
      __________________
    /`                  '\
   |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
   |QD-QD-QD      -QD-QD-Q| U A R A N T I N E D
   |D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|
    \_____________    ___/
                   \__\       ____________________
                             |                    '\
                             |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
                             |D-QD-QD      -QD-QD-QD| E M E N T I A
                             |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
                             |_____________________/


                         May 1995, Issue #1



   DISCLAIMER:  We at Quarantined Dementia DO whole-heartedly endorse any
actions of computer crime or espionage.  As we also endorse the "unfortunate"
destruction of government institutes.  And last, we endorse freedom of speech.
So FUCK OFF!


                     Q U A R A N T I N E D   D E M E N T I A


                               Staff Members


                               President - Quasimodo
                               Editor    - Destacona
                               Writers   - Afterthought
                                           Danneskjold
                                           Dante
                                           Destacona
                                           Quasimodo






   Quarantined Dementia(c) is copyright by the Quarantined Dementia staff.  
This electronic magazine may be freely distributed unedited.

   ________________________________________________________________________
 /'                |                                      |                `\
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|         Table of Contents            |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|
|QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|                                      |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|     1 - Intro to the Dementia        |D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|            by: Editor                |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|
|QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|     2 - Book of Robite Genesis       |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|            by: Robby                 |D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|     3 - Danneskjold'a Phucked up     |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|
|QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|               Fairy Tails            |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|            by: Danneskjold           |D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|     4 - Fun things to do when taking |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|
|QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|              Retards to the Zoo      |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|            by: Destacona             |D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|     5 - How to make a Mushroom Cloud |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|
|QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|            by: Quasimodo             |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|     6 - Interview with a Zebu/Zappa  |D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|            by: Destacona             |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|
|QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|     7 - You know your a dumbass if.. |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|            by: Quasimodo             |D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
|QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|     8 - Suck list.                   |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
 \_________________|______________________________________|_________________/

   __________________     __________________________   ____________________
 /`       -1-        '\ /                            \|         -1-        '\
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|    Intro to the Dementia     |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|QD-QD-QD      -QD-QD-Q|            Staff             |D-QD-QD      -QD-QD-QD|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|         by: Editor           |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
 \_____________    ___/ \ __________________________ /|_____________________/
                \__\

   Basically, Quarantined Dementia is a group of fuck-ups who decided it
would be cool to write a computer 'zine.  We live in a backwoods, bible-
beating, shit town in Tennessee.  We do not claim to be k-rad, but we will
share h/p/a information as we find it.  Be warned though that most of the
text you will read here is just good 'ol shit and should be treated as such.
And lots of it.

   If you would like to submit some good shit to us, you may sending it to
"dest.acona@net-link.com".  Please include with submissions large amounts
of US currency (small bills will do nicely) and we will be sure to publish
your article promptly.

   Now for an introduction to all the Quarantined Dementia staff!!

Quasimodo- Our local SysOp of The Labyrinth who lives at his computer, thinks
sleep is a waste of time and likes being the powerful god he is.

Destacona- Self proclaimed loser.  Finds females attractive.  Writes pure
unadulturated shit.  Digs chicks.  Thinks programmers are crazy.  Always
searching for babes.  Sorta the editor for now, too.

Dante- Our resident pascal programmer.. kewl dood.

Danneskjold- A fuck-up.  Thats about all there is to say.

Afterthought- Never really understood modems, or computers for that matter.
But, a pretty cool dude and his name should come up every once in a while.

Zappa- No one really likes him. Pretty much a complete free-loading, leeching
lamer. AKA Adolf/John Jay/The Furher/Kontrol Phreak/Zebu.  He is NOT a member
of the Quarantined Dementia staff although his name should appear
derogatively quite frequently.


   __________________     __________________________   ____________________
 /`       -2-        '\ /                            \|         -2-        '\
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|  The Book of Robite Genesis  |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|QD-QD-QD      -QD-QD-Q|      by: Robby in His        |D-QD-QD      -QD-QD-QD|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|       Supreme Wisdom         |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
 \_____________    ___/ \ __________________________ /|_____________________/
                \__\

   In the beginning there was Robby.

