Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume II, Issue 4, Year AD MCMXCVII
Monday, January 27th, 1997


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"Never think that maybe you're boring... just that everyone else, well, not everyone, but a lot of people are just fucking crazy as hell..." 
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<quote>
We dedicate this issue to Internex Online (io.org), Toronto's first ISP, which officially shutdown last Friday, despite its poor technical support and lengthy downtimes over the years. 
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Internex Offline 
AOHell 
hearthacke 
Hacker Barbie 

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<article>
1. Internex Offline

by Colin Barrett

Today, we release this eulogy in memorial of a milestone in Toronto's Internet community. Last Friday, January 24, Toronto's first Internet Service Provider for individuals, Internex Online, officially ceased to exist. Internex's parent company, ACCTel Enterprises, decided to close Internex and transfer all of its users to Internet Canada, another provider ACCTel acquired in May, 1996.

  When Internex Online received their first call in 1993, talk about the Internet was little, and, for most, bulletin board systems and online services were the only telecommunication venues, as dedicated Internet connections were very expensive. There wasn't the hype there is today about the Information Superhighway or "the Net." Internex, however, quickly became a very affordable means for Torontonians to get connected.

  Over the years, io developed a unique character as the place for hardcore UNIX geeks and Toronto Internet culture. A number of newspapers and radio stations had their first email addresses with io. Internex started io.Community, a program that gave charities free webspace. There were also regular io meets. As Internet popularity grew, Internex could not keep up with the demand. Internex paid for telephone lines that weren't connected to computers so users wouldn't hear busy signals.

  On November 8, 1995, however, users heard "This line is no longer in service" from every phone line leading into Internex, including voice support. Internex could no longer pay the bills. Partly as a result of poor management, io was out of business, and eight thousand people were without Internet access.

  This eulogy was almost written that November if Greenlight Communications didn't step in and purchase Internex. Greenlight already owned a provider, Internet Canada (or ICAN), and so any new users would sign up with them. Internex's rates were grandfathered, and its users kept their io.org address.

  Running two providers in this fashion may not be financially sensible to some, and it wasn't to ACCTel Enterprises which eventually purchased ICAN and, along with it, the burden of Internex. Late last December, system administrators notified five thousand io customers that they had to register new userids with ICAN by January 24, 1997.

  This marks the end of Internex Online and a very brief era in Toronto's Internet history. Since Internex's first signs of falling in 1995, the Internet business in T.O. has become more competitive, with large corporations like Rogers cable, Bell Canada's Sympatico, Netcom and ACCTel slowly encroaching on smaller Internet communities.

  Internex Online July 1, 1993. Internex offline January 24, 1997.
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  -- Colin Barrett <blonde@io.org>

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2. AOHell

by Lilith DemHareIs <damian@ois.com.au>

Never in the history of the Internet has there been a larger collection of perpetual newbies than America Online (AOL). How do they do this? Easy. First, AOL is populated by Americans. Second, because of this, AOL has to make its software *extremely* user friendly. That way, any idiot can use it efficiently. (And third, many do.)

  Until a few years ago, AOL did not have a gateway to the rest of the Internet. They were happy in their little universe, with their chat rooms, and games, and other droll activities. Life was simple, life was good. It was one big party for AOLers. Then, they discovered the Rest Of The World.

  The Rest Of The World was not prepared for the saccharine bounciness of America Online.

"*boingie* Hi! My name is tribble@aol.com and I like Startrek. Do you like it too?" 

Unfortunately, no, if I'm reading this in rec.pets.iguanas.

  It wouldn't be so bad if they had come to alt.startrek.discussion to talk about the parallels between classic Trek and Cold War America. I can respect that. But the shame is that America Onliners are completely unprepared for Reality Online. Whereas Internet users are primarily university students, business professionals and technology gurus, AOL has a higher percentage of teenagers, housewives, and bluecollars who believe they will go the way of the passenger pigeon if they aren't on the "Information Superhighway." (This is Propaganda's fault.) These are the people that CS and English majors have for lunch.

  AOLers just aren't ready for the Net. They fall prey to, and virally propagate those Make Money Fast chain letters. Don't they have those things on their planet? Apparently not, for they seem to enjoy the novelty throughout Usenet.

  Being Americans, they firmly believe in "freedom of speech". Unfortunately, many of them interpret this to mean that they can say whatever they want, then get offended if anyone contradicts them. Many avoidable flame wars have started this way. Many AOLers have not learned that just because a newsgroup is called alt.fan.Bob.Q.Dinkelmeyer means that everyone there is a fan of Bob's.

