   __________       /\   ______________   _________
  / ________/      /  \  \_____  _____/  /  ______/
 / /        ______/ /\ \______ | |       \  \_____
/ /         \____  ____  ____/ | |        \______ \
\ \__________   / /    \ \     | |        _______\ \
 \__________/ O \/      \/  O  \_/    O   \_________\ O
The Canadian Anarchy Technology Society Presents...

       ______         _________ _______ /|             /|
      / _____\    /\  \__   __//  ____/| |            | |
     | |         /  \    | |  /  /____ | | ____  ____ | |
     | |        / /\ \   | | /_____  / | |/__  |/ __/ | |___
     | |_____  / /__\ \  | | _____/ /  | | _/_ |\__ \ |  __ \
     \_______\/ /    \ \ \ //______/   \ //_/_\|/___/ | |  | |
              \/      \/  \|            \|            \/   \/

           |\  /|  ---  ---    ---  ---  | |\  | ---- 
           | \/ | |___||  __  |___|  /   | | \ | |_
           |    | |   ||___|  |   | /__  | |  \| |___

                           Issue 9 
                         April, 1997
                  Edmonton, Alberta,Canada
         http://members.tripod.com/~catslash/index.html
              E-mail:catslash@anarchy-online.com
             or call Bethlehem at: (403)477-2351
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is our April issue! It has been long awaited by some, as this 
issue contains no real useful files. These files are created to be 
funny to all the anarchists out there. Ok, so it was a pretty good 
idea then. But hey, its here now, so what the hell.

It would be also good to know that trying stuff in this issue could 
KILL you, as it is untested and probably dangerous.

So, which files are real? Files #1 (This file) and everything after 
the Top Ten (File 6).

Even so, I have posted idiot warnings on top of the files, so that
the faggets who don't read my intros figure it out.

So, on with the April Fools issue.... Have Phun :-)...
_____________________________________________________________________
|                         CATSlash Contents                         |
|                           - Issue  # -                            |
|___________________________________________________________________|
|1. Intro                              By: Bungie                   |
|2. The Hell Box                       By: Bungie                   |
|3. The Tale of Poison Ice's Computer  By: Poison Ice               |
|4. A Cool Bomb                        By: Bungie                   |
|5. Connection Corner                  By: Poison Ice               |
|6. Catslash Top Ten                   By: Poison Ice               |
|6. Other CATSlash Info                                             |
|___________________________________________________________________|

We are user supported, so feel free to send in any articles you deem
suitable for this magazine. Make sure to include your alias, so we 
can place your name in the file's intro. If you are interested in 
becoming a full time CATSlash writer, send us a letter saying you 
want to do so, and we will include you in the best 403 magazine you 
can write for! To E-mail comments, articles, questions (relating to
H/P/A), Connection Corner info or whatever else send to: 
catslash@anarchy-online.com
or call Bethlehem (403)477-2351 and mail Bungie or Poison Ice.
_____________________________________________________________________


          CATSlash April Fool's issue - This is not real!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
\                            THe HeLL bOx                           /
 \                            By: Bungie                           /
  \___________CATSlash Magazine - Issue 9, April 1997_____________/ 
              '''''''''''''''File #2 of 6''''''''''''
                             ''''''''''''

oK PeePle, jUSt BeCAuse I'M sTOneD OuT oF mY MiND iS no ReEsIn i 
CAn'T RiTE tHIs ARtIclE...On THe gRATesT bOx In tHE WUrlD... ThE hELL 
BOx!1!!!1! I MAdE IT MySElf AFteR A PaRTy anD DeSiDed TO ShARe tHE 
InFUrmaTiOn.

THiS BoX iS veRy pOWerFUl. OnLEe UsE iT wHeN yOU aRE VeRy maD aT tHe 
FOne CUmpAny, FoR D0OinG sTUfF LIkE RAIsInG tHE fONe bILL or 
ARresTIng P0IsoN IcE oR SUmeThInG LiKE ThAT. THiS iS S0 POweRFuL, IT 
CaN:
1. DEsTrOY ALL tHe PHoNe SerVicE IN yUr ArEA.
2. SEEzE aLL ThE F0Ne LInES
3. MeLT PAYpHoNeS
4. ELecTroCUTe YoUR DOg

ANd ThaT Is OnLy HAff 0F thE THiNGs I KAn ThINk OF. Ok, s0 LetS Lo0K 
aT WhUt PaRTs wE NEEd...