   And from Robby spawned evil, thus there was good.  And the good pissed
Robby off, so he created more evil to antagonize the good.

   And Robby was bored.  In the void there were no toys, so Robby created the
Earth.  But, he couldn't see the Earth, so he said "Let there be light!"

   And Robby saw the Earth, and saw that it was good, and saw that he didn't
like it very much, and he said "NO, I wanted a Bud Light."

    And a huge Bud Light erupted from the fabric of the universe and crushed
the Earth.  Beer was created.  Robby saw the beer and he was pleased. Robby
drank the beer and he was shit-faced.

   And in his drunken stupor Robby created Ed, the janitor of the universe
and overseer of penile servitude.  Ed, overpowered by his janitorial
instincts sweeped up the Earth and glued it back together.

   Robby then sobered up, and he had a hangover.  Robby saw the Earth, and saw
that it was still good, and it pissed him off.  So Robby (all hail him in his
supreme wisdom)  created the Universal Tire Iron and beat the hell out of Ed.

   And Robby was happy.

   So he beat the hell out of Ed.

   And again.

   And Again.

   However, Robby tired of beating the hell out of Ed.  And Robby created
Pete, the big, stupid, prejudice vice-god to beat the hell out of Ed for him.
And Robby was ecstatic.

   So Pete beat the hell out of Ed.

   Then Robby, seeing that the Earth was still good, created Man to really
screw things up.  And he created minorities to be prejudice against each other
and for white people to be prejudice against and to beat the hell out of.

   This pleased Robby, so Pete beat the hell out of Ed.

   And Ed, in his infinite stupidity said "Come on guys this isn't funny come
on guys stop it."

   And Pete beat the hell out of Ed.  And Robby burned all of Ed's janitorial
supplies. And Ed cowered at the feet of the supreme master Robby.

   This made Robby happy.  So he commanded Ed to cower eternally at his feet.

   And Ed cowered eternally at the feet of the all knowing all powerful Robby.

   Robby, seeing that he needed a kingdom to fill with evil, and a palace to
fill with beer, and a throne for Ed to cower at the foot of eternally, created
Robdom.

   And Robby filled Robdom with evil.  Though the evil just sort of sat there
and looked impressive.  There were no inhabitants of Robdom (besides Robby,
Pete, and Ed), so the evil had nothing to do, except antagonize Ed when Pete
wasn't beating the hell out of him.

   And Robby filled his palace (Bigdom) with beer.  Every room had a sacred
shrine which doubled as a refrigerator.  There was a ceremonial pool filled
with ceremonial beer where Robby often went to get ceremonially blasted.

   And in the center of Robdom, on high in Bigdom sat Robby's throne
(wallpaperdom which bears absolutely no significance).  Above his head was a
plaque reading "Supreme Master of the Universe" just in case some day he
created subjects to fill Robdom and one of those subjects (who had not been
created yet) forgot.

   At Robby's right hand sat Pete beating the hell out of Ed.

   At Robby's lefty hand was the sacred shrine/refrigerator filled with the
holy beverage, beer.

   And at Robby's feet groveled Ed, cowering at the feet of the supreme master
Robby and having the shit kicked out of him by Pete.

   Meanwhile, on Earth, man became boring.  So Robby created a god to confuse
them and make them interesting.

   And Robby created God, and in a brilliant lack of creativity named him God.

   And God confused the humans, and occasionally visited Bigdom to beat the
hell out of Ed.

   However, during a few millennia that Robby wasn't looking (because he was
pissed out of his mind - sometime here he created liquor) God made man good,
just to piss Robby off.  However Robby didn't notice, he was passed out
somewhere.  He gave them ten commandments, and they (curse their ignorance)
gladly accepted them, blindly denouncing evil and all the fun associated with
it.

   However, God wasn't done, he gave them souls too.  And he told them if
they were good (and they all were) they could come and hang out at his place,
Dickdom,  once they were dead.

   But, this blasphemy could not last indefinitely.

