
                /
              /                                                 Issue #01
            /                                                   Volume#01
          /                                                       6:34pm
        /                                                        04/26/96
        \     _   _   _   
          \             /
            \         /
              \     /    RAPHOMANIA!@##@!!@#!@#@!@#$#$
                \ /      (we love to write!!!)

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 *|* Dto sucks!
 *|* by James Hetfield

        do0ds, this is james hetfield.. i've ran lots of ziens!  here's
    some of them!

Obloidism monthly!
MiLK!
MiLK and TeA!
Simply Text Distrobution!
HoE! (for an afternoon!)
Nihilism Montly!


        And nwo, to add to my resume, here comes..


* * * * * * * * * * * * G R A P H O M A N I A ! * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

        Graphomania is a zine for writers, by writers! we're CRRRAZZZZY!!#!@
about writing!  we LOVE to write and we're not afraid to say it@#!!@##!@
so, sit back, relax, and enjoy the fun!@#@#!!@#


 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* why i quiot dto
*|* by james hetfield

        do0d dto suxcks$@!@#!@#

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-


*|* never will i...
*|* by kojak

                never will i be able to put my pants on two legs at a time
                never will i speak to a pretty girl about dto
                never will i play with myself when my friends are over
                and never will i eat anything with SPUNKENMEYER on the label


 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* my favorite bands
*|* by james hetfield

        my #1 favorite band is rage against the machine.  they make me
 very, very angry.  so angry i want to go outside and beat up old women.
 fuck you.

        my #2 favorite band is garbage.  although they are very new, I
 feel I can really identify with that song "im only happy when it rains."
 because like garbage, im' only hapyp when it rains. fuck you.

        my #3 favorite band is hole.  courtney love is very pretty, and i'll
 kill you if you say differently.  fuck you.

        my #4 favorite band is spacehog.  that new song just doesn't get
enough radio play.  i want to hear it again and agian.  fuck you.

        my #5 favorite band is the smashing pumpkins.  i have spent
 a lot of timing figuring out and anylising their lyrics, and i feel i have
 a greater understanding of myself because of them.  i am empty and lonly
 and clean and god.  fuck you.

        my #6 favorite band is shut up.  theyre a local band in philidelpha.
if you dont like them, fuck you.

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* things to FUCK
*|* by kojak (cuz eye'm PUNK!#$!#!)

        FUCK POLITICS.  they're all just a buncha brown-nosing, corporate-mo
ney-taking, ass-kissing, dick-sucking WHOREs!@#$!#!

        FUCK ALTERNATIVE MUSIC AND ALTERNATIVE RADIO STATIONS AND MTV. it's
all communist bullshit and i will kill them all with my punk hands.  so fuck
you.  they play the same corporate-produced songs ovedr and voer and fucking
OVER!@#$!#@

        FUCK RACISM.  damn nazis can suck my punk dick.  if you don't like it
take a swing at me at the next PUNK CONCERT that i'm at!#!#

        FUCK RICH PEOPLE.  they suck dick. they get daddy's money and go
spend it on fish eggs so they can feed their fat faces - FUCK THAT.

        FUCK THE BUREAURACRACY!@#!#! they suck dick, make you file 123408917
papers in order to put a punk show on at your house.. that sucks dick.  they
then fucking send the police over to see if "everything's all right". well,
FUCK THAT. i don't have to answer to no fucking pigs.  fuck you.

and fuck you
CUZ I'M PUNK


 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* so hard to be goth
*|* by james hetfield

        no one understands me.  i live in a world of darkness.  you cannot
see my world.  you do not exist in my world.  black is the color of my world.
you cannot see this.  you say "what a, like, drag that guy is."  you do not
see.  you do not feel.  you are not.

        you are not.

        you sing your alternateen songs and you do not understand them.
you eat your plums and you do not understand them.  you live your life and
you do not understand it.  you are not me.  you do not live in my world.
the real world.

        you cannot see what is not here.

        you don't feel what i feel.  you don't taste what i taste, the bitter
sweet sour scent of silly life playing its tolls on me.  you dont understand
what life is what life was what it will always be god i loathe you

