Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume II, Issue 14, Year AD MCMXCVII
Monday, April 7th, 1997
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> Now I have to convince her to write for CoN.  Yeah, that's it.

Sounds like you are trying to get her to drink Kool Aid laced with
poison.  Eh, Jimmy?

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- Much to Nike's chagrin, Nike factory officials in Vietnam marked
International Women's Day by severely discipling 56 women for not
wearing regulation shoes to work. The women were forced outside and
made to run around the factory in the hot sun, where a dozen
eventually collapsed. . . . . . Nike - dependent on the cheap labor - 
is dealing with foreign sweatshop stories as a public relations
problem. They've hired former UN rep Andrew Young as spokesman.
                                                (marxidad@ifront.com)
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1.      Readers' Letters
2.      Reader's Poll.
3.      Cows from Heaven?
4.      Daylight Time Savings

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This week's Golden Testicle Web Award goes to:

http://confused.ume.maine.edu/~tjones/elvis.htm
for having the "Dress Elvis cut out doll".

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1.      Readers' Letters

From: "Hammed Malik" <hammedm@ifront.com>
To: "CoN Editorial" <con@capnasty.org>
Subject: Re: Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine II.13
Date: Wed, 2 Apr 1997 09:14:42 -0500

> 	B.    Da krauts das gut.

Leandro, I have an idea!  (oh no...)  Why don't you take the English
version of CON, transmorgify it into German and then use the same program
to turn it back to English.  I wonder what that would look like.

> 	I'd like to know who is the guy that can't aim in the toilet.

You talking about the washroom at work right?  I swear if I catch that
bastard who ruined my lunch the other day I'll kick the shit out of him.
I walk into the stall and I almost threw up...piss all over the place.
Piss soaked toilet paper dangling from the seat.  Piss on the floor...
Actually if I catch that guy, I'll make him sit on the seat and take a
dump without wiping the seat first.  You gotta wonder what the guy is
thinking...that he'll never have to sit on the same pissed covered seat.
Really glad they got those seat covers.  Really though, I don't understand 
why they don't just use their foot to put the seat up if they've got
crooked dicks.


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2.      Reader's Poll.
                by Alessia Roettinger <alexis.roettinger@yale.edu>

Ok, I have a little reader's poll:
What do you all think of tongue piercing? Or piercing in general?
Sexy or not?

---
Send your answers and comments to CoN Editorial <con@capnasty.org>
by pressing reply and writing what you think.
Responses will be made public unless the writer specifies differently.

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3.      Cows from heaven?
                by Arbi A.(arbia@ifront.com)

Earlier this year, the dazed crew of a Japanese Trawler was plucked out
of the Sea of Japan clinging to the wreckage of their sunken ship.
Their rescue, however, was followed by immediate imprisonment once
authorities questioned the sailors on their ship's loss. To a man they
claimed that a cow, falling out of a clear blue sky, had struck the
trawler amidships, shattering it's hull and sinking the vessel within
minutes.

They remained in prison for several weeks, until the Russian Air Force
reluctantly informed Japanese authorities that the crew of one of its
cargo planes had apparently stolen a cow wandering at the edge of a
Siberian airfield, forced the cow into the plane's hold and hastily
taken off for home.

Unprepared for live cargo, the Russian crew was ill-equipped to manage
a now rampaging cow within its hold.  To save the aircraft and
themselves, they shoved the animal out of the cargo hold as they
crossed the Sea of Japan at an altitude of 30,000 feet.

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4.      Daylight Time Savings
                by Leandro (leandro@capnasty.org)

 It was a late Saturday night, and I had just gotten home.  It wasn't that
late, just passed 1 in the morning.  I turn on the computer for a quick
check at my e-mail, and Windows '95 kindly pops up with a window informing
me that daylight time savings had occurred, and why not, it will change my
computer's time to 2 AM.  Suddenly from "not so late" the situation
switched to "late".  Considering that I had to get up the next morning
at 7 to go to work, the "late" suddenly became an "extremely late" so I
quickly checked my mail and went to sleep.   Actually, I got a busy 
signal, waited another 15 minutes, and then finally decided to go to 
sleep, not after doing a few other things.

 I managed to get to the store, and to my surprise everyone was there.
Or at least, everyone that mattered.  Half the cashiers arrived an hour
late, the customers didn't even bother to show up.  With a bit of that
stuff that the Coffee Shop dares to call coffee, I managed to wake myself
up, although my body was refusing any type of co-operation.  The
following syntoms are usually visible when there is a high degree of
lack of sleep:
- Inability to construct coherent sentences.
- Being a gibbering idiot.. or at least, more then usual.
- Sudden memory loss.  No one seems to remember where the dairy is
  although one of the clerks (we don't know who) is probably working
  on it as we speak.
- The lack of energy in doing just about anything in the store.
- It takes a good half hour to remember what was the last thing
  that one is supposed to do.  Once finally found, it takes
  another half an hour to tackle the situation ("should I fill the
  eggs first, or first the milk?").
- No one is able to laugh (or at least pretend to) or be a bit
  diplomatic when a customer says the usual phrase "working hard, eh?".

 Daylight Time Savings are an incredible torture.  They take an hour of
your sleep away just so that you can get an extra hour of daylight.
Already I sleep very little because I can't tell myself to stop what I am
doing, and you take an hour away from the little sleep I get?
I think that they should add an hour each day, so we get to sleep an
hour more each day.  Every night we move the clocks one hour behind,
waking up the next morning more relaxed and more productive.  Who cares
if I wake up one morning and it's actually 4 in the morning.  My body
will think it's 7AM anyway, I'll be more energetic, and really, if you
think about it it makes not much of a difference: I can't see the light
of the day when I'm in the office anyway.

---

A quick notion why Word for Windows '97 sucks: The word Daylight Time
Savings.  First Windows tells me that Time Savings should be written
"TimeSavings", so I correct it.  A red squiggly line replaces the green 
one to inform me that it should instead be written as "timesavings".  So 
I correct it.  I start typing again, when another red squiggly line
appears under that word.  It wants me to remove the 's' and change the word to "timesaving".  Again, I do that.  The sentence therefore had 
mutated to "Daylight timesaving are ..." and I'm thinking that this 
time I finally got it right.  But Word still had something to say.  It 
informs me with a green line that "timesaving are" should be "timesaving 
is" or "timesavingS are": so I pick the latter.  Word is finally happy for 
a minute when another red line suddenly appears saying that it should be 
"timesaving" and not "timesavings"... software paradoxes...

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