                                                                            
      %%%%%%%%     %%%%%%%    %%%%%%%    %%     %%  %%%%%%%%   %%    %%
     %%       %   %%     %%  %%      %   %%%   %%%     %%      %%   %%
     %%           %%     %%   %%         %% % % %%     %%      %%  %%
     %%           %%     %%     %%%%     %%  %  %%     %%      %%%%%
     %%           %%     %%       %%%    %%     %%     %%      %%  %%
     %%       %   %%     %%   %     %%   %%     %%     %%      %%   %%
      %%%%%%%%     %%%%%%%     %%%%%%    %%     %%  %%%%%%%%   %%    %%
       

     %%%%%%%%     %%%%%%%%    %%%%%%%    %%%%%%    %%%%%%%%   %%%%%%%
     %%     %%    %%          %%    %%   %%   %%      %%     %%      %
     %%     %%    %%          %%   %%    %%   %%      %%      %%
     %%     %%    %%%%%%      %%% %%     %%%%%%       %%       %%%%
     %%     %%    %%          %%   %%    %%  %%       %%         %%%
     %%     %%    %%          %%    %%   %%   %%      %%     %     %%
     %%%%%%%%     %%%%%%%%    %%%%%%%    %%    %%  %%%%%%%%   %%%%%%
                 

                     SEPTEMBER, 1995 (Issue # 4)

                 
                 DJ Johnson.................Editor 
                 Louise Johnson.............Assistant Editor
                 James Andrews.............."Urbania" & HTML Guru
                 Cai Campbell...............Music, Layout Guru
                 coLeSLAw...................Artist & off-the-wall Poet
                 Steve Leith................Politics
                 Scott Wedel................Music
                 Andrew Ian Feinberg........"Drew's Views"
                 The Old Man................"Old Man Radio Hour Interviews"
                 Steve Marshall.............Music 
                 The Platterpuss............Music

                     

                  T A B L E   O F   C O N T E N T S

 
 EDITOR'S NOTES - Stuff that's important to know, or so says me
 
 ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST - A Discussion with Death Valley.  You
      take one part surf and two parts spaghetti western music, mix 'em up
      real good and you get Death Valley.  Joe, Mear and Pepper talk about
      everything from Ennio Morricone to burned out drummers in this 
      interview by DJ Johnson.

 LABELLED - Estrus Records boss and Mono Men leader Dave Crider talks about 
      what it's like to wear both of those hats in an interview with Cai
      Campbell.

 RYKODISC ACQUIRES ZAPPA'S MASTERS - Steve Marshall gives you the lowdown on
      Ryko's ambitious rerelease of the Zappa catalog.

 WE LOVE TO HATE - Steven Leith hits another nail square on the head in this
      article about paranoia, hatred and it's constant search for focus.

 PAT BUCHANAN: IF HE WINS, I'M SPLITTIN'! -  He says things that make 99% of 
      us roll our eyes, but SOME people vote for him. DJ Johnson passes some
      of Pat's wisdom on to you while trying not to crack up.

 THE OLD MAN RADIO HOUR INTERVIEWS: SWINGING UTTERS - The Old Man talks to
      Max, from The Swinging Utters, about their music and the punk ethic.
      Transcribed from The Old Man Radio Hour.

 URBANIA - James Andrews takes another stab at The Bible in general and Pat
      Buchanan in particular, making this something of a theme issue!  Join
      Cosmik Debris as we beat on the Pat with a baseball bat.  Oh yeah!

 SHARP POINTED STICK AWARD - DJ Johnson finds three likely candidates for 
      Septembers award. 

 DREW'S VIEWS - Andrew Ian Feinberg has some suggestions for making America
      a better...more sensitive place.

 RECORD REVIEWS - A mixed bag of punk, surf and even some Zappa!

 THE DEBRIS FIELD - No, there's no Spam Haiku this time, but there are a few
      poems and another waaaay out there rave from our mysterious friend 
      known as Magthorn.

 HOW TO CONTACT US - Just in case you know where all the good parties are.

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------
               
                    E D I T O R 'S    N O T E S

              
So it's already the 4th issue. Wow, time really flies when you're speeding 
way the heck out of control, y'know what I'm saying?  We have a few new 
things to talk about.  It's mostly happy stuff, but I'll start off with the 
one sad thing.  


After four issues of incredible layout work on the graphic/sound version, Cai
Campbell is giving up that job. Those of you who subscribe to that version
know that Cai does incredible work, giving each issue a unique identity.
Cai will still do an article here and a review there, but mostly, he will 
turn his attentions back to his first love, The Great Gig In The Sky BBS 
(206-935-8486).  I'll miss that monthly ritual of getting the "first peek" 
at the new issue, an event that always gave me quite a buzz.  Since we're  
sure we could never come close to matching his flair for layout and lettering,
we've decided that the .exe version will retire with him. Thanks for 
everything, Cai. 


As Cai is leaving, a few new people are just getting here.  We are happy to 
welcome Andrew Ian Feinberg, Steve Marshall and The Old Man.  There's a
great radio show in Erie, Pennsylvania, called The Old Man Radio Hour. It's
a four hour show...but who am I to argue?  At 42, The Old Man is slightly 
older than the average punk, but his knowledge of the bands and the music 
gives him instant credibility with everyone who hears his voice.  In this
issue, we have our first transcript of an interview from his program.  
Steve Marshall signs on with a report on Rykodisc's rereleases of the Frank
Zappa catalog.  (Interesting side note here...Steve talks about the graphic
work on the CD inserts in that article.  While talking about Zappa with 
Ferenc Dobronyi, guitarist for Pollo Del Mar, which we review in this issue,
I found out that he was part of the team of graphic artists on that project.
File it under "small world.") Steve also contributes a review of one of those
rereleases.  Drew Feinberg is my kind of writer.  He has a clear view and a
skewed delivery, which means he speaks the truth in such a screwy way that
even people like me can understand it. His column will be fun reading.



More changes in the record review section.  We got real lucky and landed us
an Internet legend.  The Platterpuss writes short and sweet reviews, usually 
covering melodic punk bands.  He writes for several zines, including The Big
Takeover, The Bob, The Teen Scene (one of my own favorites), Interzone, 
NY Review Of Records, CapSoul Reviews, Jersey Beat, What Wave, Jungle 
(Finland), Merlin's Music Box (Greece), and Blaster (UK).  In addition to all
that, he puts out a quarterly of his own, Foster Child.  This is a guy who
wears out two or three computer keyboards a year, and we're proud to be added
to his list of zines.


Next month, we'll be bringing you our first Halloween issue. But we can't do
it alone. We need your help. We're looking for scary little poems or raves
to scatter in the Debris Field.  If you have some appropriately unnerving
stuff to lay on us, please send it along to aquaria@serv.net.  Make sure you
include the writers name so we can credit him/her.  Also, if you want to tell
us what your all-time favorite Halloween flavored songs are, we'd love to 
hear it. We might find a place for that information in the issue.



One more thing to mention... James Andrews, writer of the monthly column
URBANIA, has been slaving away on our WWW site, tricking it out and getting
it ready for the new On-Line version of Cosmik Debris.  You can now read it
with your browser, see the pictures and sample the music of the bands we
interview.  Down the road a bit we hope to have sound samples from records we
review, as well.  Anyway, you simply MUST travel to the Cosmik Debris homepage
and check out Mr. Andrews handiwork.  http://www.greatgig.com/cosmikdebris
will get you there.  And now, on to the September issue of Cosmik Debris.
 
   DJ Johnson

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

      ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST - A Discussion With DEATH VALLEY
      Interview by DJ Johnson

     Death Valley plays a very different style of instrumental music. (See the
record review section).  Their current release, "Que Pasta," conjures images
of gunslingers riding across the desert or facing down the sheriff at high 
noon.  The music is moody and serious.  Their home, Austin, Texas, has 
always been a music center.  So many great talents hail from there, from
Tiesco Del Ray to Stevie Ray Vaughan.  It is truly a guitar town with a lot
of serious competition.  Death Valley isn't always serious, though.  I did 
get one hint of this, from "Que Pasta." A song titled "The Larry Storch Song 
Trilogy." For those of you who HAVE lives and don't watch a lot of late night 
TV, Larry Storch played Corporal Randolph Agarn on the TV sitcom F-Troop from 
1965 to 1967. You gotta figure any band that would resurrect such a long 
lost character would be fun to interview.  They were.  Joe Emery (guitar), 
Steve Mear (guitar) and Pepper Wilson (bass) talk about the important things 
in life: spaghetti westerns, My Three Sons, and burned-out drummers.
                     
                       *    *    *    *    *

CD: A lot of instro bands get edgy if you call them "surf."  Do you get that
label put on you a lot?

Joe: It doesn't bother me since most people call all instro stuff 
"surf." Our music wouldn't be classified as surf by purists, but I'm glad 
people are getting into instrumental stuff, no matter what they call it. 

CD: There must have been some pretty diverse influences to create your 
style.

Joe: We're big Hoodoo Gurus, X, Ramones, Long Ryders fans.  So many great
bands in the 80's.  I didn't get into the instrumental thing until 6 or 7
years ago.  Now I listen to lots of Ventures, Laika & the Cosmonauts,
Shadows, Herb Alpert.  But about the same time we got into rock instrumental 
bands we started listening to Ennio Morricone stuff.  He's the ultimate.

Mear: I've always been heavily influenced by the classic tv shows like Green
Acres, F-Troop, My Three Sons, Get Smart.  On stage, I pay homage to Chip, 
Ernie, & Uncle Charlie with my Tony Award caliber performance art, which 
accompanies our rendition of the My Three Sons theme.

Pepper: One of my biggest influences has been REM. The old stuff, pre-
Document. It isn't so apparent in our instrumentals but Mike Mills' bass has 
always sounded good to me.  I don't really play that melodic style but I like 
melodic embellishments.  The influence comes through more in my vocal songs.

CD: Was there a point somewhere when somebody in the band said "Hey, let's 
concentrate on this western sound," or did it just evolve naturally?

Joe: Mear and I decided to form a band.  Both of us "played" guitar and
wanted to form a band like the Long Ryders or Hoodoo Gurus.  Neither of us
could write lyrics, and at the same time we started listening to instrumental 
stuff, like Dick Dale and Big Guitars From Texas... we decided to write
instrumentals until vocals came naturally to us and lo and behold - they never
really did! Although Pepper has some great vocal tunes that we play live.

Mear: A key point in that was when we heard the great Hoodoo Gurus B-side
instrumental "Spaghetti Western."  No home should be without it.  We just
sort of decided to try to write stuff like that for starters.

CD: I haven't heard anyone else doing what you do.  Am I just not shopping
in the right record stores?

Joe: (Laughs) The marketing geniuses behind the mulitnational entity known
as Death Valley Worldwide really scored big on that one.

Mear: Our extensive network of agents finds up-and-coming bands and snuffs
them out.

Pepper: Actually, people are afraid to play them because they think no one 
will listen.  That didn't bother us, though.  We just really found a groove 
doing them and it turned out that some people do want to listen, but not very 
many.

Joe: Yes, Pep is right.  We have a small, but extremely alcoholic, uh... I
mean loyal following.

CD: Last I heard, you were in need of a drummer.  

Joe: Yeah our drummer, Blue, has joined a cult militia thing. 

Mear: Like a car you drive too fast, sometimes you have to replace the worn
out parts.
                  
CD: I read an interesting interview you guys did, and something Blue said 
made me curious.  Is it true that Bikini Kill's cymbals have some western 
splash in them these days?

Joe: Damn Jezebels!  Actually, they played a couple of nights after us and 
we had forgotten the cymbals.  The sound guy said they weren't happy about 
the money they didn't make and took them.  I'm SURE it was an honest mistake.
And then Joan Jett, goddess of all that which is rock and roll, chooses to
work with them instead of us!  Okay, okay, so she's never heard of us... 
Life's still not fair!

Pepper: To make it plainly clear, that was only the word on the street, no
proof.  Maybe, if any Bikini Killers ever read this they can defend 
themselves, or give 'em back.

CD: Who chooses your cover tunes?  I have to ask... How did you happen to 
decide to cover The Go Go's "Our Lips Are Sealed?"

Joe: Ah yes!  I remember it well.  We had all each consumed at least 3 times
as much beer as there were people in the audience... and then a vision
appeared.  Angels began to sing from the heavens!  There she was (sigh), a
golden glow surrounding her fair face.  Yes. Yes! It was Belinda!  Time stood
still at that magical moment... No wait, wait. That's not right.  I think a
street person wandered in and yelled for it.

Pepper: Joe really does love the Go Go's.  He always wanted to do it.  As it
turns out, it is one of our most requested songs.  What foresight he has!

CD: Well then I guess the question is... Joe, what the hell's it like to be a
rock and roll visionary?  Does it all just come to you, or does Jim
Morrison's invisible indian friend whisper it in your ear?

Joe:  Ah yes, my muse.  Visionary?  Ha! Maybe that nickname will catch on. 
Usually I'm not referred to in such eloquent terms.  No, really, I'm perfectly
happy covering tunes. It's not like anyone will ever mistake us for a top 40
band.  And even though I think we have a unique sound, I never get tired of
paying homage to my heroes.  Hell, I sit home and play Ramones and Hoodoo
Gurus songs for hours.

CD: Who decided to cover "Paint It, Black?" 

Pepper:  That was Joe's idea, even though I'm the Stones fan.  We kinda do a
punk rock version of it.  My favorite part is doing the bass slides at the
end.  It's a good way to remove that nasty callus build-up from your fretting
fingers.

CD: Aha!  The Bill Wyman Finger Aerobics series!  Remember, always warm up 
with "19th Nervous Breakdown" so you won't pull a callus, right?  

Pepper:  Yeah, you'd almost think the Stones were a surf band from that one.

CD: Did he have some influence on you when you were a bassist-in-training?

Pepper:  I do think that Wyman is terribly under-rated.  He has an incredible
body of work, but some of my favorite Stones bass lines are played by Keith
and Mick Taylor.  The bass line to Live With Me, recorded by Keith for Let It
Bleed, is one of the all time best bass lines, in my book.  Also outstanding
is Keith's bass line for Casino Boogie, on Exile on Main Street.  And speaking
of Exile, Mick Taylor does a lot of the bass work on that record.  Check out 
Tumblin' Dice, for instance.  Really though, if I had to name a favorite bass
player I would be hard pressed to choose between Mike Watt, and Chris Gates 
during The Big Boys era. That was the stuff I was listening to when I first
picked up the bass.

CD: There are some interesting stories floating around about your shows.  
Different ways of dressing for different occasions, things like that.  
The show I want to know about is the "Death Valley Dolls" show.  
(Note: The band sometimes does shows drag).                                                                 

Joe:  Let's just say we're not uncomfortable with our masculinity.

CD: Yeah, but I hear the clothes themselves constituted something of a 
fashion risk. 

Joe:  Jealous bitches!  All lies and rumors spread by girls that don't 
look as cute as us in fishnets!

