Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume V, Issue 15, AD MM
Thursday, December 28, 2000
ISSN 1482-0471
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"You should write a book, "Networking for People Who Have No 
Business Knowing Anything About It In The First Place", then you can 
start a series, like the Dummies or Complete Idiots guides, except 
it'l be the series for People Who Have No Business Knowing Anything 
About It In The First Place"
-- marXidad

-------------------------------------------

When a female coworker looks at you, narrows her eyes, and says, 
"Eat shit," it doesn't mean, "I am trying to conceal the deep, 
relentless longing I have for you, but which I am afraid to 
acknowledge - even to myself.

It just means, "Eat shit."

http://www.mcarp.net/eat/essay_eat.html

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1.  Editorial
2.  Rants from the waiting room
3.  CoN Goes to the Movies
4.  Noodles
5.  The war on drugs
-------------------------------------------

This week's Golden Testicle award:

http://www.fetusx.com/

http://www.divine-interventions.com/buddha.html

What I really wanted from Santa

-------------------------------------------

1. Editorial

Welcome to the last issue of CoN prior the end of this millennia and 
the start of the next (I am already envisioning the flood of e-mails 
that will be arriving shortly after I send this issue proving me 
wrong).

We're about to mark Volume VI, and we wouldn't be here without the 
help of our readership that seems to have fallen in a state of 
paralysis. I'd like to thank all of those that haven't subscribed 
but simply set up a filter in their mail program to redirect all CoN 
to trash.

Yes, a lot of people have been complaining about our webpage.  It 
will be up, soon, I promise.  I know I've been promising for oh, a 
year now, but really.  Our awesome master of programming Gard 
(http://gard.scriba.org) is working on the dynamic code as we speak 
and our Webmaster Colin is eager to get it up and running, while I 
sit there and whine like a little girl. 

Oh and if you're interested, we have IRC servers running.  You can 
find us on channel #scriba (usually never saying a word unless it's 
like 4 in the morning and we've had one pint too many).  There are 
three servers you can pick from: irc.scriba.org, irc.capnasty.org 
and egress.capnasty.org.

Ellen Kokoris wrote to us:

> OK, I give. Unsubscribe me.

Easy.  If you scroll to the bottom of the issue, you'll see simple 
and clear instructions on how to do it.  You may notice that we did 
it in such a way so that ignoramus like you don't have to check in 
the dictionary how to write `unsubscribe', since anyone under the 
sun should be capable of writing `leave'.  At least, I like to think 
that humanity is that capable.

> *The goat cartoon is stupid.

See, this gets to me.  What did you expect?  It's CoN we're talking 
about.  Not Time magazine.  Or even National Geographic.  Is someone 
putting a gun to your head and forcing you to read the issues?  If 
so, would that person please stop, since it is apparent here that 
we're causing much distress to the incredibly high IQ of a reader 
with our silly drivel.

> *Story number 2 is stupid...can you say "Darwin
> Awards" or is the author such a dweeb as to have never
> heard of them? Or more likely, he stole the idea and
> thinks everyone is too stupid to notice which would be
> a direct insult to you. (He never credits the D.A.)
> I've had to endure hearing the same DA stories
> throughout Dec and Jan for several years now, through
> email chainletters, radio, and TV. It's not like an
> Internet secret. Geez. 

I'll let the author of the story respond himself.  His reply 
follows.

> Besides the fact that youchose to print it.

You're right.  I should always consider the presence of future 
Darwin winners reading the issues of CoN and provide quality 
material their low IQ can allow them to enjoy.  How's your lobotomy 
scar healing?

> See Ya-
> (and don't print this letter)

And I didn't, cuz I respect your requests.  Instead I posted my 
reply.

Graham Huber writes a response to Ellen Kokoris:

Ah, Ellen, Ellen. We would never print your letter, especially if 
you asked us not to. However, we are not above mass emailing said 
letter and a ridiculing response to thousands of CoN subscribers.

Sadly I have in fact heard of the Darwin Awards. I've read a few 
myself. But had I not, it might actually serve as proof that I have 
better things to do with my time than sit around masturbating to 
email forwards. Sounds like you need a hobby, Ellen.

