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 @@W,      ,g   1KQ"$X95$W@@M&g        QG2;       jQC-    iNC            >1a  
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   9N@@#MM@?"  2Q?     >j9             &@+]#J3_    J5sgg,ZQ&Qg    g#g,_,qd;   
    g4Q9QQ9-   Q5p     ##Q            .9Y= YWg/    `43QMQM@#dg   :ggQ&@#gQ=   
               4KG    ,XQg             93  `6@Q-    `"4899YB#C     ^Jjg4l'    
               -.-     ??              ]    `AM8.       `  X##_     `-`       
                       ^                     ?QQc           {+                
                                              ]#+       

                      [ F0RB1DD3N KN0WL3DG3 IS5U3 XVI ]
                < Third Birthday Issue: 18th December, 2001 >

  **-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**--**-*,
--* tH0ze wH0 bRiNg f0r y0o ^tHe pH34r^ *--
 ,*-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**--**'\
*                                         *-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-*
:                                                                            :
* King of Kool, Man of Mystery, L0ver of Lamas :: wHeeZ-DiM                  *
* Spreader of Smegma, Du0d of Dizgust, Pursuer of Pre-Teens :: gUh-nOo-MuH   *
*                                                                            *
* And Our k-k1ef Contributorz: Impi, Kelesis, Anonymous, d0tslash, Sigma,    *
:                              Phoenix91, JediHobbes                         :
*                                                                            *
:**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-*/

-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%*
&                                                                            *
* Most insane fucked-up hardk0re drug movie: Requiem for a Dream             &
* Best drug movie: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas                            :
% Ye olde classic drug movie: Trainspotting                                  %
:                                                                            *
& Isn't it cool: how 'drug movie' is a whole genre? :P One of my other       *
*                favourite genres of modern entertainment is the 'seckzi     &
*                teenage chiq occult' TV show genre. :>                      :
%                                                                            %
: Official FK Mascots: Fonzi the Bear & Osama Bin Laden                      *
& Official FK16 Soundtraq: Britney, Britney & More Britney! (sh3 s0 flY!#%^) *
%                                                                            %
* FIDA: We have 2 mention them so their editor leaves me alone. ;) So, umm,  &
*       du0dz, like, plz check out www.fida.za.net - it's, uuh, like, not    :
%       completely crap. :P                                                  %
:                                                                            *
-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%**&-%*

      How did you know I was looking at you If you weren't looking at me?


     ________,,,...........                 .........______
$$$$$$$$$½½½½½½½^^^^^                                      '''''"""???zz.   $$
   ^?$$$                                                                `?; $$
     '$$       k0nt3ntz 0f th3 f0rbidd3n kn0wl3dg3 #16 !@#$%^&           $;$$$
      ?;                                                              ,,?;I$$$
     ,"________________________________________________________..,,##½½½',  $$
  _.+                                                                     +.,;

      --- [ In da zeen ]

      <00.*#> Credits, Contents
      <00.*#> Editorial by Wizdumb

      <01.99> Getting Free M-Net and DSTV by Ph0enix91
      <01.98> Phreaking Standard Banks Emergency Phones by Anonymous
      <01.97> Haxx0ring Your Electricity by Wizdumb
      <01.96> Traffic Light Hax1ng Warez by Kelesis
      <01.95> M-Web Dial-Up Hostname Reference by Sigma
      <01.94> Free Standard Bank Telephone Banking on MTN by JediHobbes

      <02.99> "Fuck the Evil American Facist Swine" by Wizdumb
      <02.98> "Loose Ends" Addressed by Wizdumb
      <02.97> IRC Insanity from Variouz
      <02.96> Poetry by Pneuma
      <02.95> Mailbag
      <02.94> FK Mirror List

      <03.*#> Outro by Wizdumb

      --- [ In da ark1ve ]

      <XX.0F> Uber-Elite FK Cover Art by Gnumar
      <XX.0E> PPC Linux execve shellcode by d0tslash
      <XX.0D> Dumb Misc Warez by Wizdumb
      <XX.0C> K-Leet0 SAPS Fax by Vivienne Herselman

,?'
$$;
$$$QQQ####,,,,________________________________           _________    ______ _
^^^^^^^^^""""""


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.                        Editorial by Wizdumb                    ._ ,;:;,, _.

Well, this is it: FK's uber-kief 3rd birthday issue. Eish; 3 years; I really
am that sad. :/

Haven't been able to spend quite as much time as I'd like to on the zine this
issue, as per usual, coz I've been fairly busy lately, with a whole bunch of
arb b0ring crap.

Heh, I got evicted from my house, coz our uber-lame jewish landlord was, like,
offended by our highly raukus lifestyle and uber-sataniqly graffiti'd car,
fridge, etc and, like, he told us we had to move out at the end of the month -
waq. :/ So I had to live with my parents for the next month; with my mom for
1 week and with my dad for 3, which was, like, a bit hektik. ;P

And I accidentaly found my dad's home-made porn on his PC while I was staying
there; like, an avi & a few bmpz, and that was, like, also a bit hektiq. ;P
Heh, none of these actually *involved* my dad - just this FAT, FAT black chiq
I have never seen in my life. But it was in the webcam directory, and she was
on his bed, and you could hear him breathing in the AVI, so, ya, no, eish.

Anyway. it was a horrible ordeal. ;P

I am aware that this issue is being released before FK's actual 3rd birthday,
but my girlfriend bought me a ticket to visit her in the UK, and I'm leaving
tonight, so the zine is being released today. ;)

Oh, and I finally decided to fork up 12 euros and buy the zine a domain. :)
J0o kan go admire itz domain-ness at the effkay.org which is all very 3l33t
and all.

And, uuh, yeh, ok, bye.

wzd@effkay.org

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.                  Hax1ng Free M-Net & DSTV by Ph0enix91         ._ ,;:;,, _.

Ok phuck, I have been promising pneuma that i will do an article for almost 6
months now so the time has come...  I am still learning to sp33k l33t like
pneuma and wizdumb so bear with me on this one if it is a bit dull :P .. ok so
enough chat let's get down to da sh1t.....

[Ed: sp33k l33t? ;> wE sp3ek *eL0quenTLy* fo0hL!#@$% :P ]

What u will need:
=================

1> m-net decoder (If u are really going in for a budget deal nick one from
                  hyperama, they have shitty security... just don't look into
                  that camera stuuuupid)
[Ed: hYp3r4m4 s3KuRiTy sUxx!@#$%^&&* :P ]

2> a few social engineering skillz

3> A number where u can send and receive faxes (postnet is good)

4> A brain ... preferably working...

