Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume II, Issue 29, Year AD MCMXCVII
Monday, July 21th, 1997
ISSN 1482-0471
-------------------------------------------

NOTE: We apologize for the tremendous delay of this
issue but unfortunately we have experienced server
problems, in part due to Internic, and in part due
to the fact we were away.  Thank you for your patience
and understanding.

-------------------------------------------

The Russian Space Authority launched an unmanned supply ship, Progress
M-35, with materials for repairing space station Mir. Progress M-35 is
scheduled to collide with Mir on Monday.

-------------------------------------------

From the San Diego Union Tribune  
  
"The classically trained among us might have noted that a new TV ad 
for Microsoft's Internet Explorer e-mail program uses the musical 
theme of the "Confutatis Maledictis" from Wolfgang Mozart's Requiem. 
  
" 'Where do you want to go today?' is the cheery line on the screen. 
Meanwhile, the chorus sings 'Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus 
addictis' which means 'The damned and accursed are convicted 
to flames of hell.' 
                   courtesy of Summer Scarborough

-------------------------------------------

1.     Editorial
2.     LUV
3.     Burnin' Barney
4.     REVIEWS: Face-Off

-------------------------------------------

 This week's Golden Testicle Web Award goes to:

Did you ever get those weird dialouge boxes from Windows?
These are truly spectacular.

 http://www.flash.net/~astor/funny/weird.html

-------------------------------------------

1.     Editorial
           by Leandro+

     I usually rarely write editorials, but this week there are a
bunch of events that are going to happen (or happened) which, you
could say, are kind of important.  First of all, on July 19th it was
my birthday.  I am now officially a year older and to the law of
Canada, an adult.

Special Thanks

     Thank you to everyone that knew who sent me cards, called or
sent me e-mails.  My girlfriend went insane and had several bears,
flowers and other stuff delivered =)

     I would also like to thank everyone that wrote back in regards
of the multi-cultural relationships.  The response was so great, that
Colin and I had been considering putting a message board on our
homepage to allow people to discuss topics covered in CoN.

     Also, special thanks go to Rui "Tomahawk" Motta for pointing out
an error in our mailing script.  Our Reply-to: field was mispelled.

Montreal (Quebec, CA)

     With the editor of Spontaneously Combusted Literature, who is the
same person that has kindly provided space for CoN, we decided to make
an attempt at spreading our profound beliefs that we can make the world
better.  With that excuse we can try getting a few more hits on our
pages, and some more readers involved in our propagation.  Again, there
is no money in this for us, in fact we are using our own money and time.
We just want to do it for the fun of it, and to see parts of a province
we live in and we've never seen.
     It is probably embarassing to say that I've seen more of the US,
Europe and the Middle East, then I've seen of Canada.

     Gard, myself and most probably a third party from the newspaper
Toronto Sun will arrive in Montreal (each one of us on a different
date.. unfortunately we have to work in life as well).  I am scheduled
to arrive on Monday, July 21st, at night.  I'm not sure about my
accomodations yet, but it was theoretically the Reine Elizabeth
(The Queen Elizabeth) Hotel.  Last I heard from Gard, it was packed.
On Wednesday, all of us will hop on our bicycles and start the long
journey back to Toronto, stopping at Kingston for the night.  Our
trip is 500KM, we are expecting an average of 250KM per day.  We
expect to be somewhere near-by Toronto by Thursday night.

"Ontario: Yours To Discover"

    Kind of ironic, that phrase is written on every car's licence plate,
and that's exactly what we are going to do. Explore Ontario, and with
Gard's excellent photography, probably put up a web page on Scriba Org
to show the great things we saw along the way.  Just to mention a
weird one, "The Lake on the Mountain" is a lake that is 100 feet high
on an island on Lake Ontario!  This oddity is near Kingston.

TVOntario, CityTv, Canadian Broadcasting Corporation

     We are going to try to get some coverage from the media, so that
we can show the rest of Ontario what we did, and the amazing things
that are there to be seen.  We wrote a brief, yet weird letter to
CityTv for their Media Television program (See: "Mission: somewhat
plausible"), but we got no replies.  This comes to a surprise to us,
since when both Gard and I wrote to them, we always got a response back.
For TVOntario and CBC we are still trying to get in contact.

