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                        i$7       SQUARE #01 / APRIL, 1997
                          ý+

             "if it's considered 'uncool', it's probably in square."

 --- -                                                                   - ---
         square e'zine is another fine publication from your friends at
              kick me productions  and  is (c)opyright 1997 sykes.
                     all rights reversed, i mean, reserved.
 --- -                                                                   - ---

   "a pointless prologue" by / sykes                                     (01)


       it's  a  cold  tuesday  afternoon  in the  month of february. a  young
   boy sits half dressed  and half  conscious  gazing out of his window  into
   the empty streets,  watching  the  snow  glide  to it's  destination. it's
   already late in the afternoon.  most  people  have been up  and about  now
   for quite some time,  learning  their  lessons  in school,  earning  their
   piece in the working  community,  or  caring  to the responsibilities they
   have at home. he awoke only minutes ago  or  approximately four hours  and
   two minutes too late to  catch  the  bus  to  the  small  high  school  he
   attends. eyes half open,  he  reaches  to  the  floor  for  a  sweatshirt,
   fumbling   through    papers   and   dirty   clothing.   any inch  of  the
   wall to wall carpeting that can be seen  through  this  sea  of  filth  is
   discolored due to microwave pizza and coca cola stains. for a brief moment
   he tries to recall it's original shade but fails. his walls are hidden  by
   images of neo glamour rock heavy metal noise bands, swimsuit  models,  and
   various star wars paraphrenalia. the stench of worn out converse sneakers,
   three   day   old    bowls   of  cap'n   crunch   cereal   and   his   own
   body odor collide in the air  like  symbols, becoming instruments in  this
   symphony of disgust. it's the type of room every parent abhorres.

       slowly, he pulls  the  sweatshirt  over  his head, folds his arms, and
   resumes    his    unproductiveness,    staring   once    more   into   the
   winter  skies.  he sits in this pit of  despair in utter silence with only
   the   humming   of   his   electrical  companion  to  keep  him  aware.  a
   loyal companion that was a gift from his parents to help him excel in  his
   studies, an investment in his  education.  ironically, the day he received
   this gift marked his academic  downfall.  it  was  quite clear  that  this
   lump  of technology  served   him  a  greater  purpose  than  printing  up
   history  reports.   without  any  notice,  as   if  he  were   put   under
   some    type   of   spell,   he   stands   up   with    his  eyes   opened
   wide  and  then   quickly   walks  towards  the  enchanted   humming  box.
   it was calling  for  him, begging to be touched.  the magical  contraption
   spent an intimate  evening  with him the night before and was ready  for a
   another.    body    limp,    the    young    boy    was    exhausted   due
   to the long night  he had endured,  a  night  filled with  sugary  visions
   of electrons and  microchips.   he  needed  rest,  he  needed  school,  he
   needed  friends,   he   needed   direction,   but  none  of  these  things
   meant anything to him because when his  thin   fingers  touched the  small
   square keys on his keyboard, he knew where he belonged.

       it  was  time  for  another  day  and  night  of adventure  with   his
   mechanical friend.  it  was time for him to logon and once again  continue
   his search for the long awaited debut issue of square.

 --- -                                                                   - ---

  *** editor's note: some of the ascii logo's i have drawn for square display
      incorrectly due to some of the ascii characters i used in their design.
      for best viewing resluts, use edit.com for msdos.

 --- -                                                                   - ---

                                           a
                      s             u             r      e
                             q           .ùùù::
                    .ùùù.        ::   ::::   ::::ùùù.  .ùùù.
                   ::   :: .ùùù::::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::
                   ::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::
                   ::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::
                   ::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::
                   ::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::
                   ::.....::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::::...::
                   ::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ::::   ..
                   ::   ::::   ::::   :: ù...;:::     ::   ::
                    ù...ù ::   :: ù...ù        ::      ù...ù
                           ù...;:
                               ::