M-Net
=====

Ok mnet works like this... u buy that little decoder thingy and plug it into
your tv. u switch it on but phuckit nothing happens that is cause mnet needs
to activate the damn thing first... so u phone them up and ask them to fax u
a new user subscription form (NO NOT TO YOUR HOME FAX NUMBER JOOO STUPID
PHUCK). Fill it in with shit information except for the number on the back of
your decoder which u have to fill in corectly. Now fax this paper back to
the friendly people at multichoice. The trusting people they are, they will
activate your decoder immediately even though they haven't deducted anything
from the bank account u filled in (which doesn't exist anyways) Ok halfway
there bear with me.... Now you are thinking won't they disable my decoder
again once they find out that the info i gave them is total bull
<STOP THINKING!>...No they won't be able to.... Right after your decoder
has been activated unplug it from the mains <--- the little thingy that gives
it power on the end... leave it like that for about a month... meanwhile mnet
would have checked your details and realized they where all shit ... they will
then send out "spikes" to disable your m-net again, but since yooor l33t azz
unplugged it the "spikes" won't help much.

After u have waited about 30 days plug your decoder back in and you are
watching m-net for free ... Phj33r.

DSTV
====

This one is a bit more technical (and expensive)

U will need:
============

1> Satelite decoder and dish (bribe,steal,do sexual favours.. but get these
                              they are esential)

2> Your own new smart card (most decoder come with one of these otherwize u
                            can buy one for less that 50 bucks...)

3> Somebody else's smart card which u can borrow for a few hours

4> smart card reader writer (phuck knowZ where u will be able to get one of
                             these one of my friends sent me one from america
                             I think radioshack sells them through the net as
                             well) [Wizdumb: I checked to see if something
                             like this was available @ Radioshack's site, and
                             found nothing of the sort (*suprise* ;p). You'll
                             have a really poes time trying to get hold of
                             equipment like this, but I spose it's out there.]

5> Yeah you guessed it u will need a brain for this one too...what made me
   think of the SAP at this moment??? :-)

Well u have probably guessed the rest but here goes...

Get you dish and decoder installed. Use your smart card reader/writer to copy
the smart card u borrowed from your friend slap that into your decoder and
piggy back off of his account... while you are at it use your smart card
reader/writer to create a few new telephone cards too.... I am sure telkom
won't mind..... ;-)

Ph0enix91
phoenix91@beer.com

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.      Phreaking Standard Bank's Emergency Phones by Anonymous   ._ ,;:;,, _.

Next to some of the standard bank ATM's, they have an emergency fone, which
basically consists of three buttons.

The top one, you hit and hold down while pressing either of the bottom two,
which will DTMF dial either Standard Bank or the SAPS.

Of course, the first one basically closes the line and connects the
microphone/speaker pair that you use to talk, hence why you need to hold it
down for the entire conversation.

I expect you can figure out where the problem with this setup is. :)

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.                Haxx0r1ng j0r Electricity by Wizdumb            ._ ,;:;,, _.

Here in SA we have a lot of people who don't want to pay their electricity
accounts, but no-one actually taking measures against running up large
electricity bills (i mean apart from saving electricity, j0o d0lt! :P).

I started thinking about haxx0ring electricity after recieving a R13000
electricity bill this month. After querying the matter with the dept, it turns
out that this was 'an estimate', and that the bill was actually R150. But
regardless, the ANC trying to convince *me* to help pay off their enormous
debt struck me as a bit unkief, and I got thinking. ;)

So what can one do to haxx0r yr electricity? Well, assuming you have access to
the meter, you can probably organise something. Let's look at some of the
possibilities...

You can actually just rewire the thing so it doesn't go through the meter, but
the electricity dept will probably get a bit suspicious of the fact that yr
not using *any* electricity, and when they see your meter they will definately
know something is wrong. ;-P

You could put a switch in it so you can use *some* electricity so as for them
to not get suspicious, but with wires like these, yr gonna need those big, fat
switches, and yr meter is going to look real funny, unless you mod it within
yr wall or summing. But this may not be practical in all cases, and isn't the
safest of ideas. ;P

Probably the easiest thing to do would be to position a large magnet on the
meter, so as to slow down the rotation of that little metal disc inside it.
When the electricity guy comes round to read the meter, just remove the
magnet. :)

Mm'k. Do what thou wilt. - As long as j0o d0n't involve yrself with hom0sexual
beastiality. Coz that shit iz just siq y0h. :/

K'Baai. :/

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.                 Traffic Light Hax1ng Warez by Kelesis          ._ ,;:;,, _.

Example of a 3 way traffic light system (not the most complicated). This is
generally how the light system works in south africa, not including the walk
lamps, but can be included just as easy.

1 RED   	RED		RED	2 SECONDS
2 GRN   	RED		RED	7 SECONDS
3 AMB   	RED		RED	2 SECONDS
4 RED	 	RED		RED	2 SECONDS
5 RED		GRN		RED	7 SECONDS
6 RED		AMB		RED	2 SECONDS
7 RED		RED		RED	2 SECONDS
8 RED		RED		GRN	7 SECONDS
9 RED		RED		AMB	2 SECONDS

If the Logic Controller is set at a scan time of say, 1000ms, The easiest way
of controlling the sequence of the lights is to use binary ;)

example

                             R  A  G  R  A  G  R  A  G	   HEX/BCD
	15 14 13 12 11 10 09 08 07 06 05 04 03 02 01 00
0 STATUS 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0 Internal Register
1 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0	   124
1 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0    124
2 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0  1  0  0    64
2 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0  1  0  0    64  
2 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0  1  0  0    64
2 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0  1  0  0    64
2 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0  1  0  0    64
2 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0  1  0  0    64
2 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0  1  0  0    64
3 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  1  0  0  1  0  0	   A4
3 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  1  0  0  1  0  0    A4
4 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0    124 
4 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0	   124
5 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0	   10C
5 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0	   10C
5 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0	   10C
5 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0    10C
5 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0    10C
5 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0    10C
5 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1  1  0  0    10C
6 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  0  1  0  1  0  0    114
6 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  0  1  0  1  0  0    114
7 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0    124  
7 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0    124
8 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1    121
8 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1    121
8 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1    121
8 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1    121
8 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1    121
8 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1    121
8 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  0  0  1    121
9 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  0  1  0    122
9 -----> 0  0  0  0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1  0  0  0  1  0    122

Okay, Start too see a pattern?

The Logic Controller has it's own Binary tables built in. There are a few
other fancy instructions it can do, like the ambulance stuff etc.. The
Processor Stores the HEX values as sequences for the light changes.

Simple, Each word of data is executed for 1 sec (ie. the repetition of steps)
and the programme is looped continuously until a subroutine is activated.

If it make's sense to you??? You can use it

Later
Kelesis

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.              M-Web Dial-Up Hostname Reference by Sigma         ._ ,;:;,, _.