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* i miss...
*|* by kojak

        i miss gumby.  i miss g.i. joe.  what the fuck happened to all the
things that were around in the 1980s that made pop culture COOL!@? the 90s
are so filled with shit - pointless and redundant and mundane and repetitive
and self-repeating bullshit.  the same ads - the same companies - all making
the same people PAWNS OF THE MEDIA.

        as a teenager today, i want to do so many things with my life.
experience everything that made young boyhood what it was: good. IT WAS GOOD.
WHY THE FUCK CANT I HAVE WHAT I AHD THEN? my life was so simple.  my life was
complete. i'd go to school, learna bout spelling & other shit like that,
come home & watch tv, eat dinner, go play with my friends, and go to bed.

        it's not like that anymore.

        i feel as if i've become something of a machine - continuing on with
daily life as if it were a chore.  i don't like that. i want to be free from
the demons that are being created within. what is creating them?  the outside
world. the media. politics. my shitty friends.  my job.  my environment.

        speaking of the FUCKING ENVIRONMENT - don't spray yr shit now, i dont
wanna drown in 2113.  so fuck you.

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* blood road
*|* by james hetfield

        jimmy held the play-doh up to his face.  this will be fun, he thought
 to himself.  he slowly stuck a little piece of it in his ear.  funny, he
couldn't hear anything in that ear anymore.  wow, he thought, this is cool.
he stuck another piece of play-doh, blue this time, in his other ear.  he
hardly heard anything now.  this is so cool, he thought to himself.  he
then stuck a big gob of yellow playdoh in his mouth.  wow, he thought.
he looked like a pig with an apple, ready to be eaten.  he then took some
red playdoh and filled one of his nostrils with it.  wow, it's hard to
breathe now, he thought, and then filled the other nostril with playdoh.
his body took moments to notice it had no way to breathe.  jimmy tried to
breathe in deeply, but instead just got the playdoh lodged up farther in
his nose.  uh oh, jimmy thought, and that was his last thought as his
heart imploded.  blood ran down from jimmy's eyes as his blood vessels
broke in three other areas of his body.

* * *

        "fuck you!@#!@#" richard screamed at the top of the building.
richard hated live, he hated everything anout the world.  richard was crying.
he had left all his paperwork in the garbage can below, tossed away
everything.  he was tired of living in this corporate world, being a pawn
of the esablishment.  you could tell he was depressed because the world
was a funny tint of blue.

        he finally did it.  he jumped off the building and fell from the
sky.  but as he was falling, he began to look like he was jesus up on
the cross, because he stretched out his arms.  a bird landed on one of them,
and, like a miracle, the world turned super vga.  richard smiled at the
bird, still crying, but now for being happy.  he took off his shoes,
threw all his money to the crowd gathering below, and danced around like
a little girl.

* * *

        "tommy, put your grandmother down." tommy's mother screamed.
 but it was too late.  tommy had already put grandma's head in the microwave
 and turned it on.  his mom tried to stop him, but tommy was too strong.
 grandma's head exploded in a matter of minutes.
        "look you what did, young man!  you blew up grandma! go to your
 room!" tommy's mother demanded.  and tommy did.

 * * *

        fuck you

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* TOP THREE WAYS TO PUT ANARK33 IN M0TION!#$!#!@$
*|* by kojak

        i have a friend. we'll call him "little johnny angst" from here on
out.  okay. so my friend johnny angst told me the best three ways to put
anarchy into motion - and i agree with him!#!#!@# so here goes, i'm writing
a guide for all you non-hip anarchy-ignorant fools out there.  so YEA. here
goes.

        #1 way to create anarchy:  drive real fast.  nothing pisses people
off more than to be passed up by some young punk with wheelz!#!@#$ and little
johnny angst is dead right!#! those old people really groan when you do
that.

        #2 way to put anarchy into motion:  don't speak to someone when they
talk to you.  they ask you a question - just fuQ'n ignore them!#!@# pretend
they aren't there.  i remember when my dum sister used to do taht to me.  i'd
hit her til she spoke. damn bitch.

