Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume III, Issue I, AD MCMXCVIII
Monday, January 12th, 1997
ISSN 1482-0471
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  "How was your flight?"
"The bun was soft"

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  "What's Monk-fish?"
"I don't know, but it sure tastes funny.."
"That's why I asked for Chicken.  You can't go wrong with that".

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1. Editorial
2. The Events of '97.
3. "I have this on a poster on my wall"
4. Happy Non Denominational Holidays!!
5. McAfee-Question : Is Windows a virus? 

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This week's Golden Testicle award:

      Stick Figure Death Theatre

  http://www.calvert.com/sfdt/sfdt.html

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1. Editorial
     by Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro

  I SUFFER FROM A TERRIBLE ADDICTION CALLED COMPUTING.  Although I had
left for Europe to flee from the terrible slave labour camp called the
office, to rest my hears from the awful rantings of my evil boss but
most of all to escape from the creation (Windows 95) of the Spawn of
Satan (Bill H. Gates) I had the "e-mail" urge.  Ever had one of those?
You are thousand of miles away from home, but you just have to read
your e-mail.  My girlfriend thinks I should seek medical help.

  In a Cybercafe` in downtown Rome, next to the Vatican walls, with
people watching the first soccer derby of the year or playing Quake I
managed to send an e-mail to the few people whose address I still
could remember.  I then went surfing happily in Capnasty while
drinking lemonade in front of an eggplant and mozzarella sandwhich.
Unfortunately I couldn't check my mail.  I would have to wait until
my return to Toronto.

  Back in Toronto I was greeted by some really good weather (20 degrees
colder instead of the 40 I had estimated) and although tired and
kissed to death by family and other relatives (it's an Italian thing)
I finally was able to check my mail.

  There were 767 messages waiting for me.  464 messages belonged to
various newslists I subscribed to.  Of the remaining 303 messages, 48
were spam, 46 jokes (thanks Sandra), 15 wishes of a Merry Christmas,
3 messages which were definately not for me, but somehow I was on
their carbon copies, and one jerk STILL complaining of how I force
religious propaganda down people's throats.  In total I had 2 personal
messages.

  I've received some "complains" since the last two CoNs were not
sent out.  The reason they were not sent out was because we were
all busy in our laborious lives.  Our apologies to all those that
wrote, and also, if I haven't replied to your e-mails yet.  I will
be doing that shortly.

  And I'll end this with something completely unusual:

  "We are flying, Katarina!"
  "Like the goats, Maestro!"

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2. The Events of '97.
     by Leandro

  Who would've thought that a Golden Testicle drawn more than 4 years
ago would grow to such enourmous proportions as it is today?  Although
very young, CoN has grown in numbers and strenght over 1997 which has
been quite a significant year:

97.01.06 - The first Golden Testicle is awarded as CoN enters
           volume II, Issue I.

97.06.17 - This site finally uploaded to the capnasty.org site,
           which resides on Scriba Org. The official URL to access
           CoN is http://www.capnasty.org.

97.06.17 - Happy Birthday CoN
           CoN turns one.

97.06.25 - CoN receives ISSN registration and is officially registered
           with the National Library of Canada as "Capital of Nasty
           Electronic Magazine", receiving the ISSN number 1482-0471

97.07.01 - Readership explosion
           In 48 hours, our readership grows from less than fifty users
           to over 500.

97.09.02 - From Weekly to Bi-weekly
           CoN went from weekly to by-weekly to keep up with what life
           is throwing our way and to increase the quality of the
           material.

97.09.15 - CoN receives it's very first review from E-Slather, an
           online zine whose praise for our monkies and testicles
           made us all shiver with delight.  Their URL:
           http://members.tripod.com/~hardpack/e-capnasty.html 

97.11.25 - CoN receives it's second review from Citi:zen Magazine.
           An online magazine covering the area of Sacramento.
           Their article appears at:
           http://www.citizenmag.com/3.0/3.30/vpoint/states_112897_1.shtml

97.12.09 - Humble and Fred from the Toronto based radio station 102.1
           The Edge named the "Golden Testicle Awards" as their link
           of the week.

  What will 1998 have waiting for us it is still a surprise.  We hope
that we'll manage in continuing our bizarre zine production, and most
of all, to continue receiving the support from our Readership, the
principal reason why CoN is.
  Any comments?  Suggestions?  Please feel free to e-mail us with your
words of wisdom at: con@capnasty.org

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3. "I have this on a poster on my wall"
   by Theresa Toth

D E S I D E R A T A

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what place there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
Even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
For always there will be greater and
lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career,
however humble, it is a real possession
in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
Many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection. 
Neither be cynical about love;
For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
It is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to
shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
WHATEVER YOU CONCEIVE HIM TO BE.
And whatever your labours and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, 
Keep peace in your soul.
With all it's sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

"T H I N K"

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4. Happy Non Denominational Holidays!!
    by IMPROV

I'm not racist, but I do have a serious problem with certain
Jewish folk cashing in on the holidays. Now, I'm not even going
to touch the Christmas Blow-out Sales at certain Non-Christian
owned stores. What I am going to get into is the entertainment
industry, more specifically, singers of the Hebrew faith
releasing Christmas albums. The most prominent two are A Neil
Diamond Christmas, and Kenny G's Holiday Album. Lets just forget
the fact that the former hasn't had a decent release since Sweet
Caroline and that Kenny G hasn't had a good song since... well...
let's just put it this way: John Tesh seems like a talent guru
when the two are compared! Forget all of that, and lets just
concentrate on this: THEY DO NOT CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS. (For those
of you who don't know, Christmas is the annual celebration of the
birth of Jesus Christ. Christ being the "messiah" that, with the
exception of Jews for Jesus, do not accept as the saviour.) Now
that we got that clear, am I the only one who has a problem with
Kenny G wailing out Silent Night? Y'know the song about the night
Christ was born!!! This is the guy that the Jews killed!!! I mean
let's be serious here, how often do you see crappy Christian
performers releasing a Hanuka C.D.? And it's a pretty safe bet
that you're not going to hear any Muslim Carollers in the Holy
Land any time soon. Now I know this will spurn some sort of Anti-
Semitic outrage, but it's not like my name is Ernst and I have my
own Web Site dedicated to trying to prove that the holocaust
never happened. Next year I think that I'll release a Rosh a
Shona video, or maybe a Pay Per View...

Happy Non Denominational Holidays!!

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5. McAfee-Question : Is Windows a virus? 

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 

1. They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. 

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
   as the do so - okay Windows does that. 

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay
   Windows does that too. 

4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable
   programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too. 

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system too slow
   (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows,
   too. 

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
differences. Viruses are well supported by their autors, are running
on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and
they tend to become more sophisticated as ther mature. So Windows is
not a virus. 

It's a bug.

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/7444/WINVIRUS.html

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CoN would not be possible without the great help of Scriba Org.

Gs are for goats and that's good enough for me...

Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine    "media you can abuse"
In memory of Father Ross "Padre" Legere
Published every second Monday (or when we get around it)
Disclaimer: unintentionally offensive
Comments, queries and submissions are welcome

http://www.capnasty.org  ISSN 1482-0471

A bi-weekly electronic journal. Subscriptions available at no cost
electronically.


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Brought to you by C.C.C.P. (Collective Communist Computing Proletariat)
Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro          Colin Barrett
<leandro@capnasty.org>            <tyrannis@capnasty.org>


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