   And Pete beat the hell out of Ed.

   Even through his alcohol induced haze, Robby could sense all that horrible
good infecting the universe.  However he passed out shortly and didn't regain
consciousness for a few centuries.  But when he did he had one motherfucker
of a hangover.  And he was pissed off.  He didn't know why, but Jesus was he
pissed.

   And he went to beat the hell out of Ed, but Pete was already doing it,
so he went to beat the hell out God.

   And Robby went to Dickdom.

   And in Dickdom instead of seeing God cowering before his master, he
saw God hanging out with dead people.

   And good was everywhere.

   And Robby shit a brick.  Robby, all hail him the supreme master of the
universe, beat the hell out of God with his universal tire iron.  And Pete
beat the hell out of Ed with everything he could find.

   Robby, in his wrath, chained God to the wall at the end of the
universe, and created Andy to beat the hell out of him as often as possible.

   However, Robby still had a Dickdom full of souls and an Earth full of
good people.

   And Robby, in his excellent wickedness, created Endom.  And he filled
it with evil and pain and he chained the good souls there to suffer
eternally. And he created Majoule overseer of Endon and most demented of the
deities to sexually molest the purest of the souls and to generally make
eternity miserable for everyone.

   And Robby felt somewhat better.

   But, there was still the Earth to deal with.

   And Pete beat the holy shit out of Ed.  And Ed cringed and moaned and
bitched, so Pete beat the hell out of Ed again.

   And Robby looked up at Bigdom and belched in approval.

   Robby searched the Earth for completely evil men, uncorrupted by the
reign of God.  And Robby came upon Noahway and his band of raiders who never
raided anything because they had discovered controlled substances and were too
stoned.  But they sure as hell were evil.  They beat their children and wives
and each other.  Robby decided he liked the Noahwayites.

   So Robby commanded them to build an Ark because he was going to flood
the Earth to purge it of the good.

   And the Noahwayites told Robby to fuck off.

   And Robby decided he liked the Noahwayites a whole lot.  So he built a
massive party ark filled with controlled substances.  And in the  lowest
chamber he placed two of every evil creature on the Earth. And on the door to
the chamber, he burned "Do Not Go Here, Big Hungry Animals".

   Robby had forgotten the Noahwayites had burned every school in a
hundred mile radius, and didn't even know how to spell drugs.

   And Robby flooded the Earth, and the Noahwayites flocked to the ark to
revel in the controlled substances...and Pete beat the hell out of Ed.

   However, the Noahwayites heard the roars and grunts and hisses of the
evil creatures.  And the Noahwayites were pissed off.  They ran through the
door and the evil animals beat the hell out of them.  And ate them.

   The last of the Noahwayites were Noahway and Woman #27.  They had been
too stoned to walk at the time of the excursion to beat the hell out of the
bad things.  They were spared from the wrath of the unleashed evil things.
They all died of severe indigestion, the Noahwayites had had a peculiar
aversion to soap and water.

   Once all the good people had drowned several times and Robby had sent
their souls to Endom, Robby drained the Earth.

   Although, Noahway and Woman #27 didn't notice for several weeks.  It was
when Noahway went out to piss off the side and he didn't end up pissing all
over himself that he noticed there were no waves.

   And Noahway and Woman #27 jumped off the boat.  And Woman #27 broke
both legs, but Noahway didn't mind.  She could still wash dishes and have sex.

   Robby had created a wonderful garden full of evil and things to beat
the hell out of for the noahwayites.  And Noahway and Woman #27 (once she got
over not being able to walk) were extremely happy.

   And they had sex.  Lots of it.

   And Woman #27 had children.  Lots of them.

   And Noahway beat the hell out of Woman #27 and the children.

   And the children had lots of sex.

   And the gene pool was destroyed.  The descendants of Noahway were all
incestual mongoloids.

   Robby looked down from Bigdom and saw the Noahwayites walking into each
other and trees and everything else and not beating the hell out of anything
and he was pissed off.  The Noahwayites were no longer evil.  They were too
stupid to be evil.  They just sat around all day and slobbered and laughed
those loud obnoxious laughs that retards laugh at absolutely nothing at all.