   +01+ "a pointless prologue" ........................................ sykes
   +02+ "don't you know? it's hip to be square!" ...................... sykes
   +03+ "today i lost my only friend" ................................. sykes
   +04+ "jimmy gets a bad haircut" .................................... sykes
   +05+ "fashionable believers just suck" ............................. sykes
   +06+ "i'm gonna be a rock star" .................................... sykes
   +07+ "nice guys finish last because the dicks cheat" ............... sykes
   +08+ "my month in review" .......................................... sykes
   +09+ "cd of the month: that dog [retreat from the sun]" ............ sykes
   +10+ "in closing.." ................................................ sykes
   +11+ "an even more pointless epilogue" ............................. sykes

 --- -                                                                   - ---

               support underground publications whether they're on
         paper or on your hard drive.  someone took the time to express
               their thoughts, take the time to  acknowledge them.

 --- -                                                                   - ---

   "don't you know? it's hip to be square!" by / sykes                   (02)

       i wear weird shoes, i shop at the salvation army, i'm skinny,  i  have
   messy hair, i read comic books,  i watch  cartoons,  i  occasionally  play
   with toys, i use my  computer  for  'fun',  i think using old  words  like
   'swell' and 'keen' is just plain neat, i believe very strongly in god, i'm
   a lovesick romantic, i listen to weezer more than any band on this planet,
   i dream of becoming a rock star and one  day  ruling  the  world, i  don't
   like  sports,   i   don't   like   college,  i  sometimes  feel  extremely
   uncomfortable at parties, i don't drive a cool car, i don't  work  a  cool
   job,   i   don't    drink   alcohol,    i   don't   do   drugs,  i   don't
   like violence, i don't like rap music, i don't know how to macerena, and i
   don't watch friends!

     this is me and if this means  i'm a square,  i  hope i'm  one for  the
       rest of my life. because you know what? it feels pretty damn good.

       welcome to my uncircular realm where those who are  considered  to  be
   'uncool' by the preps, jocks, prom queens,  cheerleaders,  and home  boys,
   reign supreme. a realm where  star  trek  plays twenty four hours a day on
   every channel. nerds of the world, i give you a home, i give you square.

                               enjoy issue #01

                                                   -sykes<egod@berkshire.net>

 --- -                                                                   - ---

       any  accounts  of  nauseau, dizziness,  constipation,  or  any  other
   unpleasant  feelings induced by this zine can be sent to:

   *** egod@berkshire.net ***

       if you really think this zine sucks and you have a  note  tied  to  a
   brick that you'd just love to toss through my living room window, send me
   some email and i'll give you my home address. <evil grin>

 --- -                                                                   - ---

                            and so it begins.. .

 --- -                                                                   - ---

   "today i lost my only friend" by / sykes                              (03)

       today i lost my only friend,  my best friend,  my  girlfriend  of  two
   years, my very first love.  i  came  home tonight in tears and  the  first
   thing i could think of doing was write. for me, writing has always been an
   effective pain killer. actually, i wouldn't go as far as  saying it  kills
   the pain because the pain is still there. i guess it  just  numbs  it  for
   awhile. anyway, my girlfriend and i broke  up  and with the way we talked,
   you would think that the chance of us ever getting back together was zero.
   it's   so  hard   to  think   about  what  lies  ahead  knowing  that  she
   won't  be  there  with  me.  she's  such  an  important  daily part of  my
   life that i don't know how i'll function happily without her.  people have
   told me before that it's just a habit that i have to get over.  it's not a
   habit, it's love. i truly love her with all of  my  heart.  i  have  never
   felt this way  about  anyone and  i  can't  even  begin  to  conceive  the
   thought of loving someone else. maybe i could, but on the same note, maybe
   i don't want to.

       i remember the day i saw her. it was the summer after i graduated.  my
   friends and i were all piled into my  buddy   ryan's  jeep.  he  had  some
   coupons for dairy queen that he wanted to use so we decided  to  swing  on
   over. we pulled up to the drive-thru and then ryan began to  order.  while
   he was ordering, we were  making dumb  noises  and  saying  really  stupid
   things. basically being our loser immature selves. about twenty feet  away
   in the the dairy queen window i saw  a girl  laughing.  i  was  absolutely
   amazed at her. i always had this image in my mind of what i considered  to
   be   the   'perfect girl'   and   there    she    stood.   she   was   the
   most beautiful thing i had  ever seen and still is to this day. i swear to
   you, that night i felt a warmth that i have never felt before.  a  feeling
   of comfort  that  i  had  finally  found  the  one.   that  night  in  the
   drive-thru window of dairy queen, i saw an angel.

