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Socially Deranged Mentality Vol. 1, Issue 8:
Unbelievable
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"We're all smart and we're all assholes."
-Peter Buck
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The Table of Tormentia:
pg. 49			Editorials & such
pg. 178			The Pissing Grounds
pg. #2			The Porcelain Throne: today's king: Pete
pg. 54			Science!
pg. 257			G. Nih Ton: Children
pg. 91			The Sports Analyst (Salaries in the NBA)
pg. 1999		Security Measures
pg. 86			Environmental Issues
pg. 007			American Gothic: More religion?
pg. 113.5		In excess:  Insults, baby!
Pg. 1			The last page with Armchair
pg. 37			Guilty as charged
(c)1997 Socially Deranged Publications.  All rights reserved.
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addresses that you'll wish you never knew.
The SDM website. Everything you wanted to hate in a website isn't all there. So?
URL: http://members.tripod.com/~sdpub/sdm
Editorials, comments, reflections, smartass remarks:
sirhecubus@hotmail.com (anything directed towards a certain writer: Subj: Attn: [certain writer])
Contributions (Articles! We don't want your money!) & Subscription (Omigosh, it's free!) Info:
nbsinyk@hotmail.com (variety is nice, so we are welcoming any female and humor contributors)

SDM is not a secret, so tell your friends.
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pg. 49
Editorials: We got one. Here goes:
from quest
    i hate hanson. hanson is evil. so are the spice girls. how'd either of those freak groups get "popular"? jonathan taylor thomas is just as bad. i think jtt, hanson, and the spice girls should all be burned at the stake. or better yet, we could have a public hanging. or a beheading. 0r we could send them out in space in a defective space shuttle that will burn up in re-entry. or we could have monkeys with rifles start shooting them. i don't care how it's done, just so long as they all DIE!!!!!!!!!! i could go on for days....

the such:
   The censorship issue came out.  It caused a bit of hell.  It's all over, unless you never got the uncensored version (or the censored version for that matter).  Drop a line here: stu06311@aug.edu for it.  
   SDM, in its ever ridiculous efforts to piss on the mainstream, now has a sports analyst. Wurider, who will hopefully stick around for our 5th annual July 6th Weenie Drop, is no more welcome here than the rest of us, so get used to him, he may be here to stay.
   SDM is looking for interested parties willing to do a quickie debate of society's ulcer o' the times.  Mainstream vs. The devil's advocate.  Hopefully, it'll be interesting. If not, we've got an editor to kill. Now that that's done, on with this show.
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pg. 178
The Pissing Grounds
by: Paul B. Whitley
    I think it's safe to say that school's in... EVERYWHERE! With that said and done, let's go ahead and nit-pick. This isn't just for high school, college, or whatever. This applies to every learning institution. We don't go there to learn anymore. We go there to BE. 
    The status conscious, the cliques, the supremacy of certain people. It's a mall showroom. New clothes just to have them. New shoes just to show them. If you aren't trendy enough to catch on or rich enough to keep up, then you are a NOBODY! I'm not here to change your mind or stick you on a firm positions. I just want to lay down all the bullshit being sprayed. 
    On the first day, I can't go anywhere without gabbing. I can't stand anywhere without standing out. I don't want any part of this shit, but they involve me. "How was your summer?" "What have you been up to?" Normally, these people wouldn't associate with me, but I guess since we had a class together, I owe them a brief bullshit conversation. Why? I have no idea. After the first day, it's back to the same old, same old of not giving a damn except for a casual wave and a quick smile. In other words, I'm still shit on the sidewalk.

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pg. #2
The Porcelain Throne: Pete
    I can't just sit here and bitch about nothing happening.  I can't think about coincidences that'll never happen again.  I have to realize this isn't important enough to be writing, but I'm writing it anyway.  I don't know what feeling I'll be deriving from this shit, but I will do my best to realize it in hopes that this is not some foolish journey that's all I have to look forward to in life.  Thinking.  In all honesty this is ridiculous and should be never mentioned again.  Only because, I don't need to shit to write something profound.  I am, however, doing all that is necessary to make this what it has to be.