   Robby was going to kill them all.  But, he decided to watch Pete finish
beating the hell out of Ed, and by the time he was done the Noahwayites had
all died of stupidity.  So Robby sent them all to Endom and they didn't even
notice.

   And Robby looked down on the Empty Earth.  The void pissed him off.
So he went to beat the hell out of Ed, but Pete was already beating the living
shit out of him.  So Robby (in his infinite wisdom) took up his universal tire
iron and beat the beJesus out of Pete.

   And Pete gave him a spiteful, sulky, totally uncomprehending look and beat
the hell out of Ed.

   Robby settled down on Wallpaperdom and began to remold mankind to
repopulate the Earth.  And Robby made man inherently evil and intolerant of
others.  Robby created a great city (Condom) for his people, the Robites. And
Robby populated Condom with Robites and beat the hell out of each and every
one.

   And Pete got excited and beat the hell out of Ed.

   The Robites hated Robby, cursed Robby, but they feared Robby.

   And Robby was satisfied.

   However, anarchy fell upon the Robites, and the evil was not systematic,
and therefore not efficient.

   And Robby descended upon condom and presented the Robites with two great
stone tablets with thirteen commandments.

   Engraved upon the tablets was:

   1)      Thou shalt piss off.
   2)      Thou shalt persecute the Christian religion whenever possible.
   3)      Thou shalt be sexist, racist, and completely intolerant of
           other people's beliefs, especially if they're black.
   4)      Thou shalt, at least once, beat the hell out of Ed, janitor of
           the universe and overseer of penile servitude who cowers eternally
           at the feet of the supreme master Robby.
   5)      Thou shalt have at least one big stupid prejudice friend to beat
           the hell out of people for you.
   6)      Thou shalt have a big truck, and in that big truck run things over.
           Lots of them.
   7)      Thou shalt have a tire iron in the back of your big truck, because
           "wham, one hit and they're gone, just wham ...one hit."
   8)      Thou shalt not put too much paper in the shitter or get blue
           hairdye all over the bathroom in a cheap motel.
   9)      Thou shalt avoid logic whenever possible.
   10)     Thou shalt utilize controlled substances.
   11)     Thou shalt be fluent in basic and standard English and
           plumberspeak.
   12)     Thou shalt have at least one commandment which means nothing at
           all.
   13)     Thou shalt obey  all the commandments.  In that order.

   And the Robites spit on the tablets and pissed on the tablets and
painted obscenities about Robby on them.  The Robites obeyed the commandments.  Robby was pleased.

   And Pete beat the hell out of Ed.

   Robby looked down on Condom.  And he was pleased.  And Robby saw
Robdom, and he was not pleased.  So Robby decided to populate Robdom.
However, Robby desired subjects to beat the hell out of and who would cower at
his feet.  So Robby (in his eternal wisdom) cloned Ed, janitor of the universe
and overseer of penile servitude.  And Robby populated Robdom with cowering
masses of Eds.  And the Eds cowered as one and moaned with one voice.

   And Pete beat the hell out of each and every Ed.

   And Robby, so that the Robites might obey commandment #4, placed an Ed in
his temple in Condom.

   And the Robites beat the hell out of Ed.

   Thus endeth the book of Genesis.

   __________________     __________________________   ____________________
 /`       -3-        '\ /                            \|         -3-        '\
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|Danneskjold's Phucked up Fairy|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|QD-QD-QD      -QD-QD-Q|            Tails             |D-QD-QD      -QD-QD-QD|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|        by: Danneskjold       |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
 \_____________    ___/ \ __________________________ /|_____________________/
                \__\

   Once upon a time there was a great big magic anus.  It had great big blue
lightning bolts in it.  Then ZEBU came and it said "I'm the great big anus
with blue lightning bolts in it!"  And ZEBU said lets have a truse!
But the mother who killed and ate her children came along and said "This
story sucks!"   But the anus was really dirty and as she said this big crust
flake fell and buried her alive.  Zebu just pulled all his clothes off and
started to worship the anus.  And then a million people appeared and the anus
sucked them all in.

