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    t h e  n e o - c o m i n t e r n   e l e c t r o n i c  m a g z i n e
                   I n s t a l l m e n t  N u m b e r  5 7

                        .WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
                         .February 18th, 1999
                          .Editor: BMC
                           .Writers:
                            .Gnarly Wayne
                             .Komrade B
                              .Cog
                               .BMC


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                                                                        ";P'
                        Featured in this installment:                    `$
                                                                          $
                                Baggin On Cog                             $
                             Baggin On Komrade B                          $
                            Baggin On Gnarly Wayne                       ;P
                                Baggin On BMC                            d'
                                                                        ;P
                                                                        d'.
 .,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;

                               EDITOR'S NOTE

        "Love is a heart sitting in a meadow of lilies with blood all over
the place.  No, wait.  There's no blood.  And there's my 3rd grade teacher
and he's giving a lecture on Quantum Physics and I'm learning stuff and then
I ate the chalk and choked.  That's love." -Gnarly Wayne


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                                                                        ";P'
                       THINGS WE CAN DO TO COG (AKA "Tooth")             d'
                             by Everybody but Cog                       ;P
                                                                        d'.
 .,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;

1) Beat the shit out of him

2) We can make a lot of stupid tooth-related puns

3) Smoke 20 joints laced with cocaine, and dipped with acid.

4) Take his MST3K robots and program them to ridicule him

5) Make him take off his clothes in the forest and let a hunter shoot him

6) Wait until his nightly voyeur journey where he climbs a tree. Chop down
   the tree.

7) Throw a handful of crackers into his closet

8) Rub a balloon up and down his body and stick him onto a wall.

9) Make him write a report on the inconsistancies in Super Harlem
   Globetrotters.

10) Sodomy.

11) Live at his house for several days subsisting on drugs, junk food, and
    mystery science theater.

12) Let his brother Paul take his place on the comintern, because he keeps
    it real.

13) Project a hologram of a blow up doll aroung a pit of flaming coals, and
    watch the mirth and mayhem ensue

14) Hit him in the head with a cardboard roll and make him chip his "tooth"

15) Tell him Chris Hanson is not his best friend.

16) Offer him a job at a convenience store.

17) Once you offer him the job. Tell him he is there forever, because I mean
    really what real business is going to hire the Tooth.

18) Buy all the antique soapdishes from Value Village and sell each set to
    him for $100. (he will do it, too)

19) Refuse to make another Mangslaughter film until puts sound on the first
    one

20) Snap a couple of broomsticks

21) Set him on fire and watch how long he takes to burn out.

22) Abduct him, make him believe he has been murdered, and let him think that
    god is Chris Hanson.

23) Have him make sweet passionate love to Toni Pee

24) Start a secret fire in his basement, and make him eat the fire

25) Write him a message telling him that he's elite, but spell it 3L337 so he
    can't read it

26) Eat all his two week old turkey.

27) Take him for a drive, then say, "Hey, it's a nice day for a walk."  Then
    kick him out of your car, beat him up, and drive away.

28) Tell him to act as the rubby in a silent movie, which is just an excuse
    to beat on him.

29) Punch him in the face and tell him to shut up

30) We can beat him unconscious

31) Drop Kick him.

32) Sweep Kick him.


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                                                                        ";P'
           THINGS WE CAN DO TO KOMRADE B (AKA Komrade Dingleberry)       d'
                          By Everyone but Komrade B                     ;P
                                                                        d'.
 .,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;

1) Lock him in your basement and force him to write articles and then take
   credit for them

2) Punch him in the face, because we hate the fact that he reminds us of
   berries.  Gnarly Wayne can't have berries, and we all empathize with him.

3) Put him in a MONSTER LABOUR CAMP with a bunch of ferocious wolves (BBS)

4) Remind him that it is illegal to make love to 17 year old girls

5) Give him Eminem's autograph.

6) Beat the crap out of him at one dollar per punch and throw his body in a
   dumpster

7) Tell him that schools out, and cut off his foot when he believes you.

8) Tell him that he's not smiling.  When he smiles, punch him in the face.

9) Convince Peterson that he should move out, and then give Berry a bunch
    of pennies.  He won't have any purpose for them!