       i frantically searched ryan's jeep for a pen and paper so that i could
   scribble down my number in the hopes that she and i would talk. i gave the
   dirty piece of scrap paper with my number on it to one of the dairy  queen
   employees and directed them to pass it down to her, hoping that  when  she
   received it she would be able to make out my chicken scratch  handwriting.
   a   few  days  had  passed  and  as  mesmerized  as  i  was  at  her,  the
   constant drunken state  i  was  in  that  week  almost  made   me   forget
   until one day my memory was completely refreshed. she called me. her voice
   was the sweetest sound i had ever heard. we talked for a bit  and  hit  it
   off great and eventually we went out on our first date. well actually,  we
   didn't really 'go out',she came over to my house and we watched a movie in
   my room. it took me almost the entire movie before i actually got  up  the
   nerve to walk over to her (yes, walk over. i was actually walking distance
   away from her.) and give her a kiss. i'll never forget  that  day  because
   that was the day i knew i was in love.

       so time progressed and we had some good times and some bad  times.  we
   made some good memories and some bad memories. we made some right  choices
   and some wrong choices. we lived life  and  watched each other  grow  into
   different people, together. i don't know how it  happened  but  eventually
   our smiles turned to frowns and our loving  words turned to hurtful words.
   we broke it off a few times  and  pursued  other  interests  which  always
   failed within a short period of time. the end result would be  us  jumping
   back into each other's arms, confessing  how  much we  missed one another.
   during each reunion we would tell each other how different it was going to
   be this time, how we wouldn't take each other for granted and how we would
   live happily ever after. that's  what  we  said  last  time  we  got  back
   together only a few months ago.

       i'm in so much pain right now. i feel so lost and confused. sure we've
   had some bad times, but the good times have been really *good*. when we're
   both smiling and having a good time  enjoying each other's  company,  it's
   so unbelievably perfect. it's so right. when we're apart it's so wrong. it
   just doesn't feel like it's meant to be that way. it's almost as if  there
   is this magnetic force that just keeps pulling us  back  together  and  as
   much as we try to fight it we cannot.  it's a force more powerful than any
   bitter words or sour actions. a force more powerful than any  tear  filled
   eyes or sorrow soaked hearts. it's love, pure untainted love straight  out
   of heaven itself. a force that can turn any bad situation to good. a force
   that i have complete faith in.

       she'll be living on her college campus in the fall, surrounded by  new
   people and new experiences. it's possible that those  things  might seduce
   her and turn her away from me forever. however, if our love is destined to
   be like i feel it in my heart, then those things will have  no  effect  on
   her and she will once again be in my arms. *we* will once again be a team.
   for now, all i can do is live my life and try to make myself as  happy  as
   possible. i'll always keep her in my thoughts, trying to focus only on the
   good and never the bad. i'll always keep her in my  prayers,  hoping  that
   she makes the right decisions and stays  far  from  harms  way.  and  i'll
   always keep the light on for her at my front door, to light her path  when
   she decides it's time to come  home.  today  my  heart  was  broken  again
   because today i lost my only friend.

   *** editor's note: umm, scratch that.. my only friend came back to me  the
       next day. =) ISN'T LOVE GRAND!@#

 --- -                                                                   - ---

   "jimmy gets a bad haircut" by / sykes                                 (04)


         "hey jimmy."

         "oh.. hey mark."

         "what's wrong? you look down in the dumps."

         "you mean.. you can't tell?"

         "oh, uhm, still bumming about your breakup with carrie?"

         "no, she's a cunt. who gives a fuck about her. she's probably a
        lesbian anyway."

         "hmm.. ok, uhm, your boss giving you a hard time again?"