CD: What other costume-themes have you done?

Joe:  One night we all dressed up as Elvis.  And at Sperry's suggestion
(Note: Sperry is Mear's girlfriend and "band mom"), instead of Elvis Presley 
songs we played Elvis Costello songs.  Another night we were dressed in 
tutu's and played as Death Ballet.

Pepper:  And you can't forget the bandidos.  We have done that a couple of 
times on Halloween.  Its the only one that really fits.  There is also the
politician get-up we did on election night '92.

CD: "Que Pasta" is a great album, by the way.  Your covers of "For A Few 
Dollars More" and "Guns Don't Argue" are a nice tip of the hat to Ennio 
Morricone.

Joe:  Thanks.  Morricone is where it's at.  Get a couple of Cervezas in you
and listen to his music really loud and you'll start feeling the bullets
whizzing by your head.  No really, there are so many awesome things about his
music.  The arrangements, the quality of the recordings, the songs - he
writes some really intense stuff.

Pepper:  The best way to listen to it is in a car driving through the desert, 
on a moonlit autumn night, with the windows down and the volume up loud.  
You really ought to try it.

CD: Do you plan to cover other Morricone songs on your future records?

Joe:  We certainly wouldn't rule it out, although the next thing we're 
putting out contains predominantly outer space sounding instrumentals.

CD: Valley Or Astro-Death-Valley?

Joe: Actually we're going for more of a "Ventures in Space" thing.  That's my
all-time fave instrumental record, start to finish.  Laika and the Cosmonauts
do it really well too.  Great songs and great playing. 

CD: Your own music is right up there with Ennio's, and I understand you've
done some regional film soundtracks.  Has anyone contacted you about 
doing a major western film soundtrack?  It seems like a natural.

Joe: As soon as we make it to HOLLYWOOD!!! We plan to get thrown off the lot
at all of the major studios.  Maybe we can throw cassettes over the walls. 
Actually, Larry Storch heard about us recently so we sent a cd to him.  Maybe
he could pull some strings...

CD: Back to the music...Does one person take the majority of the solos, 
or is it a fairly even mix?  

Mear:  We arm wrestle for it.

Joe:  We both hate playing leads, we fight over who gets to play rhythm.  My
ultimate goal is to make Mear play the leads on my songs when we play out, so
I can concentrate on more important things like my drinking.

CD: Is there a trick to telling which one is which by listening?  A certain 
style or sound that gives it away?

Mear:  I'm the taller one.

CD: (Writing on steno pad) ...the taller one...

Joe:  Just assume the sub-par lead work is all done by Mear.

CD: (Still writing) Sub par is taller one... Okay, let's bore the 
non-musicians for a minute. What are your guitar setups? Gimme the works... 
Guitar, amp, effects...

Mear:  I play a Fender Telecaster with a Bigsby tremolo and a purple Fender
Stratocaster through a Fender Vibroverb reissue with floral amp cover and
blue jewel.  Also 12-D Florsheim Imperials.

Joe: I play a custom shop red sparkle Fender Strat and a mid 70's Fender
Telecaster with a Bigsby tremolo through a reissue Fender Twin with a Fender
reverb unit.

Pep: I play an 86' Fender Jazz that I bought new when I young and dumb.  It
is actually a really great bass.  I put a set of EMG's on it about seven
years ago.  They give it a really warm, thick sound that the passive pick-ups
just don't have.  You also have access to lots more treble, too, but I don't
use it that much.  I have played all the old fender stuff and have never
found anything I like better.  No effects.  I have a Carvin head and play
either a Fender 2-10"/1-18" cabinet or a 1-15", depending on the size of the
venue.  If I really want to honk, I bring out another 1-15".

Joe: In case you can't tell, Pepper is the technical guy.  He is the one who
sticks the pluggie-innie dealies into the wall and our guitars.  Then he puts
them on us and we're good to go.

CD: Ah, so then he's the only one who knows which way your polarity switches
are flipped, right?  Pepper, do you like having that kind of clout?  They
treat you well, or they get an unscheduled perm?

Pepper: They know that if they piss me off, I'll sneak around and disconnect
their reverb pans. It really keeps them in line.  Actually, it just means I
have to stay sober longer, to make sure the P.A. is working, but I catch up as
fast as I can.

CD: Which bands do you listen to now?  Who's out there we should know about?

MEAR: Hoodoo Gurus, Bad Religion, the Mavericks, Sisters of Mercy, The
Muffs...

Joe: ...Laika and the Cosmonauts...far and away the greatest instro band
currently playing. I haven't heard or seen anyone that can even come close
to these guys.  See them live and you will never be the same. As instro stuff
goes I also like The Apemen a lot and Satan's Pilgrims.  The other band I've
just discovered is the 70's Boston rock and roll band The Real Kids.  Their
first album was recently reissued on Norton and may well become my all-time
favorite album.

CD: I've only heard "Do The Boob," from the Rhino DIY series.  Cool tune.
Is that on their first album?

Joe: Yeah it's on the first record.  Every song on there is killer. There is
so much enthusiasm in their playing. You can tell they were really excited
about making that record. It totally comes through on every song, and the
delivery is really intense.  Awesome stuff.

Pepper: Don't forget Herman the German. He is a local guy that has been in
Austin for years.  He plays a great crazy mix of styles, with lots of
instrumentals live.  Surf, spaghetti western, polka, rock-a-billy, but
totally original.  And his Gene Vincent covers (complete with real German
accent) are the best.   He has a record out on the Helsinki label, Texicalli.
As for some great sixties-garage/seventies-punk stuff, San Antonio's Sons of
Hercules. They're the best. Check out their record on Unclean Records. 

CD: What's next for Death Valley? Is the genre strong enough to keep you 
going?

Mear: We're goin' goth!

Joe: As long as there are enough drunken idiots out there like us who have
these delusions that they are as tough as Clint Eastwood, we'll be okay.  Oh
and let's not forget the soon to be classic "The Quick And The Dead!"  
(laughs)

Pepper: The instro thing seems to be stronger now than anything since the
sixties.  I kinda wish it hadn't gotten so mainstream, though.   After Pulp
Fiction came out, people would hear us and say, "you sound like Pulp
Fiction."  Of course they have no idea that Misirlou is thirty years old or
that we had been playing the stuff for five years, and that others have never
stopped.  But at this point, I think it is still such a small genre that more
exposure can only help the cause.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


                 L A B E L L E D
    
    Spotlight on Estrus Records and the Mono Men
    by Cai Campbell


     Hey, hey, welcome to a new "semi-feature" here at Cosmik
Debris.  "Labelled" will be dedicated to spotlighting a single
record label in every column.  It is with great honor that we
kick this feature off with one of the fucking coolest record
labels around: Estrus Records!  We'll be speaking with founder
and owner, Dave Crider, not just about Estrus, but also about
his other baby, The Mono Men!  
     The Mono Men dish out some of the most crunching melodic 
fun-blast music around today.  Dave doesn't mind mixing business 
with pleasure, in fact, he demands it, so it's not surprising to 
see a slew of top-rate sonic wonderment oozing out of the tasty 
Estrus catalog.  We're talking Man or Astroman?, Huevos Rancheros, 
The Fall-Outs, The Phantom Surfers, The Mummies, and many, many
more.  So, without further ado, let's ask Mr.  Crider the proverbial 
$64,000.00 question: "What's the deal?

                     
             *     *     *     *     *
                     

Cosmic Debris: One of Estrus' first record projects was the
excellent Sonics tribute, "Here Ain't The Sonics." Aside from
the great cover of "The Witch" by the Mono Men, there is a
smokin' cover of Cinderella by the Nomads.  I understand you
just finished up a west coast tour with them.  What stories
can you tell me about your relationship with the Nomads in
general and this tour in particular?

Dave Crider: Up until recently it's been a relationship of
fans (us) and heroes (them.) I had been in contact with the
band since before The Mono Men or Estrus existed.  Simply put,
they are one of my favorite bands, period.  I met both Nick
and 4-Eyed Thomas in Copenhagen during our last European tour
and Nick asked us to join for a couple of songs which were
recorded and later released on the "Lost In Europe" 7" on
Lucky Records.  We got to meet the entire band when they came
to Seattle to record the "Powerstrip" LP at Egg and did a show
with them at the 3-B in Bellingham that was amazing.  I never
thought that I would get a chance to see those cats, but to
have them play my hometown was great!  I tried to get them to
come over for Garage Shock later that year but it didn't work
out; but I was able to get things worked out for them to make
Garage Shock '95.  We also did an 11 date West Coast tour with
them which we all agree was the high point of being in the
Mono Men.  Not only a great band but really cool guys who share 
most of the same interests that we do.  I'm honored to call them 
friends.  We are hoping that they will be able to come back over 
next year for a mid-west Southern tour.  We're keeping our 
fingers crossed for that one!!

CD: Would you consider the tour to be a success?

DC: The tour was a success on all levels.

CD: Were you able to line up any new gigs for Estrus Records
while you were on tour?  Is an Estrus Nomads release in the
cards?

DC: Not sure what you mean by gigs, but yes, we're talking
about putting together a release of older tracks that didn't
make it onto the "Showdown" compilation.  Nothing for sure yet
but I'm working on it!

CD: I guess what I meant was, did you check out any new bands
that you'd think about working with in the future?  Or do you
even have time to do that while the Mono Men are on tour?

DC: Not on this tour but it does happen on occasion.  For the
most part, we put all of the bills together ourselves, so we
pretty much knew who we were playing with.  We did several
shows with SCOTS who are a really great band.  I'm gonna be
doing a 10-inch ep with them sometime in the future that will
be a re-issue of their "Santo Sings" 7" ep with a bunch of newly
recorded Mexican wrestlin' type tracks to balance it out.
We're planning on including a foldout wrestling match game
with the 10-inch, at least at first.

CD: I've been listening to the new Mono Men release, "Beer,
Bowlin', Booze, Broads" quite a bit lately.  I love it!  The
music is great and the whole premise is just too insane, I
mean, being recorded in a bowling alley at a bachelor party.
It's just so... so...Mono Men!  Did you set out to
purposefully record the event for an album?

DC: Not at all.  In fact, we were originally just going to
play Tom's bachelor party and go home, but we decided to use
that show as spring board for a mid-west/southern tour.  I was
also able to put Bottle Shock together the weekend before
Tom's party which was a blast.  It was Brendan's idea to
record the show as he has a mobile studio and is a fan so we
figured what the hell.  We really didn't intend to release
anything, just document it, but Brendan did such a great job
with the recording that we figured what the hell.

CD: The last two full-length Mono Men releases, "Shut Up!"
and "Wrecker" offered R-rated alternatives to the regular
covers.  I was hoping to see something similar for BBB.
What's the story behind the alternate covers and why have you
decided to abandon that angle?

DC: I guess it just didn't seem to make sense as the vinyl
version of the release has the die-cut cover and peep-show
insert already.

CD: Oh, that's great!  I got it on vinyl and CD.  I haven't
cracked the vinyl copy yet, but I did notice that the bowling
pins could be popped out.  It's touches like that which are
always a nice bonus.  Also, as a record collector, I like how
you've chosen to pay homage to classic album design from the
fifties and sixties, including great spoofs of unforgettable
album covers from The Sonics, The Wailers, and The Ventures.
How did these bands help shape the sound of the Mono Men?

DC: I'm also a record collector and a fan of all three of the
above bands.  I can't say that we have ever made any attempt
to emulate those bands sound wise, but the fact that everybody
in the band digs 'em means that the influence is there.

CD: The Mono Men are obviously dedicated to keeping the spirit
of bands like these alive and well, and are apparently
succeeding tremendously.  Do you feel as if you are turning on
a whole new audience to this music, and does that give you any
feeling of accomplishment?

DC: I hope so, because it really is great music, in fact that
was the entire point of the "Here Ain't The Sonics" LP.

CD: There are also songs by Dick Dale, Link Wray, and Billy
Childish in the Mono Men's repertoire.  What can you tell me
about these influences?

DC: Link Wray is one of my personal faves.  For my money he's
the best guitar player ever.  Total raw energy.  I'm not a
Dick Dale fanatic but do dig his early stuff quite a bit, as I
am a big rock instro fan.  My fave Childish shit is the
Milkshakes & Mighty Ceasers stuff.

CD: I've always admired the thick, powerful guitar sound of
the Mono Men.  Is there one individual whom you can point to
who influenced your approach to the guitar?  If so, why?

DC: It's hard to pinpoint any one person.  I just really dig
loud & raw guitars.  Link Wray, Pete Townsend (early Who shit)
and Hans from The Nomads are all influences.

CD: So, who have you been listening to lately?

DC: I tend to listen to a lot of Estrus bands for obvious
reasons.  I wouldn't put out the records if I didn't really
dig the bands.  Non-Estrus shit that I've been listening to
lately is: The Fall-Outs "Sleep", Julie London, SCOTS "Dirt
Track Date", Buck Owens reissues, Bear Family Western Swing
reissue CD's, Big Sandy "Jumpin' From 6 to 6" and Link Wray
"Mr. Guitar".

CD: Is there any special combination of equipment you use to
get that bitchin' "Dave Crider" sound?

DC: Just a Tele thru a Mesa Boogie amp.  No effects.  Same
set-up I've used since The Roofdogs.  Lotsa purists turn their
noses up at the boogie.  Fuck 'em.  It sounds great and I've
beat the shit out of it for years and the only thing I've ever
had to replace are tubes.  I used to use Fender amps, which I
love, but I just keep blowin' the fuckers up.

CD: How about the rest of the band?  Are the Mono Men into the
whole "vintage equipment" scene?

DC: Not even remotely.  We don't have a piece of vintage
equipment among us.  Both Mort and I have a couple of old
shit-brand guitars (Silvertone, Dan Electro, Mosrite), but
that's it.  Ledge has a cool Harmony bass that he got 6 years
ago.  He's taken that thang around the world with no case and
it's no worse for wear other than being a little beat up.  If
yer not gonna play 'em don't buy 'em.  Guitars shouldn't be
looked at as investments, they're instruments.

CD: Probably the greatest thing about the Mono Men is not the
impressive and wide ranging influences that have shaped you,
but how you've taken them and created something truly unique
and wonderful.  What can we hope to see as the Mono Men
continue to progress?

DC: Well as far as upcoming stuff goes there is a live LP
coming out in Spain later this year that we recorded in Madrid
in February.  A 10-song collection of covers of some of our
fave bands called "10 Cool Ones" will be out on 1+2 records by
the end of the year as well, and a new Estrus single in
January.  We are hoping to be able to get over to Sweden and
record the new LP with 4-Eyed Thomas at the studio that The
Nomads record at, I'm really hoping that we can work that out.

CD: Estrus has done very well as a quality independent label.
Has there been any interest by larger distributors or record
companies to handle your catalog?  For that matter, have the
Mono Men received any kind of offer from a major record label?

DC: All of my distribution is handled by Mordam Records in San
Francisco and I have no desire to go elsewhere.  They have
their shit together, are honest and most importantly really
care about the labels and bands that they work with.  Mono Men
have been approached by major labels, but I ain't interested.
Fuck 'em all.