MORAL:  If you're a great big anus you can kick some ass

right now there is is a naked girl with a lizard tail coming out of her
ass licking my toes.  I love the bitch, I mean what else could you ask for
but a naked bitck witha lizard tail in herr ass   I just dont wanna know
where it came from.    Wellll I guess IF I had a a asshole for a bellybutton
It would really kickass   Id just sit at home and stick stuff in it.   Like
a lizard tail except bigger   Id stretch the motherfucker out so I could
put people in it     Id just walk around and put people in my asshole/belly
button.   And then everyonece in a while A person would just pop out my
big fucking asshole/bellybutton    he he   and then Id just pop 'em
right back in cause there's no escape from my asshole/bellybutton

MORAL: drugs are bad for you

for a penis
i would die
for a pussy
i would kill
i like to fuck
in iambic pentameter
sex, sex, sex
fuck the world
witha big funnel
and then kill
every republican
with the guns
he outlawed
guru fuck-ups
rule my life
and my death

MORAL: DRUgs aRe VERY baaDDd fOre yOU

 simba the lion would be really cool if he'd just run around and kill
 everyone.  If I had a lion Id train him to kill poor defenceless old
 ladies so i could burn their bodies then beat them, rape them, and hit
 myself with them cause im a SEDO MASOCHISTIC PYROMANIAC NECROPHILLIAC!!!!

MORAL: Simba is cool

   __________________     __________________________   ____________________
 /`       -4-        '\ /   Fun Things To Do When    \|         -4-        '\
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|    Taking Retards To The     |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|QD-QD-QD      -QD-QD-Q|            Zoo               |D-QD-QD      -QD-QD-QD|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|        by: Destacona         |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
 \_____________    ___/ \ __________________________ /|_____________________/
                \__\

   Taking retards to the zoo can be a fun and profitable experience.  Here
are some basic guidelines to follow to maximize your enjoyment.

   -Let the retards swim naked in the duck pond.
   -Explain to them why it is good to poke lions with a stick.
   -Call security on them.  Security will have fun interogating them.
   -Let them experiment with the many practical uses of zebra shit.
   -Show them monkeys having sexual intercourse.  They will be amazed.
   -Have the strong retard break into the monkey cage.
   -Let the retards have sexual intercourse with the monkeys.
   -Take off their glasses and proceed to let them bump into stuff.
   -Make them yell "I love zebra shit" at the top of their lungs.
   -Place a twinkie in the bear urinals and tell them it is still good.
   -Have them stand under the bird cage and tell them that it is
    good to catch the stuff coming out of the birds bottoms.
   -Put up a concession stand selling retards for $5 each.  This
    is a fair price.
   -Teach them the neat tricks they can do with pubic hair and goats.
   -Tell them Barney is on the bottom of the fish pool.  They
    will know what to do.
   -Leave the the retards at the zoo.  (Note - Retards have a
    sort of an internal guidance system that will help them find
    home.  Don't worry about them.)

   These tips should work at just about any zoo.  If the zoo you are visiting
does not have one of the animals mentioned substitute an animal of about the
same size that the zoo does have.  And remember to have a whole shit load of
fucked up fun next time you take your retards to visit the zoo!

   __________________     __________________________   ____________________
 /`       -5-        '\ /                            \|         -5-        '\
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-| How to make a Mushroom Cloud |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|QD-QD-QD      -QD-QD-Q|                              |D-QD-QD      -QD-QD-QD|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|        by: Afterthought      |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
 \_____________    ___/ \ __________________________ /|_____________________/
                \__\

   Allright, if you're like me, you are pretty sick of fifty different pyro
magazines saying the same damn things.  By now you have heard it all (if not,
you can d/l them from me).  So, I'm not gonna repeat how to make detonators,
or how to make pipe bombs and shit like that.  Instead, I'm gonna move on to
neater stuff...for example this file.  A coupla friends and I were messing
around a little while ago, and we came across this.

