
       ;P"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" t h e   n e o - c o m i n t e r n
      d'           .
    ,d'     ,    ;P qnnp              .
   DbnnndP.b.  ,d',d'  d     .      ;P qnnp   qnnb
  d'      d'  ;P ,P  ,P'     ;b.  ,d',d'  d  d'  `b """
 ;P   d' ;P"""d' d"""'       d'b ;P ,P  ,P',P    ,d
 `3. d'  d'  ;P ;P   d'     ;P `bd' d"""'  d'   ;P'
   `v   ;P   `q `q  d'      d   ;P ;P   d';P   d'
       d'      `  `v       d'   `O `q  d' `q  d'
       qnnb               '          `v     `v ;P"""""""""""""" "" "  "   "
      d'  `b                   . .d        .  d'                          .
    ,P    ,d   qnnb          ;P  `'      ;P ,d'     qnnp    c&          ;P
    d'        d'  `b ;b.   ,d' ;b.;b.  ,d' DbnnndP,d'  d ;bd' b. ;b.  ,d'
   ;P       ,P    ,d d'b. P;P  d' d'b.;P  d'     ,P  ,P' db.,d'  d'b ;P
   `q    d' d'   ;P';P `b' d' ;P ;P `bd' ;P   d' d"""'  ;P  "q  ;P `bd'
    `q  d' ;P   d'  d'    ;P  d' d   ;P  `3. d' ;P   d' d'   `b d   ;P
      `v   `q  d'   `"                     `v   `q  d'        `b
  .d&&&v&&&b.`v.d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&bnd&&b.`v .d&&&&&&b.`b `&&&&&&&b.
                                                                `b
    t h e  n e o - c o m i n t e r n   e l e c t r o n i c  m a g z i n e
                  I n s t a l l m e n t    N u m b e r  8 9

         WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL - LANOITANRETNI ht5 EHT ERA EW
                  December 22th, 1999 - 9991 ,ht22 rebmeceD
                          Editor: BMC - CMB :rotidE
                             Writers: - :sretirW
                        Junior Haagis - sigaaH roinuJ
                                  BMC - CMB       

                   
  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                      Featured in this installment                      .b
 $                                                                          $
 $                  My Christmas Wish List- Junior Haagis                   $
 $                            Christmas Sap- BMC                            $
 `q                                                                        p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

                               EDITOR'S NOTE

        Well here's our Goddamned Christmas issue.  What's so special about
this day that earns it a whole season?  Sorry, I'm a bit bitter this year.
Enjoy the anger/love that constitutes this issue.


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                         MY CHRISTMAS WISH LIST                         .b
 `q                            by Junior Haagis                            p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

- A baby brother...no wait!  Make that..ten cases of Smirnoff.  

- A CD changer. One that answers to, "Rowlfe! Austeine volst svitchen de
  disken lazeraein, Rowlfe!..ROWLFE!!"

- Widescreen,digitized surround-sound edition of "The Great Mouse Detective".

- Just for once to be able to trim the tree without hurting the ones I love.

- Tuppins for the poor, just so that I may ask these worthy recievers, "What
  the fuck is a tuppin?!"

- For everyone I despise in this life to eat fruit-cake and die this holiday
  season!

- A plaster cast of Lorna Luft's fabulous tongue.

- A little place high up on the hill to call my own, and a few dozen morters
  to lob into the populated valley.

- certain short-term memories that allow me to function in society.

- Karen Allen, that skinny brunette from 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'.  I know
  she's about 50 now, but I just can't seem to douse the Jones I got for that
  skank.

- Penny rollers; can never have enough.

- Green felt-lined rumoli-dice shaker with a fop.  Clips right onto your
  belt.

- Spirit Gum for the spice-rack.  Nowadays you go to your grocer and you ask
  for spirit gum for your spice-rack, and they say, "Well we've spirit gum,
  but nuthin' too specific."  And then you say, "Well, it's gotta be able to
  fit in my spice-rack, cuz where else would you keep it?"  Well then they
  show you something and then they ask, "Will this do?"  And you reply, "NO
  GODDAMIT!  NO-O-O-O-O-O-O!  ON YOUR KNEES, IMBECILE!"