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pg. 54
The Great Teacher
by: Jill-O
I hate science. I've been cursed with insane science teachers ever since the fifth grade. This year I have Ms. Raimonde. A week ago we got to hear her Barney Is Evil theory, and what's wrong with her life this week. I was about to ask her for her UFO/OJ/JFK conspiracy theories, but class was over before I got a chance. Her latest stupid assignment is for our class to pretend we're alien scientists, and we've come to earth to study the plant life [or some shit like that. I wasn't paying attention]. We got to go outside and collect "Specimens," which where I live means weeds. I had some pretty scary specimens stuck to the bottom of my shoe, because I accidentally stepped on some bugs, and all seven of them stuck to my shoe. Anyway. We had to display the specimens, which was easy enough with plants. But some sick people [all guys, wouldn't you know it] collected bugs as specimens. The question came up as to just how to display bugs. So Ms. Raimonde, the freak that she is, brought out a sample display of various insects--all dead, of course--pinned to a styrofoam block. She informed us that she'd done the display herself, and I found myself wondering what is the main point of writing this: What kind of sick person kills bugs and sticks nails through them to display them on a styrofoam block? The same thing goes for people who kill animals, cut their heads off, and display them in their houses or apartments. I think it's disgusting to kill something and then put it on public display. Not like I'm an environmentalist or anything. I litter, I feed plastic to chipmunks. But I do not wait for the chipmunk to die, stuff its carcass, and display it in my living room. This reminds me of some line I read in a book. "Taxidermy? You mean you stuff dead animals?" "Of course. The live ones wouldn't put up with it." I just don't get it. What is so appealing to some people about killing and displaying animals? Or, as the circumstance may be, parts of animals? I think next time I'm over at someone's place and they have a deer head on the wall, I'm going to rip it off the wall, throw it at that person, and sternly demand, "Are you proud of what you've done?"
    Not like I'd ever do that. In fact, that was a stupid idea. Forget I ever mentioned it.
    Will I ever pass biology?
    Will I ever write about something interesting?
    Do you really give a damn?
    Tune in next week.
    In the meantime, I think I hear my modem calling.. .
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pg. 257
Children Should Be Eaten, Not Heard
by: g. nih ton
    It's no secret that I hate children.  If I had kids, I'd be arrested for child abuse, most definitely.  Just looking at them pisses me off.  Especially when they smile for no reason whatsoever.  That used to be my only reason for hating them, but kids today...
    I've never seen so many assholes in the making before.  I caught a talk show one time while waiting in a doctor's office (For some reason, they never give me the choice.  Choice belongs to some bitch of a housewife who's always in the waiting room and never in with the doctor).   On that show, there were these brat's consumed with the idea that they had more authority than their parents.  I would say if those kids were mine I'd teach them a thing or two, but I wouldn't let some brat in my house, especially one who can control his parents.  For once in my life, I don't blame the kids.  Those parents are absolute shitheads and deserve what they get.  Whatever happens to your kids, it's your fault.  They can be in California while you're in New York, if they get hit by speeding car, all I can say is: Why'd you let them go?  Unless your kid is one of those moronically independent types that moved out after the age of maturity or whatever it's called, it's always your fault.  Even if they get pushed.  But on the bright side, that's one less mouth to feed.  Sure the funeral set you back some, but think of all you saved on food, clothing, gas, presents, cards, hospital bills, and bail.  Not to mention the fact that if your child wasn't a real asshole or a flat out bitch, you saved a lot on a wedding.
    I've seen such aforementioned ingrates at the grocery store and the mall.  If the kid can do that in such a public place, then I know I've just come across one of the worst parents in the world.  This only goes to show that you don't have to hit your kids to be in that category .  All you need to do is let your kids think they have a power they'll never have again, and the rude awakening will kill them.  Aside from that, I can't see any other reason as to why these brats should be left at home.  Throw them in an orphanage for kids that should be hated.  You'll be loved for it.  Probably not by the brats, but I won't have to see the same old scene of a five-foot-four twelve year old push around an adult.  It's sad to see the perks of adulthood and parenting fly out the door like that.