Mission: somewhat plausible
     by Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro & Gard E Abrahamsen 

    This is the letter that Gard and myself wrote to CityTv:

"Dear MediaTV/CityTV,

We are a Toronto-based non-profit non-organiztion called Scriba Org,
dedicated to making a better world (according to OUR standards).
Please don't delete this email just yet. ;^) 
  Since we thrive in cool places with hot chick... I mean an
electronic world, and we know that your show deals with various forms
of media, including the Internet, we were wondering if we would be
even remotely likely to appear on a brief (but still more than 2
seconds) snip of your incredibly fantastic *smooch* *smooch* program.
(No, we're not kissing up. It just looks like it. Indeed it does.
You're right. It's a bit over the top. Strike the *smooch* bit.)
Currently we offer two online magazines (Spontaneously Combusted
Literature and Capital of Nasty), soon to become four (add ST News and
Twilight World), a software research and development department
(Scriba Labs), and many other cool things (such as my poetry
collection. Want to buy a copy?). ;^) 
  This probably sounds like a potato salad, and you have probably seen
mars probes full of requests like this, but we are real. Please, Moses
Znaimer, if you're reading this (and chances are you're not), why not
give us a try and join the more than 600 readers who enjoy the stuff
we're made of. Our web site is located at http://www.scriba.org/
  Please, please, please, (put on Jim Carrey mask) plluheeaaaasseee
(ok, stop imitating him, it's irritating enough with one Jim Carrey in
the world as it is) let us know even if it is a no. Just don't leave
us lingering. We need to know before we go to Montreal to spit at
French bagels and pedal for our lives back to Toronto.
  Oh, ok. You got this far? Wow! Now, anyways, you can delete this
email, or it will self destruct in 20 seconds. Bye.

    Jurassic Gard (gard@scriba.org - http://www.scriba.org/~gard/)
and Leanderthal (leandro@scriba.org - http://www.scriba.org/~leandro/)
for a dead cow is a friendly cow (we can explain later)"

-------------------------------------------

2.     LUV
          by IMPROV


	Okay...I admit it...I’m in love.  Yes, this is the same guy who
just a few issues ago was complaining about all the women of the world
being in the wrong place (namely with assholes). But at that time I was
still distraught over my now EX (who by the way broke up with me and in the
process made a very tasty milkshake with my heart by placing it in a blender
and pressing "Frappe").

	And yes this is the same guy who last week was making lewd comments
on the appropriateness of women’s undergarments and the relation of the
price and size of said undergarment.

	We all are allowed a sensitive side, and even those of us who walk
the critical rim of life do possess such a side.
	It’s weird, when you know you are in love but are afraid to admit
it...its a kinda denial stage I guess.  I’m not saying there should be a
seven step program on how to deal with being and love, but its different
everytime.
	Take me for example, I’ve been in love twice before and each time
its been totally different.
	My first love took place when I was fourteen (most of you are
saying, "that’s not love...it’s puppy love"), well it lasted five years.
Five LONG years, but it lasted.  We started too young and changed too much
as we grew.  The trials and tribulations of puberty, aren’t they grand?  I
broke it off and now three years later she’s getting married (I wonder if
I’ll get an invite?).
	My second love was much different from the first, but no less
important, it was six months after the FIVE YEAR "learning experience".
	I met and started dating a much younger girl...how much younger you
ask???
	Let’s just say it wasn’t legal...but I’m no pedophile and well,
frankly I don’t feel the need to justify my actions to any one but myself...
and her parents...and the D.A....and the judge....my parole officer, can’t
forget the parole officer...and the media...my followers...and all of my
posse. (Sorry couldn’t stay serious for too long!) Well, without giving an
entire history I was in love, as was she but the whole age thing came into
play and I was holding her back, a line many straight laced guys such as
myself have heard far too many times, I’m sure.
	Back to the subject at hand: I’M IN LOVE.  I’ve just completed step
two...now on to step three: tell her!  Maybe I’ll just let her read this
and she can put it together herself.  Too easy.  We’ve known each other
for three or four years now, but have only been good friends for about two.
I’ve always said that if there were no other significant others in our lives
that we’d make a good couple.  Of course I never said this to her!!  But I
think for the first time in the history of relationships two people who
were meant for each other are together.
	Allow me to explain:  If this was a common experience then I’d be
single and she’d be tied up in some dead end relationship with some loser.
Then I’d give up on waiting, start seeing some other person, out of sheer
loneliness, and she’d free herself of the earlier mentioned loser.  This
process would continue until we both get married to the wrong people and
either die unhappy or become a divorce statistic. But that’s not going to
happen...
	...mind you I could be the above mentioned loser.