        #3 way to create anarchy:  dont pay for ph0ne kallz!#  just go around
the area near the payphone you wish to call from (hopefully in a busy part of
town!@#!@) and ask for change.  then get like $120378496.35.  now that you
have all that money (n0t yours, you see!@#!), call whoever you want and talk
for however long you want!@ no one can get their money back either, fi they
see what you're doing!@# it's in the phone!@#!

        and the #4 best way to put anarchy into motion: don't put stamps on
your mail!@  you don't have to put stamps on your packages to get them sent.
let's say johnny angst has to mail a package to his friend across town - but
has no stamps!@# oh no!#@!# what do we do?  well, tell johnny angst to put
his address on the "send to:" part of the package, and his pal's address on
the "return to:" part of the envelope (upper left corner for all you dummies!)
.  then, all you have to do is put it in a mailbox, call yr friend across
town, and tell him to expect a package to be delivered A.S.A.P. (anarchy
service always provides!@#).  so there you go.
        what's that you say? your friend isn't across town? well, then
there's only one simple solution to your little problem.  you know how people
go on vacations & shit!@? well, just put an address next door to the one you
need to send it to (explanation: if you ahve to send something to 1234 pine
street, put that on the "return to:" part of the envelope.  then put 1232 pine
street on the "send to:" part - and the united states postal service will
think that someone's sending their neighbors a package while on a trip!@#!).
        get it!? good. now fuck you.

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-


*|* heineus satyr
*|* by james hetfield

        "no, grampa! don't! put that thing away!" billy screamed.

        but it was too late.  grampa had it out and was ready to use it.

        the fishing pole had a nice frog lure on it, ready to catch
 catfish.  and that it would.
        even though billy hated fishing with a passion, his grampa
 still made him go fishing every thursday night.  in the middle of winter
 even.  billy hated it with all he had inside of him.  billy decided he
 had to stop the madness.
        billy took a lizard out of his pocket and threw it on grampa.
        "billy! get your lizard off of me!" grampa hissed.
        but billy wouldn't take the lizard off of him.  billy then took
 a can of gasoline out of his pocket and douced grampa.  then billy took
 a flame thrower out of his pocket and engulfed grampa in flames.
        "that's what you get for being an old fart! fuck you!" billy yelled.

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* middle aged frank, living his life to the extreme
*|* by kojak

        middle aged frank was a middle aged man, living his life to the
extreme.  he believed strongly in the vibrance of his youth, and tried as
hard as he could to fit into generation y (or whatever the fuck the kids of
today are called. the mtv generation.  but fuck that - not all the kids of
today watch mtv.  mtv actually sucks.. it's just pointless and snivelling
bullshit aimed to attract the attention of hormone-charged teens.  mtv's
'the grind' is nothing but decnet looking bodies running around doing shit
to bad music. but yet everyone loves it. everyone loves eric nies.  fuck
eric nies.  he's queer, i tell you.  anyways.).  frank didn't like the fact
that because he was middle aged, he had to be an adult.  so he lost himself
self in personal "nirvana" - the music and culture of youngsters.
        frank decided to go to a punk rock show, in order to catch the young
punk wave in it's early stages, in order to have the ticket stub from
rancid's fall of 1995 tour.  he knew rancid and punk were the next big thing
so he wanted to grab on.  then the young kids would call him the "hip old
timer" who has "been around the scene FOREVER."  frank quit his job and
signed on with a local punk record label & got backstage passes to the show.
but he decided he was too punk for the backstage passes and went out into the
crowd to mosh and bodysurf with the younger kids out there.
        frank was having a great time until that fateful moment - rancid's #1
started blaring out of the speakers, and the crowd lurched forward.  too bad
that frank's shoe was stuck in some gum & he couldn't move forward with the
crowd.  he fell forward, face first, towards the arena floor.  the crowd
rushed over him suddenly, and began stomping and trampling on his middle-aged
body.  frank went into a coma from a skinhead's boot to the head, and ended
up dying on the floor of that arena in that town on that night listening to
that song.  frank died a happy, but misunderstood man.  he didn't fit in in
either of his two worlds - the one he was supposed to belong to, and the one
he wanted to be a part of.  oh well. FUCK HIM AND FUCK YOU.

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* the question of representative dictatorship
*|* by james hetfiel

        what are you, stupuid?  a repsestenatavie didctiostoship?  god
you're dumb THERE IS NO SUCH THING.  FUCK YOU, alternatrten.

