good stuff.
Love wasn't real.  Now get over it and continue on with your life. 
 

  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                       FUCKING PIXELS IN MY SLEEP                       .b
 `q                            by Scrilla Tee                              p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

        I dreamt I fucked Celes Chere once.  It was a trip.

        If you don't know who she is, let me explain.  She was a war general
in Square's Final Fantasy VI for SNES (back before Square started re-hashing
the same damn shit for all of their games).  She was one of the two lead
female characters in the game, who ultimately ended up falling for the the
dashing treasure hunter Locke.  Hope you weren't planning on playing the game
and wanted a surprise.

        The fact that I dreamt about getting some action from a fictional
character wasn't what made it a trip.  I'd done that before, some of my
favorites included Sailor Venus, and Chun Li, from those stupid Street
Fighter games.  But see, they'd always been represented by pictures that at
least turned me on in the first place.  (If you're already disturbed, I
might advise you to turn away now.)

        But anyway, in the game Celes was only represented by a funny
super-deformed graphic, as were most characters in most SNES rpg's.  True
there was a drawing of her in the manual, but for some reason, Square decided
to do the pictures in their SNES era manuals in this weird 70's Middle Earth
style.  So the picture of Celes just looked like some stupid picture you'd
see hanging in some hippie-stoner's dorm room.  It was about as appealing as
a dead twig.

        But once I went to bed, and my subconsious took over that fateful
night.  Celes Chere went from a half an inch of multi-colored squares, into a
full fledged sex goddess.

        Maybe it was just the fact that she wasn't even remotely real that
made it so awesome.  I don't know, I just wish I could've got the entire
thing on tape.  Unfortunately, current technology simply won't allow for
that.

        Intestingly, this year, Square decided to re-vamp their entire SNES
library, I didn't actually bother to pick up the anthology, mostly because I
never bothered to buy a Playstation (most polygon based games do little more
than piss me off).  Regardless, When I found out that Square added CGI movies
to all the games, I decided I'd hunt down some pictures of my girl.

        She was hot.  Of course I already knew that.

        And don't bother calling me a perv, because I'm already well aware of
it, dog.


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                        A MATHEMATICAL UNIVERSE                         .b
 `q                        by Margarina Cataclysma                         p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

        A circle is the shortest distance between infinitely many pionts, but
only if they are arranged properly.  Actually, an amorphous blob is the
shortest distance between infinitely many points.  Otherwise you may have to
worry about the point that you missed in your hurry to get them all in.
Missing the point.


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    ___________________________________________________         
   |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
   |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
   | BRING ON THE NIGHT                 (306) 373-4218 |
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   |___________________________________________________|
   |   Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern   |
   |           Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com           |
   |___________________________________________________|

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 Copyright 1999 by The Neo-Comintern                            #90-12/28/99

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