CD: It seems as if there are more Mono Men records available
on other independent record labels than your own Estrus label!
Is this to help show your support for those labels?

DC: We try to work with labels and people that we like.  The
thought is that the label will be able to sell enough Mono Men
singles to fund a few other projects and we get a stack of
singles in return.  That's cool.

CD: I've always been curious about the rest of the band's
involvement with Estrus Records.  Is it strictly a Dave Crider
run business, or does the whole band have a stake in the
company?  I've always pictured you guys sitting around
stuffing records into sleeves mumbling about hitting the big
time some day.

DC: Nope.  Estrus is just me and my wife Bekki, who runs
mail-order.  The band really has little or no involvement with
the label.

CD: You mentioned that the Nomads are a big influence on the
Mono Men.  Is it their music or spirit which helps the Mono
Men to persevere?

DC: We're a band because it's fun, when it stops being fun
we'll stop.  So it's never really been a matter of
perseverance.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

                
                 RYKODISC ACQUIRES ZAPPA'S MASTERS
                 By Steve Marshall


     On October 7, 1994, Rykodisc purchased the rights to virtually the entire 
Frank Zappa catalog from Gail (Zappa) and the Zappa Family Trust. This deal 
secured Rykodisc the exclusive rights to all of Zappa's previously recorded 
works. It also will enable them to market & distribute any future releases
to come from the Zappa archives.
     Rykodisc has reissued over 60 Zappa albums in newly remastered (and in 
some cases remixed) versions. All titles were redone using Frank's approved 
master tapes. Titles that were previously available as "two-for-ones" are now
available individually (e.g., We're Only in it For the Money/Lumpy Gravy and 
Overnight Sensation/Apostrophe).
     Rykodisc has chronologically numbered the series, with a spot left open 
for 200 Motels - the only title for which Zappa never gained copyrights. The 
majority of the double CD's are being reissued in slimline cases, rather than 
the bigger double-width jewel boxes. The only exceptions will be those which 
contain librettos. The triple CD Shut Up 'n Play Yer Guitar & The Yellow 
Shark will have special new packaging.
    Originally available only through mail order in 1981, the Shut Up 'n Play 
Yer Guitar series has been reissued in a new box set. Rather than combine 
the individual albums into 2 CD's, Rykodisc has preserved the continuity of 
the albums in their original state - complete with their own sleeves. The
artwork that originally made up the sleeves on the vinyl version has been 
retained as the CD label artwork on the reissues. Classic songs such as 
"Treacherous Cretins," "Pink Napkins," & "Ship Ahoy" (originally from the 
Lather sessions) have now been preserved in the best possible sound quality.
     The collaboration with Captain Beefheart, Bongo Fury, contains some of 
Zappa's most requested material in concert. Songs like the encore favorite, 
"Muffin Man," and "Advance Romance," stayed in Frank's stage repertoire for 
years afterward. While Zappa's albums were known for their sound quality, 
the new reissues sound even better than their original versions.
     However, "better" is in the ear of the beholder. On the Roxy & Elsewhere 
CD, "Cheepnis" has been remixed. The result sounds almost too clean. The 
vocals are the thing that really stands out, as well as the percussion. In 
this particular instance, the album sounds better. Tracks like "Penguin in 
Bondage" and "More Trouble Every Day" sound better than ever, but Frank 
should have left "Cheepnis" alone.
     Released in 1976, Zoot Allures was Zappa's version of a "straight ahead" 
rock album. Containing the classic instrumental, "Black Napkins," Zoot 
Allures stands out as one of the many highlights in his career. Frank's 
voice in "The Torture Never Stops" resonates on the low notes as never 
before.
     The commercial letdown of You Are What You Is came as a bit of a surprise 
to Frank at the time. He said once in an interview that he figured since there 
was relatively no "language" on the album that it would be more of a 
commercial success. No matter, the CD contains some of the best of Frank's 
incredible sense of humor, as well as some great tunes such as the title 
track, "The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing" (a song performed in concert years 
before the albums' release), "Heavenly Bank Account" & "Suicide Chump."  The
CD also contains some great guitar work by FZ & Steve Vai. Unfortunately, 
Ryko didn't fix the dropout problems from the original pressings. Kind of 
suprising considering the quality of the rest of the catalog.
     All in all, it's great that a label like Rykodisc has taken the time & 
effort to carry out the complete Zappa reissue program & do it with the honor, 
respect & integrity that the music deserves.
            
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


      
                    W E   L O V E   T O   H A T E
                            By Steve Leith

                      *     *     *     *     *     

     With the end of the cold war the greatest danger to our freedom is 
ourselves.  With no external enemy we are turning our hatred inward.  Instead 
of Commies, Cubans and Arabs we have Welfare Mothers, Hackers and Immigrants.
     The list is actually longer than that.  Our government in DC has 
identified at least a dozen dangerous stereotypes that must be stamped out.  
I say this in all seriousness because there are bills before congress aimed 
at these groups and the laws that will result will have an impact far beyond 
the groups that everyone wants to punish.
     It is open season on deadbeat dads and welfare moms.  They are about to 
be dealt a mortal blow with the aid of a hopper full of new laws: Personal 
Responsibility Act of 1995 (HR 4), Real Welfare Reform Act of 1995 (S 834), 
Work and Gainful Employment Act (S 840), Child Support Responsibility Act of 
1995 (HR 785), Act to Enforce Employer Sanctions Law (HR 570).  These laws
will have many things in common.  They all would require creating and 
maintaining a data base on anyone who gets a job and putting the parents' SSN 
on all birth records.  Records that are open to the public.
     Oh, did I forget to mention that in the process your old social security 
card will become your only permit to legally hold a job as well as your 
national ID, with finger print and photo.  I personally like the idea of 
having to carry "papers" in my own country.  It's so, well, so organized.  
What are a few personal freedoms compared with ending the terror of deadbeat 
dads and welfare queens.
     I guess few people around remember government assurances that the SSN was 
not intended as a national identification card.  The government promised SSN 
would never be used to keep track of citizens.  One thing you can bank on is 
that citizens with short memories make it easy for a government to break
promises.
     Another group slated for extinction is the "hacker."  Unfortunately, to 
get rid of the hacker, we will have get rid of the pesky Constitutional 
Amendment IV.  It seems that the current broad powers for wire taps and search 
and seizure are just not good enough to capture teen hackers. The Exclusionary 
Rule Reform Act of 1995 (HR 666) allows introduction of evidence obtained
by illegal search or seizure. The National Information Infrastructure 
Protection Act of 1995 (S 982) sets punishments and fines for newly defined 
computer crimes.  This will stop hackers and just about anybody stupid enough 
to use a computer.  I feel safer just thinking about it.
     The dread "flamer" will not be left out of this purge of evil doers. The 
Electronic Anti-Stalking Act of 1995 (HR 112) makes harassing electronic 
communications a federal crime. The Decency act will make annoying e-mail a 
crime.  Ok, you flamers, your days are numbered.
     One group of malefactors deserving of our scorn is anyone who uses 
encryption.  The House bill on racketeering criminalizes any encryption that 
does not allow government access. The Anti-Electronic Racketeering Act of 
1995 (S 974) bans distribution of encryption accessible to foreign nationals 
unless the Justice Department can decode it.   Let me guess who may have 
helped write that bill.  Can you spell NSA?
     I saved the best for last.  The evils due to immigration are staggering.  
We have had to put up with ethnic food, broken English and national costumes
long enough.  The Immigrant Control and Financial Responsibility Act of 1995 
(S 269), introduced by Bob Dole (R-KS) and Alan Simpson (R-WY), creates a 
national registry for work place verification and increases the use of 
wiretaps for immigration purposes.
     Owing to the belief that you should never have just one law when you can 
have two, the Illegal Immigration Control Act of 1995 (S 999), introduced by 
Senator Hutchinson (R-TX), establishes yet another Social Security Number 
verification system.  The card would be necessary to apply for employment 
after Jan. 1, 1997. Everyone will have to have one by 2000.  This super card 
will contain your name, sex, date of birth, and Social Security number, as 
well as: "such identifying information that is specific to each person as the 
Commissioner shall determine."
     I think it should include race, religion, sexual orientation, educational 
level and income bracket.  I hope the Commissioner agrees with me.  I know my
fellow citizens do.
     I'm sure you join me in the desire to give up what personal privacy we 
have left so the Feds can crack down on the immigrants that are among us.  
Those people are here, not because they were born here, but because they want 
to do our lowest paying jobs.  Well I've said enough.  The way things are 
going I'm going to need all the low paying jobs I can get.
     If I left out anyone's pet group you love to hate, like militias, eco-
terrorists, homeless activists, online political pundits or just your stupid 
neighbor, don't worry.  Your government will not leave anyone out.  The 
Counterterrorism Research Act (HR 1847), introduced by Rep. Schroeder (D-CO) 
shells out $20 million to the Department of Justice to develop new 
surveillance and tracking technologies. 
     They will find the ones we love to hate and they will round them up so 
they can not pollute our society.  You can rest easy knowing that they will 
come for your neighbor before you can crow,  "He must be guilty or they 
wouldn't take him away."  But you better get your neighbor on the big list, 
before he gets you on it. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


             
             PAT BUCHANAN: IF HE WINS, I'M SPLITTIN'!
             By DJ Johnson
                    
                       
                       *   *   *   *   *


     He likes to quote Teddy Roosevelt, and sometimes even Joe Willy Namath.
He brags about being a key advisor to Richard M. Nixon.  He held the same
position (or nearly the same) with Gerald Ford and Ronald Reagan.  He started
the whole terrifying ride by working with Barry Goldwater, a presidential
candidate who went down the tubes because his views were so extreme and 
unbending that they frightened American voters.  In 1991, he took all of that
experience and parlayed it into some surprising victories over President 
George Bush in republican primaries before losing steam.  And now, four years
later, Patrick J. Buchanan wants another shot at becoming our president.
     Pat understands enough about psychology to know that this might be the 
year his brand of fear will get him the most followers.  He learned about 
using fear from some of the best teachers of this century.  Goldwater was a 
master.  Reagan was no slouch, and hey, Pat's even borrowed Ronnie's "Evil 
Empire" symbolism.  Sure, now that the Soviet Union has gone to pieces, it's a 
little bit harder to sell fear than it used to be, but Pat has found a new 
scapegoat to hang the "Evil Empire" label on.  The "Right To Choose" movement.  
Abortion clinics in particular.  Political writers have been saying for years 
now that abortion would be the battlefield of the 90's, and Pat...well, he's 
one of the political writers, so it's no surprise that he's got cannons lined 
up in that field already.  Watch now, as Pat uses Ronnie's schtick.  Pardon 
the imagery on that one.
     "Just as slavery was the great moral issue of the 1850s, abortion is 
the great moral issue of our day.  Our Republican Congress has a moral and 
historical obligation to do all it can to roll back the evil empire of 
abortion that has taken the lives of 30 million unborn babies in 20 years. 
I know we can't win the right to life by getting in people's faces.  We need 
to touch hearts.  And this Republican Congress has the power to do that by 
calling hearings to bring out the stories of the women, abandoned by husbands 
and boyfriends, treated cruelly by the clinics, who bear the physical and 
psychological scars of having undergone an abortion."
     Nowhere in this slick piece of writing does Buchanan attempt to address 
the problem of over-population.  Whoops! An oversight? Was it something he 
MEANT to bring up?  Does the amazing Mr. B. have the cure for that one up his 
sleeve as well? I doubt it.  In an article denouncing Dr. Henry Marshall, 
Buchanan showed himself to be naive as can be when he said "A Planned 
Parenthood activist, who favors distributing condoms to teen-agers, and 
advocates sex education courses that millions find morally objectionable, Dr. 
Foster admits himself to having performed abortions. An abortionist, even a 
part-time abortionist is, de facto, unqualified to ascend the Bully Pulpit of 
Surgeon General, and lecture as a moral teacher to the nation."  Buchanan 
speaks for a very vocal minority who would rather stick their heads in the 
sand and pretend that their teenage children aren't having sex just because 
they told them not to. Stupidity like that contributes to teenage pregnancy 
and adds to the AIDS crisis. Buchanan seems to think sex education is dirty, 
and the only real way to educate today's youth is through religion.  Religion 
looms large in Pat's plans.

                      PAT AND GOD IN '96!

     Buchanan isn't the only candidate who seems to have God on the ticket.  
Religion has been a Conservative trump card from the beginning, but what
the Conservative candidates never seem to realize, until it is too late,
is that they are the ones being trumped. It just doesn't seem to make sense
to them. How could the voters NOT be moved by their demands that church and
state be reunited?  Hey, if I say "My God is going to be YOUR God, and your
God is going to be persona non grata," you had better vote against me. You
would be an idiot not to.
     Here is a helpful hint for sorting out the narrow minded. If a person 
talks about "God" as if there is only one definition, his, and it is stupid to
think otherwise, that may be one of the narrow minded guys right there.  If
he talks about his beliefs as if he's unaware that other people don't share
them, bingo!  You've got one! Let's allow Mr. Buchanan to do his own talking.
After all, he seems to have brought his own rope. 
     "Under the hallowed doctrine of 'academic freedom,' all ideas are to be 
accorded equal access to the university. Why?  Because, or so we are told, 
competition of ideas is the best way to discover truth.  Fine. But, what do 
we do when we find the truth? Do we yet continue to allow the propagation of 
falsehoods? If so, why? When men learned the Earth was round, did they allow 
their geographers to continue to teach that it was flat?"
     Ah! Good point, Pat!  I guess this is why he's paid to write his views. 
See, he is able to make those fantastic analogies! For example, he was able 
to see that saying "there are other ideas, and each deserves to be heard" is
just as stupid as saying "y'know, the Earth is flat as a board, and even
though we now know that I'm wrong, I'm going to continue saying I'm right
because I can.  Freedom of speech, y'know. In your face."  Well now!
Patrick J. Buchanan, you've done it again!  It's a frightening thought, isn't
it?  President Pat Buchanan?  You know, this gets worse, too.  Read on.
     "Comes the answer: Well, in matters of science we may know truth, but in 
matters of morality we can never know. In this realm, one man's opinion is 
as good as another, and no one has the right to impose his morality on 
someone else. And any attempt to give the moral code of Christianity 
superior status is 'intolerance.' Six decades ago, a great moral teacher 
saw it all coming. In a provocative 1931 essay, `A Plea for Intolerance' 
Fulton J. Sheen wrote, `America it is said is suffering from intolerance. It 
is not. It is suffering from tolerance, tolerance of right and wrong, truth 
and error, virtue and evil, Christ and chaos. Our country is not nearly so 
over run with the bigoted, as it is over run with the broadminded.'" 
     Oh baby! I just have to vote for a guy who clings to 1931 morality 
thinking! Here, our hero is quoting a man who went on to define tolerance as 
"an attitude of reasoned patience towards evil." Those of you who were taught
that tolerance was the understanding that other people have a right to 
their views and opinions based on the fair assumption that they have just
as much chance of being right as you do...well...Pat and his friends say
you're wrong. Worse than wrong. Ignorant. This man got three million votes  
in the primaries of the last election. Does this scare you? No?  Does this?:
"Tolerance does not apply to truth or principles. About these things we must 
be intolerant, and for this kind of intolerance, so much needed to rouse us 
from sentimental gush, I make a plea.  Intolerance of this kind is the 
foundation of stability." That was Pat, still quoting Mr. Sheen.  This is  
an example of what kind of mind appeals to this candidate. In a word - Yikes!