         "no, that cocksucker could give a shit about me lately. he's too
        busy porking his fat ass secretary. come on mark, it's so fucking
        obvious."

         "oh, NOW i get it.. it's the diarrhea eh? well hey, i just got
        back from the drug store and picked me up some.. ."

         "NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT! MY HAIR! MY FUCKING HAIR! LOOK AT IT!"

         "hey! you got a haircut! looking sharp jimbo!"

         "first of all, DON'T EVER FUCKING CALL ME JIMBO AGAIN OR I'LL
        BREAK YOUR SKINNY ASS IN TWO! second, NO, i don't look sharp,
        i look like an egg. i look like i just fell out of some fucking
        chicken's ass. why does this shit always have to happen to me?
        i told her, 'not too much off the top, i have a weird looking
        head.' and what did she do? SHE TOOK TOO MUCH OFF THE TOP!"

      at that moment jimmy begins to sob. mark, being the good friend he is,
   does everything he can to put his hair troubled friend at ease.


         "you know something jimmy, i think this is the best damn hair cut
        you have ever got!"

         "YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT LIAR! YOU CALL YOURSELF A FRIEND?!@$%
        you're just like the rest of them. sure, when i'm around you'll
        tell me how great my hair looks, but what happens when i leave?
        huh? i'll tell you what happens! THE RIDICULING BEGINS! i'll be
        the butt of every  hair joke!  i'll  be the 'DON'T DO THIS!'
        example for every aspiring stylist in the city! HOW THE FUCK AM
        I GOING TO GET LAID LOOKING LIKE THIS?!@ GOD THIS SUCKS!@#$%"

         "ok, well, if it bothers you that much, why don't you just go
        back and ask her to fix it? maybe she can spice it up some!"

         "spice it up some? SPICE IT UP SOME? WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A FUCKING
        MEMBER OF MENUDO?! god damn, i just wanted a fucking trim, is that
        so much to ask?"

         "well i'm sure if you go back and tell her how you feel she'd be
        more than happy to.."

         "are you fucking STUPID? what makes you think she would be happy
        to do anything for me that wasn't destructive? i specifically
        told her.."

         "not too much off the top, i have a weird looking head."

         "I CAN FINISH MY OWN SENTENCES THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

         "sorry."

         "as i was saying, i told her 'not too much off the top, i have a
        weird looking head.' and what did she do? she DELIBERATELY FUCKING
        BUTCHERED ME! i probably banged one of her sisters in high school
        or something. so anyway, after it's all done, the bitch has the
        nerve to say 'i think it looks much better now. don't you?'"

         "and what did you say?"

         "what do you mean?"

         "i mean, what did you give her for a reply when she said 'i think
        it looks much better now. don't you?'"

         "i.. uhh.. well. fuck. i  said 'yes.' I FUCKING AGREED WITH
        HER OK?! but come on, when have you ever told your hair stylist that
        you didn't like your hair cut? especially when she had tits the
        size of fucking watermelons!"

         "hmm, well maybe if you would have payed more attention to what her
        scissors were doing and less attention to her tits, you wouldn't
        look like you just  fell out of a chicken's ass. talk to you later
        egghead."

 --- -                                                                   - ---

   "fashionable believers just suck" by / sykes                          (05)

        "hey! after the animal rights activists party, what  do  you  say  we
   cruise over to mcdonalds?"

        a few  weeks  ago   i  got  into  a  HUGE  argument  with  this  girl
   janet.   she's   a    'vegan'   and   i'm    not.   basically   her   weak
   side  of  the   argument  was  that   my   way   of   living   was  wrong,
   her way  was  right   and  if i  couldn't accept that then tough twinkies.
   uhm.. ok. NOW  i  MIGHT  have  taken   her    seriously   if   it   wasn't
   for the fact that this defender of  animal  rights was sporting  a  really
   snazzy pair of LEATHER sandals  the entire time she  was  yelling  at  me.
   now   isn't   that   special.   call   me   barbara,   but   don't  vegans
   frown upon eating or wearing anything manufactured from an animal?