PArTS
##3#3#

1. eXTenSiUN COrd
2. OnE F0Ne JAcK
3. aLLigAtUr CLipS
4. A 220 VOlT OUtLet (LoOk BeHInd YuR StOve, FReeZer, DryER, 
   ComPreSSER anD PlaCes LIkE ThAt).
5. WiRE
6. A SiX PacK or T0
7. SuM GoOd MUsiC To LIstEN Too. (MeTAL AnD OnLIe MeTAL!!)

InSTrUCShIns
####33###3###

CuT ThE ENds OfF Of THe ExTENsiUN COrD. ATTacH ThE AllIGAt0R CLipS 
ToO ThE WirES On WuN enD. AftUr ThaT, DrINk OnE CAn FROM ThE SIx PaK. 
HeLL, DRinK ThEM ALL, WHat R wE SavINg ThEm FOr? NOw THAt wE DrANk 
AlL tHe BEEr, LetS GeT BAk tWo ThE JoB. OpUn Up ThE FOnE JacK WitH A 
ScREwDRiVer. U WiLL SEa FOur WiReZ. REd, GrEAn, YEllOW, BLacK. If u 
SeE JuSt BlACk, TeRN On ThE LiTes.

NoW, CUt anD StrIp ThE red ANd GrEeN wireZ. AttAcH ThE ExTenSHun CoRd 
WitH tHE AlliGaTUR CLipS T0 ThE REd ANd GrEEn FOnE WIRes. NoW, YoU 
MusT Go To ThE VEndERs (LiKeR STorE) AnD BuY MoR BeER. If U WAnT, U 
CaN JuST ROb thE StOre ANd GeT LoTS Of bEEr. WHilE YoU ARe At IT, ROb 
ThE SeVEn EleVeN AnD StOCk Up On CIGareTTes T00.

NoW We R REAdy tO COntInUe. TUrN On THe MUsiC. NOw FiND ThE 220V 
OuTLET. ONce YOu FinD WhaT iT iS C0NnECTed Too, SHuT oFF ItS BreAkER. 
ITs BReaker WIll Be IN A mETaL PanEL On YoUr WaLL, PrOBably In YuR 
BasEMenT. It WiLL HaV SwITchES InSIDe. FiGurE OuT ThE WRiTe WuN AnD 
ShUt It OFf. iF U CAn'T FiNd the RiTE BrAKeR, TheN sHUt theM ALL OfF, 
ANd JuST USe a FLaShliTe aNd A BaTTerY PoWeREd tApe/cD PlAyR.

TaKE thE OTheR EnD oF tHe EXtenShUN CoRD, aNd PLuG thE WIRes INto ThE 
22O OuTLeT. THeN Go ANd TuRN ThE BReaKeRS BAcK on.

HAHahaHahA. YoU HAVe JusT SCREweD uP yOuR WhOlE BL0kS FOnE SeRViCe!
ThE PhoNEs WiLL RInG AnD rIng. ThE PhoNEs iN YoR HouSe MigHt EvEN 
mELT OfFa ThE WaLL!

WEll, N0w ThAT ThAT's DuN, RUN! TeLUs Is GoNNa bE PrETty FuCkIng 
PiSseD ofF aT YoU! AnD TeLlInG ThEM "ApRiL F0oLs' IsnT GoNnA cUt iT.
O wElL, HaVE A PhUn ApRiL FoOlS!


             CATSlash April Fool's issue - This is not real!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
\                  The Tale of Poison Ice's Computer                /
 \                           By: Poison Ice                        /
  \___________CATSlash Magazine - Issue 9, April 1997_____________/ 
              '''''''''''''''File #3 of 6''''''''''''
                             ''''''''''''

The tale of Poison ice's computer is a tale that spans centuries, but 
takes place now, even though it is now being written on a mac, it is 
still accurate in detail, and now without a hitch the story is 
brought to you by the good people at catslash magazine. now to the 
story.... 


        It was a full moon when it became time to transfer the articles to 
catslash studios, so it was time to turn on the computer (if you 
could call it that). Both I and bungie were preparing the computer 
for transfer of files when we realized what we needed, A firestaff, a 
lightning wand, a demons head, and the star of rasamind, ajewel of 
untold power. Now you can't just go into IGA and buy these things, 
you have to find these things each and every time you need them 
because they teleport to some unknown place after each use. So we 
were on the trail using the enchanted map to find each of the objects 
required. 