             ALL IN ALL IT'S JUST ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL    

     A "good liberal" will avoid falling under the spell of right wing 
paranoia and symbolism, but sometimes a different kind of paranoia takes hold 
as a result of that struggle.  It isn't a pretty thing to see. Images form 
when Buchanan talks about his plans for dealing with illegal immigration.  
There is most certainly a problem, and like all political problems, there are 
no simple answers. Buchanan doesn't agree.  He wants to build something he 
calls "The Buchanan Fence."  Considered in the context of his other extreme
views, it begins to sound like The Great Wall. To hear Buchanan describe it,
you would think it's a logical conclusion that every American should 
understand and support. "If I am elected president, I will substantially 
stop illegal immigration within three months of my inauguration. I will 
build the Buchanan fence at the key points along our southern border where 
the masses of illegal aliens cross. I will immediately reinforce the Border 
Patrol, if necessary, with the National Guard. And I will give the Border 
Patrol all the vehicles, equipment and moral support they need to do their 
job. But I shouldn't have to do this in 1997, because this Republican 
Congress can do it right now. If Bob Dole and Newt Gingrich act decisively 
to stop illegal immigration, the problem can be solved by this summer. 
Inaction is inexcusable."  Call it what you will...paranoia, hysteria...but
such free flowing usage of words like "fence" and "National Guard" give me
the shakes.  And taking Gingrich and Dole to task is a pretty shrewd move
by a man who knows the odds against his own campaign are long.  If you can't
make it to the lake, get someone else to cast your line. Doesn't matter, as
long as you get to eat the fish.

                       LET'S SAVE SOME TIME HERE

Okay, I think we can just skim some of these topics and still get the point
across.  


GUN CONTROL: Pat is the gun lobby's golden boy. Phil Gramm was supposed to
hold that position, but he couldn't. Bob Dole was supposed to be there for
the gun folk, too, but he couldn't be. None of the expected players for the
machine gun brigade made it across the finish line. Buchanan's the man now.
Why did the others lose favor? They voted for various legislation that the
gun lobby didn't like. Why did they do that? Because the truth is that it's
next to impossible to remain true to your platform when you have to vote on
different bills every damned day. Bills are rarely a black and white issue.
Most bills have several ingredients. If you support 9 of 10 components of a
particular bill, and hate the 10th, you'll probably vote for the bill to get
the 9 into law. That's what happened to Gramm and Dole. The gun people don't
care about such rock/hard place scenarios. They feel betrayed. How did Pat
avoid pissing them off? Simple. Pat's not a Senator or Congressman. He doesn't
have to vote on anything. 

FOREIGN AID: This is such a tough thing to talk about, because, well...it's
that rock/hard place thing again, for most candidates. They are in positions
where they are (mostly) held accountable for their votes and actions. There
is no black and white for them. Just lots and lots of grey. Pat doesn't have
to answer to anyone, and he sees only black. In President Pat's world, the
answer to all our financial woes is crystal clear. Cut off ALL foreign aid.
All of it. "Zero it out," he likes to say, apparently blissfully unaware that
many of the economies that money goes to bolster actually feed our own. 
Again, it's not an easy issue with a quick fix. And again, Buchanan is very
quick to tie selected facts together into a package that stokes public anger
and fear, allowing him to peddle HIS quick fix as if it were the genuine 
article. 

RACIAL ISSUES: Well, for starters, good ol' Pat called Affirmative Action
"Un-American." He stands on his soapbox and says the only way all races can
be treated equally is to strip away everything that has been set up to force
bigots to treat them equally. Huh? Okay, once again, this is a many-sided 
story, and there is no easy answer. Affirmative Action had its problems, and
it's a moot point now, anyway, but in the world according to Pat, all will 
be healed if we just pretend there is no bigotry. Yeah, that'll work just as
well as it did for all those years before the civil rights movement, Pat.

HOMOSEXUAL RIGHTS: What kind of deal can gays and lesbians expect in a Pat
Buchanan administration? That's easy. On Face The Nation, earlier in the 
year, Buchanan repeated his foot-in-mouth declaration that "homosexuality is
a crime against nature, and AIDS is nature's retribution." I think we should 
just let that statement sink in for a bit. Hmmmm. Nope, still sounds stupid.

UNITED NATIONS: Let's be honest. This man hates the UN. Anything to do with
a "world order" that isn't Buchanan led is not even worthy of consideration.
What do we expect from a man who wants to build a wall across our southern
border, mobilize the National Guard, make scapegoats of homosexuals and
right-to-choice'ers and force school children to learn about his version of
God? Sound a little bit like Germany in the 30's?  

                 THERE YOU HAVE IT, NOW GO OUT AND VOTE!
                
     There are so many other issues where Buchanan comes off like a Nazi, and 
we could discuss them for a few hundred pages, or you could go out and seek 
the information yourself. The only reason people this far to the right get 
anywhere in American politics is because so many people do NOT bother to 
vote. They've bought into the theory that their vote doesn't count. While
they are staying home watching reruns of Gilligan's Island, Pat's few million
fanatics are highly mobilized, and they are VOTING! Believe me, there are far
more people who would vote against him than for him, but if they don't get
registered and get out there, we might just find ourselves trying to crash
the gate at Checkpoint Charlie, Texas, someday soon. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------


   T H E   O L D   M A N   R A D I O   H O U R   I N T E R V I E W S

   
   Swinging Around the Globe is Utterly Fabulous: An Interview With Max From
   The Swinging Utters.
   by The Old Man


On August 20th, the bazillion band and skater frothing fest known as the 
Warped tour hit North Tonawanda, NY. One of the bands that joined the tour 
was the Swinging Utters from San Francisco. While I held conversations with 
various band members during our few hour reunion, it was Max who was 
relegated to the unenviable task of speaking with me on tape. So it was that 
on this stifling hot day we wandered back and forth between topics to bring 
you this conversation....


OLD MAN: Have you enjoyed this thing with all the types of bands? All of 
these hardcore bands?

MAX: Yeah, it's been a great time. I love it when I have a chance to go out 
and do stuff with a mixed up assortment of bands. You get hardcore bands, 
different kinds of music, and I think it's really important for the scene. It 
keeps it all healthy. It keeps everything diverse. I think that it's important 
that people get to check out all the different styles of music. Punk kids 
will come and see hardcore bands. Hardcore kids will come and see punk bands. 
You'll see them playing together and getting along together and it'll keep 
the scene unified.

OLD MAN: Yeah, and it's an important thing. It's been a long time since I've 
heard that, but Dwid, who's the lead singer of Integrity - I don't know if 
you know them, but they're one of the big hardcore bands from Cleveland - yet 
at one of their recent shows, he said punk and hardcore kids have to stick 
together, the scene's not large enough, and we're kind of out for the same 
thing, so we really do have to stick together. 
         Now how long's this thing going to be going on? This is like the 
fourth stop on the tour, right?

MAX: Well, it's our fifth stop, but the tour has been going on for two weeks 
now and it's going to go on for about two more weeks. So it's about a month 
altogether. We've got, I don't know, about 8 more shows I think, then we're 
going to fly over to London, England to hook up with Rancid for their 
European tour.

OLD MAN: Yeah, that's totally awesome. That sort of came out of the clear 
blue, right?

MAX: Exactly, it came out the of the clear blue. Literally, I mean one, we 
are on the road. Two, they tell us about a month before we are supposed to be 
in London. Like hey, do you guys want to go? Of course we want to go! But 
that means we have loads to do. One of us doesn't have a passport. We gotta 
get tickets. We have to do all this shit, excuse me, I don't think we can say 
this on the radio.

OLD MAN: No that's not a bad one, there's a couple of words you can't say, 
but....

MAX: I think I know the ones. At any rate. We have to take care of all this 
stuff and we're on the road and it's really difficult, but we're going to do 
it. I'm putting one hundred and ten percent into taking care of all of the 
arrangements, but it's difficult. We've never been to Europe before and I've 
never tried to book a European tour, but we're getting a lot of help from 
other people.

OLD MAN: You guys are on New Red Archives, who has Nicki, who was 
kind of one of the founding fathers/mothers of the UK Subs, wasn't he?

MAX: Yeah, he was one of the founding fathers of the Subs and one of the 
founding fathers of punk. I mean, legend has it that Nicki was the guy who 
started the spikes on the leather jacket trend. He got it from some bikers 
that were doing it. Then he started doing it. Then all of the kids that were 
going to Sub shows in '77 saw him wearing the spikes. They started wearing 
the spikes. Now you go over there and ask any of the old punks who started it 
and they all say Nicki Garrett. The guy's a living legend. He's also really 
cool. I mean he's really modest, really down to earth, runs the label to the 
best of his ability. Puts one hundred percent into the label. It's not a 
hobby for him. It's his career. I mean he also has his music, but the label's 
where its at.

OLD MAN: He's starting to put different types of sounds together. He has you 
guys with the '77 sound and Jack Killed Jill is a kind of '77, Avengers type 
of thing.

MAX: Yeah, yeah San Francisco style. 

OLD MAN: And, uh, then there's the new release of Social Unrest, some 
old school hardcore.

MAX: Yeah, we just played with Social Unrest for our record release 
party. It was also Jack Killed Jill's record release party and the Nukes, who 
are also our label, record release party, and the Social Unrest record 
release party, as they're going to be putting out a new record. It was an 
amazing show. NRA has a lot of great bands. It's a small label and they're 
growing daily and we're trying to help the whole process. We're out doing as 
much as we can to help (damn auto sensing tape. It stopped).

OLD MAN: As I suggested when we were coming over here to do this thing, I was 
going to mish mash this together and try to do a lot of different things with
it. You guys have been out on the road for about a month and one-half now, 
you just sort of dovetailed in with the Warped tour last week. Did you book 
this tour yourself and what's it like, oh hell you don't have to tell me 
whether you booked the tour, but what's it like with five of you guys, one 
van, a little trailer in the back to handle your equipment, how's the 
pressures of a close interpersonal relationship and all that when you're on 
the road.

MAX: It's horrible. (laughter) Nah, it works out really well. You'd think 
under the conditions we're in, we'd all be at each others throats by now, but 
we're all pretty even keeled. We just go out and take everything in stride 
and nobody trys to sweat anybody out about minor details. If things start to 
get hairy, we just all get our distance. Even though it's a small van, we'll 
just shut up, or sleep, or read or whatever it takes to ease up on the 
arguments. We get along really well, it's amazing. I wouldn't think that we'd 
get along this well, but we're going to be out for two months before its 
done. Actually, with the European tour, it'll be three months by the time 
it's done. It's a really long tour and it's us all the time. We're always 
with each other and we're different people you know. We don't all have the 
same interests.

OLD MAN: This isn't rock star stuff.

MAX: No, not at all. There's a van and a trailer and six of us in there. 
It doesn't sleep six. All bands have to go through this and we know this. 
We're not going to let anyone take advantage of us, but at the same time we 
realize we're not expecting to make millions. The tour is turning out really 
well. It's a lot of fun. The key is getting out there and getting exposure. 
It's not about making money right now. We just want to make enough money to 
live. Our long term goals are to continue to expand as a band.

OLD MAN: Well this is your second time around. Is the reception better this 
time around?

MAX: Definitely. Lot more recognition in towns, especially in places where we 
haven't been before. What we're trying to accomplish with this tour is to go 
to all of these small towns, playing kids' basements, houses, and skateparks 
where you play in front of 20 people, as well as doing shows like this, where 
you play in front of 5,000 people. Constantly mixing it up and playing in 
front of all different types of crowds, so we can get across to everybody. We 
don't want to get into who we play in front of. It's punk rock. We're punks. 
We like seeing punks at our shows, but we want everybody to get into the 
music. We feel that the music has a lot to say and we want to accomplish 
something with our music, besides just the immediate entertainment value.

OLD MAN: You're kind of old school in the thoughts on that, it's more than 
just music. It's a little bit of everything, isn't it?

MAX: Totally. It's a lifestyle. It's a political movement. It's everything. 
It's a total mix. It's whatever it is that you want to do, but everybody that 
pretty much gets into punk rock are doing so 'cause they're not happy with the 
way mainstream society is. Of course, there's going to be kids, now with punk 
getting really big, that are just going to get into it 'cause its trendy or 
whatever. The hardcore kids that are out there, the reason that they're 
getting into punk and the reason that they're starting punk bands, fanzines, 
radio shows or whatever is because they are sick of what they see and hear on a regular basis. They want to hear an 
alternative, they want something different.

OLD MAN: You guys have been together since about '88, '89. Somebody 
told me that you guys were like a party band back then...

MAX: Yeah, sort of '89 I guess, but really '90 is what we consider the year 
of the conception of the band. In '90 Darius joined the band. Started writing 
original music and '92 I joined the band and really from there, everything 
started to gel. Even until '94, we were just mostly working all the time, 
making money to live and stuff, and the band was just a side project. It was 
for fun. We'd go out. We went out and wrote music 'cause we liked to play 
music. Then we said to ourselves, what do we really want to do for the rest 
of our lives? Do we want to be bartenders or waiters? Or do we want to be 
musicians? So we made the commitment. We quit our jobs and moved to San 
Francisco all together.

OLD MAN: Where were you before that?

MAX: Santa Cruz, California. And before that, I was from Washington DC. I 
moved out to Santa Cruz and met the band.

OLD MAN: So you're out of Fugazi land and all that kind of stuff.

MAX: Exactly.

OLD MAN: From looking at the new record. Uh, what's the name of it?

MAX: Streets of San Francisco.

OLD MAN: Yeah, I knew that folks, but I wanted him to say it.

MAX: Like a TV show. (laugh)

OLD MAN: Yeah, This is Your Life. (laugh) It looks like everybody at 
least writes some of the lyrics and does some of the music...

MAX:  On this last record its been a lot of Darius (other guitarist). Mainly 
it's because he's been a prolific writer. He writes a lot of great stuff and 
we've had a lot of backlog. We've been waiting to record this album for a 
while, so we've had this music that we've been working on for a while. We 
didn't want to get too crazy. We wanted to make sure that we were going to 
get the chance to record these songs, before we got into new material. The 
next record I think you're gonna see a much wider variety of writing. Like 
different band members writing music. I'm gonna write a lot. I've been 
writing material and saving it all along for this next record. I think that 
the next record's going to be amazing. We've learned a lot from the last 
recording session. We did it with this guy Andy Ernst in San Francisco. It's 
a digital studio. We loved Andy and we loved the album, but since then we've 
recorded on analog. And analog is just far superior. We're not going to do 
digital again. Digital has some bonuses, but analog is where its at. The next 
record will have a lot more power, a lot more beef.