(c)1997 G. Nih Ton. All rights reserved.
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pg. 91
NBA Salaries
by: Wurider, Sports Analyst
    I was looking at ESPN the other day when I saw that Kevin Garnette signed a contract worth 125 million dollars over six years. Is this some bullshit or what?  Here is a guy who barely made the All Star team last year.  He has not even proved himself to even be an all star in the NBA.  But a guy who isn't even the best player on his team, is the highest paid player in the league (next to Jordan). What the hell is going on, with all these young punks demanding all of the money the team has in the bank? One thing about the NBA is that your contract is guaranteed, so if you only average 1.05 points a game, then you still will get whatever your contract says you get. Maybe it is time that the owners start blackballing those greedy players who are sucking the life right out of basketball.  Just think about it for a second; if all the owners agree to agree not to make any players 100+ million dollar men, then they would have to sign for whatever they can get. With the Jordan era dwindling down, there are going to be alot of players trying to get Jordan money when they can't even play the game 1/4 as good.
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pg. 1999
Security Not
by: Max Reagan
    Is it a crime to discuss school when you're not there? I hope not because I've got something to say. What's the deal with the added security? I don't mind feeling safe, but I don't enjoy the police state environment. It doesn't detract from anything, but I just don't see how it's all necessary. The teen crime rate has decreased within the past year but so I feel even safer. Before I can lose myself, I guess I should say that if a person wants to kill a person, that person will attempt to carry it out regardless of authority. There's this thing coming around to the schools called peer intervention. You know, instead of hall monitors, there are people trained to be nosy and intervene before you can call his momma a bitch or her best friend a hoe. Plain and simple, right? Of course it is. I suppose I should add something negative here, so here goes. The ones getting beat up are the ones who just can't keep their noses out of other people's business. If that's not the case, then in my very unprofessional opinion, the fight won't get stopped.
    In closing, let me just say that while there are guns and knives, such activities are usually reserved for recreational weekend action and the fighting and violence that goes on in schools can be broken up by people who should be the ones being beaten. If it's drugs that you're worried about, let me just say this: The best dealers are the ones who don't get caught. The ones who get caught are stupid so let them come to school and get that much needed education, because they obviously can't earn money on the streets.
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pg. 86
Environmentally Unaware?
by: LizzyBeth
    Ok, I know I'm gonna sounds like another eco-freak, but maybe a few of you people will take the time to read this. Everyone seems to be concerned, but no one takes action. Well I guess I'm taking some action. OK anyway, what the fuck is up with this save the environment thing? I keep hearing about it but no one is doing anything. Come on, can't people realize that once Earth is gone, so are you? Take a look around and see that everything is dying, or is already dead. Get off your lazy asses and do something! I'm doing something by yelling at you people so now I want you to go yell at some other dumbass and maybe I can say I've impacted the world a little bit. We're breathing in oxygen, and breathing out carbon dioxide, and it might be beneficial to your health if you knew that breathing in carbon dioxide can kill you. The only thing that will keep us alive is oxygen and the only way we can get that is to let the trees and plants breath in the carbon dioxide and breathe out oxygen. Well, that's not gonna keep happening if we keep cutting down all the trees, and burning the grass and everything. Oh the burning thing, that's not good either. The smoke and junk coming from out cars kinda eats away at a little thing called the ozone. Without it, we die too. Skin cancer, and lots of fun diseases like that. So basically what I'm saying is that if we don't get off our asses and get outside and try to do something about our fucked up environment, then basically, we're all gonna die. Thank you, and have a nice day.
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pg. 007
American Gothic
by: Dave Black
    In the last issue, someone discussed religion. It was short, but I still didn't read it. Let's hope I don't overlap. In case you're (very, very) oblivious, I'm hitting religion today, so get your bible and prepare to banish me for heresy.
    Unlike my constituent, Lockout, I'm a christian, but I still have a negative perspective of it all, especially of organized form of religion. Pastors, priests, etc, etc, etc. have far too much power. Just the other day, the pastor who confirmed my stance as a good one said that homosexuality was bad that Disney shouldn't be condoning it. There was more to his view, but why waste your time with such close-minded, holier-than-thou bullshit? First off, God said that we shouldn't judge. If you want to be gay (in or out), then so-fucking-be-it. A gay man never killed anybody I know (at least not for being gay), but christians go after homosexuals like it's Christmas. If being gay is as bad as they say, then let God take care of it, I've got some bitching to do.
    I've never met an atheist who tried to convert me, but christians want to convert everybody (sometimes again). It's like a bidding war. If you hook up with one denomination God will listen to everything you say. If I'm catholic, I can do whatever I want and still be absolved of my sins. Who the fuck told the Pope he was so close to God that he can grant you immunity.
    Just to cut this short, let me lay it down one more time. You can't judge me, God can. If I don't go your way, you can't send me to Hell, but God can (as if your way is the right way). Even though God made you, it doesn't mean you can tell me what he thinks.