Materials you will need:

        Beryium Nitrate
        Magnesium Powder
        Manganese Dioxide
        An open space (optional, you can do it in a fucking building if you
                       want to)

---All of these chemicals can be ordered from any chemical supply company---

   Moving on...take the Berium Nitrate and the Magnesium powder and combine
them.  If you want to be real 'kewl', you can figure out the exact amount of
each to produce the perfect reaction...but its definitely not needed.  Okay,
so you throw them together...stand back.  It'll make a brilliant green flame.
Now, while you're staring at it with blank expressions, throw the Manganese
Dioxide in.  Now two substances should be produced.  One will be molten
manganese...the other will be a gas.  As the gas rises, it will pull in dust
particles and crap and produce a nice mushroom cloud.  Pretty simple, huh?
Another thing...I haven't tried this using any other reactions which produce
extremely hot flames yet...it may work with anything, but I know this one
works...Anyways, HAVE FUN!

   __________________     __________________________   ____________________
 /`       -6-        '\ /                            \|         -6-        '\
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|    Interview with a Zappa    |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|QD-QD-QD      -QD-QD-Q|         by: Destacona        |D-QD-QD      -QD-QD-QD|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|                              |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
 \_____________    ___/ \ __________________________ /|_____________________/
                \__\

   Due to all the encouragment (or just because I felt like it),  I have
decided to have an interview with Zappa / Zebu.  In this article you will read
about his personal and computer life and how misguided and corrupt both of
these are.  I have included notes after his responses that should help to
clarify matters.  PLEASE do not show this to children without direct parental
supervision. [Note: I am disregarding his poor spelling and grammer for this
article.]

Destacona - What are all the previous handles you have gone by?

Zappa - zebu... that's it...

[He has actually gone by about 5-6 different handles.  His statement is an
outright lie.  The reason for his switching handles is a mystery to us all.
My current theory is that everytime his U/D ratio gets to high he changes his
handle to start over without needing to upload anything.]


D - What signifigance does your current handle have?

Z - none at all

[I really can not verify this, but due to his previous trends, I believe this
also to be a lie.  It seems that this time he is using the name of a famous
rock musician.  Is this signifigant enough to constitute mentioning it for
this interview?]


D - Where are you employed?  (If you are a student, name the school)

Z - im a student... but you can forget knowing about what school i'm from....
    ask quasi and if you are as good an aquaintance as you say.. he will tell
    you

["forget knowing about what school i'm from?"  Why is he so defensive?  It is
like he is trying to hide something.  Perhaps he has had a bad experience at
his school that he would not like to share with us.  Look for updates with
your Zappa news source, QD.  Also note he is trying to hide behind Quasimodo's
preverbial skirt in the last sentence.]


D - How old are you?

Z - how old are you?

[Interesting response... perhaps he is also dyslexic?]


D - What are your intersts for your on-line and off-line computer life?

Z - I like pornography.... the sciences... and of cource computers... i really
    enjoy reading the message subs.... only lately has this come to be though.

[His reference to pornography shocked me thoroughly.  What can our preverted
youth get their hands on these days?  It is a disgrace.  Also, bA HA AH AHAH
HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Look how he spelled "cource"! ]


D - Do you upload/download pirated software?  If so, what are your file ratio
    on other warez BBSes.

Z - yea, about 10000 on all of em...

[Hmmmmm. He seemed to avoid the second part to this question.  I have checked
with some of the local warez SysOps and he has an outragous u/d ratio, one
even as high as 0k uploaded and 50 Mb downloaded.  This is what is commonly
refered to as "leeching your mutha FuKin ((c) Zebu) ass off"]


D - On the average, how much time do you spend at your computer every day?

Z - ((5days * 5hours) + (2days * 7.55hours)/7 = 5.728hours... how 'bout you.?

[Even though this is a very large portion of time, I am glad that he is
knowledgeble in the use of a calculator.]


D - What sort of music do you listen to?

Z - Peter Gabriel all the way... and screw you if you hate me for liking him..

[He obviously has no musical taste whatsoever.  And also if he likes Peter
Gabriel so much, why use Zappa as a handle?  Wouldn't Gabriel, Pete or Peter
be a better handle considering his musical preferences?]