[Ed: Aaah, yes, I found this article. :) Will still be getting that web-based
 SAIX/M-Web/Other Dialup hostname thingy together (really :P); will publish a
 URL next issue. But for now... :) ]

Prefix  | Location              | Phone number + Exchange location
------------------------------------------------------------------
bfn	| Bloemfontein		| (051)  409-0700
cpt	| Cape Town		| (021)  918-0000,918-8444 (BELLVILLE)
nld	| Cape Town	       	| (021)  659-1300,658-8100,658-8200(CLAREINCH)
dbn	| Durban		| (031)  268-8800,204-6100 (CONGELLA)
elo	| East London		| (043)  703-6000 (CAMBRIDGE)
emp	| Empangeni/RichardsBay | (035)  901-6000
geo	| George  		| (044)  802-6000
kny	| Knysna		| (044)  302-3000
ldy	| Ladysmith  		| (036)  638-3500
mdb	| Middelburg		| (013)  283-1000
npt	| Nelspruit		| (013)  759-5600
pel	| Port Elizabeth	| (041)  506-8100 (PORT ELIZABETH CENTRAL)
pmb	| Pietermaritzburg	| (033)  845-3000
psh	| Port Shepstone	| (039)  688-8800
pta	| Pretoria		| (012)  483-7200,483-0700 (BRONBERG)
ptb	| Pietersburg		| (015)  290-0500
rst	| Rustenburg		| (014)  533-5500 (SAFARITUINE)
sec	| Secunda  		| (017)  620-2000
ulu	| Ulundi		| (035)  874-0000
upt	| Upington		| (054)  337-6100
vde	| Vredenburg		| (022)  709-8000
vdb	| Vanderbijlpark	| (016)  950-4000
rdg	| Johannesburg 		| (011)  285-0500 (RANDBURG)
vic	| Johannesburg		| (011)  283-3000 (RANDBURG)
ndf	| Johannesburg		| (011)  406-7500 (NEW DOORNFONTEIN)
wlk	| Welkom		| (057)  391-7000

[Ed: Thx Sigma :) ]

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.       Free MTN / Standard Bank Telefone Banking by JediHobbes  ._ ,;:;,, _.

Hi. I miss you. I want you back. I miss those quiet moments we used to spend
together underneath the missile silo.

No wait.

Wrong email.

This is my article.

It's about a nifty little trick that I picked up on that allows MTN
Pray-as-you-g0 customers to access Standard Bank Telephone Banking for free!

I *have* notified Standard Wank, but they too dumb to pick up on it. Anyway,
it's fairly simple. In the following example, I want to transfer money between
accounts via telephone banking:

1. From your cell phone dial 565

2. Enter your Standard Bank card number and press #
3. Enter your Standard Bank Telephone/Internet banking PIN

4. Press 2

5. Say to the dumb consultant "Hi, I'm trying to transfer money from my
   PlusPlan account to my 32-day notice, but I'm lost in the complex telephone
   banking menus. Please help me"

6. The consultant will merrily agree to walk you through the entire process,
   prompting you to enter everything in

7. Voila! Transaction complete! Thank the consultant for their time and hang
   up :)

8. Send all 0-day Britney Spears pictures to me to thank me

[Ed: Ummm... Okay. :P ]

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.           "Fuck the Evil American Facist Swine" by Wizdumb     ._ ,;:;,, _.

Okay, time for some opinions about the obvious. Note the k-r4d title of this
article, which I hope will prevent people likely to take offence from reading
this article and in turn, e-mailling me stupid shit. If you're extremely
patriotic and/or completely retarded, please stop reading this zine now, and
don't download future issues, just in case. And if you do insist on reading it
anyway, please don't just e-mail me like I want to debate this with you, or
actually care about your groundless, uneducated opinion. :)

Right. :)

Today is the 8th of October, the day after US & UK troops started bombing
Afghanistan. The newspaper headline says 'RETRIBUTION' -- hardly. There is no
such thing as retribution; only revenge, and the Americans are not attacking
the people who attacked them, they are attacking a *country*.

People's reactions to the September 11th attacks were pathetic, especially
those of people in 3rd world countries like our own who were actually upset
about it. People are taught to value that which is 'human' and that which is
morally 'correct' more than rational thought, logic, and impact on one's self
personally. Allow me to explain:

The thing which seems to concern most people about this whole thing is the
loss of innocent life, which brings me to my first point: *fuck* innocent
life. If you were born after World War 2, which, I think it's safe to assume,
includes our entire reader-base - you have not lived a *day* on this planet
without war. And now that this stuff is happening to America, it could only be
better.

The Americans wiped out *more* 'innocent life' than *anyone* else has *ever*
at Hiroshima and Nagusaki alone, not to mention countless acts of violence and
destruction in other countries.

And besides guys, if you live in the 3rd world, and understand why the 3rd
world is the way it is, then you must realise that obviously America is the
fucking enemy simply because they are the world's sole superpower. They keep
the 3rd world poor through unfair economical tactics, and produce 1 third of
the world's goods whilst consuming 2 thirds, which kinda means that they're
taking everyone's stuff from everyone else. :-/

They have only been attacked on their territory *once* during that *4 hour*
attack on Pearl Harbour, and they had to make a whole fucking *movie* about it
to show us all how hard done by they were. This, while they rape and destroy
the rest of the world, covering it over with the illusion of the great
American Dream; which could never exist without the starving third world.

I'm also highly concerned over this international move towards combatting
"terrorism", because it's an extremely broad term, and chances are that *I*
am, in fact, a "terrorist" of sorts. And if you're trying to bring about any
worthwhile change, chances are good that you're one too.

In the weeks following the September 11th attacks, the Americans bombarded TV
screens across the world with their patriotic bullshit: firemen walking
in slow-motion through rubble with cheesy voice-overs of some punce saying "No
Mr. King, I'll always be a fireman; Here in New York City." - I mean, Is this
news?! :P

And all this patriotism to obscure any possible thought along the lines of
"Hey, why *do* these guys hate us so much anyway? What makes some-one want to
give their life to destabilise America?"

Attacks such as the ones that took place on September 11th are not a problem
that America can solve; because they *are* the problem. It just happens that
some people have finally gotten sick enough of what America is doing to the
rest of the world to take matters into their own hands. And I support them.
So fuck you. American Facist Swine.

-WZD.

[ Epilogue:

Personally I reckon that Osama Bin Laden is in Africa, planning a nuclear war
against the US. These Russian nukes that everyone is just remembering went
missing ages ago are getting the US a bit worried; but they're still
undermining the effectivity of a so-called 'dirty bomb'; especially when we
could possibly be looking at up to 100 of these 'dirty bombs' with Russian
weapons-grade uranium. And even if we're not looking at an amount of bombs
that high, you don't actually need to nuke that many cities to hurt the
country significantly.

Naturally, I don't approve of war - there's no denying that it's completely
senseless. Nationalism, capitalism, religion and stupidity are what's really
to blame here.

Peace... :)                                                                  ]

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.                   "Loose Ends" Addressed by Wizdumb            ._ ,;:;,, _.

Hokay, I've been looking at previous issues a bit, and have spotted a number
of things which I forgot to mention some funny details about, or feel I have
to mention again for some reason; so this article will be covering those.

Exciting, eh? :P

< "Tequila" > {FK8}

Oh dear, I haven't gotten really drunk since that Tequila drinking competition
with Corrupt_SYN - it was simply too awful. :) I don't remember most of it,
but what I do remember is pretty unpleasant. Apparently I just disappeared
from sight in my drunken insanity, and they later found me lying on
Corrupt_SYN's sister's bed, with puke all over me; I'd found her can of
'Tommy' deodorant and was clutching it my chest and screaming "Tommyyyy!
Tommyyy!!!"