   <vegan_boy> yes
   <sykes> ok, just wanted to clear that up.

        lemme give you  some background info  on janet. when we first crossed
   paths  she  was your  typical  alterna-geek   striving  to  be  different.
   she listened to all  of  the  trendy   alterna-bands and shined all of the
   latest altera-fashions.  one  day  she met a girl named leanne. leanne was
   big into the 'hardcore'  music scene.  janet looked up to  leanne  because
   leanne was  different  from the crowd of nirvana and pearl jam lovers that
   janet frequently associated herself  with.  it  was as if  leanne  was  on
   another     plain     of    alternative    existance.    leanne    offered
   janet   a   different    atmosphere   and   introduced   her   to   a  new
   realm  that her  old  alterna-geek  friends  new  nothing  of.  janet  was
   amazed  by  it  all  and  did   whatever   she  could  to  impress  leanne
   and keep  her  connection to this new found world.  she  listened  to  the
   same bands as  her,  dressed like her,  talked like her, got the same hair
   cut as her, etc. basically janet was now leanne. <cue twilight zone music>
   hmm.. weird.

        anyway,  janet  now   has  herself a new  look and  a  new  attitude.
   she  makes  sure  to  push  her  new   cool  self  into  everyone's   face
   so they all know how  rad she is.  all  the naive schmucks think it's neat
   and commend her for  her "individuality."  janet eats it up and pushes her
   poser self even  more. no longer  is  she  just  a  hardcore, this  former
   pot-head is  now  straight  edge (i don't do drugs but at the same don't i
   don't label myself and push my convictions into everyone's face.), showing
   off all of the latest sXe paraphrenalia.  but wait,  why  stop  there? she
   might as well turn vegan while she's playing  the  label  game.  i'm  sure
   she'll turn some heads when she yells at the lunch lady  on  meatloaf day.
   coughattentionhungrycough.

        so,  our   friend  janet  keeps   putting  on   those  non-mainstream
   labels like  new outfits purchased at  the gap.  the  more  attention  she
   gets, the  more she wears them. sure these outfits  might  make  her  look
   different on  the  outside,  but  on  the  inside  she's  still  the  same
   alterna-geek   desperately    searching   for   a   sense   of  belonging.
   she'll   stand    her    ground   when   it   comes  to   animal   rights,
   and    she'll     stand    it      wearing     those     pretty    leather
   shoes she  got  for christmas.  if  you need something to believe in do it
   because you  feel it in your heart.  do it because you truly want to  make
   some  type  of  difference.  not   because  you  want to make new friends.
   fashionable believers just suck.

 --- -                                                                   - ---

   "i'm gonna be a rock star" by / sykes                                 (06)

        every morning, before i do anything, i pick up my  guitar  and  sing.
   i  sit  on   my   bed  half  naked,  eyes   half   open,   strumming  away
   singing songs of lost loves and broken hearts. i wish i could describe  to
   you the feeling i get after i write a new  song.  music is so  amazing.  i
   really don't know what i would do if someone  took  it  away  from  me.  i
   have grown so accustomed to expressing my feelings through my  music  that
   if it was gone, i'd probably go insane.  my  parents call me obsessed  and
   don't really seem to be too supportive. you see, i used to be heavily into
   piano and my mother and father thought it was  the  greatest  thing.  they
   used love to show off their little piano wonder to all of  their  friends.
   in their eyes, i've abandoned a god given gift to play  my  'noise.'  what
   they don't understand is, my heart was never in that piano.  i always felt
   like i couldn't express myself the way i wanted to,  like  i  was  getting
   cheated. they don't understand that it's the 'noise' that makes me  happy.
   the   day  i  purchased  my   shiny   guitar,   was   the  day  i  felt  a
   real passion. it was the day i learned that life truly did have meaning.