First on the list was the firestaff, it waas said to be inside the  
largest of fire caves inside the mountains, The obsticales were 
harsh, first we had to battle the super deadly fire trolls, who shot 
ice out of their hands (go figure), we attacked using water guns and 
other various c.a.t.s devices, but they werent effected very well, so 
we simply threw down some smoke bombs and ran towards them, we jumped 
over them! Bungie grabed the firestaff and we were on our way, firing 
wristrockets behind us. But  the fire trolls persisted shooting ice 
and throwing rocks, but two wristrockets soon took out the ridges 
above them, they were buried under half a ton of rock, they were 
unstable rocks of course but that isn't important. we had succeeded 
in achieving the recapture of the firestaff now the lightning wand 
was next. 

The second task would prove to be one of the most mentally chalenging 
tasks yet, it  was placet upon the highest point in the land, but 
first we had to get past the maze of the gargoyles, but we were 
pretty lazy that day so we used the firestaff to burn down the entire 
hedge maze, (you don't know how lazy we could get, belive me) 
so we approached the lightning altar, only the really pissed off 
gargoyles behind us, but thanks to the brilliant efforts of poison 
ice the gargoyles ran off wimpering, he had used some bolt bombs, 
those being capable of producing hiigh sound, but anyway to get the 
lightning wand we had to solve the puzzle of the bshanti, but like I 
said we were pretty lazy so we stole the wand and ran but not without 
spray painting c.a.t.s on the alter. 

Fortunatley we already had a gargoyles head so we figured that was 
close enough, we had returned to the computer and started the work we 
had hooked the cauldron to the rock pile, this way we could see what 
we were doing, we were using the star as a paperweight so we had 
everything. We had plugged in the firestaff into the slot when a 
panel had opened, we put the gargoyles head inside the space and it 
closed as suddenly as it opened. "align the runes for the windows 
program" Bungie yelled, when poison aligned them correctly the 
cauldron smoked, it had "ye old windows programme" two minutes later 
we reaaligned the runes and the cauldron said " ye olde terminal 
programme". Poison ice yelled " The time of transference is at hand, 
ahahahahahahahahahha!, complete the transfer!" "We haven't started 
yet dumbass, well start now." replied bungie. as we slammed the 
lightning wand into the slot, a beam had fired from the top of the 
wand and after a few seconds had stopped as all parts glowed and 
teleported away we knew that it was done, my articles were 
completley sent to catslash studios. the mission was over. 

                                 THE END

           CATSlash April Fool's issue - This is not real!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
\                             A cool Bomb!                          /
 \                            By: Bungie                           /
  \___________CATSlash Magazine - Issue 9, April 1997_____________/ 
              '''''''''''''''File #4 of 6''''''''''''
                             ''''''''''''

Ok people, this bomb rocks all other bombs. As a homeade explosive 
this rulez the world! Some of the chemicals you probably will be able 
to get at IDA Drugs or in your school's chem lab.

Ingrediants:
""""""""""""
- Flour
- Dihydrogen Oxide
- Yeast
- Sodium Chloride

This is easy to make. Just mix them all together, and stir. You 
should get a doughy, plastic explosive! Now attch to your school's 
wall, and BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


       CATSlash April Fool's Issue - This is not real news!
      __________
     |  ________|               '''''''''''''''''''''
     | |                        ' CATSlash Magazine '
   __| |_____                   '     Issue #9      '
  |  | |_____|                  '   April, 1997     '
  | || |________                '   File #5 of 6    '
  | ||__________|onnection      '''''''''''''''''''''
  | |                 
  | |________        
  |__________|orner 
                   
   By: Poison Ice and Bungie
_____________________________________________________________________
Hello all you fellow public menaces out there, here is the april 
foolz newz that you can't use. 
_____________________________________________________________________
|           |                  Teachers Eat Souls                   |
|\      /   |========================================================
| \    /    | From victoria The rumor that teachers  are feeding on |
|  \  o __  | the immortal souls of students to keep themselves     |
|   \/||__  | young is uncovered as true, the students whom have    |
|           | been victimized are now hopless zombies doomed to     |
|    Vic:   | forever walk the earth. Info confirmed.               |
|___________|_______________________________________________________|
| _  _   _  |                Teachers Protest for KKK               |
|/_ /   \   |=======================================================|
|\  \  H \  | This month in eastglen, the teachers held a huge      |
| \_ \_ \_\ | protest. They were angry that they were not allowed   |
|           | to wear their KKK uniforms in school, yet are still   |
|  Eastglen:| allowed to practice their techniques. A strike may    |
|           | happen as a result.                                   |
|___________|_______________________________________________________|
| __    __  |                 Cafeteria Food Bad                    |
||  \  /  |_|=======================================================|
||   \/   |_| From Lazerte  The funny taste in the cafeteria has    |
|| |\  /| |_| been discovered to be the missing academy program     |
||_| \/ |_|_| students! don't eat the mystery meat! info confirmed. |
|    | |____|                                                       |
| M.E.\_____|                                                       |
| Lazerte   |                                                       |
|___________|_______________________________________________________|
To give us REAL Conection Corner info, call Bethlehem (403)477-2351 
                          and E-mail Poison Ice.