CS's sister hates me to this day, and I have no conscious recallation of ever
meeting her. :)

So finding me on the bed covered in puke, they decide to shower me. :/ This
part I can remember vaguely - I have a single memory of momentarily regaining
conciousness after hitting my head against the one side of the shower, in
mid-flight towards the other side of the shower, which knocked me out again.

Pneuma and Corrupt SYN's girlfriend are watching me do this. CS's gf, btw, is
(was) this horribly scary g0th chiq, who was the matric who brought me as a
slave when I was in Std. 6 (the Std 6's were being auctioned as slaves for on
average 50c each - she paid R20 for me - highest price! :)). Anyway, she used
to, like, put dog collars on me and walk me around 'n shiet both at school,
and when she caught me in the streets - very traumatic stuff. :/

So they're watching me bludgeon myself to death in the shower...

<CS's gf> Hold him up! Hold him up!
<Pneuma> Nooo, I don't want to touch him - he's NAKED!
<CS's gf> Ok, let me hold him up.
<Pneuma> Nooo, you can touch him! He's naked!

So I knock both the taps of the shower with my head, and they take me out,
after which I fall head-first *through* the porcelain toilet-seat. :/

They can't kick me awake, and they figure I'm concussed, so they drag me down
two flights of steps by my feet, put me in the car, and take me to hospital
where I get given a shot of dextrose & adrenalin.

A few moments of vague conciousness follow just afterwards: CS's gf looming
above me on my hospital bed, telling me how annoying 'my friend' (Pneuma) is,
and that she 'saw my winky'. :P

Fade to black. Wake up in hospital next morning, ask nurse where I am, make
phone-call to Dad to get home, vow to never drink again. :>


< "The Cops Stole My Cellphone" > {FK13}

Yea man, like, the fucking cops stole my cellphone. :P It was at a house
party, at my old house in Cresta. The neighbours, scared by the large number
of black people present, phoned the cops and bitched about people smoking
dagga in our driveway. We're told that the cops have been contacted, and
everyone stashes whatever drugs they have on them. Kokey goes home. :P

Pneuma & I hear that the cops have arrived and, being the brave fighting souls
we are, we go to hide behind the house. :)

They fire a flare gun into the air in our driveway. ("Hello! I'm an uninvited
idiot at your house, with guns n stuf, like, uuh, ph34r my authoritie!" :P)

So the cops start walking through the house and searching people for drugs -
it's two guys and a chick. They walk into my brother's room where him and his
girlfriend are: my brother is handling a large amount of money...

<Chiq Cop> That's a lot of money.
<My Brother> I got paid.

The cop advises him to hide it, because "if those guys" (ie. the other cops)
"see it, they will take it".

The cops didn't find any drugs. They did, however, steal R50 out of some-one's
pocket while searching him, Pneuma's knife, and my cellphone, as well as my
brother's. We didn't see them taking the cellphones - else we would've done
something - but we saw them taking other stuff, like Pneuma's knife and crap.

* Cop opens Pneuma's bag, examines contents...
<Cop> (Looking at ID) Oh, this is Marcel's bag. Well, tell Marcel that we're
      taking his knife.

Thankfully, the cop missed the big chunk of hashish in the same bag. :P

And so, that was how the cops stole my cellphone. Apparently, that particular
police station (Linden, Jo'burg) is infamous for this sort of stuff. They've
found bodies in their driveway and crap, and I heard a story from a friend
about some other people who actually saw these cops stealing their cellphones,
protested, and got beaten up.

Thought I should share this story if I'm going to keep on hammering the police
like I do. But I still have some more very good ones, believe me. ;)


< "Prodigy Saw Pneuma's Dick" > {FK8}

Pneuma and myself went to see The Prodigy live, and took MDMA for the first
time. The details of the evening are something completely mad which I won't
be trying to verbalise, so I'll just be covering the relevant bit. :)

The concert is over and we're walking the 3 or 4 km's back to Pneuma's house.
For some reason, I'm lying in the middle of the road. Pneuma is taking a piss
at the side of the road. I feel the warmth of headlights shining on me,
stagger up onto my feet, and walk to the pavement. The car drives by - It's a
limo. Keith Flynt (the guy with the devil-hair) leans out the window and
throws a red bull can at Pneuma. Pneuma turns and starts yelling; still
pissing. And it was at that very moment, that The Prodigy saw Pneuma's dick.

... Yeap.


< Blommetjies.jpg > {FK11}

Aaah, yes, I know some of you figured this out. :) These were very popular
when they were on the market; available here, in Holland, and I'm sure other
countries as well. Strange how the quality of FK improved round about this
time; If I expand my mind too much will my head explode? :/

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.                       IRC Insanity From Various                ._ ,;:;,, _.

Various IRC Logs submitted by Impi, Wizdumb & JediHobbes...

* Turing^ is offering Xbox 0sec ISO's {HALO, DOA3} on an XDCC fserve just type
  the trigger: !I take it up the ass for Xbox
<NE1afk> !I take it up the ass for Xbox
<Turing^> hehehehe
<NE1afk> hmm maybe theres a firewall?
<Turing^> yeah that's it
<Turing^> try the alternate trigger: !I'm a pirate leeching butt monkey

<Xerath> it's hard to jack off while u drunk

<\bin\laden> ehehehe, glad u like my handle - no-one else does apparently ;p
<\bin\laden> no-one has a sense of humour -- *sigh* :<
<DrunkenMistress> well i think it be cute
<\bin\laden> lol
<\bin\laden> hmmm, cute... 
<DrunkenMistress> yeah baby
<\bin\laden> s'pose maybe, if yer into the whole arabic bearded kinda thing
<\bin\laden> :P
<DrunkenMistress> i`m all here wet and horny
<\bin\laden> errr, hektik.
<\bin\laden> i'm here all conservative and, like, muslim n shit
<DrunkenMistress> well me all horny 
<DrunkenMistress> what u going to do about it
<\bin\laden> i'm going to tell you to not eat pig and run away!!!!
             mahahahahahaha!$@$#@%$%%$^^^

<syndicate> but i must admit, gays know how to have a party

<moleman> um
<moleman> bugga
<moleman> when you ctrl-z...
<moleman> a process, how do you restart it?
<moleman> ah, never mind
<moleman> figured it out

<muntha:#hwa-security> if anyone wants to trade ./msg me
-> #hwa-security <aKt0r> muntha what STD's have u got ?
<muntha:#hwa-security> what do you mean?
-> #hwa-security <aKt0r> like do you have herpes.c ?
-> #hwa-security <aKt0r> or syphilis.c ?
<muntha:#hwa-security> no i dont have that 0day
> #hwa-security <aKt0r> ok
*** Signoff: muntha ()