        everytime i play one of my songs i imagine  myself  and  my  band  in
   front of a million screaming strangers who are all  doing  the  pogo.  our
   guitars are loud and crunchy, our voices are sweet and honest. like paints
   on an artist's pallet, they all combine to create one beautiful color. one
   big   super-fuzz-pop   harmony.    my     voice     and      my    charvel
   scream out  to the world and reveal  everything  that makes  me  hurt  and
   everything that makes me smile. the sweat pours down my face as i pour out
   my soul and with every fallen droplet,  another  aspect  of  my  being  is
   made known. i look to the millions of faces and make eye  contact  with  a
   young teary eyed girl and signal to her with a warm  smile,  that  i  have
   been  hurt as  well, that she  is  not  alone. the  crowd  screams  louder
   while    my    music    grows    stronger    and    together  we    unite,
   creating a  bond that can be broken by nothing.. .  except  by  my  mother
   who's screaming down to my room to "give it a rest!" there's only so  much
   of 'she's one of the triplets' or  'you don't know me but i know you'  she
   can take. that's when i awake to the sad reality of it all.

        my mother calls me a dreamer, but isn't it the dreamers that  make  a
   difference in this world? she just can't understand that it's those  goofy
   songs that keep my blood flowing and keep my heart  pounding.  it's  those
   goofy songs that keep me smiling even when i'm in pain. it's  those  goofy
   songs that make me stand proud even when i hate myself. it's  those  goofy
   songs that help me search for love  even  when  i  thought  i've  lost  it
   forever. people aspire to  be  all  kinds  of  things.  some  want  to  be
   teachers and some want to be laywers.  some want to be police officers and
   some want to be doctors. let them dream their dreams and let me dream mine
   because if you don't have your dreams  what do you have?  i've  been  told
   i'm going to amount to nothing, that i'm going to be a  failure.  i  smile
   and shrug it off because i know one day.. .
                                                i'm gonna be a rock star.

 --- -                                                                   - ---

   "nice guys finish last because the dicks cheat" by / sykes            (07)

      ATTENTION! IF YOU ARE A FEMALE,  QUICKLY  TURN  OFF  YOUR  MONITOR  AND
  STEP AWAY FROM  YOUR  COMPUTER  IMMEDIATELY!  THE  FOLLOWING  TEXT  IS  FOR
  MALE EYES ONLY!  GO  PAINT  YOUR  NAILS  AND PLOT THE DESTRUCTION  OF  SOME
  MORE KIND, GENTLE, LOVESICK GUYS OR SOMETHING! GRRR!

       ok my fellow  penises,  NOW  we  can speak  freely.  well,  i  wish  i
  could  say it's good to see  all  of  your  hearts  in  one  piece,  but  i
  can't.  i  can't because  there  are  many of you reading  this  right  now
  with hearts  that have  been  damaged,  hearts  that  have  been  broken in
  two,   hearts   that   have   been  ripped   out   and   thrown  into  your
  grandma's  old slipper box which  was  then  wrapped in the sunday  edition
  of  the   funny  pages  and   then   finally   taken  to  the  post  office
  where it  was shipped third  class  to   SHITSVILLE!   girls  are  demented
  little demons  that  were put  on  this  earth  for  one  purpose  and  one
  purpose only -- to torment our poor fragile souls.

       take a look around you. take a look at the guys  that  are  overcoming
  the dark ways of the female. how do they do it? i'll tell ya how, by  being
  dicks. that's right, you want to be a weakling?  then  be  nice.  you  want
  to be strong? then be a dick. if you're nice,  girls  get  bored. if you're
  a dick, they want you  more.  that's  right,  keep  saying  it,  "if you're
  nice, girls get bored.  if  you're  a dick, they want you more."  say  that
  to yourself everytime your girl  starts  treating  you  like  the  pathetic
  lovesick freak you are. it's kind of catchy actually.

       for us  nice  guys  it's  a  hard  concept  to  grasp. this i  know. i
  mean think about it, why would a girl want a  guy  that   would  treat  her
  like dirt when she could have a guy that would  treat  her  like gold? when
  i put myself in a  girl's  shoes  (not literally of course, err,  yeah..) i
  try to think  about  the  type of guy i would want to have as  my  own, and
  you know  what  i come up with?  i come up with me, the nice guy that would
  do ANYTHING for his girl.  and  if  and when i got a  guy like me,  i would
  cherish his love and treat him with  the  same  respect that  he  gave  me.
  the sad reality  of  it  is,  girls  don't  do  that.  oh  no,  girls  take
  advantage of nice guys like you and  i.  girls  use  us  up for all we got,
  taking  and  never  giving.  all  that  wasted love,  but  more  important,
  all that wasted cash. yeesh.