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pg. 113.5
In excess: At least once in one's lifetime, he or she gets insulted.  It's great! Especially when you dish it out.  So, in order to add to some teenagers angst ridden misery, here are some insults.  Use them at will.

1.  Human
2.  Your mother
3.  Trekkie
4.  Slut
5.  Momma's boy
6.  Fatboy
7.  Bee-yatch 
8.  Shoestring
9.  Media Whore
10.  any one who starred on "Saved By the Bell"

So, it was kind of lame.  Insults aren't in anymore.  Guns are.  If we could, we'd post the best caliber of bullet to use in school.  But that might be sending the wrong message.  How about this one for the next go around.  Words that should be banned from our vocabulary.  Send them to jdsdead@hotmail.com
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pg. 1
Armchair IV: Armchair Will Never Die
by: Armchair Critic
    That bastard son of mine was planning on doing something for this issue, but at the last minute something came up and he couldn't do it.  So, before going to the funeral, the ball of snot asked me to do something.  Personally, I don't care if his aunt died.  She wasn't my sister.  So, without further ado, here goes my bit for your purveyance.
    I want to run a 3 parter not unlike Mr. Ton.  Except, instead of discussing the world, I will discuss musical acts I hold in high regard, but I won't praise them.  I will go on a rampage about how they sold out.  For the first of my very own series, I will discuss the ever influential Wu-Tang Clan.  
    Some of you familiar with the rap world know that I am treading on sacred ground here, but it is time for someone to say it.  WU-TANG CLAN SOLD OUT!!!  How?  First off, I have never come across so many money hungry musicians before.  I respect the talent brought to the (proverbial) table by these men.  In fact, Rza is an undeniable genius.  The problem is, everything about them is money.   Sure, in the rap world "Money Over Bitches" is the rule, but I think that they would rather make money than music.  There's nothing that will prove that right more than seeing their new album in Wal-Mart.
    Not only are they getting on the white trash bandwagon (crossing over) by going to Wal-Mart, but they're selling shit that makes no sense.  Join (by paying $24.95) the Wu-Tang Clan and you can recruit others and climb the ranks of the clan.  What kind of bullshit is that?  I expect something like that from the Mysterious Stranger Radio Hour where you can send in for the secret decoder ring, but not from a music group. 
   And one more thing.  Too much exposure kills.  Of course, this is my opinion, but I am sure that when you sell everything under the sun, only with your emblem on it, you're bound to die out.  Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow.  But soon.  I guarantee it.  Other than that, the Wu is one of the greatest things to hit music since my next target: U2.
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pg. 37
Here are your guilty parties.  They probably didn't do it, but with the American Media, you are guilty until proven guilty.

Lewdness							Scott Seamus
Filming the lewdness				Paul B. Whitley
Stealing his mother's clothing		Max Reagan
Being a deadbeat father				Armchair
Unspeakable actions		 			G. Nih Ton
Speakable actions					LizzyBeth
Never shutting up					Dave Black
Impersonating Ike Turner			Wurider
Public affection					Pete
Dancing with a stolen mannequin		Jill-O
Stalking							Nick


Not to sound corporate or anything, but this is the way it goes. The newsletter and its concept belongs to SDM publications. Anything written belongs to the respective authors, so please don't go ripping any of us off. We're not getting paid for this, and you shouldn't either, so don't be an asshole, go write something yourself. Give credit where credit's due. Everyone here does what seems to be a good job, so all we're asking is that you respect that.

For a good time, don't call Larry.