<melancholik> man, 'big brother' my ass - they should have, like, *several*
              24hr channels - like, one for each room, and they should film
              *everything* - and then maybe it might suck less
<melancholik> and then, if one were so inclined, you could watch the bathroom
              exclusively or whudeva ;P
<moodlet> FREAK@!$#$^%
<melancholik> HEH! :)

[Ed: More Big Brother funniness...]
<plunkett> lare is a ... ooops ;p
<plunkett> lara even :)
<plunkett> hey depach
<aKt0r> heh
<Depach> hehehhe
<Depach> :P
<wizdumb> plummett!@#$%^&*(
<aKt0r> depach have you seen your sister naked on tv ?
<kokey> who's your sister?
<jus> Lara =)
<wizdumb> lol
<kokey> seriously?
<Impi> depach
<jus> yea
<Impi> i am sorry dood
<kokey> haha
<plunkett> heh
<kokey> fine to have your sister on there
<jus> shame man, poor Depach, go easy on him ;)
<kokey> but it must really suck if she's nationally labelled as unpopular
<plunkett> any lady that can fuck up a guy like brad surely is a drag to live
           with ;p
<kokey> i believe the country's sympathies will go towards you for growing up
        with her
<Impi> KILL DEPACH
<jus> AEh AEH ae
<jus> you guys are so harsh =)
<kokey> naw, i actually think she's kinda spunky
<Impi> KILL KOKEY
<plunkett> I WANT TO SEE HER NUDE $#%#@#%$@%@
<kokey> though i like bitches for some reason
<Impi> (spurs the mob on)
<plunkett> LICK IMPI
<Depach> lol
[Ed: Poor du0d, that shit is harsh... :) You can see he's cracking... ;p ]

<nxsy> Everyone secretly wants to be a geek.

<JungleG> this one is damn decent :P
<kokey> as i said
<kokey> i specifically want an indian chick
<kokey> they're the only ones built right
<JungleG> heh
<kokey> tiny thin indian girls
-estranged.blabber.net:@#hack- ChanServ invited opium into the channel.
*** opium (opium@opium.co.za) has joined #hack
*** ChanServ sets mode: +o opium
<JungleG> she wanted me to go to Hideout yesterday with her
<kokey> and they're quite sweet at the same time
<JungleG> where is hideout
<kokey> hideout is out on df malan toward mulderdrift
<kokey> and an indian girl from lenasia also sounds good to me
<kokey> dude, you're one ahead of me already
<kokey> *jealous*
<JungleG> heh
<JungleG> *competition*
<kokey> let's make a deal
<JungleG> mmm?
<kokey> i get the tiny ones
<kokey> if you meet one with a tiny friend, click the forward button and
        select kokey from your address book
<kokey> and i'll do the same
<acid> i feel sick

<Hiro> nukem is always first for the dry anal choo choo
<onion> SiR_PsYkO !
<Impi> errr
<SiR_PsYkO> he'll pull a wet rectal bloodfart
<onion> thats 2 semi funnies in a day
<Hiro> jesus
<SiR_PsYkO> and it'll be wet wet wet, slick.
<Hiro> 'lortjgpw94iug0[r9t8g
<onion> oh
<onion> my
<onion> god

*** shad0w was kicked by SoftIce (nigga bitch!)
<SoftIce> [shad0w(~shad0w@61.129.78.9)] YOUR ASS IS GONNA BE OWNED
<SoftIce> [shad0w(~shad0w@61.129.78.9)] AHAHHAH
<SoftIce> [shad0w(~shad0w@61.129.78.9)] I"M A FUCKING GOD
<Impi> competition
<Impi> there like can only be one god right?

<aKt0r> whats the best way to get a puke stink out of a car ?
<ukj> get a new one
<jc> milk

<Impi> [02:02] *** Topic is '<wizdumb> BATMAN SUCKS!!! FUCK YOU, MY COCK IS
       *THIS* BIG! BUY ME MENTOS!!! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT, THEN WHY IS MY
       FACE GREEN?!!!'
<jus> heh
<jus> ahahahahahahhaha
<jus> what a QUOTE
<wizdumb> du0d, that's an old l0g :P
<Impi> :}
<wizdumb> and it was late, and i wuz b0red and st0ned ;p
<Impi> i am submitting that
<jus> submit it =)
<wizdumb> lol, to what? :)

[Ed: #hack is such an odd place...]
<Bug-E> you guys talk too much...
<Bug-E> *looks at the lines and lines of chatter on his screen*
<acid> talk is cheap
<jus> jea
<jus> cheap shit
* Bug-E s3x0rs his mouse
<jus> nice
<Terabyte> bleh

* Vortexia ponders attempting a real hack

<JungleG> this is fucked
<JungleG> Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch
<JungleG> The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot streamy load down the
<JungleG> back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle
<JungleG> of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down.
<JungleG> Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum
<JungleG> Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.
<wizdumb> lol, that's hectic.
<Kelesis> jesus christ, you're a sick man, get some help
<plunkett> you should see me do it to my mom on sunday family brunches ;p

<Celeborn> yah no my hand is cramping ...

<Bloodlust> i want dual head

<nwag|away> tnx for the great pr0n link :)
<nemesis1> enjoyitnow!!!!1
<nwag|away> Spank my hairy ass and call me a bitch!
<nemesis1> err... no thanks
<nemesis1> I'd rather spank your bitch & call her a hairy ass

<Impi> dood
<Impi> someone is tracing u!!!
<vishal> yes
<Impi> u need the hacker music
<Impi> can u get it?
<vishal> i already got it
<Impi> PLAY IT QUICK
<vishal> playing it
<Impi> u safer now dood

<zmaster> impi what sniffer you use
<Impi> a55sniffer v1.4
<zmaster> where can i get it 
<KillaHurtz> pet store?
<Impi> www.imasofak1ngdum8.org
<Impi> that page is busy
<zmaster> thanks 
<Impi> so keep re trying
-> Ops #hack: i cant help myself with this dood
<zmaster> dude it does not work
<Impi> must be busy
<Impi> keep re trying
<zmaster> can you give me the program
<zmaster> yo impi you there
<Impi> sorry
<Impi> i fell off my chair
<zmaster> k
<zmaster> so can you send me the program
<Impi> i can
<Impi> do u hace p1g3on.dcc?
<Impi> have even
<zmaster> |send it by dcc
*** Mobeen is now known as MoBsTeR
*** MoBsTeR is now known as Mobeen
<Impi> um
<Impi> . /server dcc accept a55sniffer
<Impi> do that 
*** zmaster (~zmaster@user2538.vip-za.com) Quit (Quit: AlienHead Script v5.0
                                                 http://fade.to/aliens)
<wolverine> lol
*** jc (~fsck@fsck.dial-up.net) Quit (Ping timeout)
<MH> theres sumthing u dont c everyday
*** zmaster (~zmaster@user2538.vip-za.com) has joined #hack
<Mobeen> nite
<MH> Impi : when i tried to get the sniffer it disconnected me..
<MH> Impi : theres a problem with the servers dcc
<Impi> MH: u mis spelt it
<Impi> . /server dcc accept a55snifferv.14
<Impi> that was the problem
<Impi> u missed out the v.14
<zmaster> o i see 
<Impi> is it working now?
*** zmaster (~zmaster@user2538.vip-za.com) Quit (Quit: AlienHead Script v5.0
                                                 http://fade.to/aliens)
<Impi> muhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
<MH> im evil?