       anyway,  i  could  go on and on crying my sappy heart  out  about  how
  cold and  uncaring  girls  are,  but will that change  anything?  no  sirry
  bobbit it will not! so what then shall we do? i'll tell ya what..

                    we nice guys will all become DICKS!

       it's  time  we  leave our niceness behind and embrace the dick side. i
  know it must sound somewhat  drastic  but  if you let me explain, it should
  all make some type of sense. if every nice  guy  in  this world turned into
  a  dick, then  girls  would  have no one to turn to  when  they  grew tired
  of getting shit on, when they grew  tired  of  the  guy  not  always  being
  there, and when the  excitement  of  having a dick became  not-so-exciting.
  eventually,  girls  would  begin to miss us nice  guys  and  long  for  our
  return. with no hope in  sight,  girls  would realize the  error  in  their
  ways. they'd begin to think they were in a bad episode of the twilight zone
  where every guy refered to females as  'bitches'  or  'hoes'.  where  girls
  were looked at as sex objects instead of princesses.  let's  see  how  much
  they love the dicks when the nice guys  have  disapeared. lost  in  regret,
  their weakened souls would fall prey to  the  torment  of  the  dick  side.
  they would suffer and we would smile. kooky.

       sounds  like  quite  the  party eh?  well  my  fellow  nice  guys   as
  entertaining  as  it  may be we  must not let the dick side  take  control.
  being nice is what we do best, it's what's right. once  they've  seen  what
  life is like without us nice guys, we must then lift them up  from  out  of
  this darkened state of desperation by changing back to  the  nice  guys  we
  once were and then watch them come running home. those that  let  the  dick
  side engulf them and choose not to convert,  will  suffer  the  penalty  of
  loneliness and rejection while we born again nice guys  enjoy  our  reward.
  after all, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

       my  fellow  lumps  of  testosterone,   we   nice  guys  can  come  out
  victorious!  we  nice  guys can dominate  the  love scene!  but in order to
  do so we must be brave, we must be strong, but  most  of  all, we  must  be
  dicks. so go out there and  lie,  cheat,  smack  and  do whatever else  you
  have to do to be a dick.  remember,  you're  not just doing it for youself,
  but for every nice guy in this world  that  has  been destroyed by a  girl.
  it is time for the nice guys to be avenged and liberated!

  may god be with you on this journey to build a better future, where
  every nice guy will have a nice girl by his side. <sniff> <sniff>

  now good luck to ya dickhead.

 --- -                                                                   - ---

  "my month in review" by / sykes                                        (08)

       my month started off on a sad note when  my  only  grandmother  passed
  away. she had been suffering with sickness for  quite  some  time  and  the
  routine surgery she under went was just too much  for  her  weak  heart  to
  handle. it hurt me to lose her but at least now i know she is no  longer in
  pain. she was a wonderful person and i only wish that i had spent more time
  with her in her living years. about a week and a half later my  friend  tom
  who plays lead guitar for my band 'lovestruck', found a new job and  a  new
  love.. 3 hours away. i have never worked with a musician such as tom. he is
  one of the best guitarists i have ever come across and his faith in me  and
  my music was inspirational. even though i wrote all  of the  material,  the
  music  just  wasn't  complete  without  tom's  amazing  guitar  skills  and
  boyish back up vocals. he  told  me that he believes in the band and  plans
  on coming back soon to once again be a part of it. i just  don't  know  how
  that will work out. almost two weeks after that, my girlfriend and i  broke
  up for  some really dumb reasons. miss and i were together  for  about  two
  years and went through a hell of alot together. she is the very first  girl
  i have ever been truly in love with and the very first  girl  i  have  ever
  dreamed of one day marrying (after we've both grown up  a  bit  and  landed
  stable jobs of course.).  fortunately,  the  break  up  only lasted  a  day
  and miss and i are enjoying each other's company more than  ever.  we  just
  love each other way too much to be apart. =) speaking of  which,  miss  and
  i had a swingin time this past weekend traveling to other states in  search
  of rad malls (you must understand one thing about us, we are  the  ultimate
  mallrats.). during our road trip we came across a gap outlet that had jeans
  for $10! i was definately  stoked  because  i  love  getting  new  clothes,
  especially *inexpensive* new clothes.  anyway, my month started  off  rough
  but it seems to be ending on a somewhat smooth note. i've actually  cracked
  a smile in the past few days, go figure. i guess that just goes to show you
  that no matter how bad things may  be  in the beginning,  if  you  hang  in
  there, things will eventually start to change for the better.