Ellen is upset because I didn't credit the Darwin Awards for my 
piece. Uh, for what? Because two kids managed to get themselves 
killed stupidly and I want to laugh at them? Apparently, the event 
of 'stupid death' is now and forever a registered trademark and (c) 
2000 Darwin Award, Inc. Well, damn, in that case we'd better call up 
CNN and tell them to stop airing all that Election crap already, 
since NBC *clearly* got there first.  Shit, we should start mailing 
these cheques out to David Letterman for every Top Ten list of 
ANYTHING that's been produced in the last, um, decade.

You see, Ellen claims she's heard the same fictional DA stories 
floating around for years. That's peachy. But the thing with the 
kids really did happen, and only about a month ago. Obviously our 
friend Ellen, so well versed in the latest email forwards, needs to 
make a point of reading a newspaper once in a while.

Case in point:

> I've had to endure hearing the same DA stories
> throughout Dec and Jan for several years now

Man, you REALLY need to get out more. Might I suggest a ride in a 
John Deere?

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2.  Rants from the waiting room.
By IMPROV

With my recent bout of bronchitis out of the way, I thought I'd 
share with you some of my feelings I have about the medical 
profession... more specifically, the General Practitioner or Family 
Doctor.

This is a man (or woman) who has worked hard all their life to get 
where they are... I can't even imagine what it would be like 
spending so much time in school... the dedication is 
incredible...but not so incredible that I will ignore the many, many 
annoying things that occur while at the doctor's office.

Take for instance the appointment time... you're guaranteed that if 
your appointment is for 1:45pm, there is no way you're going to see 
anyone until oooooooooh, I dunno Christmas!  There is no other 
profession on this Earth that can so regularly be late.  If I make 
an appointment with my lawyer (if I had a lawyer) for 1:45, he's 
gonna be there by 1:35... and if he's not, he explains why.  Just 
once I'd like the doctor to say to me as he strolls into that little 
exam room at like 3:30, "Sorry Bob, you wouldn't believe the traffic 
in the hallway... this really obese patient of mine fell over and I 
was stuck behind him for almost an hour!"

But to even get into that room is like trying to get into a busy 
club...the receptionist behind that sliding glass is like a bouncer 
at Club 54.  I even tried to slip her a twenty and she looked at me 
like I was offering her a nickel... it was like, "Ahh... sorry sir, 
you'll have to sit over there!"

So there I am in the waiting room... looking around at all the other 
sick people wondering what I am catching just sitting next to them.  
I won't even get started on the magazine bit... but let me just say 
this, you're a doctor... get some subscriptions!!  Stop depending on 
old Mrs. Young, who tries to cross out her address from the front 
page to bring in magazines..." yeah like I'm gonna come to your 
house lady and beat you senseless because you subscribe to 
Chatelaine, good idea that crossing out where you live thing!"  

So 1:45 comes and goes... of course there's the baby crying...the 
kid pukking... the old person whose hacking so much you're convinced 
they're gonna kick off right there... and then there's you.  Reading 
about the latest spring fashions for women, even though it's 
November and you're a guy... then you flip through a great interview 
with American Presidential Candidate: Bob Dole!  Finally you settle 
on a ratty copy of Green Eggs and Ham... much to the chagrin of the 
kid who has finally stopped pukking.

Every time that window slides over or door opens up you perk your 
ears up like a dog that just heard the can opener... hoping that 
it'll be your name the receptionist will mispronounce.  Finally at 
2:30 you are allowed in...but that's not the end of the waiting... 
oh no.  There's so much more in store.

Depending on why you're there... a full check up or you have a... 
will depend on what happens next.  If it's the later then you just 
go in and sit down.  If it's the former, then most often you strip 
and put on the over sized blue bib.  Lucky for me my check up isn't 
for a little while (look for part two of this portion of the rant 
after that visit).  