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* mother nature is a whore
*|* by KOJAK YOU FUCKING IDIOT - DON'T YOU GET THE "TAKE TURNS" PATTERN YET?
MY GOD YOU'RE AN IDIOT, AREN'T YOU? SUCK MY DICK.

        kurt cobain said "mother nature is a whore".  i agree totally.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* jamesy's anarchy corner
*|* by alicia silverstone
as      '       kl;wfdls
        lj      ;       kljq    k;jhd
        qwd      hjkp[u rt2mk.  lghwdf
                '       wqfkh   jqw

                        qlkhjb  jkl;    k
                                        hui     jkl     jkl'kl;


                                                              ga
                                                              =sdasdf
        kl;     lkj     lk              ;'
                ;hj     kl;hj   hjk

                                jk;     hjkl;   jh      kljh

        ;lj     l;k     jkl;    j;kl
                        k;hj    jh;l    hjl     ghjkl   huilwfsdfd

                        safasdfjvhjlasdhjfgp4tyo;w78y52051
 2[039 7845123oiufdfnkaa;soidfg8234nklfvxvp8912358ljk;vguiw34p9 75r8gsj e
 3qw789rt624kj;h5hs;dirt8gy234-08g;adfljkw38745sdfgj34;qwlkhjbfsd89pgytwekl;jgh
 dgfp89w734tpgojkdfskul;q23yrtsdf7q235jkhfdgli7q34[09rdogjif3pq8yfgs

 sdf89pq342tg9jbs;kl4htpsdbn84tjlakdfyubp89q34gdfjkl;38oq4yrv890wa7835
 asvy7g34q[79pyv'3opquftyp792t49pqugho;85389pqy23p89fasopktjh2q3890g=a
 352hav7ph894g23q0[9tgj238901[[-0gjmq23hef[0q243 ]-0tfgv;klvjewht[q234890gb
 g34
 qjf[9023q4

 fuck you

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* comfortable clothes.
*|* god dammit. kojak.

        i'm sorry, but there are a few things in life that i can't do without.
comfortable clothes are one of them.  perhaps underwear fresh out of the
dryer.  nothing beats that shit man.  that's all i have to say.  oh, by the
way, i like ALIBIS too. cuz i fucking shot this guy the other day.

        he called me alternative, so i gl0cked his aZzZZ!@#~  man, motherfuQn
hoe's needn't be doin that shit to my punk ass.  they know i'll put a cap in
them, so why even diss me? it's not gonna work.  dumb mother fucking sonsabit
ches.  i can't believe this shit. dumb people suck.  FUCK YOU.

        the smashing pumpkins are my idols.  they make music that is pure,
corporate-produced megalame bullshit music of all the other bands of today.
smashing pumpkins remain true to their core - to their music. release one cd?
never.  fuck that.  we gotta do two, cuz we're elite & original!@#!@  i can't
believe how pre-formatted their sounds are.  it all sounds the same. and
corporate america buys that shit.  they push that shit.  the shove that shit
down the throats of young america.  i can't believe it. it fucking sucks..
without the smashing pumpkins, i'd have nothing to listen to except stuff
that david geffen decided i should listen to.  i can't believe how one man
can rule the world like that. he doeasn't rule the world, but he runs the
media.  and the media has become such an influence on society that i'm going
to puke.  americans - the world - everything has become so dependent on the
need to get information as soon as it is available.  fuck cnn. fuck the
news "on the hour, every hour".  we all need to decide what we want to hear.
i can't believe the shit that is being shoved down my throat.
        do i care about oj? no, i don't.  but that shit was put down my
throat on an hourly basis for well over a year.  what the fuck is up with
that? fuck oj.  i can't believe some of the shit i heard about that trial.  a
man killed two other people - something that even anarchists like me shouldn't
do on a regular basis - and he GOT THE FUCK AWAY WITH IT. THAT SUCKS DICK.
i can't believe it.  it pisses me off so much to hear that because a man is
a certain color, race, what the fuck ever.. because he is what he is, he can
get away with murder. FUCK OJ. AND FUCK YOU.

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* graphomania-90.txt
*|* by james hetfield

Welcome to Jew.org, Detecting ANSi...
[ANSI Detected]

Welcome to Jew.org!