 --- -                                                                   - ---

   "cd of the month: that dog [retreat from the sun]" by / sykes         (08)

   ARTIST: that dog
   ALBUM TITLE: retreat from the sun
   RATING: A

       anna waronker,  will you marry me? yet another incredible release from
   one of dgc's finest.  that dog's  latest  collection of  gritty  pop rock,
   'retreat from the sun', is without a doubt a step up from  their  previous
   full length 'totally crushed out!' it's consistent, energetic and has more
   of a poppy feel to it. their first single 'never say never', is one of the
   best songs on the album and will have you  bopping  away  to  that  oh  so
   catchy chorus  (was that a moog i heard  in  the  background?).  the  song
   writing is very well crafted and is evident in songs such as 'minneapolis'
   and 'long island boy', two of my favorite songs on the album.  as  always,
   anna and the hayden girls spit out some amazing harmonies, that along with
   petra's violin solo's, add an almost eerie type of beauty to  it  all.  if
   you're new to the that dog experience, this album would be a great way  to
   get  your  feet  wet.   on  the  other  hand,  if  you  are familiar  with
   these three girls and one guy and  find  yourself  unimpressed  with  what
   you've heard in the past, give 'retreat from the sun' a  chance.  it  very
   well might change your opinion for the better. over all i give this  album
   an 'A' and for a measely $8.99 (the that dog suggested retail.),  i'd  say
   it's well worth the trip to your local music retailer.

   ** like that dog? check out their friends at WEEZER!@ and the rentals.

 --- -                                                                   - ---

   "in closing.."                                                        (09)

        in closing i would just like to say thank you from the bottom  of  my
   heart for giving square a chance. i wanted so badly for square to  be  the
   best damn publication i  could  put  together  and  even though the  final
   product wasn't as good as i had hoped, i am still nothing but proud.  this
   is square and this is me.

        next issue we're going to be featuring some totally swell  work  from
   some writers other than myself, one of which  whom  happens to be  my  rad
   girlfriend who also did most of the editing  of issue #01 (all the correct
   text was done by her  and  any  errors  you  find  were  left by me. =) ).
   I LOVE YOU MISS! anyway, square #02 should be  cram-packed  with  tons  of
   suprises so stay tuned!

 --- -                                                                   - ---

   "an even more pointless epilogue" by / sykes                          (10)

        after months of searching, the young boy had finally  found  what  he
   was looking for and was pleased. he exits  out  of  edit.com  and  smiles.
   square #01 was even better than he had expected. with a  yawn,  the  young
   boy turns off  his  monitor  and  falls into  his  bed,  covering  himself
   tightly in his batman bed sheets. it  was time that he get some rest,  for
   this  young  enthusiast  had  a   long   day   ahead   of  him.   starting
   tomorrow he would embark on a new journey, a quest if you may, to find the
   next issue of square e'zine.

                                      be here next month for square #02!

                       thanks for reading everyone!

 --- -                                                                   - ---

          subscriptions, submissions, or any comments can be sent to:
                            egod@berkshire.net

 --- -                                                                   - ---


                       email / egod@berkshire.net
               www / www.berkshire.net/~egod (in the works!)
                         efnet irc / #imasquare



         square e'zine and kick me productions (c)opyright 1997 sykes.
                           all rights reserved.

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