OLD MAN: What's been the most memorable show so far on the tour?

MAX: It's kind of hard to say, but there's places like Chicago and 
Minneapolis, and then most of the East Coast are real strong places for us. 
Minneapolis is always amazing, like we headlined a show and it was really 
fantastic. The kids there are incredible. A really cool scene and really 
unified, tight knit, and organized scene. So it's always fun to go through 
those places.

OLD MAN: It helps when you've got Profane and so much happening. There's so 
many types of music coming out of Minneapolis. You've got Am Rep and Felix 
Havoc from Havoc records.

MAX: And they've got a long history of punk rock bands coming out of there 
too. So that helps. It helps put them on the map and once you do that, it's 
easier to keep the scene going. They've done a good job. But we like the 
small towns too. Like Erie and North Dakota...

OLD MAN: Have you played Minot?

MAX: Yeah, It was great. It was really cool. It's fun to go to those places, 
though it's a pain in the ass to get there. It's great to go out there and 
play, 'cause a lot of bands won't go, you know. We really want to get out to 
everybody. Give everybody a chance to see us live. Playing live is like fifty 
percent, if not more, of the reason for playing in a band. A lot of bands are 
studio this and studio that, but playing live is where its at. That's what 
it's all about.

OLD MAN: That's where you know if the message is getting across or if you're 
saying anything to anybody.

MAX: That's who you're doing it for. You go into the studio to make records 
for these people to listen to you and get more familiar with you and to hear 
how the songs are meant to sound, but the live shows is what's it all about.

OLD MAN: When did your CD officially come out?

MAX: March.

OLD MAN: So it sounds like you're gonna finish up this tour, then go back in
to the studios?

MAX: We're gonna finish up this tour, come back in October for about a month 
and relax a little bit. In October, I'm just gonna write. Starting in 
February, we're really going to concentrate on the new album. Then it'll come 
out in the summer of '96, ideally.

OLD MAN: For those bands that are probably gonna be going on a tour for the 
first time, what's life like on the road? What's a typical day like for the 
Swinging Utters?

MAX: It's a lot of fun. It's rough, don't get me wrong. It takes a lot of 
work. Don't let anybody kid you, being in a band isn't easy. From every 
aspect, from playing live to booking shows to what ever it takes. You just 
have to stick with it. I can't imagine a funner way to live your life than 
being out on the road, traveling around meeting people, performing live, 
having people come to check out what you're doing with your band. It's 
something that you've done on your own. It's not some product that you're 
selling for someone else. You've made your own product, you're marketing it 
yourself, and you're being your own businessman. You're running your own 
life, being your own boss. There's no better way to live your life. 
     There's a lot of work and there's a lot of personality conflicts, but 
you have to go out and be level headed and be accepting of everybody else's 
deal instead of blowing up at each other. If something goes wrong, right when 
you see something going wrong, you just pull the other person aside and say 
look, I don't like how this is going and let's try and change this, but be 
diplomatic about stuff and it'll work out. You can go on the road forever. We 
have to be on the road all the time, because this is how we pay our bills. 
It's funny 'cause, I go on the road to pay rent, so I have a place to live, 
but I'm always on the road and I never get to go to my apartment.

OLD MAN: Do you guys live together?

MAX: Darius and I, the two guitar players, live together. The bass and 
drummer live together, and the singer lives with his girlfriend on his own.

OLD MAN: It's not a cheap place to live, I wouldn't think?

MAX: No, it's just like what people say about Japan being expensive. 
If you go there and live like a San Franciscan, it's not that bad. It's 
cheap, you can live cheaply. If you go over there and say whatever and you 
don't use too much of your brain, then you might be spending a lot of your 
money. It's just like any other city, you can live cheap in New York, you can 
live cheap in Chicago, and you can live cheap in San Francisco.

OLD MAN: We here in the Midwest or Mideast probably don't know a heck of a 
lot about what's going on out in San Francisco, unless we read a lot of 
zines. What's going on out there? Is it pretty dynamic right now, pretty 
exciting?

MAX: I think things have picked up a lot in the last year. It's improved 
tremendously. For a while it was pretty stagnant and pretty dead. Now there's 
a lot of new, young bands. It's getting stronger and stronger. There's all 
kinds of music. There's hardcore, there's rap...

OLD MAN: Do they get along? Do people look at it as a unified scene, where 
you might see, just to mention a name, Billy Joel coming to a show to see the 
Swinging Utters, The Swinging Utters going to see a Lookout band?

MAX: Not, not as much as I'd like it to be. I think that there's still a lot 
of room for improvement in that respect. I think that a lot of bands don't 
know each other, don't spend enough time with each other. Although in the 
specific scenes, like the '77 style bands know each other very well. We try 
to break out and play with everybody. I think our band tries our best to 
unite all the different styles of music and different bands and get everybody 
to play together as much as we can. There's a lot of other bands that are 
doing that too. Also, the East and West Bays are getting along. There's a lot 
less competition, you know. There really was for a while where the East Bay 
was really competitive with the West Bay, when there wasn't really anything 
to be competitive with. There wasn't a West Bay scene. Now there are really 
strong scenes on both sides of the Bay. There's always going to be a stronger 
scene on the East side, just because it has much more of a history for young 
new bands and they have much more of a history for all ages venues. In that 
respect its going to be stronger. San Francisco, though, for the next year 
will have more bands coming out of the Bay area.

OLD MAN: I have a listing of shows going on in the Bay area. It's a humongous 
list, comes out on a weekly basis, and it seems like every night there's not 
only one show going on, but there could be two or three shows. You got places 
like the Bottom of the Hill and Gilman, just to name a few, though there 
seems like tons of venues. It seemed like that before you guys went on this 
tour, you guys were playing out tons and tons and tons.

MAX: This has all been happening to us over the last year and one-half, since 
we've been a serious, committed band. We're trying to saturate the Bay area 
and let everybody know who we were and get familiar with our style of music, 
which is really critical for any band when they first go out. Play whatever 
you can get. We're not a finicky band. We play with anybody, anytime, for 
whatever money. We just want to play. Now we've done that. Now we've done a 
lot of shows, then you get to a point where you have to slow down, play less 
frequently, just so you don't overkill. Get people tired of hearing your 
band. Now when we go back, we're going to do more selective shows, play less 
frequently, and be on the road more is what we're concerned with now. We've 
done the Bay area, now we're concerned about getting out and doing the US, 
Europe, Japan, South America, Canada, and everywhere. 
     We played a lot and don't want to wear out our welcome, though now we've 
been on the road three months, it's cool to go back, do some shows, take a 
break, and then go out on the road again, then come back and do a few shows. 
We love playing to our home crowd, it's the best.

OLD MAN: Yeah, familiarity breeds contempt in some cases and in other cases, 
if you over saturate, then people say, oh yeah they're playing tonight, but 
they'll be playing next week too. Then all of sudden they're not going to see 
you as frequently as before because they'll say next week, next week.

MAX: Right, right. It becomes pointless. We're just concerned about doing 
quality shows in the Bay area. That's what we're focusing on. We're gonna do 
a show that's well organized.

OLD MAN: There was a whole new direction I wanted to go, but it sort of flew 
to the wind, sort of like I do sometimes, but you got this record out on 
New Red Archives, I think the No Eager Men came out on NRA.

MAX: No, actually, that came out on Quality of Life.

OLD MAN: Is your next release going to be out on NRA?

MAX: The next full length lp?

OLD MAN: Yep.

MAX: I have no idea. We really haven't thought about it. We had a one record 
deal with New Red and we're going to live up to our end of that bargin, which 
is going out there and doing support for the record, which we've done tons of 
and we're still going to do a lot more of. And they're doing their end of the 
bargain and we're both really happy with each other. I don't know, maybe 
we'll do another record with New Red Archives and maybe we'll move on. Our 
major concern is that we continually move up and move forward. So whatever 
that means.   
     I don't want you to get the wrong impression, we're not looking to 
get on a major label, but we're looking to do this on independants. I think 
it can be done on an independant. There's nothing wrong with bands that want 
to sign with a major label, so long as they're not changing their style of 
music to get there. But, if you can do it on an independant label, got for it.
That's the way to go, because you keep the money in the punk scene as much as 
you can. 

OLD MAN: That kind of is the thing....

MAX: Your friends. You work through your friend's tee shirt companies and you 
work through your friend's sticker company and you do it all that way. In 
turn, they hire other punks to work there, 'cause their business is expanding. 
You hire punks and your friends to be your road crew and drivers and the next 
thing you know, everyone is working and making money and they're all doing it 
in something they love. It's great that way. You don't want to go to 
something that's like you sign to a major and they want a professional road 
crew, a professional this and that. Like they went to four years of college 
to learn how to do shit that you don't need four years of college to learn 
how to do.

OLD MAN: It sort of takes the fun out of it when you go and have someone do 
everything for you and it's not a personal thing anymore.

MAX: Yeah, to some extent you want some of the stuff to be taken off of your 
shoulders. Some of the burden to be lifted from you, so you can think about 
the music, instead of the management, accounting, booking, and that stuff. 
It's not that much fun, to be honest. It's a good thing to know, because 
you'll always have that business smart. People won't be able to take you for 
a ride down the road. I think every band should go through that phase. It's 
important to work your way up in that respect. Take everything in stride and 
learn. Your band will be built to last. It won't be a one hit wonder. We're 
trying to make sure that our band is going to be around forever. We want to 
be playing for a million years.

OLD MAN: Or as old as me, which ever comes later. (laugh) I've been reading a 
lot of reviews of the record and they've all been really, really good reviews. 
It's kind of funny, because some of the Bay zines seem like they were just 
hit over the head with a baseball bat and it's a new encounter. All of a 
sudden it's the Swinging Utters. They liken you to Stiff Little Fingers in 
sound, and actually, my thing is that Johnny Peabucks, sometimes vocally 
sounds like old Social Distortion in his voice. I guess you can go and take
whatever you want out of it, but who were the influences of the band, who 
were the people you grew up on?

MAX: All I can tell you is who my influences are, because it really varies 
from band member to band member. We pretty much all listen to Stiff Little 
Fingers, we're all big Clash fans, we're all big old style punk bands in 
general. I grew up on the East Coast, so I was listening to more hardcore and 
more of the harder British stuff and it all mixes together to come out with 
what we have now. You gotta listen to our album and check out some of our 
newer stuff. Wait until you hear our next album. I'm not dis'ing on this 
record. I love this album. I think it's a great album, with 19 songs. But 
we're still growing.

OLD MAN: Yeah, but it's not like Darius' or Johnny's voice are going to 
change a heck of a lot. And your guitar work and Darius' guitar work are at 
least gonna hold some things intact over time...

MAX: Yeah, we're still gonna suck. (laugh) We're all working on that too. 
I haven't been playing guitar all that long. Darius is a better trained 
musician. He learned classical violin or some shit like that when he was a 
kid and you can hear it in his style of playing. I just listen to other 
musicians and I learn a lot just by asking. I'll go up to other guitarist in 
a store, I don't care. I'll ask what do you guys use for strings and picks? I 
break a lot of strings and what can I do. I'm just trying to learn from them.
     There's this kid I met in St. Louis. He's talking about starting a 
fanzine, that I think will be a cool idea, where he'll deal more on the 
musical level. The musicanship level. He's talking about like, how do you 
practice, what do you do if you break strings. So that kids that are starting 
up punk bands, that want to learn more about that, won't have to read RIP 
magazine to find out how (some person's name I don't know) strings his guitar 
to whatever. It'll keep it all in the same vein. I think that's cool and I 
wish that there was something like that when I was first starting out. I went 
a few years without knowing anything.

OLD MAN: You guys ever get on the Internet?

MAX: If you put a computer in front of me, I'd try to stick a burrito in it 
and try to microwave it.

OLD MAN: It's kind of incredible, I talk to people around the world. A rumor 
comes and it's like wow somebody's dead before you know it, before the person 
even knows it.

MAX: You have the screen to protect you, you can say whatever you want. I 
think that it's cool and that people are communicating, but gossip I can do 
without.

OLD MAN: It's kind of funny to me, as it seems like we're always looking for 
enemies within, instead of looking outside. Corporate America is shafting us.

MAX: Yeah, we've got plenty of enemies out there, concentrate on them. What's 
the point of disintegrating the punk scene, when you can spend your time 
being productive. If you want to criticize somebody and you want to talk shit 
about somebody, then talk about the corporate level. Go to the government and 
talk about some of that stuff. Also, get your facts straight. Go out and read 
stuff and talk with people. Get both sides of the story before you get too 
critical. They hear one thing, they get it in their head, they get it all 
mixed up, and then it comes out another way. Then the next guy hears it. And 
the next thing you know.....

OLD MAN: It's part of the information growth. I could be wrong, but the 
proliferation of zines and everything else is spurred in part by the music 
explosion. I see this growth of zines and on the one hand it's really good 
and I always tell kids, yeah, whatever it is, say whatever it is you want to 
say. If people like it, they'll read it, if they don't they won't. I'm 
certainly no judge, but let your emotions hang out, do a fanzine, do whatever 
it is you want to do.

MAX: Sure. Speak your mind. It's your magazine, say whatever it is you want 
to say, but think about what it is you want to say and think about how it 
effects other people.

OLD MAN: It's the one freedom we have, but it's also the one thing that we 
can abuse really easily.

MAX: I would never, ever take away the freedom of speech. Across the board, 
whatever it is you want to say. You've got that right. But I would hope that 
people would take the time to think about how it affects other people and how 
it hurts other peoples' feelings. Some magazines are there for the booze and 
the drugs, and that's cool. Some magazines that are there are political. 
Others that are straight edge. I think that it's important that there's a 
wide variety, but I also think that it's cool that people don't knock each 
other. Take the time to listen to what other people have to say.

OLD MAN: Yep, I'm changing gears again, but somehow it will all come together. 
One song that sort of gets me on the new album is Teenage Genocide. It's like 
what's it all about? What inspired the whole thing?

MAX: You know, I don't know. That would be a question that Darius would have 
to answer. I think its a great song, has great lyrics, and it's one of my 
favorite songs that we do. But I don't know. We all get angry sometimes and 
the anger comes through in the writing sometimes. Darius can be a pretty 
angry person sometimes, when he's thinking about how the world works. This is 
just one of the songs where he spouted whatever was on top of his head to let 
people know what he was thinking. I think it's a great song.

OLD MAN: Cheez, do I have anything else in my great creative mind. I doubt it. 
I think I've used all two brain cells. 

MAX: Same here.

OLD MAN: Thanks a bunch for talking with me.

