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                  Issue #05
                  Ways to torture Wiggers!
                  You know you're a headbanger when..
                  Call this BBS!

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        Wow, for once I htink I'll do something halfway humorous for a 
 change. (The people who know me are probably laughing REALLY hard right now)
 Yeah, I was sittin around the house yesterday, and I was thinking of all 
 kinds of ways to torture different kinds of people, how to make their lives 
 really hell. You might have seen some of these ways in the past few issues, 
 but who cares! If they stick in the ol noodle over here, they might be
 worth repeating. Hmm, who should I start torturing forst? Hmm, gee..
 who could it be.. of course, WIGGERS!! th elowest form of scum on the earth!

 Ways to Torture a fucking WIGGER!!

  - Switch his shitty little Alpine radio with an 8-track player.
  - Put a Denver Boot on their Mustangs!
  - Have a really fat guy offer to buy their clothes off them because he 
    can't find any clothes in a store!
  - Get a good strong CB mobile unit, and yell at tehm over their radios.
    (for those of you who are CB illiterate, if you crank up the CB enough,
    it WILL overpowerthe radio stations for a few feet around you!)
  - Put Cheese Whiz in their gas tank.. you know what burning cheese whiz
    smells like??!?!
  - Get a homeless family to move in their car!
  - When they go into a store, insult some people while sitting on the wigger 
    wagon, and try to get the mad people to smash it up!
  - Vomit everytime one walks by you, if you can, get it on their shirt,
    and they complain, ask where it is, it seems to blend in!
  - Flactulate, and blame it on them ,say you saw their pants legs puff up!
  - If you see a WIGGER with books, throw them out the window
  - If you see a wigger without books, throw the wigger out the window.
  - Disconnect their speakers, and pull up next to them and blast Death Metal 
    in their car!
  - Get a MAST splint (military anti shock trousers) and wear it to school, 
    and tell them you want to play the moron game too!
  
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        You know you're a Headbanger when...

  - You have to be treated for 'speaker burn'
  - After every sentence you hear, your reply is 'WHAT? '
  - You think Pantera is in town when the 'March of Dimes' in around.
  - You think pot smells like oregano
  - The 4 food groups are now Pizza, Beer, Marlboros, and Leather.
  - You stopped buying leather, and just killed a cow and wrapped youself
    in its hide.
  - You stage dive off the tv when watching music videos
  - The security guards at teh local concert halls know you by name!
  - You don't need a scarf because your hair is long enough to be one!
  - Your blood is now measured in PROOF
  - It looks like youre playing guitar when you hug someone.
  - The word Fuck takes the place of nouns, adjectives, pronouns, etc.
  - You begin to look like the people in the bands you listen to.
    (people say I look a lot like Kerry King from Slayer, and a while back, 
    James Hetfield of Metallica, go Figure!)

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        CALL THIS BBS!

 Ok kiddies, heres the plug, I'm doinf it totally Voluntary too.
 From my little journeys around the bbs world, I've found a cool bbs,
 A place that I have made, and am proud to call, my new home. 
 It has good posters, deals with the occult (but not exclusively), the
 users are cool, the sysops are especially cool, and there aren't any
 bullshit little user flame wars! FUCKING COOLNESS!! Lots of occult files,
 actual useful bbs utilities, and a good assortment of online games..
 I can't get enough of that place! They're small now, but hopefully will
 get bigger,. as good posters are always in demand.. 
 the place:    The Silver Pentacle
 the number    708-358-0543
 Sysops: Flora Dawn, Tala, Death
 Co-Sysop: Asmodeus  (yours truely)


   You know, I like that place so much, I think I'll make it the new 
   Main distribution point.. since I don't even call that other bbs anymore.
   Well, call there, I can ALWAYS be contacted there, and you can get the
   latest issue less than an hour after it is typed up! Oh fucking joy, 
   right? eh well, I htought that was worth a try, but call there, It
   has my 'No-Bullshit' seal of approval.

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  In ending, I'd like to say 'too bad' to and headbangers who were offended
  by that one section, shit dudes, I'm a friggin Death Head (not dead head)
  and it was meant as humor.. lighten the fuck up and support your local
  metal bands!

          Asmodeus

