                                                                     
                                                                     
                                                                     
                                             
=================================================================(c)1996======

  _____                _       ___           _                   _
 (*****)              (_ )    (****\        ( )                 ( )_
 |*(_)*|  ___     _ _  | |    |*|_)*) _   _ | |_      __   _ __ | ,_) _   _
 |*****|/' _ `\ /'_` ) | |    |*,**/'( ) ( )| '_`\  /'__`\( '__)| |  ( ) ( )
 |*| |*|| ( ) |( (_| | | |    |*|    | (_) || |_) )(  ___/| |   | |_ | (_) |
 (*) (*)(_) (_)`\__,_)(___)   (*)    `\___/'(_,__/'`\____)(_)   `\__)`\__, |
                                                                     ( )_| |
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=================|V|o|l|u|m|e| |O|n|e| |I|s|s|u|e| |O|n|e|====================
                 +-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+

Hell0-!@#! ZIne werld friends!U^E%R THUIOS IS ANAL PUBERTY ISSUES number one.
It is so VERY elite TT yoU must be CSARrful not shot show show it to ANYone
who is naw on tha' mailing list, right? BEcucz they won't get it n it wiLL
expl0de thare nUEr0nzers Like a bby seal left Out to dry on the rocks, N they
Will TRtriers to bash Ther's brainzerz out awn a sidewalk or sumpthin,
Rig1ht!?  THIS ZINE IS 0-dayz! Donut let it phawl in2 tha!wrong!hands!

EI'd Like to thankz the Following Bunches of fucking AWEESDOME folks who R
on the Cutting Q-tip of kewlness 4 gettin shit dONE with;loIUT Which AP cOUL
not become more thNA just as little speck in my mind:

Rollins Enemaw - 4 bustin a copy of Q-edit outta Compusa
Doody D Dogg - 4 mackin da crax rox!@ JDJd'f;l7&@&@@!!!
GG Onionsd - !!!!!!!*&%#(*79 aw yeah
Ethernet Assassin - Werrd up biznatch
Foofoo the cyber-assassin -0 sdoifglk;
The asdfdsf warrior -00 thanks for the AOl disks
Docvtor Homerow Garbage - 4 buyin me a 6 of Zima

Adnd thankin all Yall HWO wr0te.

Oh, anD I WOupldn;t like to give any thasnks to thisa pUnk who gfone and
keyed my car!  Y00 little soNNUVvabiatchner!  Wa1t til| I take myczyu
kryptonite LOCK 2 @YERHEAD@@ FUCKER!!!!!!  NE way herer's the zine it's rad.

Your PHe3arrlesssss Chief Editor,
Emmanuel Bastard

                       Me and My Sandman Comic Books
                                     by
                     Rodney King, (the TCP/IP Assassin)

Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I'll take my collection of Sandman comics into
the bathtub and read until I pass out.  Well, this one time, UH dood!@ like
sdjkfhlsakdjhflasdjhfhlkasdjhlkjCLX asdlfkiZL:KR; She was tghe
sdl;kf;ldsfl;jfd;ku;kljf nd then a big fucking paiselflkdsj;j;ljk pasiley
cantasdf;lk DO not contract sadkljhasdrkjh RYou wil ifnd sfh; In the bottom
pof Your p[it ztrhey'er always Waitgng for you can't Be happy whereever yoU
sescape whether it'sa erath ort like some oityhetr fucking plenet DOOD Kill
yopurself nOW whil[e Ouy steilll have the chance before they get the adult
ideas iINR your hED andfa Z:K;fF YOUE ND up like just exaclt y watching
seinfeld!@! dslkhjsdlkjasdflk; L:ZK:F'oi;fojf;l IT's the livbing ENd I tell
yZOU!  The end og youi clk;asdj;;hilsdfglksfl;'dhsdfoofdfd of Your chance to
it's the end ZLK:F; fj;s TAKE THE BUS out of ehre hwhi;l you still
can.]....

I drove two hours to get to a club and some girl threw up on me, i'd been
awake 40 hours it was the most surreal experience I'd ever had i'll never
forget her face.  Then there was the time my Crow night light burnt out and I
couldn't fall asleep for fear that a crow would steal my soul away in the
night.  So I got on my bike (still wearing my Batman Forever pajamas) and
rode down to the corner store.  I was like, "Do you have any crow night
lights?" and the guy at the cash register, a big tattooed body pierced,
shaved head, with these big ritual scars all over his head, some of which had
ashes and horse hairs healed inside them to form patterns, he was like "You
fucking little tool.  I'm going to count to three.  Then I'm going to take
you into the back room and show you the meaning of living hell.  One.. Two.."
Well, I was about to turn on my heels and run, but I tripped on the weekly
world news display.  Then I felt something hit the back of my head, it was
probably the steel-reinforced toe of a size 15 boot, and I blacked out.