                        *     *     *     *     *
                        
The Old Man is the aged host of a weekly radio show in Erie, PA that plays
a mixture of all punk styles from the 70's to present. In addition, he can be
found hanging around at many shows in PA, OH, and Western NY, is the Editor 
of The Old Man Chronicles, and contributes periodically to other zines.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           U  R  B  A  N  I  A
                           
                           By Jim Andrews

     I'm on sabbatical this month, as part of my Jesuit training, so there 
will be no Urbania.  In lieu of that, I wrote some stuff.

     Welcome to that section of the magazine that is devoted solely to wasting 
your time!  This month, in honor of the fact that there are a whole SHITLOAD 
of Republicans vying for the office of President, we're taking another look at 
the Holy Bible.  Now, as you know, Republicans tend to place this little book 
WELL ahead of, say, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.  I just consider
it my duty to point out HOW FUCKIN' SCARY THAT IS!!
     First off, let's find out why Republicans are such goddamn bigots.  
Here's a quote from Leviticus 21:16-23
     
     "...None of your descendants throughout their generations who has a 
blemish may approach to offer the bread of his God.  For no one who has a 
blemish shall draw near, a man blind or lame, or one who has a mutilated 
face or a limb too long, or a man who has an injured foot or an injured 
hand, or a hunchback, or a dwarf, or a man with a defect in his sight or an 
itching disease or scabs or crushed testicles; no man of the descendants of 
Aaron the priest who has a blemish shall come near to offer the Lord's 
offerings by fire; since he has a blemish, he shall not come near to offer 
the bread of his God."
     
     Well, is it just my imagination, or is the Lord Thy God's immune system 
not exactly up to snuff? And, since when is "crushed testicles" a contagious 
disease, anyhow?  Jesus, there are probably secular Aryans reading this right 
now saying "Wow.  God sure is a bigot."  All I can say is that it's probably 
a good thing for the Republicans that it doesn't mention people "small of 
brain," or else they'd be locked out of the church, as well.
     Now, there are examples like this throughout the Bible, but I'm not going 
to quote them, because reading the Bible is, frankly, only slightly less 
boring than watching a Pat Buchanan stump speech. The stump speech is, however, 
slightly more relevant.  I will quote just ONE MORE passage, though, but only 
to make a point (of dubious worth.)  Genesis 1:26
     
     "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness;'"

     AHA!!! Solid proof that God, Yaweh, Lord of hosts, etc., is a blind, lame 
man with a mutilated face who has various itching diseases, scabs, and crushed 
testicles.  No WONDER he made us in his image.  Misery loves company.  Thanks, 
God.
     Now, I don't know about you, but I really don't WANT someone in the 
highest office in the land who not only READS this crap (I didn't really read 
it, I was doing research.  Doesn't count.) but actually LIVES BY IT?!?  I 
wish there were just ONE Christian reading this who could tell me why in the 
HELL you take this book written by openly bigoted, narrow-minded, primitive 
tribesmen as some sort of gospel truth!?!  I DON'T GET IT!!  Is the problem 
that you can't read?  I'd be happy to call you up, Mr. Buchanan, and read it 
out loud to you if you're not literate. I'm very discreet, so you don't have 
to worry about me telling anyone or anything.  The first step to getting help 
is to admit that you have a problem.  Obviously, you can't read, or at least 
can't comprehend what you read, so I'm here for ya!
     So, this year, bring over a few beer-bellied buddies, get a few kegs of 
Redhook, make a run on Costco pretzels, and watch the mudslinging ensue 
between the Republicans.  Then pick up your hung-over ass and go down to 
the polls and write in Aliester Crowley for President in '96.  Cuz God's 
a bigot.


P.S.--No Republicans were injured in the making of this column.  They were 
lame when I found 'em.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

            
            S H A R P   P O I N T E D   S T I C K   A W A R D
            By DJ Johnson


     This month almost drove me crazy.  Where were all the idiots!?  I thought 
that was the one thing I'd always be able to count on.  Idiots in the news.
It wasn't too long ago that most major newspapers put the stupidest people
on the front page, just to get your attention, and put the people who deserve
knighthood somewhere after the sports section.  Man, I miss those days, 
because I just spent the better part of a month tracking down vapor!  I'm
talking about stories I heard brief mention of on the radio, but couldn't
find any details of in the papers.  A few of them BEGGED for Sharp Pointed
Stick awards!  I'm going to give them these awards anyway, despite not having
clue one as to who they actually are.  So bear with the vagueness of this.
     
     Second runner up: Remember the heartwarming story of the doctor who 
amputated the wrong leg of one of his patients?  He wasn't allowed to practice 
for some time, despite his pleas of innocence.  Well, he was back in the news 
recently when a toe was removed from his most recent victim.  Now, the way I 
hear it, the guy WANTED that toe.  It had been a good toe for many years, and 
he was kind of sentimental about it. He had NOT asked that the toe be removed.
When the good doctor was questioned about it, he replied that while the man
was in surgery, the toe simply fell off.  GOD, I hate when that happens!
And it always happens at the most inconvenient times, don't you find?  I,
myself, will never again stir a martini with my finger at a cocktail party.
Wow.  Maybe the doctor should have chosen the older and more often accepted
excuse. "I was cleaning the toe, and it went off accidentally."  I'd buy 
that, wouldn't you?  AWARD: No award for two reasons.  One, we can only
assume he's stupid.  He might just be sick and twisted.  And two, he's 
already GOT a sharp pointed stick.  They call them scalpels, and they scare
me quite a lot.

     First runner up: Okay, this guy scares me more.  He wanted to be a 
celebrity look-alike.  Apparently there's good money in that.  At least I 
think there better be, because this guy spent $30,000 on plastic surgery to 
make himself look just like...Tom Arnold.  WHAT?!  Tom Arnold.  No, really.  
THAT Tom Arnold.  He spent all that money to look like Roseanne Road Kill.  
On hearing this news, I quickly grabbed the evening paper and rifled through 
it until I came to the Arts & Entertainment section. Finding the comedy club 
listings, I checked and checked, and sure enough, there wasn't ONE Tom Arnold 
tribute show mentioned!  Hey!  Maybe this guy ISN'T brain-dead!  Maybe he's 
tapped into something new and exciting!  Quick, get on the phone and claim to 
be an agent!  Get a piece of this pie!  Okay, I'm calming down now...and I'm 
still reading...and I notice something else.  There also isn't an Andy 
Griffith look-alike appearing at any of the clubs.  Hey, you know, now that I 
think of it...I wouldn't pay a DIME to see someone pretend to be Andy Griffith!
OR Charlton Heston. Or Whoopy Goldberg. Will people pay to see someone   
pretending to be Tom Arnold?  Sure, because there's a sucker born every
minute, as this story proves.  Somewhere in a small bar in French Lick, 
Indiana, somebody might be making a healthy living right this moment doing
"An Evening With Andy Rooney."  AWARD: Hmmm...I'm only going to give him
a ONE on the sharp stick meter...for now!  And only because I just heard on
the radio that Tom Arnold got 4 million bucks for his current flick.  I had
no idea he had that kind of box office bang.  If this Plastic Tom breaks
even his first year in the biz, maybe he's not QUITE as dumb as I originally
thought he was.  But I will give him the one stick, just because there are
other people he could impersonate without having to wake up and look at THAT
ugly mug every day.

     This Month's Winner!: A guy pulls a heist in the nude.  Why?  Because he
doesn't want people to identify him by his clothes.  I know the feeling, 
really I do.  My clothes are pretty ratty, and I can't afford new ones,
and I don't want people thinking of the way I dress as my identity.  No no,
wait, that's not what the idiot meant.  He meant "IDENTIFIED," as in "in a  
lineup."  Apparently, it didn't occur to this Einstein that clothes can be
changed in a hurry, but a scrawny ass can't.  You want comedy?  Go view THAT
police line-up! AWARD: This guy gets a THREE on DJ's Sharp Stick Meter. Look
away, now, because the fool is buck nekkid, and you do NOT want to know where
the stick ends up.

     That's it for this months column.  And remember, please, if the 
opportunity to do something really really stupid and newsworthy presents 
itself, JUMP on it!  It'd help me a lot.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

              
              HOW TO MAKE AMERICA A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE
              By Andrew Ian Feinberg


     America.  All things considered, I believe it's the best country to live
in.  Well, at least until I do more research about Sweden.  But since I don't 
plan to be putting two dots over odd vowels in the near future, The U.S. of 
A. will have to suffice.  But there are bad things in America, like Bob Dole, 
Free Willy 2, and Sizzler.  But try as we may, there's not a whole lot we can 
do about many of these things.  Every issue, in this column, I will try to 
provide some solutions to some of the problems that I feel society can 
conquer, or at the very minimum, can make a dent in. 
     Reading the newspaper this week has gotten me more depressed than when
Twin Peaks was taken off the air.  A new playground got vandalized with
messages of hate towards African Americans and Jews.  A postman refused to
pick up mail from a house where a person living with AIDS lives.  A woman
got fired and claimed it was because she refused to listen to her boss
tell sexist jokes.  If I wanted to describe every case like this, I would
develop carpel-tunnel syndrome from all of the typing.  But these cases
are all related, for they all are sparked by ignorance. 
     Ignorance makes the racist hate, makes the homophobe nervous, makes the
sexist a schmuck, and so on.  And it got me to thinking about how the courts 
deal with these people.  For the most part, hate crimes are dealt with by 
some jail time, community service, and often sensitivity training. Sensitivity 
training makes sense.  The best tool against ignorance is knowledge.  
Sensitivity training, I feel, must change the views of at least some of these 
people. It's a simple concept.  Take a person who perpetrates a crime of 
ignorance, say, against African Americans.  Sit them in a room with an 
African American for a few hours, who explains what hate crime does to people, 
and teaches the criminal all about African Americans and their issues.  
Result?  Criminal walks out with less ignorance and hatred towards African 
Americans, at least more times than not. 
     But only providing sensitivity training after an offense is ridiculous. 
It's the equivalent of giving all teenagers a drivers license when they
turn 16, but only teaching them driving rules and skills after they get
into an accident.  We need to attempt to stop the accident before it
happens.  I propose mandatory sensitivity training for everybody.  Here's
how it would work. 
     Let's start with children.  Some people might think that's too young, but
I think a lot of prejudices are learned from sweet ole mommie and daddy.
So from kindergarten through high school, one day out of every school year
gets dedicated to sensitivity training.  It would be a potpourri of
training, taking 8 hours and just covering the whole gambit.  In 8 hours,
I think you can cover all the bases in terms of prejudice.  Teach them how
everybody is okay, how just because somebody is different, they're still
not any less of a person than anybody else, all that jazz.  One day out of
a school year won't hurt anybody, and I feel it will surely help. Will it 
make everybody into perfect human beings? No.  Will it have a positive effect 
on some percentage of the population and deter some of them from prejudiced 
thinking or hate crime down the road? Definitely. It's not a bad thang and 
anything that is not a bad thang is a good thang. But it can't stop after 
high school. There're always fresh things to learn, new concepts to 
understand, and more positive thinking to reinforce.  This day of 
understanding and accepting must continue in adult life. 
     Now, call me naive, but I can't see every adult running to some
sensitivity class every year, skipping to class and singing "Kumbaya". 
Hence, like Vicks 44D, sometimes you have to take medicine that you really
have zero desire to take.  In my proposal, there's no choice involved.  It
would be like jury duty, except that everybody would actually have to do
it.  It would be a flexible sort of class, it would be available on
various days and times to accommodate everyone.  It would be practically
cost free on the taxpayer as well.  Just have the classes take place in a
public school, and have a condition of education majors student aid be
that they have to be trained how to give a sensitivity class and give it
for, say, 10 days a year. Then the cost would be infinitesimal.  It would
make everybody more informed and hence less ignorant.  I couldn't see how
hate and sex crimes would not plummet under such a system.  I know it
would be a drag if you feel you already are the most understanding and
well informed person on the planet, but who really is?  I'd be willing to
sacrifice one day a year out of my life just to make sure, and do my share
in making this country a better place for myself and my future children.  
Wouldn't you?
                              
                              --*--

Drew Feinberg is twenty-something and resides in East Meadow, NY where he
is currently a full-time philosopher.  He enjoys watching movies and then
bitching about them, joining crusades he knows he cannot win, and singing
TV theme songs to anybody within earshot, especially the "Facts Of Life."
Drew and his partner-in-crime, Jen, are starting their zine, "Marvin Nash's
Ear,"  in the very-near future so they can rant as long as they like to
make the world smile and/or think, preferably both.  For a free
subscription, just send a request, and the name of your favorite childhood
board game to afeinber@panix.com.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 ==========================================================================

    [[[[[[[[    [[[[[[  [[   [[  [[[[[   [[[[[[  [[       [[    [[[[[[
    [[     [[   [       [[   [[    [     [       [[   [   [[   [[      
    [[[[[[[[    [[[[[[   [[ [[     [     [[[[[[   [[  [  [[     [[[[[
    [[   [[     [         [[[      [     [         [[[ [[[          [[
    [[    [[    [[[[[[     [     [[[[[   [[[[[[     [[ [[       [[[[[[

 ==========================================================================
 
  
  This month, almost all the reviews were done by DJ Johnson and The 
  Platterpuss, but in future issues, you'll start seeing more people 
  contributing.
 
   - Editor

                       *          *          * 
                       

 DEATH VALLEY: "Que Pasta" - CD - Double Naught Records (PO Box 131172,
 Houston, Texas, 77219-1172)
 
 Instrumental surf music, having suddenly found itself all the rage after
 Dick Dale's "Miserlou" was featured in the film Pulp Fiction, has begun to
 spread out in different directions.  Bands like The Phantom Surfers lead
 the traditional contingency in one direction.  Man Or Astro-Man has a large
 group following them off into the surf-punk sci-fi direction.  Impala 
 revives the car-club instro style, The Mermen bring texture and psychedelia
 to the mix, Galaxy Trio and Pollo Del Mar bring ethereal power...and then
 there is Death Valley.  
 
 "Que Pasta" is not surf.  Instro?  Yeah.  Reverb?  Yeah, lots, but this is 
 not surf.  This is something altogether different.  Ever watch those old 
 Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns?  Hang 'Em High, Fistful Of Dollars, you 
 know, the ones with the spooky twangy haunting music as the hero rides 
 across the desert?  THAT'S what Death Valley plays.  It's related to surf, 
 but the beat isn't the same.  Surf has that boom DA DA boom DA boom DA DA 
 boom DA beat.  This is more like the sound a horse's hooves make at a 
 gallop.  BOOM ba da BOOM ba da BOOM ba da BOOM...Uh...well, okay, I admit 
 I'm no drummer.  
 
 There are 15 songs on Que Pasta, and all of them feel right.  The music is
 powerful and haunting, the musicianship is top notch...There isn't a bad
 thing to say about this one.  From the opening moments when the lonely 
 guitar kicks off "Fistful Of Pasta," the imagery is undeniable.  By the
 third or fourth track, you can almost smell the desert air.  By the end
 of the final track, you can taste the dust.  I recommend whiskey in a 
 dirty glass.  I'm not even a big Western fan, but this music makes me wish 
 I were.  Sounds silly, I know, but I decided to go out and rent "Fistful Of 
 Dollars" so I could compare this album to the Ennio Morricone soundtrack 
 music that at least partially inspired it.   It takes something pretty 
 amazing to make this kid wanna watch an Eastwood flick, I assure you. 
 