- A big book of 'Dirty Hatian Humour'.

- Trailer hitches; can never have enough hidden round the front lawn.

- Simply to have Santa stop shattering my toilet seats!! (Nick, you know what
  I'm talking about)

- Peace and prosperity throughout the world...no wait!  Make that...a van
  full of cigarettes.

- A Happy HUHKUHKAW to our Jewish friends in the North.

- And generally, lots of stuff for which I will determine whether these items
  have any value whatsoever.
 

  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                              CHRISTMAS SAP                             .b
 `q                                 by BMC                                 p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

        OK, so what does the BMC have to say about Christmas this year?

        As you all remember, it was about this time last year that I was
flying off the handle and explaining how the holiday was just a big
conspiracy between Jesus Christ and the capitalists to keep the working class
in their place at the bottom of the totem pole.  Well I have thought it over
a bit in the past 12 or so months and I'd like to change my mind a bit on
that one if I may.

        I was looking at a picture of a bible the other day and I realized
that the Jesus never said that people should buy presents for each other on
some random day of the year.  Jesus never mentioned anything about Pokemon
cards or Toy Story action figures during the sermon on the mount either.  Oh
hey!  As a matter of fact, Jesus also never said to make up some religion
based on his teachings and worship him as a false god.  Hmm... so Jesus is
off the hook, but we gotta figure out who are the fucking bastards behind
this (hopefully I will be wiser next year).

        Hmm... what else?  Oh jeah, someone wanted to know what to get me
for Christmas, and I know this may be a bit late, but here is my wish list
(and no I am not trying to plagerize Junior Haagis' article idea).  I just
want one thing, but lots of 'em.  Children.  Kids.  I have recently started
eating them and I just love the way they taste.  It all started one day when
I ran out of eggs, but that's another story.  Yum, yum, yum.  If anyone has
some kids that they would like to get rid of, here is the place to send them.
I have been told that they are good when prepared with whiskey, so you might
want to get me a bottle of that too.  Oh yeah, and if anyone knows the
recipe for small-hands hashbrowns, that would be nice as well.

        Mmmm, yeah, so I was trying to come up with an idea for an article,
but there's just nothing left for me to say about the season.  That is why
this article is strangely personal.  Sadly, after hours of trying the best
that I could come up with was the title for this article, "Putting the X
back in Xmas."  I thought it was pretty funny, but I didn't know where to
take it from there.  I still don't.  Oh, I just thought of something!

        People get caught up in the season of Xmas and worry obsessively
about what to buy for their friends and family and all that other stuff.  My
advice is to forget about material things and remember what the X in Xmas
stands for.  X-rated activities.  Yeah, yeah, make Xmas extra special this
year by making sure to make love to that longtime friend or the mysterious
and beautiful stranger.  Remember that there is only one letter of difference
between the words "stranger" and "strangler."  If you haven't doled out that
yultide rimmie yet this holiday season, have a cup of cheer (aka Everclear)
and go out and share the love with your fellow human beings.  After you're
done that, let your friends and family know that you love them, because
there's no time like the present to stop taking life for granted, even if it
does happen to coincide with the most wasteful time of year.

        And as one final note in this Christmas article, I would just like
to say to our reading audience that I love you all for continuing to read the
Comintern and supporting us with your feedback.  Merry fucking Xmas and
Joyeux Noel.  Now wipe away the single tear that is rolling down your cheek
and get that golden rimmie.

        P.S. I am completely serious.


 .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b.
    ___________________________________________________
   |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
   |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
   | BRING ON THE NIGHT                 (306) 373-4218 |
   | CLUB PARADISE                      (306) 978-2542 |
   | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME           (306) 373-9778 |
   |___________________________________________________|
   |   Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern   |
   |           Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com           |
   |___________________________________________________|

 .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b.
 Copyright 1999 by The Neo-Comintern                            #89-12/22/99

All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way.  Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited.  All rights reserved.  Made in Canada.