D - Do you watch television often?  If so what are your favorite shows?

I honestly NEVER watch television...

[I have a feeling that this is also a lie.  EVERYONE watches a little TV now
and then.  With so much education programming on now days he is missing a
large portion of shows that could help him with his ignorance of the world
around him.  The Learning Channel, for instance, could bring his IQ up so
much in just one week that it could make him a new, better person.  I have
also heard that Mr. Rogers has had a profound effect on people in his
intellegence bracket.]



D - If you could be one person, who would it be and why?

Z - I would be some GEORGIOUS blonde babe.. so i could play with myself and
    explore me... and have long lasting oily orgies with all my GEORGIOUS
    girl friends...

[Perverted to the last.  Disgusting.]


D - What does PBX stand for?

Z - how the fuck should i know... I'm not "EliTE" like you destacona... you
    BIG man you... (i take it "PBX" is some EliTE thing... if not..
    disreguard the above...)

[He calls h/p/a boards and has no idea what PBX stands for?  The only thing
H/P/A board should be for is aquiring knowledge of H/P/A methods.  If he 
hasn't been using H/P/A boards for this, what has he been using them for?]


D - Define what K-Rad and ELiTe mean to you.

Z - I don't know exactly but i have a pretty good idea.. quasimodo and i talk
    qute offten.. and it is usualy on this topic... i honestly don't think
    many people really know... except maybe for Yossarian.. ECM... and the
    BGR folk... it is to me some sort of social clan... the type of
    experiance you have when you call the EliTE boards.. read messages,
    reply, get flamed... and just do the usual on all the EliTE boards.... as
    for k-rad.... i think it would be nee to make a program (ok i'm not a
    man, i program in pascal) that would change allthe letters in a text file
    to "k-rad" letters like.. umm... well..[hi-ascii deleted] for all the r's
    and 3 for all the e's... and so forth... k-rad to me is a type of
    language...

[BGR folk?  They are about as ELiTe as my grandma.  And K-Rad meaning being
able to program a text converter?  And K-Rad is a language?  And EliTe being
able to write messages?  Who is feeding this poor youth with all this
misinformation?  The leak must be plugged!]


D - Have you ever cracked a game yourself?  If so, describe how you went about
    it.

Z - no...

[He can sure download the warez but if it actually came time to crack one he
one he would be without a clue.]


D - Do you have any internet experience?  If so, describe your experiences.

Z - I've got plenty... and i can leach tooo, just a quasi...

[Plenty of internet experience?  Bullshit. And note that even though leeching
was not in question here, he admited to it.  Remember Zappa, admiting that 
you have a problem is half of the solution.]


D -  What is your favorite place to "hang out"?

Z - these type of places... EliTE boards... 50-70 users... everyone gets
    flamed... everyone doesn't care... that is a party to me...

[I was actually refering to "physically" hanging out, but I guess he's just
too FuKin ((c) Zebu) stupid to figure that out.  (Or perhaps he just doesn't
do that sort of thing, physically hanging out that is.)]


D - Do you have any hobbies other than computer related subject maters?  If
    so describe them here.

Z - masterbation... (self explanatory... but if you do want me to explain. i
    think you will find it all the book "The Teenage Body Book" the fucking
    funniest book ever written... you'll find it in the comedy section of
    your local library...)

[More of Zappa's perversion.  He even has references to sources of
information open to the public on the topic!  Where will it end?]


   Now you can plainly see why we at QD poke fun at Zappa / Zebu's expense.
His multiple references to perversion and his lameness should be enough for
anyone, but he is also a leech!  Hopefully someday, somehow, we will find a
way to get him away from his terminal and show him that there could be a
different and better life for him in the real world.  But then again...
Naaaaa.. he's too much fun the way he is now.