 You've gotta love a band who'd name a song "The Larry Storch Song Trilogy."  
 That happens to be an excellent track, too. It's hard to pick highlights 
 when you have 15 great tracks to start with, but if I had to, I'd say "el 
 Conquistador," "Cops And Robbers," "Arnold's Wild Ride" "Larry Storch Song 
 Trilogy" and "A Trail Of Dust In The Sunset" are indispensable.  Man, that 
 would be an amazing 7 inch EP.  On second thought, these 15 songs should be 
 kept together, like the soundtrack to some perfect spaghetti western in 
 your dreams. (DJ Johnson)
 


THE POOH STICKS - Optimistic Fool  (Seed)

The Pooh Sticks are the ultimate pop band. If Abba were a bunch of
English kids in the late 80's, this is what they'd have become. There are
13 songs on their latest offering and every one has hit written all over
it. From the McCartney-esque ballady title track to the happy and bouncy
paean to domestic bliss "Starfishing" and everything in between, this is
what classic pop always was, is and will forever be. If this album had
come out 20 years ago you'd have heard a good handful of these songs
blasting out of car radio speakers every few minutes. But luckily, here
in the 90s, good music isn't dead and pop lovers everywhere can hear
these timeless tunes blasting out of their CD speakers any time they want.
(14 E. 60 St., 8th Fl.,  NYC NY 10022) The Platterpuss



BORIS THE SPRINKLER - 8 Testicled Pogo Machine  (Bulge)

Fans of bands like The Queers, Screeching Weasel and Sloppy Seconds
will really go for these guys' loud fast and stupid approach to 3-chord
catchy Punk Rock in a big big way. Right off the bat they lead off with
a ditty called "Drugs & Masturbation" which gives a pretty good indication
of just where they're comin' from. Yeah, these guys definitely don't
take themselves too seriously. Even when they're pissed off they never lose
their sense of irreverent humor. The world needs more bands like this.
(PO Box 1173,  Green Bay WI 54305) - The Platterpuss



JUST PLAIN BIG - Pets Sound  (Double Deuce)

Naming their debut (?) CD after one of pop music's most famous and
influential albums of all time, I was expecting some super lush  and
reverent pop music that, despite the cartoon type artwork on the cover,
took itself and its influences a tad too seriously for my tastes. So, it
just goes to show that you can never judge a book (or a CD) by its title.
While they do play pop music, it's worlds away from what I was expecting.
Most of the songs are quite fast, like punk rock, except that the angry
edge that's in just about all punk music, is totally missing here. Only
the fast tempos remain. Most of the vocals are sung in 2-part harmony with
sparse instrumentation - strummed guitar chords with few leads, bass and
drums. The songs are a bit quirky (though not annoyingly so) and the
general atmosphere feels kinda tongue in cheek. This is actually one of
the few times when a lyric sheet would really be helpful. If you're a
pop music fan looking for something a little different yet with enough
hooks to sink your teeth into, you might wanna give this a shot.
 - The Platterpuss



ASS BABOONS OF VENUS: 7" Single - "Naked Lady Wrestler" b/w "Bad Hygiene Is 
Good Birth Control" - Stingy Banana Records

Absolutely un-nerving!  The music is whirring and climbing like a psychotic
top until the hyperactively ticking clock comes in, followed closely by (get
this) a great floor-tom jungle beat.  Okay, you're a little off balance, but
you sure are enjoying the ride.  Then....that VOICE!  How can I describe it!?
I can't!  No other voice would have worked like this.  Okay, I've got it.
Remember Chim-Chim, from the old Speed Racer cartoons?  Now, keep the voice
but make it more articulate, and you've got an idea of what I'm trying to 
describe here.  "Naked Lady Wrestler" is funny.  The one that gets the most
spins from me, though, is the flip side, "Bad Hygiene Is Good Birth Control."
Imagine that same voice singing "I'm not gonna kiss ya till you brush your
teeth!"  And always, the music is perfect and ridiculous at the same time.
If you like it off the wall, this is something you need to have. (DJ Johnson)



THE VIKINGS - Rock All/Surrender  (Sympathy)

This is the second single by ex-Devil Dog Steve Baise's new band that
fans of the Dogs' brand of rama-lama, 4-on-the-floor type hooky punk will
surely love. The A-side is a Steve B. original (and for my money one of
the best things he's ever written) while the flip is a pretty faithful,
though slightly souped-up, version of the old Cheap Trick classic. - The
Platterpuss



PSYCHOTIC YOUTH - Bamboozle  (Wolverine)

This Swedish foursome plays an infectious brand of happy, bubbly
fun punk that's influenced as much by The Beach Boys and early-60's
Brill Building pop as it is by The Ramones, and what a great fucking job
they do of it too. 16 songs, most of which are originals and they're all
totally amazing. There's no way you can listen to this disc without
bouncing up and down to the rhythm and singing along. For me, an extra
bonus is their cover of the old Jackie DeShannon/Searchers classic "When
You Walk In The Room" which, as you can well imagine, they jet propel with
some extra fire power. This has always been one of my favorite songs
and these guys do it real justice. Unfortunately I don't think anyone in
the U.S. is distributing this so you'll have to write to the label but your
efforts will surely be rewarded many times over. Trust me, you NEED this
baby. (Benrather Schlobufer 63,  40593 Dusseldorf,  GERMANY) - The Platterpuss



POLLO DEL MAR: 7" 4-Song EP - POP Records
Contact: 4104 24th ST #237, San Francisco, CA, 94114 or pollodmar@aol.com

Pollo Del Mar is an outstanding instro band from somewhere in the Bay
Area of Northern California.  Like The Galaxy Trio, they take the form down
a much more dramatic road than bands like The Boss Martians or The Phantom
Surfers.  The musicianship is first rate, for starters.  The dual-guitar 
interaction of Ferenc Dobronyi and Jono Jones is very well arranged, with 
scales that I can't identify, let alone play. While those two are playing 
these amazing chord blends, Jeff Turner supplies a very fluid fretless bass, 
and together with outstanding drummer Peter Brown provides an intensely 
churning undercurrent, sometimes sounding like their roots are as much in 
early 70's fusion as they are in surf. On paper, I suppose that might sound 
unworkable, but they pull it off in spectacular fashion. There is a certain
kind of ethereal dreamlike feeling some music gives me that I crave and seek.
The first Black Sabbath album does it for me. The Galaxy Trio does it for me.
Brand X's "Livestock" album does. Now, Pollo Del Mar does that for me.


This 7 has an interesting cover tune on it you might want to check out.  It's
called 2314-B, and it was originally done by a band called The Sidetrack in
1965. They were unknowns, and the single of this song was released in a blank 
jacket. I love a good mystery, and like the story behind it, the song is 
very mysterious and beautiful, almost a blues-surf, but too turbulent for that
tag. This is a great performance, like the other three on the record. It has
a little of everything, and a LOT of drama. The final song on the record is 
"Night Sticks," written by Jono Jones. Almost surf-punk, it closes the EP
out with a big punch. This is a great record


I was lucky enough to get ahold of a very rare cassette of Pollo Del Mar 
that includes a cover of Frank Zappa's "Take Your Clothes Off When You 
Dance."  That tells you something right there about the level of musicianship 
in this band. Hopefully, the material on the cassette will be available on 
vinyl and CD soon. Meanwhile, this 7 incher is a great introduction to a band 
that should be around for a long time.  - DJ



VARIOUS ARTISTS - Snakebite City Vol. 3  (Bluefire)
    
It's been a few years since Vol. 2 of this series hit the streets and
judging from this latest outing, it would appear that the folks at
Bluefire have definitely not been wasting their time as this 21 songer
may be their strongest collection yet. According to the liner notes, this
is a compilation of bands currently playing on the London circuit and, if
that's the case it would seem that there's a very healthy indie punk scene
going on there. If you're a fan of melodic punk with the occasional pop
influence, you'll find lots to love here with tracks by China Drum, Who
Moved The Ground?, Speedway,  Big Boy Tomato and The Shreds that I like as
much as anything I've heard in quite awhile. Other favorites include
"Keep Your Mouth Shut" by The Xerox Girls who sound like they must have
worn out the grooves on their old X-Ray Spex records, Cuckooland's
"Painting The Town Red" - a fine slice of Blondie-esque pop and "I Don't
Want To Be A Nazi" by Apocalypse Babys which sounds really Ramones influenced
except that where Joey and Co. would take it all very tongue-in-cheek,
these guys are completely serious. I can't let this review go by without
giving special mention to "Not Like You" by Toys In The Attic. Here is
yet another slice of melodic poppy punk that's just so damn infectious I
can't get it out of my head. If any song I've heard this year deserves
to be a hit single, this has gotta be it!
Those folks at Bluefire are really into this whole thing just for
the music (hell, their press release even encourages home taping!) and
they've put together one really nifty little disc which sells for only
$12 postage included. Shit, you can't ask for a better deal. Support
indie rock and hear some incredible music at the same time.
(PO Box 16,  Aldershot,  GU12 5XY,  UK) - The Platterpuss


CUB - Come Out, Come Out  (Mint)

Just a few hours ago I had this big conversation with a friend of mine
about various bands and we both agreed that Cub were a bit on the too
cutesy side. Since then, for the last 4 hours or so, I've been slaving
over a hot PC writing record reviews of mostly punk and garage CDs
until I came upon this latest Cub disc. I'd already listened to it a
few times some weeks ago and I remember thinking it was OK if nothing all
that special. Well perhaps it's a matter of perspective but spinning it
now I really dig it a whole bunch. Sure, they come on like real
cutie-pies and a steady diet of their innocent wide-eyed wonder could
probably drive me to violence but for a change of pace, songs like "Ticket
To Spain", "Your Bed", "My Flaming Red Bobsled", "I'm Your Angel" and their
cover of "Vacation" (originally by The Go-Go's) do the trick quite nicely
and might even bring a smile to this scowling old puss.
(#699-810 West Broadway,  Vancouver BC,  V5Z 4C9,  CANADA) - The Platterpuss



THE GALAXY TRIO - "In The Harum" 10 Inch 8 Song EP - Estrus (ES107)

Last year's "Saucers Over Vegas" was such a cool record that I actually sat
around wondering when the NEXT Galaxy Trio record would come out.  Pathetic.
Well, enough about my life.  Let's talk about this excellent 10'er.  Jim 
Crabbe (guitar), Bryson Carter (bass) and Elmo (drums) are The Galaxy Trio,
and they play a very dramatic and exotic brand of instro-surf.  Reverb oozes
from every pore of this record and envelopes it. Mystique is what this band 
is all about, and the overall reverb space is deep and dark, as is the music
itself.  Galaxy Trio is near the top of this style of surf, along with The 
Mermen, Pollo Del Mar and a small handful of others.  It's darker and more
provacative.  This is surf noir.  


The cover is a great picture of the band, all wearing gold or silver turbans,
reclining with five very enticing harem girls and a big ol' hookah.  I wanna
be in this band.  Or at least in this picture.  The back cover has a great
little black and white photo of The Amazing Criswell.  (If you don't know 
who that is, it's a great excuse to go rent the film "Ed Wood."  Do it.  Now
back to Galaxy Trio).  What else about the cover.  Oh yeah, one of the people
they thank is named Kitty Diggins.  I...just thought you might want to know.


The music is the best part, of course, and that starts off with a tune called
"Surfacide."  Right away, the difference between this band and so many other
surf bands becomes apparent.  These guys might be the kings of heavy drama
in instrumental music. "Surfacide" sounds like a storm at sea, or at least 
that's what it sounds like to me and my overactive imagination.  This EP is
great fuel for that kind of thinking.  "Horus" is a somewhat lighter tune that
has an Arabian feel to it.  Nice little break after the storm.  "Lynch Mob" is
my numero uno pick on the record.  It expands on the Arabian Knights thing,
adding adventure to the drama.  Then there's "Fur Elise"...yup, THAT 
"Fur Elise" (done in an instro-surf style that would have either pleased the 
hell out of Beethoven or else killed him dead on the spot).  Side two has 
"Surf N' Destroy" and "In Like Flint" in the heavy department, and 
"Another Odd Job" (A reference to the villian from "Goldfinger," right?) and 
"Shoemaker Levy #9" finish the set in an ethereal mood.  I like this one so 
much that I'm now sitting around the house waiting for the next one to come 
out.  Pathetic.  By the way, they also thank Hanna Barbera.  Just thought 
you'd wanna know.  (DJ Johnson)



THE HOT CORN GIRLS - Look At My Bum  (Stingy Banana)
   
Last issue (of Foster Child)  I reviewed an EP by these guys/girls/mutants/??? 
and what I said then still holds true. Basically this is upbeat Stonesey R&R 
with a totally bizarre lead singer who shrieks, barks, hiccups, screams and
caterwauls his way through these 15 songs. I can't really understand the
words but with song titles like "Crackhead Bit My Dick", "Puddle Tween My
Legs", "Why Did You Puke?" and "Lonely Little Boner" it would seem that
their tongues are planted firmly in their cheeks (I won't speculate on
which cheeks) and that those cheeks are definitely in the gutter. What's
kinda scary is that I probably shouldn't like this as much as I do.
(335 E. 10 St. #3E, NYC NY 10009) - The Platterpuss



LINK WRAY & THE WRAYMEN - Mr. Guitar/Original Swan Recordings (Norton)

This is one of those instances where a "review" shouldn't even be
necessary. Just knowing of the existence of this 2-disc set should be
enought to send all of you scurrying off to your nearest record store
(they still call 'em record stores even though almost nobody sells records
anymore) in search of these 2 fine slabs of glorious fuzz-drenched noise.
Whatcha got here is everything Link ever recorded for Swan Records in
the early and mid 60s when he was at his creative, if not commercial,
peak. A number of tracks such as "Jack The Ripper", "Ace Of Spades",
"Fat Back", "Run Chicken Run", "Branded" and "Hidden Charms" will
already he familiar to many of his fans but there's lots more where those
came from - 63 tracks in all, many of 'em seeing the light of day for
the first time ever. There are just too many standouts to list
favorites but let it suffice to say that he could take just about anything
from the most savage rocker to the tenderest of ballads (though most of
this set is definitely of the more rockin' persuasion) and make it his
own with his unique fuzzed-out, dirty growling guitar sound that was his
trademark. Whether or not you're a long time fan of the man or if you're
just looking for some low-down, primal Rock & Roll played by a true original,
this set will give you 2-hours plus of the real thing. - The Platterpuss



THE MOCKERS - Somewhere Between Mocksville And Harmony (One Eye Open)
   
   Fans of Badfinger and Beatles inspired pop with an emphasis on clever
songwriting, bouncy tempos, rich harmnonies and a clean, crisp production
will surely dig the sounds being laid down by this Virginia-by-way-of-New
York foursome. Like most bands playing in this genre, they've come up
with their share of classic, winsome love songs such as "Martha",
"Selective Memory" and "I'd Give Anything". But, for me, what really sets
them apart is how on songs like "Here Come The Lackeys", "Invisible
Ink" and "It Isn't Always Mine" there's a nice sarcastic twist to the
lyrics which adds a whole new dimension, not only to the individual songs
but to my perceptions of the band as a whole. Pure pop with a twist of
bitters - quite the combination.
(2953 Va. Beach Blvd. #101,  Va. Beach VA 23452) The Platterpuss



FRANK ZAPPA - "Strictly Commercial" - CD on Rykodisc

For the first time since 1969, consumers now can enjoy the "best" of Frank 
Zappa. On August 22nd, Ryko released Strictly Commercial, the first official 
Zappa retrospective since 1969, featuring 76 minutes of classic material.
Encompassing 19 years of his illustrious career, Strictly Commercial contains 
such essential material as "Trouble Every Day", "I'm the Slime", 
"San Ber'Dino", "Dancin Fool" and 15 more of Frank's "clean" tunes.