  Because of their late entry into the Net, AOLers have not had the opportunity to learn the Classic Lessons. Those of us old enough to remember the infamous Green Card Lottery do not make similar mistakes ourselves. AOLers don't know any better. I frequently receive email advertising of the same nature from the mail suffix aol.com. 

  America Online has a long way to go before the majority of its users are net-savvy enough to survive, much less be accepted by the rest of the Internet. Until then, perhaps we should consider ourselves lucky they have not yet discovered IRC.

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3. hearthacke

 by Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro <rakam@io.org>

The reason this week's issue has been delayed, and sent out now, instead of the usual 0:01 AM deadline, is because of me. I started four articles and didn't finish one, so this week, instead of dolphins and assorted animals, I'll blabber and complain about something else: hearthackes.

  This is a terrible disease, which unlike heart attacks that could either prove fatal or painful for a certain amount of time, it grows like a cancer, it feels like a cramp. You get used to the pain, and as soon as you do, the pain grows another notch stronger. What is this illness caused by? While this is nothing scientific, it is simply an attraction which develops for someone else. This is not to be confused with love, which happens as soon as you see a person (although I'm sure in this case a certain degree of physical attraction does develop, for the beauty seen within is portrayed in the person's features -- especially the eyes).

  Hearthacke is very similar to platonic love, even if the feelings in the latter are there from the start. In hearthackes you slowly learn to love the person as you start to know them better. Just like a puzzle, and as each piece is discovered and placed, the image that is revealed in front of us becomes each time more beautiful.

  And then the pain starts.

  The friendship seems like a limitation. The other person has no problems and sends no signals, while your feelings about them which have just been awaked are incredibly strong. But they still are your friends; a person you've been joking around and done things with, much like a brother or a sister. This is a common mistake, the one of confusing a good friendship for something more. And if you try to make it something more, at times you end up ruining the friendship completely.

  There isn't much you can do in this case, other then relaxing and getting a few things straight in your head. What you are calling love, could just be a deep care you have for them and you are mis-interpreting it. If you think it's necessary to tell them how you feel, be prepared that they will not feel the same way, and that your beautiful friendship might be forever shattered. Some people tend to run away when they find out how their friend feels for them.

  Enjoy what you have: the friendship. From it you will learn many important things for an eventual partner in your life. There is no use for desperation and crying. They will only make you tense, and push the other person away, since you are not able to make them feel comfortable anymore.

  Even if you might feel that you are lying in a bush of thorns, remember that roses have thorns as well. And if they are meant to be roses, one day they will bloom.

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Hacker Barbie

courtesy of Peter Fung <alpha1@pathcom.com>

LA, California -- Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the "Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The aim of these dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are numerophobic, computer-illiterate, and academically challenged.

  This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own X-terminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell" series. The Barbie clothing includes a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans. Accessories include a Casio all-purpose watch, and glasses with lenses thick enough to set ants on fire. (Pocket protectors and HP calculators optional.)

  The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen without blinking her eyes and to go without eating or drinking for 16 hours straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of technical terms such as "What's your Internet address?", "I like TCP/IP!", "Bummer! Your kernel must have gotten trashed," "Can't you grep that file?", and "DEC's Alpha AXP is awesome!"

  "We are very excited about this product," said Ken Olsen, Marketing Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage incurred by the mathophobic Barbie." (A year ago, Mattel released Barbie dolls that say, "Math is hard," with a condescending companion Ken.) The Hacker Barbie's Ken is an incompetent management consultant who frequently asks Barbie for help.

  The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of Barbie dolls. Naomi Falodji says, "I believe that these new dolls will finally terminate the notion that womyn are inherently inferior when it comes to mathematics and the sciences. However, I feel that Ken's hierarchical superiority would simply reinforce the patriarchy and oppress the masses." Mattel made no comment.

  Parents, however, are worried that they will fall behind the children technologically when the Hacker Barbie comes out. "My daughter Jenny plays with the prototype Hacker Barbie for two days," says Mrs. Mary Carlson of rural Oxford, Mississippi, "and now she pays my credit card bill online. Got no idea how she does it, but she surely does it. I just don't wanna be looked upon as some dumb mama." Mattel will be offering free training courses for those who purchase the Hacker Barbie.

  The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to deal with the complex aspects of Barbie. "Hacker Barbie Goes to Jail" will teach computer ethics to youngsters, while "BARBIE RITES L1KE BIFF!!!" will serve as an introduction to expository writing.

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