   __________________     __________________________   ____________________
 /`       -7-        '\ /                            \|         -7-        '\
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|     You know you're a        |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|QD-QD-QD      -QD-QD-Q|        dumbass if...         |D-QD-QD      -QD-QD-QD|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|      by:  Quasimodo          |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
 \_____________    ___/ \ __________________________ /|_____________________/
                \__\

   ...you go to church and enjoy it
   ...you cheer at pep ralleys
   ...you vote for the winner in a student council election
   ...you are the winner in a student council election
   ...you care who is home-coming queen
   ...your shoes cost more than $100
   ...you actually check books out of the library
   ...you have fuzzy dice in your car
   ...you always tuck in your shirt
   ...you wear slacks in the summer
   ...you care about your GPA or class rank
   ...you give a shit about anything
   ...you plan on going into "business"
   ...you dip
   ...you never break the law
   ...you are active in any school-sponsered club
   ...you listen to the top 40
   ...you watch TV alot
   ...you have ever been entertained by a soap opera
   ...this sheet pisses you off
   ...you can stand to be within 10 ft. of a cheerleader
   ...you're big, dumb, and prejudice
   ...you laugh when you fart
   ...you've ever been in a pissing contest
   ...you watch QVC
   ...you talk about Ralph Lauren like you know him
   ...you like the president or any other authoritative figure
   ...you've never been in a cult
   ...your arms are larger around than your head
   ...your IQ is so low you have to dig for it to test it
   ...you walk around with your mouth open and drooling
   ...you dot your i's with little obnoxious hearts
   ...you write papers on colored paper
   ...you write notes with three or more different colored ink
   ...you have ever written a note that looks like this:
        Do you like me                 __Yes  __No
        Will you go out with me        __Yes  __No
        Will you sit with me at lunch  __Yes  __No
        Do you believe in the Hegelian system of dialect and the human
        development of the idea       __Yes  __No
   ...commercials make you want to buy things
   ...you spend over 2 minutes on your hair
   ...you carry a Bible around with you
   ...you have never started a forest fire
   ...you listen to your parents
   ...you stand up for the Pledge of Allegiance
   ...your calculator weighs over one pound
   ...you wear "Bucks"
   ...your name is Ed or Amanda
   ...you communicate with friends by hitting them
   ...you think bodily noises are funny
   ...you recycle
   ...you have used the term "freak"
   ...you participate in baseball, football, basketball, or any combination
      of the three
   ...you are emotionally stirred by the National Anthem

   __________________     __________________________   ____________________
 /`       -8-        '\ /                            \|         -8-        '\
|-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|                              |-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-|
|QD-QD-QD      -QD-QD-Q|         Suck list.           |D-QD-QD      -QD-QD-QD|
|D-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD|                              |QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-QD-Q|
 \_____________    ___/ \ __________________________ /|_____________________/
                \__\

   The staff of Quarantined Dementia have decided on producing a list of
lamers from the 423 area.  If you disagree with any of our choices on this
list, please inform us so that we can add your name.

   Zappa (aka Zebu / Hitler / Fuhrer / ect...)
   Ps-x
   Faxmaster
   Ps-x
   All of Faxmasters little friends
   Ps-x
   The Deviate
   Ps-x
   Dolemite
   Ps-x
   Jim Morrison (not the singer)
   Ps-x
   Edgar Allen Poe

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Submit all entries, comments, and bullshit to "dest.acona@net-link.com".

QD Distribution Sites:





                                 _____ _   _  ___
                                |_   _| |_| ||  _|
                       ___        | | |  _  || |.
                      /  /        | | |_| |_|| |_
                     /  /  __ __  |_|   __ . |___| ______ __
                    /  / / . | .)_   _/ . )_   _ /_   _/// /
                   /  (_/_   | .`.`\| | -.| |/'|/'/ //    /
                  (______//|_|__,'\  //|_||_|/|_/'_//_//_/
                          .______/  /
                         '---------'
                                SErVinG aLl uR
                               H/P/A/C/V NeEdzZ
                                eAzt TEnNeZzeE
                                 28,800 bAwd
                                   850 megz
                                (423)FuK-ZEBU





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           T  E  U  F  L  I  S  C  H  E     H  A  S  C  H  E  N
                                 423.Z31.NnUb
                                    