So now you're in this little room...with nothing to do. Now you 
don't even have the crappy magazines to look at.  Just you, the 
doctor's chair and a wax paper covered bed.  There is that counter 
with all the shiny things on it, but ever since you were a kid, you 
were told to not even look there.  So there you are... 
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... what to do????... what to do????... what to 
do????

After testing your own eyes three or four times each, which we all 
do and is totally ridiculous...I don't know about you but when I 
test them I have perfect vision.... but after that, you start to get 
antsy... it's now like 3:10 and the only thing you know about your 
heath for sure is that you've now got whatever that pukking kid has 
and your eyesight is perfect.

Bored out of your skull you give into temptation... you start to 
look at the shiny things on the counter... not touching, just 
checking them out, when you notice there are cupboards above the 
counter... you look to the left, then the right, "one little peak... 
I mean what the hell I go through all my friends medicine cabinets!"

It's a scroungers dream!  Boxes of rubber gloves? I could use a few 
of those.  Tongue depressors?  There's gotta be something I could 
use these for.  And there's tons of this stuff!!  And they say the 
heath care industry is under funded...tell that to my doctor, he's 
hoarding!

Just as you're pocketing some cotton swabs... the doctor FINALLY 
walks in!!!  Bastard.

---
You can send IMPROV get well e-mails to this address.  We'll print 
them and deliver them to him next time we empty his drool bucket.

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3. CoN Goes to the Movies
with Jeff Wright

Howdy do, y'all?  I'm just gonna run down a list of movies 
that I've seen recently that I think you should see.

ROSEMARY'S BABY
This is labeled as a HORROR/THRILLER in most video stores, but I 
think it would sit just as well in the COMEDY section ("I didn't 
want to miss baby night").  It took me a while to get around to 
watching it, but it was a completely enjoyable, and fantasticaly 
well made film that everyone should see.  A near perfect film if you 
ask me.  I rented 3 other Polanski films tonight. 
 

FUDOH: THE NEW GENERATION
This is a crazy little fuck of a movie, from Japan.  It's about 
Fudoh, the son of a Japanese crime boss, who as a child, witnesses 
his brother's beheading.  If that's not bad enough, it was his 
father who did the slicing (with a samurai sword no less).  Once the 
credits roll, Fudoh, is grown up, and in high school.  He's now also 
involved in crime, and has his own gang.  His gang consists of gun 
wielding children, a couple of his female friends from school (one 
of them is a sailor suit wearing stripper, who shoots a mean 
blowdart gun with her "you know what"), and eventually a huge 
motherfucker that you you certainly wouldn't want to mess with.  So 
Fudoh's got his gang, and he's finally got enough power to take on 
his father, for the revenge of his brother's killing.  It's a crazy 
good time, that isn't perfect, but is super-fun.

GIMME SHELTER
A great DOCUMENTARY/CONCERT FILM on the concert at the Altamonte 
Speedway in San Fransico back in the '60s, where 4 people were 
killed, and many more were injured.  The Rolling Stones are the main 
musical focus of the film, and rock the fuck out!  If you're a fan 
of either The Stones, fine documentary filmmaking, or Hell's Angels, 
then you should definitely check it out.  Criterion, has just 
released a beautifully remastered DVD of the film, with deleted 
scenes, commentary, and about an hour of a San Fransico call in 
radio show on the concert.

LOVE AND DEATH
A great Woody Allen comedy, set around the time Napoleon was 
invading everyone.  It stars Woody, and Diane Keaton in what I 
believe was their first film together.

Diane Keaton: I guess you could say I'm half saint, half whore.
Woody Allen:  Lets just hope I get the half that eats.

If you like Allen, you should like this.  Rent it.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
This is the old, black and white, and French version I'm talking 
about.  There's nothing wrong with the Disney version, but this 
version is just a beautiful film that everyone should see.  I almost 
wish it weren't in French, because it would be a wonderful film to 
show little kids as an introduction to cinema.

CHARLIE'S ANGELS
What can I say?  This movie is fun, fun, fun.  Lots of really good 
action, good looking women, and some badass badguys.  That's all I 
need from a movie.  It paid off in spades.  Before you go, know that 
it is a no-brainer.  Every negative review I've read, complains 
about how stupid it is.  Oh well.  There was more than enough eye-
candy to make up for it.