The new CD features single versions of 3 songs (never before available on CD): 
Don't Eat the Yellow Snow (containing an edit of Nanook Rubs It), Montana, 
and the classic Joe's Garage. As with any compilation disc, there are always
things that should have been on that aren't, and vice-versa. However, in the 
case of Strictly Commercial, there isn't a lot of "clean" material that was 
left off. The biggest highlights of his musical career -- "Dirty Love", 
"Cosmik Debris", and "Muffin Man" -- are all here, along with many others.

The CD also includes two instrumentals - the classic "Peaches En Regalia" and 
"Sexual Harassment in the Workplace" from the Guitar album. It would have 
been nice to include "Black Napkins" instead of say... "Be in My Video" or 
"Fine Girl", but overall, Strictly Commercial will do a fine job of 
introducing new fans to the rock side of Frank Zappa. It also serves as a 
fine starting point for someone wanting to experience Zappa's cutting sense 
of humor, as well his outstanding guitar work.  Following on the heels of 
Rykodisc's 53-title reissue program this spring, this CD is a fine testament 
to the talent of one of music's most prolific artists. (by Steve Marshall)



WATCH CHILDREN - Kinda Retarded 2-EP Set  (Perfect Pop)

What a sorry state of afairs it is that this fine fine New Jersey band
had to go all the way to Norway to put out their record. Of the 10 songs
on these 2 EPs, the sounds range from snarly garage punk to more pop and
psych oriented material. While these definitely sound like home recordings,
the songwriting and performances are first rate and definitely deserving
of your attention.
(Daelenenggata 14A,  N0567 Oslo,  NORWAY) - The Platterpuss



THE AFFECTED - Fate  (Munster) PO Box 18107, 28080 Madrid, Spain

This Australian trio plays an immediataly likeable blend of classic
garage and punk styles that sounds kinda like a more crazed and zonked-
out Joan Jett. Of the 13 tracks, most are total ravin' stompers that are
just about guaranteed to get any party swingin' in a big way. In addition
to their really cool cover of Tommy Tutone's "Jenny/867-5309", some
other favorites include "Mind", "Clawback", "Blown" and "Misjudge".
Totally cool!! (The Platterpuss)




HOTCORN GIRLS: 7" 5-Song EP - Stingy Banana Records (335 E. 10th ST, #3-E,
N.Y., NY, 10009)

This is from the same people who brought us Ass Baboons Of Venus.  Dean,
Joanne, Squeaky and Bob, it says here on the sleeve.  This is a very hot band.
The drums are right in your face, so the power of this record will get to
you right away.  They sound like they're having a blast, too.  Everything
is done balls out.  The vocals are almost but never quite out of control, 
the lyrics are not very easy to understand.  Fine with me!  It's great
in the same way that "Louie Louie" was great.  Reckless abandon in music 
form. "Twit" has one of the greatest choruses I've ever heard.

"I'm the only one that matters - I'm the only one that matters
 I'm the only one that matters - ME! ME! ME! ME!"
 
Great titles, too.  "Zorn In My Panties," "Mr. Birth Control," "Angry 
Crouton," "Twit," and "My Boner, Your Fishtank."  I don't know about you,
but if I see a record with a song called "My Boner, Your Fishtank," I tend
to get curious.  The pick of the litter, I think, is "Angry Crouton," which
is short but chaotic as hell.  "Twit," with those inspiring lyrics that 
speak to and of us all, and "Mr. Birth Control" duke it out for 2nd best
tune status.  Frenzied background vocals were performed by Ronnie "Yoshiko"
Fujiyama & The Pearl Harbour Memorial Chorus on everything but "Twit,"
which was performed by The Spank Me Singers.  So even without "My Boner, 
Your Fishtank," I would'a gotten curious and picked it up.  Hot stuff.
Get it!  (DJ Johnson)


 THE APPLES in stereo - Fun Trick Noisemaker  (Spin Art)
 
Fans of indie and/or psych pop are going to have a field day here.
With influences ranging from Robyn Hitchcock to Big Star to Guided By
Voices to the many one-off bands on all those Rubble compilations that
came out about six or seven years ago, this trio conveys a pleasantly trippy
and whimsical sensibility that's hard not to like, even for a dyed-in-the-
wool garage punk head like myself.
One of my favorite songs is "Tidal Wave" - catchy and upbeat with
some fuzzy guitars and funny little sound effects. If I were a disc jockey
I'd program it right before or after "Underwater Moonlight" and it'd fit
in just perfectly. "Winter Must Be Cold" features the vocals of drummer
Hilarie whom I'd like to see stepping forward more often. It's kind of mid-
tempo and has this meandering guitar line going through it that I didn't pay
much attention to at first but, as I've played this track a few times, it
seems to stay with me more and more.
To be perfectly honest, this is not an album that I'm going to spin
all that often except for an occasional change of pace. However, if you
are more than a sometime fan of this genre, you won't want to be without it.
(PO Box 1798,  New York NY  10156-1798) - The Platterpuss

============================================================================
                                   -
     %    @        ]]]]]]]]]]                . "          ~        +
               .      ]]]  ]] ]] ]]]]              ,
      ^         .     ]]]  ]]]]] ]]     <
                      ]]]  ]] ]] ]]]]                          &
           #          ]]]  ]] ]] ]]                  !              ^ |
     .                """  "" "" """"                                    
                      ]]]]]   ]]]]  ]]]]   ]]]]]   ]]]]]]  ]]]]    -     \
    ~                 ]]  ]]  ]]    ]   ]  ]]   ]    ]]   ]    `    ?
               $      ]]   ]  ]]]]  ]]]]   ]] ]]     ]]    ]]]
    ~   `             ]]  ]]  ]]    ]   ]  ]]  ]]    ]]       ]         l
                      """""   """"  """""  ""   ""  """"   `""
                      ]]]]]  ]]]]]]  ]]]]  ]]     ]]]]]
 @            :       ]]       ]]    ]]    ]]     ]]  ]]           /
         +            ]]]]     ]]    ]]]]  ]]     ]]   ]     |
                      ]]       ]]    ]]    ]]     ]]  ]]      !
    :                 ""      """"   """"  """""  """""     +        . 



          
          September's debris filters down from the surface

          


                   A WALK TOWARD FATE OR FORTUNE?
           
                   With the full belly of hope
                   I walk up to my unfulfilled
                   my yellow flashing lighted potential
           
                   Just two paychecks away from the figure before me
                   standing haggard cold and pleading
                   a delicate layer of survival separating our lives
                   I come
                   I come to decide his or mine
           
                   But circumstance has played with us
                   tossed us up and down
                   kept us apart
                   apart by a dangling thread
                   by the mirage of contentment
           
                   In a flash
                   a world grows dark
                   grows unfriendly
                   without compassion
                   without a sense that meaning unifies our common
                   aspirations
                   codifying our dreams in creative understanding
           
                   What is his life?
                   his fear pounding through his chest
                   racing with his thoughts that explode into a portrait
                   of unwanted isolation
                   but my life more hidden
                   clothed in freshly cleaned opportunities

                   Craig Eidsmoe (c) 1995

           
                      *     *     *


                "The Minor Jelly-Fish Conspiracy Theory"
           
                fairy tale moonbeam, shadow of a tree
                and seventeen half-shells on a plate of happily.
           
                while you wait and wile away
                while we sit and waste the day
                while the sun continues to glow
                continue to question
                continue to grow
           
                sunshine meadow a green leaf of steel
                a handful of little lost souls, pretend it's not real
           
                gigantic performance of the wind and the seeds
                a small piece of heaven and lumps of green cheese
           
                while i write and waste more time
                while i laugh at invisible mimes
                while the dirt creates itsself
                create a rose, then destroy it, damnit....
           
                - coLeSLAw

                      
                      *     *     *


                Who Are You? Who-who, who-who?
                an abtract rave by Magthorn


                Hello.  My name is Robert.
                Don't fuckin' call me Bob because it pisses me off.
                Yeah, I've heard all the Bob jokes and I don't want to hear
                any more.  I don't smoke a pipe and I don't wear glasses,
                taped together or otherwise.  And screw the pocket protector.
                I'm Robert.  Not Bob, not Rob, not Robbie.  I'm Robert.
                Who are you?  Do you know?  Bet you don't.

                How many times have you sat there with your hand down
                your shorts and thought - this is me?  HA!  See?  You are
                what you hold closest to you.

                I don't listen to Runs and Poses.  They suck.
                Commercial crap.  Recycled grandpa rock don't make it
                either.  Gotta call it PULSE because they don't have one any
                more.  So what do you like?  Caught you watching SCREAM just
                to see Janet, eh?  Morph THIS!

                You do your cool act today?  Strut your stuff with
                clothes the homeless pissed on?  That make you cool?  How
                much did you pay for that shit?  Big bucks to some idiot
                calling himself a fashion designer while some guy in a
                trailer forks out $20 for used Levi's.  How much did you pay
                for those holes, asshole.

                God is dead; but considering the state the species of Man is
                in, there will perhaps be caves, for ages yet, in which his
                shadow will be shown.

                How's your education?  BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD got you
                pegged?  MARRIED, WITH CHILDREN your idea of a fun watch?
                THAT WAS NIETZCHE.  He wrote that in 1910.  Got any
                shadows flickering in that cave of yours?  Evolution passing
                you by?  Receding forehead Zippie?
                It takes no intelligence to say yes.
                You get a rush from Rush?
                You hate progress but voted anyway?
                HEY, Zippie.  God didn't pave over all that grass to
                cure your hay fever.

                Gotta stiff neck from banging?  Primal, aren't you?
                And so damned proud of it. Gotta practice your ethnic
                crossover moves before the party. GOTO ESPN2 and learn to
                dance.
                Beneath the Remains, the Master of Puppets Nihils In
                the Court of the Crimson King seeking a Pulse.  Pigface
                caught a Winnebago Induced Tapeworm while, blasted, Skinny
                Puppy sat back to Dig It.
                Life can be like that.  You string together bits of
                everyone else to build your front to the world.  Other
                people's ideas are theirs.  You can borrow them momentarily,
                but sooner or later, you need to face yourself.  Hope you can.
                
                I'm Robert.  I KNOW who I am.  Who are you?

                           
                               *     *     *


                        "Liquid Heaven"

                a thistle soaked in frenetic bands
                of crystal radiating light
                a cobweb with a secret message
                deciphered by a captured fly
                a well from which no liquid came
                yet full of hope and acid rain
                a june-bug with an aftertaste
                but noone to remind him

                a unilateral beacon glowing
                from which shafts of knowledge grow
                a whistle pierces the silent night
                while noone hears the trees falling
                a vision without consequence
                has purpose to it still
                a little hole above the glass
                has just begun to open wide

                a harlot wearing aftershave
                a streamer looks to us to wave
                a kite upon the windy sky
                a murderer with an alibi
                a feline with an urge to tear
                a maiden who has lost her hair
                a following without a cause
                a life with rewind, stop, and pause.

                but isn't it funny, or even sad
                that all the things which we once had
                but lost so long ago that now
                it doesn't matter anyhow.

                .......whatever happened to that cow?

                          
                          *     *     *


                POST ELECTION ANGER 1994
                
                The catcalls of honor
                the reconfigurement of compassion
                the lofty kissing american dream sets sail across oceanic
                lanes of disability and misfortune
                
                I step into this mist
                a piss
                a murky thick congealing morass
                of deceit
                of hope
                of ideologues of capitalism's pursuit of altruism
                and salvation
                
                Unprotected I choke on this flow of rhetoric that spills
                from well fed faces
                faces that shine with savings and a smile

                I, a partner in the treachery
                the butchery
                of america my home
                where natives died for microwaves and disposals feeding
                on a third world's survival

                Lined up numbered and nullified
                we bare computerized tattoos
                of a darkness
                a harshness
                sold to us at lopsided discounts

                Guarded by hair triggered missiles of xenophobia
                we come together to
                celebrate waste
                a taste
                sugary sweet to our greedy conforming urine laced silver
                spooned self indulging embrace

                Information flows
                uncharted
                undammed
                flooding our minds
                equating wisdom and gossip
                innuendo and insight

                The right of the voyeur desecrates our mysteries
                our imagination
                our respect for one another
                peering into our lives with searing hot eyes
                
                An anarchy of ideas fights over marshmallow minds
                quenching the collective thirst of idle viewers

                The biggest survive feeding off trivial lies
                spinning fortune before our feeble wanting cries

                We lay back exhausted and willing to be defeated by this
                inundation
                this violation
                this conquest of our lives

                It is time to lift ourselves up
                to sift through the mountainous piles of sight and sound
                to breathe deeply the knowledge of common humanity
                to resist the seamless onslaught of the energy sucking
                frenzy of the unsubstantiated that preys on our
                insatiable vultureous cravings
                to seek instead silent shelter where meaning regains
                perspective
                where love is remembered

                Craig Eidsmoe (c) 1995

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
           E-MAIL ADDRESSES FOR CONTACTING COSMIK DEBRIS' WRITERS

                      
               DJ Johnson (Editor)......moonbaby@serv.net
               Cai Campbell.............vex@serv.net
               James Andrews............jimndrws@serv.net
               Louise Johnson...........aquaria@serv.net
               coLeSLAw.................coleslaw@greatgig.com
               Scott Wedel..............syzygy@cyberspace.com
               Andrew Ian Feinberg......afeinber@panix.com
               Steven Leith.............leith@wolfenet.com
               Steve Marshall...........MHND71F@prodigy.com
               The Platterpuss..........Plattrpuss@aol.com
               Magthorn.................Magthorn@aol.com
               The Old Man..............fridrich@moose.eire.net


               Cosmik Debris' WWW site..http://www.greatgig.com/cosmikdebris
               Subscription requests....moonbaby@serv.net
               Cai Campbell's BBS (Great Gig In The Sky)..206-935-8486

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