-------------------------------------------
3.     Burnin' Barney
        courtesy of Peter Steen (where no Sheep has been!)

TV's 'Barney' Swallows Smoke In Filming Accident

DALLAS (Reuter) - An actor playing "Barney," the purple dinosaur loved
by millions of children, suffered smoke inhalation when a cooling fan
inside the 60-pound suit shorted out during filming of the TV show,
officials said Wednesday. 

There was no fire, but the actor inhaled smoke as he tried to get out
of the suit at a Dallas studio Tuesday, said Susan Elsner, a
spokeswoman for Lyrick Studios and The Lyons Group, which created and
produces the hugely popular children's show "Barney & Friends." 

She said the actor, who was not named, inhaled a "slight amount of
smoke" but was released after a routine examination. 

Once the incident was reported on television, scores of anxious
parents called to say their children were worried their favorite
dinosaur had been burned or, worse still, was a fake. 

"It can be really devastating to a 3-year-old," Elsner said. "They
love Barney and they think that something terrible has happened to
him, or that it's not real." 

"Barney & Friends" airs on the Public Broadcasting System and is a
top-ranking program for children under age 6. It appears in 30
countries across six continents. 

Elsner said Tuesday's incident came as the cast was filming shows for
the fall season. 

-------------------------------------------

4.     REVIEWS: Face-Off

Face-Off, by Leandro+

     I'll start this review by saying that if you haven't seen this
movie yet, do yourself a favor: don't.  Although my girlfriend thought
this was a great flick, I personally had to control myself from not
having a seizure.  If the movie was a subway train, each time the
movie hit a slow spot, it felt as if the subway went to a grinding
halt.  Thank Goodness my body was not thrown against the screen each
time, or I think there would have been very little pulp left of me,
by the end of the movie.

     Starring John Travolta as an histerical FBI agent, who's life
is devoted in catching Nicholas Cage as a bad-ass criminal (Chester
Troy) who in an attempt to kill Travolta, managed to shot his son as
well.  Travolta, of course, got pissed.  Chester Troy is captured
after an extremely boring shoot out at the airport, and goes into a
coma. Everyone is happy, Travolta can finally promise his wife that
he will be home, be less of an histerical dad, and who knows, might
even be a chance that she gets lucky.

     Suddenly everyone goes "oh no, we've got a bomb!" so what do they
do? Since Travolta knows his enemy so well (he has been chasing him for
the past 6 years anyway), through the magic of moderm science(fiction)
they take his face off (get it? Face-off? haha..whatever), and plaster
on the one of Chester Troy.  Since everyone thinks that Chester is
going to stay in coma, Chester decides to come out of it, puts on
Travolta's face, burns the doctor and the people that knew about the
secret operation, and laughs diabolically at Travolta with Chester
face in jail.

     The rest of the movie is a constant shooting, where a lot of
people get wasted, including civilians this time, with some random
boring parts where they have to talk about family, a dead little
boy and the lame lame lame happy ending.

     If you are looking for action, you might find yourself disappointed
here, since the movie is interrupted too many times by slow scenes
regarding family.  The idea of the face being changed is cool, and it's
funny to hear Travolta making fun of his own chin, although you feel
sorry for Cage since he has to pretend HE IS Travolta.  As of the rest,
I don't know what to make of this story.  If you'll watch it you'll be
rewarded with too many of those jump-fly-sideways and shoot scenes,
scenes of a guy coming out of a car in slow motion with his coat moving
in the wind, Travolta's inability to act at any speed, long boring
scenes dealing with family and of course, scenes of "action" with
people shooting at each other.  Bring a GameBoy.

-------------------------------------------

Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine "media you can abuse"
In memory of Father Ross "Padre" Legere.
Published every monday (or Tuesday)
Disclaimer: unintentionally offensive.
Comments and Queries welcomed.

http://www.capnasty.org/capnasty - ISSN 1482-0471

CoN is a weekly electronic journal/newsletter. Subscriptions are
available at no cost electronically.

CoN is available on Usenet newsgroups: alt.zines, alt.ezines

Or, to subscribe, send a message to join@capnasty.org


Brought to you by C.C.C.P. (Collective Communist Computing Proletariat)
Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro          Colin Barrett
<leandro@capnasty.org>            <tyrannis@capnasty.org>

ZimID 708EC8D1  1994/09/14 EC B0 97 59 1D FE 7C 32  7E 04 2C 66 47 41 FB 7D

-- End --
