                _____ _             
               |_   _| |__   ___      
                 | | | '_ \ / _ \
                 | | | | | |  __/
                 |_| |_| |_|\___|   
                _____ _____ _____                
               |     |   __|  _  |  _____            
               |  |  |   __| |_| | |_____|                 
               |__|__|_____|_____|
      ______                             __________                  
     / ____ \                _____      |____  ____|   ____          _
    | /    \_|___  |\     /||__ __||\    | ||  |  _   |    \  |\    | |
    | |      /   \ |  \_/  |  | |  |  \  | ||  |/ _ \ |  ~ /  |  \  | | 
    | |     _| O | | |\_/| | _| |_ | |\ \| ||  |  __/ | |\ \  | |\ \| |
    | \____/ \___/ |_|   |_||_____||_|  \__||__|\___\ |_|  \_\|_|  \__|
     \______/
                                   E-MAG
                                   
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                      The Neo-Comintern Installment 23
                        We are The 5th International   
                              June 17th, 1998
                            Editor: The BoSS MC 
                        Assistant Editor: Komrade B           
                                  Writers:                  
                                    BMC
                                 Komrade B

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                             GOT TO BE PLATINUM
 
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                           SPECIAL PLATINUM ISSUE
                        Featured in this installment:
                     Ultima+Revolution=Utopia -Komrade B
            If You Live Without Golf, Do You Truly Live? -Komrade B
                         1-800 Numbers -The BoSS MC
                          Praise For The Comintern

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                        ULTIMA + RELOLUTION = UTOPIA
                                By Komrade B
                  (Originally presented in The Comintern #8)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
            
        The concept of returning to a far off age interests me very much.
Let's go back to say, oh, 1917, when the Bolsheviks under Lenin were ready to
topple the tsarist regime. 
          
        Well let's put that revolution into, say, Ultima 1. A Communist 
government, as opposed to a monarchy.  People would no longer be able to just
waltz in and say steal a metric tonne of food. Even if they did, they 
wouldn't be showing their faces in that town, or any other town again, 
because the KGB would mount a nation wide manhunt with the help of the 
monsters <i.e. The Gelatinous Cube> to bring him to justice.  This takes too 
much energy, so the assailant would be abducted before he even had the chance
to thieve, because the guards would arrest him because they didn't like his 
looks even before he stole the food, and they would have him in one of the 
monster labour camps before he even laid his rubby hands on my food.
                                   
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                 IF YOU LIVE WITHOUT GOLF, DO YOU TRULY LIVE?
                                By Komrade B
                  (Originally presented in The Comintern #8)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

        If the world was like Zany Golf then nobody would be bored.  The idea
of narcotics would be gone, because reality clean and sober would be more 
than enough.  Most people would probably walk, because driving would be a 
living hell.  

        You would have to go through a windmill and free fall three 
hundred feet and hope you fall into the right hole or you would go somewhere 
bad.  For example, you would fall into the middle of the ocean <which in the 
Zany Golf world is not water but hydrocholoric acid>.
      
        This would put you off a couple of strokes, and if you do that too
many times you just disappear and your turn is over.  Well, that would be it.
just let your own mind go to work at the possibilities, and while you're at 
it, think of Communism and the possibilty of implementing it on Canada. 
Thank you for your time.

                                            
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                               1-800 NUMBERS 
                               By The Boss MC
                   (Originally presented in The Comintern #14)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
                               
Dear Readers,
        
        I called a 1-800 number today.  It was the line you call to get an
America Online Membership.  I asked the lady where she was.  She said she was
in Texas.  I was in Saskatchewan.  We both agreed that that was pretty far
away.  Think about that.


        I opened up a Rolling Stone magazine.  I saw an ad for a Compuserve
Start-Up Kit, and some free hours online.  The message told me to call back
on Monday.  Think about that.


        I phoned a 1-800 number for a gay couple missing the most beautiful
part in their life.  They wanted to adopt someone.  I wanted to ask them to
adopt me.  They were out of my calling area.  Think about that.


        I called an adoption agency from a 1-800 number in the Rolling Stone.
A family named Jennifer and Corey wanted to adopt someone.  Corey claimed
to be an athlete/actor.  I talked to a woman in California, and asked her to 
describe this "Corey's" credentials.  He is in a show called "The Renegade"
which is produced in Cali.  He is also a weight lifter.  I asked her if she
knew where Saskatoon was.  She said, "Is that somewhere in Washington?".  I
said, "No, it's in Saskatchewan-You know, Canada."  She asked me if my 
girlfriend was pregnant.  I said no, i wanted to get adopted by them.  She
laughed and asked me how old I was.  I said I was 18, and I guess they were
looking for a newborn or something.  She offered me a job on a farm, though,
but I declined.  Think about that.


        I called SunQuest Wolf Tanning beds at their 1-800 number.  They told
me to hold.  An operator came on the line.

OP-Hello, how may I help you?
ME-I'd like to order a-
OP-One moment please.

        So, this man came on the line, and he took my order.  He didn't know
how to spell Saskatoon.  I asked where he was.  He was in Indianapolis, 
Indiana, he claimed.  Think about that.


        I called the Penile Lengthening and Enlargement Center for Men.  The 
1-800 number was out of service.  So don't bother thinking about that.


        I called the Term Paper Assistance Hotline.  Those bastards told me
to call back too.  Think about that.


        I called 1-800-love-god so that they could fill my head with their 
bizarre ideas.  The operator put me on hold, then I put her on hold, then
she put me on hold again.  I asked her to guess what state Saskatoon was in,
but she didn't even try.  I told her I was in CANADA and she was dumbfounded.
It seems that she was in Wisconsin.  Think about that.


        On Tuesday, I called Compuserve again.  I got a really shitty 
automatic operator, but I didn't have a touch tone, so I waited for a real
operator.  She was pretty boring.  She claimed to be in Columbus, Ohio, but
I don't know if I should trust her.  Think about that.

                       Please think about all of this.

                                            
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                          PRAISE FOR THE COMINTERN
                  (Originally presented in The Comintern #12)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


        "<Asked about political leaning> Well, none, but the Comintern is
         cool!" -Demon Knight

        "Damn them Fascists" -J.H.

        "<The Comintern is> Poetic!" -D.K.

        "A tiny BBS could use an attraction like The Comintern" -J.E.J.

        "The Cast of The Comintern is Cool!" -Jason, age 13

        "It interested me greatly to read the two articles you wrote
         concerning Communism and ignorance inside the financial class 
         system.  It was intriging and refreshing." -Lord Chunderspew

        "If you want anyone to <join the revolution>, I'd do it."
         -The Denominator
                                            
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    ___________________________________________________
   |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
   |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
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   |___________________________________________________|


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  Copyright (c) 1998 Comintern Publications and The Boss MC 
  All Rights Reserved.                            #23-6/7/98