<dmb062082> hey
<dmb062082> what is activex
<dmb062082> what does it do
<dmb062082> and what can it offer me?
<sWampy> it's evil, and is designed to aid hackers.
<derek_m> itll fuck you up the ass better and harder than last years M$ bug of
          the week
<dmb062082> i though it was 4 viewing media?
<DaemoN_> activex is an internet hacking technology that gives you AIDS

<QuiXoTiC> this is bad....
<QuiXoTiC> <---------irc junkie
<SirPaul> <---- as well
<Impi> ^^^ dorks

<VortHome> ./net Vortexia possum.lagnet.org.za
<VortHome> oops
<VortHome> ignore that
<kokey> no, we won't
<kokey> that's inexcusable

<speedo-1-zn> CAN YOU GIVE ME AUTO OPS 
<speedo-1-zn> PLEASE
<speedo-1-zn> I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING
<Impi> how much money u got
<Impi> and duct tape
<speedo-1-zn> NOT MUCH MONEY
<speedo-1-zn> BUT DUCT TAPE
<speedo-1-zn> LIKE HELL 
<speedo-1-zn> I'LL GIVE TO 10METERS
<speedo-1-zn> PLEASE IMPI 
<speedo-1-zn> GIVE IT TO ME 

<afx> Anyone know what a "fancy wank" is?
<jus> It's just how it is.
<afx> it's when you use an ugly chicks vagina to jerk off, so you don't want
      to cause wear-and-tear on your hands.
<opium> ahahahahhaha
<jus> heh
<afx> s/so/when/
<kokey> hahaha

<speedo-1-zn> R U THERE
<Impi> no
<speedo-1-zn> HI
<speedo-1-zn> IMPI
<speedo-1-zn> DIT IS VISHAL 
<speedo-1-zn> CAN YOU SPEAK 
<Impi> this is a recording
<speedo-1-zn> IF YOU R BUSY I WILL UNDERSTAND
<Impi> press 1 to leave a message
<speedo-1-zn> 1
<speedo-1-zn> I HAVE GOT A GOOD HACK 
<speedo-1-zn> WE CAN MAKE SOME MONEY
<Impi> please leave a message no longer than 3 lines at the beep
<speedo-1-zn> VERY EASY TOO 
<Impi> *BEEP*
<speedo-1-zn> I HAVE GOT A GOOD HACK 
<speedo-1-zn> WE CAN MAKE SOME MONEY
<speedo-1-zn>  VERY EASY TOO 
<Impi> thank u for yr message
<Impi> press 2 to save message
<speedo-1-zn> 2
<Impi> than u
<Impi> press 3 to verify
<speedo-1-zn> 3
<Impi> have a nice day moron

<Impi> help me
<Impi> *voooodooo spells*
<Pneuma> j00 must bury a tractor in the back yard to offset the evil magick

<JungleG> I can't believe it
<JungleG> I'm acctually about to download an Aqua mp3
<Kyla> sad
<JungleG> *nod*
<Kyla> dont do it
<JungleG> I'm in the mood for cheese today tho
*** afx (afx@137.158.186.33) Quit (Ping timeout)
<JungleG> cheese makes me smile when I'm having a shit day
<Kyla> oh

* JungleG ponders who has a pet shop boys megamix mirrored locally

<Impi> u know how u can REALLLLY piss me off?
<gw01f> how?
<gw01f> I hack u're box again
<Impi> ignore me

<Snowball2> oh well
<Snowball2> I love pr0n
<kusazero> hey, me too
<kusazero> lets hook up :P
<Snowball2> sorry beesh....my ass is exit only
<kusazero> ugh, I meant porn

<syndicate> hopium
<opium_> oh hi
<syndicate> go turn the fucking tv off
<opium_> go turn it off yerself

<Aragon> dont offer to impi.. he'll port scan you no doubt ;p
<moodswirl> mahaha
<moodswirl> well, a girl can dream
<moodswirl> It IS my dream to be portscanned, bruteforced and PENETRATED
<moodswirl> AEHAEha
<MH> moodswirl : all u had to do was ask
<Aragon> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

<wizdumb> 0k plunkett pr0n images now fixed
<wizdumb> ---
<wizdumb> *plunkett* FUQ!  (plunkoid@zslic.cafejava.co.za) [15:26]
<wizdumb> *plunkett* not all of them, just the sexy ones
          (plunkoid@zslic.cafejava.co.za) [15:26]
<wizdumb> [-plunkett-] which ones are sexy?
<wizdumb> *plunkett* j00 already did it ;/  (plunkoid@zslic.cafejava.co.za) [15:27]
<wizdumb> *plunkett* heh  (plunkoid@zslic.cafejava.co.za) [15:27]
<wizdumb> *plunkett* oh well  (plunkoid@zslic.cafejava.co.za) [15:27]
<wizdumb> *plunkett* maybe now moodie may like me
          (plunkoid@zslic.cafejava.co.za) [15:27]
<wizdumb> oops ;)
<moodlet> eahaeheahe
<plunkett> heh FUQ NOOO!!!
<plunkett> IT is FAKE
<plunkett> heh
*plunkett* u suck!!!  (plunkoid@zslic.cafejava.co.za) [15:29]
[Ed: Tres leet0 plunkett pr0n @ http://subversion.za.org/plunkett
     Plunkett: Du0d, n0w the sk0rpi0ns kn0w what j0o lo0k like!@$%%&**( ]

*** siv changes topic to 'Ruff Riders || [09:45:53] <Alpha1> I heard some guy
was fired at Spar cos he jerked off into the dough they use to make the rolls'
<Gida> lol
<LaSHeR> that much explain the egg and seawater taste of the Spar rollz
<siv> I'm not buying bread from Spar again.
<LaSHeR> don't lie
<siv> fuck u

<icepick> how do u start gnome?