That's all for this issue.  Come back next week, for another 
bombastic installment!!!

---
Jeff currently hates musicians, but can't hate Aimee Mann.  I'M WITH 
STUPID has been in his CD player, for a long, long time now.  Why 
isn't it in yours?

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4.  Noodles
By Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro

There are three things that quickly identify you as a bachelor.  
First, the immense pile of dirty clothes that quickly piles up in 
the laundry bin.  You could literally practice climbing on it, all 
in the comfort of your own lavatory.  The problem is you don't 
notice it until one day it collapses and you can't go through the 
bathroom door anymore.  If not that, when you open the drawer where 
you keep your socks, and there are none.  It's almost time for you 
to get out of your house to go catch the bus, and you're 
contemplating between going bare-feet or wearing some weird white 
socks with a strange design that really don't fit with black shoes 
and black pants at all.

Second, it's your sink.  Or rather, where your sink used to be.  By 
now there are about six billion dishes stacked carefully, held 
together with forks, knives, wooden spoons and several pots.  The 
sink is full of this brownish water that sort of resembles a 
lukewarm chicken soup.  And again, you only realise your sink is 
full, because there are no more plates in the cupboard.  Or because 
all your pots are somewhere... in there.  It's also one of those 
moments where you stop and contemplate that indeed you do have more 
dishes than you could humanly possibly use.

Lastly, the fridge.  When you live by yourself, nothing seems to 
last as long as it did when you lived back at home.  I'm not sure 
how that works exactly, but I think I could easily blame it on the 
fact that I tend to put things in the fridge that once looked crisp 
and eatable, and I forget them in there.

This of course causes me to arrive home, starving, opening the 
fridge and sometimes trying to figure out what to make for dinner.  
I must say, what I find in there is quite astonishing and if I was 
more scientifically inclined, admirable.  I say admirable because I 
think it's impressive that mold is able to grab on that chunk of 
what once was cheese and turn that once juicy piece of orange 
cheddar into something that resembles fur at such low temperatures.

Fortunately, I have caught these evolutionary processes in time 
before they figure out how to get out of the fridge by themselves.

There are other things, which have been sitting quietly in 
containers, and still look good (those that have a transparent 
cover, that is) but for some reason I wouldn't dare eat them.  
Mostly because I can't tell what's in them and they have been in 
there longer than I care to remember.  I'm not sure why I don't get 
rid of them.  Maybe it's that part about wasting food.  Either way, 
I should label these containers with crossed bones and a skull, just 
so my girlfriend doesn't accidentally eat any of them.  It's a 
difficult task to find a decent woman these days, and I don't want 
to go through the process of finding another one already just 
because of improperly labelled containers.

I think that when I'll move, I'll pack the fridge and ship it to the 
Centre for Disease Control and see if they can find anything useful 
in there.

So the other night after going through my fridge several times (as 
if each time I hoped to miraculously spot some edible product in 
there), I searched the cupboard and found some old packages of 
Sapporo instant noodle -- real Japanese noodles made in the fine 
state of California.

This is nothing more than a tiny little package, with some dried 
noodles and a little pack of soup base (I have been trying to figure 
out what the soup base is made of, but I can't).  The scariest part 
is reading the ingredients.  These noodles have stuff I would 
normally expect to find in your regular household cleaner.  On top 
of that, the noodles have "real simulated shrimp flavour".  And I 
guess I can understand that since the only thing that's Japanese is 
the packaging written in rather decent Engrish.

Which brings me to an interesting point.  Anytime I go to the store 
and shop, I am amazed by the amount of food that's ready-made and 
requires only 1 to 3 minutes to prepare.  TV-Dinners, instant 
noodles, soups that just require a quick nuke, that is, if you own a 
microwave.  I, for one, don't.  But I can see how it has become as 
essential as toilet paper in this world.