10) Confiscate his Snoop Doggy Dogg, Doctor Drizzay, and Eminem tapes

11) Close down the great sea bazaar due to a Communist Global Empire trade
    embargo

12) Tell him that they changed the law and it is now legal to have sex with
    seventeen year olds.  Wait until later that night and call crimestoppers
    and tip them off about Dingleberry.  When they raid his house and arrest
    him for pedophillia, you will recieve a small cash reward.

13) Tell him that there is a new tax on sex and that he owes the government
    tens of thousands of dollars.

14) Dress him up as a mOoN monStar and beat him to death with a stick

15) Make him get a facelift so he's attractive to the 17 year olds.  Then
    inform him that 17 year olds don't like guys with facelifts.

16) Fuck his ass in the tub while listening to Boney M

17) Give him a bow and arrow, get him drunk, and make him sober up.  Won't
    he be surprised?

18) Punch him in the face and tell him to shut up

19) Tell him that he's been drafted.  When he goes to Vietnam, get a
    Vietnamese guy to rape him.

20) Make out with a young girl when you're in grade 11 and give her a fake
    name and Dingleberry's phone number

21) Pretend you're a MooN mOnstAr and offer him a piece of your flesh (which
    is really a piece of salmonella infested chicken)

22) Beat him repeatedly at Street Fighter II, even though you're playing as
    Zangief

23) Steal all of his pennies, and then Peterson will murder him for not
    paying his "protection" money

24) Put Gal's Panic in his bedroom, and hook it up so that he gets an
    electrical shock every time he touches it

25) Put him in the seventh chamber and force him to listen to Castro and
    Prozac

26) Tell him it's circle-jerk time.  When he whips it out, take a picture
    and post it on the Comintern homepage.  Then continue the circle-jerk.

27) Cut off his right hand (his masturbation hand).  Then he will go insane.

28) Tell him that there's no sound on MangSlaughter III yet.

29) Ask him to be in MangSlaughter IV

30) Tell him that you'll film it both ways

         
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                                                                        ";P'
             FUN THINGS TO DO TO GNARLY WAYNE (AKA Gnarly Stupid)        d'
                         by Everyone but Gnarly Wayne                   ;P
                                                                        d'.
 .,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
                                                                    
1) Get him drunk, let him perform for you until he passes out on your
   kitchen floor and then go for pizza

2) Tell him that he has no powers over reality

3) Tell him that alcohol does not actually love him and that if it doesn't
   kill him we will....

4) Unleash a bunch of Gelatinous cubes to clean up the trash and the first
   thing they do is eat wang.

5) Pretend that you will ally with him in BRE only to later kill him.

6) Tell him A.A. stands for Alcholics Always

7) Beat him with your fists

8) Screw around with a really ugly BBS slough pig in his bedroom

9) Go to Marcelinville with 3 carloads of young hooligans with lead pipes,
    and look for "adventure"

10) Start a restaurant where zombies come for sandwiches, and instead get a
    rock smashed into their skull

11) Let him go on tour with Slick Dead.

12) Take off Bzarhands' mask to reveal that it is actually Jason Bateman, and
    then beat him unconscious

13) Tell him that alcohol prohibition is on again

14) Aid the poor booger

15) tell him he's dying, and when he denies it, murder him

16) Send him on a 5 year mission for tea, and kill him when he gets back.

17) Let him escape unscathed

18) show him a diagram that proves that Healie has arms

19) Make him understand

20) Make him ride in the passenger's seat of Animal's car

21) Call him Gnarly Stupid.

22) Tell him that his invunerable coat is really just a regular coat.

23) Get him the soundtrack to "The Broadway Musical Annie" on CD.

24) Tell him that you believe that he is Castro The fat bitch pussy diver.

25) Beat him unconscious when he admits that you are correct.

26) ieddluohsseibmoz.

27) Make him meet ICQ girls and beat them so badly that they never use ICQ
    again

28) Refuse to let him release his hit single "Ratso".

29) set up a poison sandwich bait station

30) Have a luke warm bowl of tea with him.

31) Punch him in the face and tell him to shut up

32) Make him fall in love with you, and get married.  At the reception, play
    Jay-Z.  Then, divorce him.

33) Show him every movie about Zombies and tell him that we believe the hype

34) Get him ANY album on CD

35) Make him listen to Hard Knock Life with the treble turned way up

36) Kick him in the nipples.

37) play rock paper scissors with him (pick paper and you will win)

38) Drown him in Skittles a la the Chinese Water Torture

39) Have ravenous zombies eat him just to teach him the lesson of bitter
    irony.