 O/               \o
<|   "jo0 lameR!"  |>  1(215)985-0462 (hunt nodE)
/ \               / \

$ls
ls: file not found.
$who
jew     tty0    33:292:423 lynx
jew23   tty1    23:243:234 lynx
jew332  tty2    23:433:423 irc jewlemur irc.jew.com 555563
$talk doomed@voicenet.com
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
jo0 lamer!@#!@@ ^K^VB^U^H^G^N^G^VB^B^HG^^B^GH









-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
hi scott. what do you need?









------------------------------------------------------------------------------
session closed.
$finger jew@voicenet.com
[voicenet.com]
jo0 lamer! access denied!
$telnet
telnet>o mud.me.baby 5000
trying 324/.23./42/34.23.4234.4523.52.45.2
connected to mud.me.baby.






                                welcome to mudme mud!


 would you like to create a new characteR? [Y/M]:Y

 You can be a FIGHTER, RANGER, JEW, or ROGUE.  Please Select one: 5

 you have chosen a JEW.  would you like to have a BIG or little nose?: 2

 you chose BIG.  You are a JEW with a BIG NOSE.
 int:2342
 dex:312123
 str:!@3312
 con:12321
 agil:!@#1231
 cats:123123
 warez:31337

 would you like to re-roll your stats [t/nm]:N

 what will your character be named? (note: this will be your login name as
  well!) : jew

  welcome to mudme, jew!  you are caller #0!


[exits: N S E W U P D DD QA W#T WERA WAWE {]
You are in the forest.  there is a cat and a dog here.  there is a negro
here, staring at your wallet.
?kill blackie
*** negro hits you with a nickel bag for 49234595342 damage!@##!@

--> YOU DIE.
Connection closed by foreign host.
$who
jew312          tty9032234      2389423:@3423$:23:234@:
$exit
NO COURIER

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* i met bill clinton on a bridge in a small town in iowa
*|* by kojak

        bill clinton and i met one day.  it was a regular, not too warm & not
too cold day.  it was the middle of april in iowa, covered bridge country. he
seemed like an okay enough man, and we spoke for a while.

        "hi mr bill clinton, how are you today?"

        "i refuse to answer that question, kojak"

        "uhm, okay.  so what's going on with the country? do you think you're
going to win the presidency again this november?"

        "what's that supposed to mean? are you saying that i'm not a good
president?  are you saying that i can't lead our country into the future?  i
believe that during my term, more program have been put into place than any
other presidency since the 'new deal' era of franklin delano roosevelt."
        "think back to nafta, think back to haiti, think back to ..."

        "shut up, bill. you're a pathetic moron - and the only reason you're
gonna win again is cuz the republicans suck dick.  so fuck you"

               i shot bill that day. what a LAYMUR.

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* the graphomaniac saga
*|* by james hetfield

        there was jamesy and kojak and tclaw and they went against pip
and cerkit and mogel and they were winning so pip and cerkit and mogel
had to do something about it so they claled htier firends crank and black
francis and dead cheese and styx and murmur and tao and creed and belial
and fatslayer and eerie and edicus and nyar and whoops and metalchic and
oregano and kaia so then jamesy and kojak and tclaw were outnumbered so
they got tanadept and alhpabeta and gaurdian and ffejtable and tmm and
fake scorpion and spiff and lumpy and mercuri and kkrazy and guido and
constantine and jfarnon so then mogel and friendfs were outnumbered so
they got cbg and unstuck and joltcola and lb2 and phorce and misunderstood
and y0lkb0t and sweeey erekt and cyric so then jamesy and kojak and friends
were outnumbered so they got gumby and sed and im2k and gnn and morph and
then it was pretty even so they fought for a long time so metalchic turned
to metal and pip turned to pip and it looked like pip and friends would win
but then jamesy got warez and they won.