Take for example a look at my kitchen.  It's not designed with the 
concept of someone actually cooking in there.  And I think this is a 
North-American problem.  We want apartments that come with a 
beautiful kitchen so we can never make a real meal in it.  Anytime I 
cook something more impressive than a cup of tea, I find myself 
running in all directions to shut off the fire alarms, and opening 
windows to reduce the temperature to something below tropical 
standards.

The average human being, after an exciting day at work, fulfilling 
his 9 to 5 duties, doesn't want to cook.  They want to open the 
fridge, pick something, which resembles the picture on the box, and 
three minutes later, eat it.  I must be the only weird one here 
since I enjoy cooking and getting a sauna at the same time.

But that night I was starving.  I ended up cooking the noodles and 
ate them.  And they were the best noodles I had ever had in my 
entire life. In fact, I ended up eating the other two crumbling 
packages I found in the cupboard while watching some artsy-fartsy 
French movie about some kid in Russia or something.  It was a French 
movie. You know the type, that try really hard to be all fancy with 
fantastic camera angles, showing things at an angle, or filming 
things for long periods of time between two jars on a shelf.  I 
dunno.  I was too happy eating my noodles.

Although, I must say, I have been contemplating about getting a 
microwave.  That's because I've had, sitting under my sink, a box of 
microwave popcorn, since about the day I moved in.  I tried making 
some popcorn using those packages with a regular pot, which ended up 
setting off all my fire alarms and much time spent scraping all the 
charcoal bits of kernels stuck at the bottom.  After about four 
packages, four pots that look like they've carried explosives, to 
this day I find a piece of burnt popcorn somewhere and have yet to 
eat even a little piece.

It's distressing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I discovered a can with no expiry date that 
claims to contain what looks like pre-digested beans and lard.  
Maybe I'll eat them directly off the pan, with a wooden spoon, while 
surfing the channels for some good spaghetti western movie.

---
Jesus forgives.  Mold doesn't.

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5.  THE WAR ON DRUGS
Graham Huber

"Do you ever notice in this country that when we have a problem with 
something, we always have to declare WAR on it? The War on 
Illiteracy, the War on AIDS, the War on Homelessness, the War on 
Drugs... We don't actually DO anything about it, but we've declared 
war on it...."
- George Carlin

"If cocaine is the Drug of War, than marijuana is the Drug of 
Peace."
-- Unknown

Drugs are bad. Anyone growing up since the Sixties has had this 
message branded across every possible orifice they could think to 
stick a needle up. Personally, I think my mother had the message 
tattooed across her uterus lining, just so I'd have a little 
something to keep me busy for about 9 months. Right, so drugs are 
bad. Tell me the story again - but wait, lemmie get you another 
Scotch there first. And if you have to smoke that thing, please do 
it outside.

In the last few years, the War on Drugs has developed two separate 
camps: the War on Drugs and the War on Marijuana. How marijuana got 
the dubious honour of getting its very own War declared on it we 
shall see in a minute. But first, I really have to question the 
intelligence of a society that would ban a substance having yet 
prove a single permanent physical effect, yet at the same time, sell 
bundles of Valium to depressed wives and insecure actresses to binge 
` cry for help' suicide attempts, or maybe supply another 40 oz.er 
of Jack Daniels so Buddy Blue-Collar can go smack his wife around 
again. Or better yet, a society with a government who thinks its ok 
to slap a sticker on a product that basically says, "THIS IS A STICK 
OF CANCER THAT WILL MAKE YOUR TEETH ROT, DEFORM YOUR KIDS, AND MAKE 
YOUR LUNGS BLEED", and STILL sell it. What happened to the War on 
Raving Idiocy?

The sad thing is, when you bother to verse yourself in the facts 
before opening your mouth (like THAT has ever happened in American 
history), you see that the War on Marijuana is really The Piss Poor 
Excuse To Keep Money In Our Pockets.

First, let's look at `hemp', which usually comes from the `cannabis' 
plant, where `marijuana' also comes from (the word is Mexican slang 
for the leaves of cannabis you smoke to get high). Hemp has long 
been known to be the Jack-of-all-trades of the plant world. It can 
be used as food (hemp seeds are very easy to digest and used for 
patients with stomach problems), as a high-protein, UV resistant 
alternative to soy, as a fat-free vegetable oil, as a fiber for 
clothes more durable than cotton, as an acid-free, non-yellowing 
paper, as alcohol-based fuel for cars, as an alternative to tree 
wood, as a new form of plastic and lastly, as medicine.