When I regained awareness, it was 3 years later. I was employed on an
assembly line in Detroit and my anus was a foot and a half wide.

The End?


                             My Date With Trent
                      by Eustacia the Tank Girl 90210

On the last day of 10th grade I stole a car.  That morning, I had come to
school drunk and spent most of the day slumped on the floor in the janitor's
closet, drooling into a drain on the floor or actually lifting my head to
puke in the huge janitor sink.  Since I didn't have any friends, nobody
noticed I was missing.  I lay in my vomit for 3 or 4 hours, then I figured
since I wouldn't make it to any of my classes I might as well go home.  So I
put on a new layer of black lipstick (the cheap kind that comes with the new
Sisters of Mercy album) and stumbled out into the hall.  So I managed to
lean against the walls and although I could barely see, I tripped and crawled
and dragged my way to the loading entrance where they empty the trucks full
of frozen condensed grade-D meat into the school.  Then I turned 12.

                            The World of a Fetus
                            by Mr. I Hate Adults

0n3 d@Y WHi|e i w@z zi++ing +h3r3 in +h3 w0mb, i h3@rd mY m0mmY +@|king
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c0rd!@!!!@2!*()^&!!!" tRhi3w zdj dz@|;U YR3n@ @nd dfU +0 g0 +h3 z@nd zh3 w@
@|| |ik3 -

                "chin Up m0+h3rfUck3r!!! n0 p@in n0 g@in!!"

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@fYYw3 f 3 + zddYfr f 3 fUY@zU @zjd+ zfi3 f 3Y@UUUkU@3 +hjijz w@z wh3n i
f0Und Ym firz+ vi@| 0f cr@ck @nd d3cid3d +0 3@+ i+.  0H h0w i |0v3d i+! cr@ck
f0r br3@kf@z+, f0r |Unch, cr@ckbUrg3rz, cr@ck 0n @ z+ick, cr@ck 0n @ pi3c3 0f
dzf0 dz 33 i zdj @3 +0 +rY +0 fin dmY driv3rz |ic3nz3.  wh3r3 iz i+?


                 The World of a Fetus Inside Another Fetus
                                     by
                    The UUCP, Sebadoh and Nyquil Avenger

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      fffsiskkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
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!&*!()1(* ZWEe18!((!)!)!!!!!!!!!!!  Whee333!##!#!##!!!!!!8o9&!P I love being
a fetussfgaddfgsdfgser fetus!!!!!!!!!               dz|k;j;dz@U;@
|k@|@z |  dzkkz

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p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pidazdddy stop plowing into me! zdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i
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!&*!()1(* ZWEe18!((!)!)!!!!!!!!!!!
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0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pidazdddy stop plowing
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0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
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0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
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0zdf0i 0izdfzdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfzi said i got polarized lenses zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf
0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd
zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf
zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf
0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i
0izdfzdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i'm +3||ing Y0U, +h3 deviantsz wi|| f 0zdf0i 0izdf
zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf zdf|0i;dfz
zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz
i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@
zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf
p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i
zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i 0izdfzdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf
zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf
zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i
zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd
zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf
zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf
0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i
0izdfzdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i
0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pidazdddy stop plowing
into me! zdf zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i
zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd
zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf
zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf
0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i
0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i
0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzbaby i got your evil eye ale right here df
zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i
zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i 0izdfzdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf
zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf
zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i
zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd
zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf
zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf
0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;stickaforkinmyeyeskjdzf zd@c0pizdf
zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf
0zdf0i 0izdfzdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfzi said i got polarized lenses zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf
0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd
zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf
zdfp0ifzd zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf
0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i
0izdfzdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz +h3 deviantsz wi|| b3 sacrificed f0r gr0Up solidarity 0
0zdf 0zdf0i 0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd
zd@f|'0zdf zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i
0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i
0izdfzdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i
0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf 0i zdf0idfzp0 0zdf 0zdf0i
0izdf zdf@@@@@@@@@@ zdkj';|dU7'v U'dzf zdf'0U'zd zd|fU'zd zd@f|'0zdf
zdf|0i;dfz zd@f|;kjdzf zdf p0jzdf zd@f|;kjdzf zd@c0pizdf zdfp0ifzd
zdf@@p0idfz zdfp0idfz i zdfp0[idzf i zdfp0izdf take the fucking medicine and
don't try to come out of your coma again.

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Anal Puberty, Volume One Issue One.  Word Count: 3481
(c)1996 tcsh Productions