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* the boy who conquered the world
*|* by kojak

        the young man sat at his computer, in a darkened world full of
altnernative music and lots of coca-cola.  he felt like he was a whore, a
mere token player in the game of life.  so he wanted to create change.
        first - he had to come up with a nickname, so he could conquer the
electronic mediums of communication first.  he chose "angstboy".
        angstboy went on to irc one day, and decided to write a t-file at the
same time he was irc'ing.  he wanted to be like his idols, the telecom
legends and t-file writers of yesterday.  he decided to attack society, an
open attack at that, and did so.  he ranted on and on about how politics,
big business, altnerative music, girls, and basically everything SUCKED.  he
went on and on, and then after he had written about 120 lines of angsty prose
, he sent it in to the local e'zine ; graphomania.
        graphomania ate his work up - it was exactly what they were looking
for.  they embraced the young writer, taking him under their wings when the
rest of the world shunned him.  he felt he had a home, a comrade, and a true
understanding in the world of graphomania.  the world outside his window was
a bleak one to him, full of people who wanted to lie to him, cheat him, and
take advantage of him.
        he would connect to the local graphomania distro-major-chat-bbs every
afternoon as soon as school was over - and would stay til dinner.  he'd
disconnect in the eveningtime in order to eat - but would return to the world
of solace that he had created for himself as soon as he was done.  he entered
the land of the INPH0MASHUN SUPAHI-WAY and was readily accepted - for he
wrote for graphomania.  people revered him.  people PHEARED this young man.
        he could do no wrong on irc, nothing could phase him.  then he met
this girl.  he saw her netcom.com account and laughed at first, but then got
to know her better.  he initially mocked the poor girl, but she then said to
him:

        "would you like me to e-mail you some of my poetry?"

        "sure, girlie, i'd love you to.  angstboy@graphomania.net"

        "ok, brb."

        about 23 seconds later, he got this message;

        "[g] YOU HAVE NEW EMAIL. (email waiting: 1)."

        angstboy went to see what had come, knowing it was her poetry, but
not knowing what to expect.

j0o!@#>pine

From:girlie@netcom.com
To:angstboy@graphomania.net [23:49:23:april 17]
attachments:
subject: here's my poetry, angstboy!@#!@#!$

         i sit here, disgruntled and confused
      awaiting a fate that i know will consume my being
    the shadows from outside play on the delicate lines of my face
  and also prove to me that i am indeed locked away in a box,
           never making contact with the bright (non-shadowy!#!#) world
        i am alone.
      for years and years i've sat in the shadows
         being overlooked by adults & children alike
       siblings & friends have all outpaced me,
                leaving me in the cold harsh reality i now reside in
            i sit upon this carpeted floor,
                        not worrying about carpet burn!#!# cuz i will die
                the carpet burn will not kill me,
            but my gut-wrenching emotions will slowly choke me,
                                slowly drown me,
                        slowly *|* KILL *|* me.
                
- love,
- girlie.

save message to (saved-messages): y
really quit pine?: y

j0o!@#>fg

        the young man went back to irc, enthralled by what he had just read.
he began to talk to girlie more often.. taking in everything that was her. he
wanted to be her.. he was willing to give up graphomania for her.

        he told this to jamesy and kojak, and the SHOT HIM.  so fuck you.


 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* the question of representative representation, part three
*>& by james hetfield

        once upon a time in on a lan far far away lived a courier named
 tlcaw.  tclaw was an unhappy courier bedcause he had no warez.

        tclaw asked his friendly farm animals, "can i have some warez?"

        the pig said "oink oink! jo0 lamah!"

        the cow said "moo moo! jo0 lamah!"

        the cat said "mewo meow! jo0 lamah!"

        then tclaw said "ok, i'll go get warez myself!"

        tclaw went to his local handy andy and picked up little people's
 farm IV: the return.  he then went back to his friendly animal friends.

        tclaw asked his friendly farm animals, "who will crack the warez
 with me?"

        the pig said "oink oink! jo0 lamah!"
        the cow said "moo moo! jo0 lamah!"
        the cat said "meow meow! jo0 lamah!"

        then tclaw said "very well, I'll go crack the warez myself!"

        tclaw went home and used crackerjack and cracked little people's
farm iv: the return.  he then went back to his friendly farm animals.

        tclaw asked his friendly farm animals, "who will help me courier
 the warez?"

        the pig said "oink oink! jo0 lamah!"
        the cow said "moo moo! jo0 lamah!"
        the cat said "meow meow! jo0 lamah!"

        then tclaw said "ok, I'll courier the warez myself!

        so tclaw went to his warez studio and couriered his warez all over
 the world.  little people's farm got to illinois and indiana and new york
 and new jersey and cali and oregon and arkansas and wyonming and even the
 phillipenis.  tclaw then went back to his friendly farm friends.

        tclaw asked his frendly farm animals, "who wants some warez?"

        the pig said "oink oink! gimme warez!"
        the cow said "moo moo! gimme warez!"
        the cat said "mewo emow! gimme warez!"

        but tclaw said, "no warez for you, jo0 lamahs!"