Suffice to say, hemp is useful.

So if it's so great, then why doesn't the world revolve around hemp 
usage? I mentioned raving idiocy before, right? In addition to that 
very large factor, hemp usage basically got screwed when all the 
other drugs were made illegal.

This started with opium, which Chinese immigrants brought with them 
to induce a trance-like state, helping them cope with the long 
shifts of manual labour they were forced to do. White Americans got 
pissed because these stoned Chinese workers were much better than 
they were. So they banned opium.

Ditto cocaine, only this time it is Black Americans. Cocaine usage 
among Blacks was blamed for violent crimes, and combined with the 
US's usual tasty appetite for racist hatred, the drug got banned.

Now comes marijuana and the Mexicans (are we seeing a pattern here 
yet?). Mexican soliders smoked marijauna chronically (see the lyrics 
to `La Cucaracha', about a solider who won't march till he gets his 
joint). When the Mexicans started moving to the States and the 
Depression struck, the Whites bitched again about Mexican labour and 
marijuana took the fall.

Next comes the Great Depression, during which Prohibition is 
instated. Idiocy strikes again, and because of the increased mob 
crime during this period, more cops are hired. Of course, once 
Prohibition ended, you had a lot of unemployed cops around. In an 
attempt to convince everyone they were still needed, these cops 
spent their time scaring people about drug use.

What this all means is that in 1937, the Marijuana Tax Act was 
passed, banning the possession of marijuana. You can't grow hemp 
(the cannabis plant) without growing marijuana too (the leaves). It 
gets worse. Because hemp was such a great alternative to seemingly 
everything, it made a lot of enemies in the paper, cloth, and 
plastic companies. Billions of dollars for these companies depended 
on hemp not becoming popular, so when the political climate of the 
1930's was all about being anti-drug, these companies pushed to get 
hemp made illegal.

Seventy years later, people are still dumb enough to accept a bill 
passed in a time of racism and greedy corporate interest. The 
American Way.

What bothers me about all this is that today, simply holding a 
little green leaf gets you four years, yet at the same time, it's 
perfectly legal for me to raid the liquor cabinet, drink down a 
fifth of Absolut, which destroys brain cells and my liver 
simultaneously, while being violently ill and irritable to the point 
that I beat down the neighbourhood kids, puke all over the sidewalk, 
then pass out in the middle of the road, waking up three hours with 
a pounding headache from dehydration and no idea where my pants are.

"All others considered, THC is the safest pharmaceutical drug in 
existence."

Let's talk about over the counter drugs like Valium. I can't sleep 
so I take a pill and sleep... but then the pill's effectiveness 
wears off and I can't sleep again, so I take more pills... then the 
effectiveness wears off again and I can't sleep so I take even more 
pills... finally, I die of overdoes. Who didn't see that coming? 
Despite the fact that the very USE of these drugs leads you hand-in-
hand to overdose doesn't prevent it from being the #2 drug sold in 
America (a little blue pill is #1, popular with the old folks... you 
figure that one out).

Those against marijuana use claim that `smoking one joint is equal 
to 10 cigarettes'. False. The only reason the actual smoke is more 
damaging is because generally users smoke marijuana in self-rolled 
paper joints without filters or any other kind of health standard. 
But cigerrettes contain nicotine, tar, arsenic, and thousands of 
other chemicals which HAVE been proven to cause cancer. Not a single 
chemical in marijuana has been proven to cause cancer. Also, take in 
to account your typical user doesn't smoke a carton of joints 
everyday, unlike the chain-smoking latte junkie artiste that never 
seems to leave Starbucks.

And speaking of lattes, let's talk about coffee now. Caffeine is a 
legal drug millions of people consume gallons of each month. So you 
like your heart-rate, blood pressure and reflexes being strung out? 
Maybe the luxury of having to pee every sixteen minutes? How many of 
you `just can't get going in the morning' without your coffee?