40) Kill him with kindness

41) Eat his toe

42) Love him for the bastard that he is


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                                                                        ";P'
                       UNREALISTIC THINGS TO DO TO BMC                   d'
                             by Everybody but BMC                       ;P
                                                                        d'.
 .,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;
                                                                    
1) Compare his emcee skillz as being par with Prozac the Savage.

2) Hex edit the BRE player data file and convert all his assets into
   carriers.

3) Poke him in the ass with a hammer

4) Play a game of Boloballz with him and just when he is about to win, push
   the up arrow.

5) Outrank him in RapBlord.

6) Tell him you know the origion of Donovan and make him pay you ten dollars
   to tell him, then make some bullshit up and laugh at him later on.

7) Give him a goblin dressed in a tuxedo and make them go out to the local
   tavern. He will get chased by guards.

8) Paint an ordinary apple gold, and tell him it's a gold apple. He will be
   happy and eat then. Then he will get sick and maybe die.

9) Take a real gold apple and eat it in front of him.

10) Eat all his cheese

11) Put ants in his perogies.

12) Throw a HungryMan dinner in the garbage

13) Tell him he has been sponsored by Liquid Chalk, and will be forced by the
    deal to only drink that beverage.

14) Inform him that he has to eat barium crystals forever. When he doesn't
    seem to mind that beat him unconscious.

15) Punch him in the pancreas and then give him lots of sugar and watch the
    fun. (extra fun: show him your good pancreas and brag)

16) Tell him he has herpes.  Tell him that you know he got herpes from
    Crystal Mae Sydlowski.  When he say "ahh, shit", tell him you were
    joking, but now you know they skrewed.

17) Kill the C-A-T.

18) Destroy all his CDs and MP3z, and make multiple copiiieeees of Castro,
    Prozac, and Panama P.I. songs and force him to like it.

19) Ridicule Bugz Bunny as simply being a ripoff of the classic cartoon
    character, Bugs Bunny. (extra fun: call him a plagiarist...he will cry)

20) Give the Dr. Gabriel photo back to Toni.

21) Tell him you think he's cool because he obviously looks like a Puff
    Daddy and B.I.G. fan.

22) Have sex with i like trees. and video tape it. Send the tape to BMC.

23) Videotape him having sex with i like trees. and send the tape to her.  
    Then send the tape of her reaction to BMC.

24) Find a ferocious wolf and tame it. Bring it to BMC and say "He's not 
    that ferocious...look."

25) Remind him a lost love named Drea.

26) Defeat him in a debate about socialism.

27) Aid the poor booger.

28) Read his message dialogs and discover that he just added i like trees and
    never talked to her and in fact has been talking to Pickled Fetus, and it
    only involved negotiating, and receiving sodomy.

29) Three words.........."The Borden Chicks"........

30) "Hey, is that onyx?"  Repeat.

31) Tell BMC that you think the Comintern sucks.  He'll stop putting it out,
    and then you take it over and turn it into a worldwide sensation.

32) Tell him that he really doesn't "edit" anything..

(Editor's Note: Fuck you. -BMC)

33) Let him mow your lawn and let him complain about how hot it is.

34) Ask him if he likes his girls as sweet as his coffee.

35) "Hey is that a muscle shirt?"

36) Reset the board where he has been playing Ron in Studs for nearly two
    years.......

37) He is a voyeur and just likes to watch...so don't let him.

38) Never turn off the jingles on a synthesizer. He will stop at nothing to
    turn it back on.

39) Cuckold him.

40) Tell him that you're involved romantically with his mom

41) Ask him to tell his mom that you love her

42) Tell him you found "96 Tears", but you won't give it to him.

43) Buy him a Teddy Ruxpin doll and seal a tape in that says things like:
    "I hate you, BMC."
    "You are a faggot."
    "Go to hell."
    "i like trees. will never love you."

                                                   
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    ___________________________________________________
   |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
   |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
   | BRING ON THE NIGHT                 (306) 373-4218 |
   | CLUB PARADISE                      (306) 978-2542 |
   | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME           (306) 373-9778 |
   |___________________________________________________|
   |   Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern   |
   |           Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com           |
   |___________________________________________________|

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 Copyright 1999 by The Neo-Comintern                            #57-02/18/99

All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way.  Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited.  All rights reserved.  Made in Canada.