<Snapper> blahbot : submission?
<blahbot> hmmm... submission is at http://hyperarchive.lcs.mit.edu/HyperArchive/Archive/sci/jupiter-satellites.hqx
OR ftp://ftp.amug.org/pub/info-mac/sci/jupiter-satellites.hqx
<Snapper> anyone know wtf the submission service is for? (tcp/udp port 587)
<zen-froglet> Snapper: i normally use a stick for submission

* gripoxE eats his cream cheese again and bounces around on his chair

<dakidski> i never payed for dope all my life
<dakidski> free cocain rules though
<_wildfire> not all drugs are addictive

<Martin64> unf unf unf
<DoomSooth> FoRTunately, your attempts to uNF me will prove uNFruitful.
<DoomSooth> I guess that would be uNFoRTunate for you. :)
<Martin64> lol

<Robert> but i would finger my sister if i had a chance

<JungleG> wizdumb: who's the chick on effkay.org?
<wizdumb> i'm not telling!~#@$%&*& ;P
<wizdumb> my boss just e-mailed me asking if i'm working ;/
<wizdumb> *sigh* i think i should do stuff
<wizdumb> g'baai :)
<JungleG> kyla?
<wizdumb> heh, du0d, u cheated - j0o looked at the filename! :P
<wizdumb> heh, yaww, she sent us a couple of pix, but she doesn't like them,
          so she's taking better ones this w/e ;)
<wizdumb> will have a proper pr0n gallery in the next page update
<JungleG> nah
<JungleG> I was just looking at her boobs
<JungleG> and they look like they could be kyla's boobs
<wizdumb> LOL! hektik. ;p
<JungleG> REKOGNIZE

<acid> I'm in windows
<acid> feel like I'm doing something wrong
<kokey> heh
<kokey> don't worry
<kokey> you get used to it
<kokey> it's like the first time you cheat on your girlfriend

<Cychronz> you need volume to enjoy opera
<jus> My music usualy has something to do with my mood
<jus> like, if I have lots of energy, I'll listen to energetic music
<Cychronz> def...bass is very important in opera
<ukj> or you like to feel the trombone up your ass when it plays
<ukj> ;)
<jus> Cychronz's quite right
<Cychronz> that's why so many ppl don't enjoy it...they don't have adequate
           bass
<jus> Any kind of classical music needs very good quality, clear sound with
      lots of power
<plunkett> and hard drugz

<syndicate> overl0rd atleast we got noddy badges so its cool
<Bug-E> you have a noddy badge???
<Bug-E> where's mine???
<syndicate> you dont got a noddy badge
<syndicate> well u do .. but mines better
<Overl0rd> i dont need a noddy badge to chat :)

14:02 (@afx) I suq coq for a living
14:03 (@Jay) hey guess what afx I get my coq suq'ed for a living :)
14:03 (@Jay) we could start a partnership
14:05 (@afx) this channel is sick.
14:05 (@afx) (and it's got *nothing* to do with me)
14:05 * afx abdicates responsibility.

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.                           Poetry by Pneuma                     ._ ,;:;,, _.

Ode to the doomed fan.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Look upon the winds that blow,
and listen there for my name.
Look upon the sun that shines,
and smell in it my great fame.
Read about me in the media,
and listen to me on the news.
Capture glimpses of me in crowds,
and follow me on my cruise.
Stalk my palace late at night,
and dig through my trash.
Phone me at forsaken hours,
and when I look at you flash.
Collect everything about me,
and buy my every craze.
Begin to fantasize about me,
and assimilate my ways.
Assume you are a relative,
and harrass those that are.
Cover your walls with my posters,
and listen to me in your car.
Believe all the good you hear,
and destroy those that disagree.
Read my every published novel,
and watch my every movie.
Hum all my catchy tunes,
and sing them in the shower.
Visit all my past lives,
and try relive the power.
Date all my ex lovers,
and shatter them in suit.
Wear my every fashion,
and purchase my old boot.
Steal my very possesions,
and add them to your room.
Worship me in every way,
and thus reach fandom doom.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

PCP crazed bastard
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Strange narcotics course their way through my system,
I feel a limbre come to my throat, tears to my eyes,
I see my world slowly fade, my vision blurs and all I can see
Is the enormous fruit basket that you gave to me
I lie bedridden here, dying on my bed
and the single most thought in my mind
is god, I hate oranges, so hard to peel
but I gave thanks anyway, and nibble on an apple
and when I wake in the morning I realise the truth
if I'd eaten the oranges, maybe I'd be better now
and not lying here waiting for the final dark
my eyesight hasn't returned yet, I feel my body die
and whilst asleep what did happen, but if I'd known...
perhaps it was meant to be this way, a small pip in the end
but now that I know, it can never make amend
I slip to the floor, and creep out the room
fumbling blindly in my drug ridden gloom
and as I reach the exit, of the house called prison
I come to a letter from my lost beloved
the note made to me, on the last day of us
a simple I love you, that now I miss most
I take the paper with me, and venture to my car
my vision returns slowly, and I turn the ignition
countless horses burst to life, and I slowly make my way
enroute to your place of residence, there to make away
and as I reach your entrance, I see what I never saw
my vision working now, I see him on the floor
he is gazing up at you, with his casual comfortable eyes
and he is laughing at all your wittism, that which I came to despise
as I enter the room he stops to stare, his jaw dropping ajar
for before I even knew my actions, I had drawn my guitar
I strum a few notes for dramatic effect, then raise my hand in readiness
about to start my performance, with all the calm of the bereft
the base strikes your neck firmly, before anyone can move
and as he rushes to his feet, the neck is already loose
I wrench it apart swiftly, and aim my next blow
the sharp enters his belly, and moves towards his skull
the wounds start to spill satisfyingly now
two pools of blood combine on the floor
and for some good and deserved measure
I kick him in his well defined jaw
the room is silent now, as I lay down
the only noise the gushing of life
spilling to the shut door
my hands are reddened
and I lift the remants of my instrument
and play my finale` upon my neck
a last attached string snaps
a last musical recall
a last note to me
a last call
the only sound now
is my last, slow rising cackle
and the note of vengence
ringing through the room
my final exit from the world
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.                                 Mailbag                        ._ ,;:;,, _.

From: "Marc Satur9" <marc@satur9.org>
To: "Wizdumb" <wizdumb@leet.org>
Subject: Proposed FK Reading Method

Besides totally inebraited on some minor substance that allows you to pretend
that you are infact able to comprehend anything at all. I find that it's quite
fun to open the zine in some whitebacked GUI text viewer, and "DJ" with the
<Page Up> and <Page Down> keys a bit, and lose focus of your eyes, kinda like
you would for one of those "3d" picture things where big gay objects leap out
at you. This method not only allows you to see all the cunning "s3kRu+
m3s54g3s", but I end up having digested the entire e-zine anyway. The "s3kRu+
m3s54g3s" are pretty kewl as well by the way. And I am not saying that I gno
the content through this ph34rful method either, it's summing to do with the
sub-conscious and inebriaty and "The Greater Scheme Of Things". Perhaps I
should write an article on "The Suggested Viewing Stylizing", or perhaps I
just did. Somedays I even think fk is better upside down while on the can with
a big-ass packet of pork rinds and a good ice cold brewsky. But I never tried
that, so I can't describe it.

MS9

PS: Those articles by that Pneuma guy blow, maybe you should refrain from
using his written word in the future... The rest of the zine was kwite good
though, keep it up!@#@!#!@#@!#

[ Ed: Marc Satur9 noticed the cunning seKr3T m3sZaG3z last issue. Did J0o?!
      (n0. of c0rz j0o didn't. ph4gg. :P)                                  ]

From: "GiGo" <gigo3k@yahoo.co.uk>
To: <wizdumb@leet.org>
Subject: xsinet shite

I'm no ÛßËR-HÅX0R, but the other day i was bored as hell and decided to edit
my friend's registry. While browsing randomly i came across her username and
password. It wasn't even encrypted, which i thought was up fucked. I think
the key was something like HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Xsinet.