Here's the kicker, kiddies: marijuana has NO lasting physical side-
effects. The only effects you experience are those from BREATHING 
SMOKE, which you wouldn't have to do if a better, safer, healthier 
alternative were available. But bongs are illegal too. You get an 
extra fine for being caught toking up while being health conscious.

In fact, all of marijuana's "problems" are a direct cause of it 
being illegal. It's the same stupid effects as Prohibition in the 
1930's. People are going to do it whether it is illegal or not, and 
whether its SAFE or not. Hundreds of people flat out DIED during 
Prohibition because of a certain type of alcohol poisoning brought 
on by bacteria in unsterilized keg barrels. This doesn't happen 
today simply because making it LEGAL means there are laws governing 
the quality of the substance.

Would you like to buy pot from some backalley crackhead drug dealer 
toked up on acid who's probably laced your stuff with coke, crystal 
meth, cat urine and god knows what else just to keep you coming back 
for more? Or would you rather walk into a government sanctioned 
`MCBO', and pick up an once of cleanly cut, FDA-approved, 
commercially packaged and sterilized marijuana to take to your party 
and enjoy using a well-manufactured, safe and healthy alternative to 
smoking in the same way that thousands of people already do with 
alcohol?

What about your kids? Do you want them sneaking off the schoolyard 
with some gangsta wannabe to `score some dope, yo'? Or would you 
rather be able to explain to your kids that marijuana is something 
that they should respect and use responsibly, like alcohol? How many 
kids do you know that phone up their parents Saturday night and say, 
"Mom, I'm not driving home tonight because I'm stoned out of my 
head." On the other side, how many parents tell their kids, "Now if 
you are going to be toking up, I want you to take a cab home." Or 
how about a "Don't Drink and Toke" poster? The awareness is simply 
NOT there, because the marijuana is illegal and thus must be hidden, 
and so as a result, kids get killed in car accidents while driving 
high. Wow, good thing the War on Drugs is saving the lives of our 
youth.

The problem with marijuana is for years it has been labeled `evil' 
by the anti-drug pressure and pointless War on Drugs mentality. Tell 
me, do you drink to escape your reality? Do you drink to purposely 
run over small children in your car and beat your wife? No, you 
drink for FUN. For recreation. For a good time. There's a reason why 
there's over 400 drinks you can order at any given bar. Alcohol 
isn't popular because it tastes good (anyone that tells you they 
drink straight vodka for the taste is probably the same guy that 
drinks gas so he can light his pee on fire). Yet we've got a holiday 
affectionately referred to as May Two Four.

The very minor percentage of people that abuse marijuana (which is 
not even physically addictive) do so for reasons other than the drug 
itself: family life, emotional problems, depression, etc. `Marijuana 
leads to harder drug use.' That's crap. Does coffee lead to 
alcoholism? It's a chicken-or-the-egg problem: does marijuana lead 
to harder drug use or the tendency to abuse drugs lead to marijuana 
abuse?

Alcohol is popular because it is fun. Ditto marijuana. The vast 
majority of people that use marijuana are simply having fun... the 
only difference being marijuana doesn't destroy brain cells, you 
don't need to do a lot of it to feel the effect, it's a hell of a 
lot cheaper, it doesn't destroy your liver, it is not physically 
addictive, it doesn't dehydrate you, you don't puke or get sick, 
food tastes better than it ever has before, and best of all, there's 
no hangover. Uh, definitely sounds like something only crackheads 
would like.

So although I'm much too passive to ever become an activist of any 
sort, I can still find the energy to raise my two favourite fingers 
in a salute to anyone ignorant enough to buy into the lies and 
misrepresentations the so-called `War on Marijuana' without reading 
the facts themselves.

---
Graham does not support or condone the use of drugs, nor has he ever 
experienced the effects of any in the sort, be it alcohol, 
marijuana, 
caffeine --- ah, who am I kidding?

Aforementioned facts are here: 
http://www-unix.oit.umass.edu/~verdant/Marijuana_FAQ/Index.html

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