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* the ultimate proof - filled with facts!@#!@
*|* by kojak

        hillary clinton is married to bill clinton.
        bill clinton defeated george bush in order to become president.
        george bush served as vice president for ronald reagan.
        ronald reagan has alzheimer's, a common disease among older men who
were alive during the early 1900s.
        men who lived in the early 1900s might've felt the effect of
prohibition, which was brought upon by the nation's governement.
        prohibition was fought by gang leaders (such as al capone), and a lot
of illegal alcohol was produced and sold.
        this illegal alcohol was very expensive because it was so hard to get
if you were an average guy on the street.  regular joes put their money into
alcohol, which was addicting & keeping the money out of their pockets.
        the situation put a lot of money in a few people's hands, and left
many people with little or no money.  this caused the great stock crash of
1929.
        the great stock crash of 1929 caused economic depression all across
the world, especially in the united states in europe.
        because of the economic status in europe, germans were in a situation
to find a new leader - someone who could lead their country back to power.
adolf hitler was just that man, persuading people with his amazing speeches
and grand ideas for the country he "loved".  once in power, he began to
militarize the nation, and preparing it to invade other european nations and
territories.  in 1939, he attacked a small eastern-bloc nation and killed a
prince.  this lead to the russians siding with that nation, and declaring war
on the germans.


        THEREFORE - HILLARY CLINTON CAUSED WORLD WAR TWO.

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-


++) rage against the jews
_+0 by james hetfield

tommy: 7uud8.  play a moutain.  i tap my mountain and play a mon's goblin
       raiders.  I'm done!
bobby: ok, for my master phase I burn two blood to play KRGC news radio.
       then, I spend 3 blood and transfers to bring out Zoe.  I'll just
       discard... and I'm done!
richi: i spend two force, and play tatoonie.  that's all for me!
mother: I get an automatic takeover, which will be... the templars!
        now I get my action tokens... hmm.  my illuminati, the discordians,
        are going to spend its action token to attempt to control california.
bobby: not so fast!  I tap KRGC news radio to give Blythe +1 intercept,
       and she's going to block!
mother: hahha, fuck you!
bobby: haha.  i guess that means blythe and the discordians go into combat.
       well, before the first round, I play weather control, which does
       1 damage to each minion each round of combat.
mother: damn you!  I play terrorist strike, which gives the discordians
        +10 power!
bobby: uh oh.  I guess blythe goes to torpor.
mother: never argue with your mother, bobby!  I'm done.
tommy: my turn?  ok, 6uud7.  play a plains.  Tap the plains, and the
       mountain to shatter California.
mother: GO TO YOUR ROOM!
tommy: but mommm...
mother: NO BUTS!
tommy sighs and goes to his room.
bobby: ok.  I spend one blood to play misdirection, and tap tatoonie.
richi: fuck!
bobby: haha.  now blythe bleeds you, richi!
richi: I guess I lose, cuz I don't have any blood!
bobby: yep! I gain 6 for ousting my prey!
mother: my turn?  heehee.  ok, my automatic takeover is going to be...
        the sublimitals!
bobby: not so fast! SUDDEN REVERSAL!
mother: you're grounded!
bobby; what?!@#
mother: don't talk back, or it's a spanking for youy!

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

*|* graphomania - the end. the facts. the legend.
*|* by kojak.

        graphomania #1 was written by james hetfield and kojak between 6:34pm
and 8:29pm, on april 26th, 1996.  we brought out rage against the machine,
smashing pumpkins, some techno shit, tool, and public enemy in order to
enhance our mood.  what you've seen before you is the thoughts of two young
teenagers trapped in middle america: more accurately, trapped in a dark room
in northern illinois.  nothing was hurt in the making of this e'zine, perhaps
excepting your feelings. SO FUCK YOU.

bye.
 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

                        graphomania #1 - 4/26/96.
                               more to come.
                   http://www.thirdwave.net/~dto/graph/