I only passed this on, because I find that the FK guys see things I don't.
So where I just see a password you guys might see something bigger, like
using it in some way to do something else. I don't know.

GiGo oF Humano

--== Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole ==--
PGP Fingerprint: 4AB7 94EC 8AB0 DA59 AB52  D7F4 BF56 954A 3DC6 A192

[Ed: I don't have access to Xsinet software. If any of our readers use this
     service & want to throw us the exact location of the key, feel free :) ]

To: "wizdumb@leet.org" <wizdumb@leet.org>
From: "Kahl, Peter" <Peter.Kahl@fiserv.com>
Subject: Non-Receipt Notification
Date: Mon, 05 Nov 2001 14:12:07 -0600

was not read because it was deleted before reading at time

[Ed: Umm, I See... ]

From: "David Hernandez Gutierrez" <netdaviso@mixmail.com>
To: wizdumb@leet.org
Date: Thu, 04 Oct 2001 10:08:39 +000

Hello, I have seen your Microsoft Password 
Remover (for Access97). 
Is there another way to programming in 
other language like Visual Basic, Pascal or 
something like that?. To create an .exe.
Thanks.

[Ed: I'm still getting quite a few of these :/ ]

From: "Impi" <impi@0wn3d.co.za>
To: <comments@effkay.org>
Subject:
Date: Fri, 5 Oct 2001 16:54:34 +0200

FUQ U!(&^#$(*&$#

[Ed: n0 waY du0d, FUQ *U*!#$^* ]

From: "Impi" <impi@0wn3d.co.za>
To: <comments@effkay.org>
Subject: Love you long time
Date: Tue, 30 Oct 2001 21:49:55 +0200


[Ed: What iz *wr0ng* w this du0d? ;P ]

From: "me and" <o1o1q@hotmail.com> 
To: comments@effkay.org 
Date: Tue, 11 Dec 2001 00:25:49 +0200 
Subject: no real subject 
 
Hi there all you fk people
[Ed: Hi there, err, you ]

i just have to say ur E-zine kicks ass and the questions the people mail is
just fucking hilarios and not to mention the comments in the mail. i am
actualy glad there is a good webpage for za hacking and phreaking.

til next time
me

[Ed: No! Wait! Ask a question! I need to make a funny! grrr :/ ]

From: "Joe" <static24@hotmail.com>
To: <subz@effkay.org>
Subject: pwlcrack
Date: Sun, 16 Dec 2001 23:15:10 +0200

Hey ppl,

I got thi really k3wl app (pwlcrack), findz all dialup passwdz on the
computer (for MS-DOS). And I didn't make it, I just found it on some website
(which I forgot)

[Ed: Woah, is that so? Du0d, you have to find that f0r me, it soundz like sum
     3l33t shyeet. Then I kan haxx0r MS-DOS dialup passw0rdz everywhere and
     0wn the w0rld. ]

Thanx, and keep those k3wl issues comin'

[Ed: I shure will!#@$^%^& ... Jezuz Xrizt I hope this mail was a joke. :/ ]

hAKA_JoE

--- Postamble by Zee Edit0r ---

I got this cool e-mail regarding my Christianity article last issue, which I
think I deleted accidentatly, which is waq, coz I wanted to publish it.
Nothing incredible, just a 'if you read the bible and studied the religion you
would understand blah blah', but it got me thinking about what I believe to be
a fairly important idea that people don't seem to be reaching. That being the
importance of *religious tolerance* over respect for the religions of others.

Religious tolerance being the practise of recognising the rights of others to
think of religious issues as they please, and not discriminating against them
on grounds of their religious background alone.

I remember in school we were always told to 'respect other people's religions'
which is highly d0dgy. First of all this 'respect' word is used to imply all
sorts of fucked-up stuff that I don't really agree with. And secondly, there
is no reason why religion should be considered a respectable thing. ;P

If one is religiously *tolerant*, one will hopefully recognise the rights of
others to *disrespect* anything they choose to. ie. If I claim to have
molested Jesus around a group of people who are, like, into him or whatever,
then it would be *intolerant* of them to beat the crap out of me. ;P Likewise,
it would be intolerant of me to actually go round to their place of worship,
find this Jesus guy they revere, and actually molest him, but, yah, anyway,
I'm shure you get the idea.

Peace, Love, and Methyldioxymethamphetamine. Motherfuker. :/
Ed.

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;


     __... .                                                   . ...__
  d$$^^                                                             ^^$$b
.?$;                                                                   ;$$;:;,
_.                            FK Mirror List                      ._ ,;:;,, _.

k-r4d 0fficial fk diztribution sitez...

http://effkay.org
http://antioffline.com/fk
http://packetstormsecurity.org/mag/fk
http://the.wiretapped.net/security/info/textfiles/forbidden-knowledge

Lots of the other sites that mirror the zine are really slow to update their
archive, or don't update at all, so if it's not in the list don't bother;
I'll maintain a small list of mirrors at the end of every issue.

If you are running a mirror site, or would be willing to run one, please
contact me at wzd@effkay.org

Also; completely unrelated to this; plz spraypaint effkay.org on a wall near
your house, or write it on your brother's head, or across j0r seckzi female
form, or anywhere where you think it would look good, and mail the pictures to
pics@effkay.org - gracias. :)

Oh, and if you want to incorporate yr gfx into a design for the forthcoming
issue's cover art, or just fabricate some cover art for the zine, plz feel
free to do that as well. :) :)

;,                                                                       ,;;4,
,?;;$;,__________________________________________________________________,,7$;



     ________,,,...........                 .........______
$$$$$$$$$½½½½½½½^^^^^                                      '''''"""???zz.   $$
   ^?$$$                                                                `?; $$
     '$$       THE FUN IS GONE. :-(                                      $;$$$
      ?;                                                              ,,?;I$$$
     ,"________________________________________________________..,,##½½½',  $$
  _.+                                                                     +.,;

----------
I HAVE K0DE FOR W0RLD-D0MINATI0N DESTRUCT10N LAZER R0D!@#$^ RELE4SE 0UR LEADER
0R I DET0NATE MY LEFT NUT!$#$%^ I AM FUCK1NG SER10US, 0KAY?!@#^$% :/
                                                                    ----------
----------
     .[ EffKay: Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists ].
         < comments@effkay.org | www.effkay.org | subz@effkay.org >-
                                                                    ----------
----------
   ** Wrietn aDrcig * Mnisetn idnpcig * Mnorcig acretn *
                    * uIsrcin Orntutos * iidcin Hsnuto * ipouto Bgrdcin **
                                                                    ----------
----------
              {{ TH3 F0RB1DD3N KN0WL3DG3: 1998-2002 BI0TCH }}
                                                                    ----------
--
eof.