     CATSlash April Fools Issue - The Top Ten is not Real!
     _________ 
    /___  ___/_____ _____       '''''''''''''''''''''
       / // / ___  / __ \\      ' CATSlash Magazine '
      / // / // / / /_/ //      '    Issue #9       '
     / // / // / / ____//       '   April, 1997!    '
    / // / //_/ / //            '  File #6 of 6     '
   /_//  \_____/_//             '''''''''''''''''''''
  _________
 /___  ___/____       __
    / // / ___//\    / //
   / // / /__ /  \  / //
  / // / ___// /\ \/ //
 / // / /___/ // \  //
/_//  \____/_//   \//

By: Poison Ice
            Top Ten things that CHM could stand For:

10. Continental House of Muffins
 9. Central Haggis Mart - "Your one stop haggis shop!"
 8. Chicken Heart Marketers
 7. Canadian Hoser Militia
 6. Crappy Havok Militia
 5. Cheezy Hairless Monkeys
 4. Club Halfass for Men
 3. Crazy hillbilly Militia
 2. Crippled Hairdressers of Mongolia
 1. Constipated Hippo-sized Mommas boys

=====================================================================
                        Other CATSlash Info:
=====================================================================
Ok, this is where the issue becomes real again...
                           ____________
 /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\Disclaimer/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
<  C.A.T.S or CATSlash Magazine are not responsible for any incid- >
<  ents occuring from this magazine or past issues. This is for    >
<  informational purposes and anything described in these files    >
<  are not meant to be done by the reader. So, if you blow off a   >
<  body part, we aren't reaponsible. You are you!                  >
 \________________________________________________________________/
_____________________________________________________________________
Text issues of CATSlash Magazine at:

"&&&"&& "&&&"&& &&"&&a "&&a && "&&" "&&&"&& "&&& && "&&&"&& "&&&"&&"&a
 &&& &&  &&&    && &&&  &&&e&&  &&   &&&     &&& &&  &&&     &&& && &&
 &&&e&"  &&&e      &&&  &&& &&  &&   &&&e    &&&e&&  &&&e    &&& && &&
 &&& &&  &&&       &&&  &&& &&  &&   &&&     &&& &&  &&&     &&& && &&
 &&& &&  &&&       &&&  &&& &&  &&   &&&     &&& &&  &&&     &&& && &&
e&&&e&" e&&&e&&   e&&" e&&" &&  &&  e&&&e&& e&&& && e&&&e&& e&&" && &&
                                     &&
The official CATSlash            &&&&&&&&&&         Call:    
distribution board!                  &&         (403)477-2351
                                     &&
                         
Files on H/P/A, the Occult, Music and more...
______________________________________________________________________
Catslash is supported by:
 ______________
/              \                    Anarchy Online
       /\       \                  ================
      //\\       |
     //  \\      |      The top source of anarchist information on
----//----\\---------   the web! With full Internet utilities and 
   //      \\    |      gigabytes full of H/P/V/A/C philes!
  //        \\   /
 //          \\ /          Internet: http://anarchy-online.com
\______________/           Telnet: telnet://anarchy-online.com
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
          
   ~CATSlash Magazine is made in Canada!    ~
   ~           /\           ~               ~
   ~        |\/  \/|        ~ __   _        ~_   _    _
   ~        |      |        ~/    /_| |\ |  /_| | \  /_| 
   ~    _/\ |      | /\_    ~\___/  | | \| /~ | |_/ /  |
   ~  _|   \|      |/   |_  ~ __   _   __   ~  __
   ~  \     \      /     /  ~|__\ / \ /   |_/ /_
   ~   \                /   ~|  \ \_/ \__ | \ __/
   ~    \              /    ~               ~
   ~    /_____    _____\    ~               ~
   ~          |  |          ~               ~
   ~          |  |          ~               ~
   ~          |__|          ~               ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
_____________________________________________________________________
 ______________
|       /      |        CATSlash Magazine is made with
|   |  /   |   |        '''''''''Macintosh''''''''''''
|     /        |                 '''''''''
|    /__       |   We also have a Mac version of CATSlash Magazine!
|  \____|___/  |   It comes as an application. Why is this better? 
|_______|______|   because the Mac version comes with pictures,
                   sound, movies, point and click interface plus
   Macs Rule!      all the other things you would expect to find
                   for your Mac. Check our web page for details.
_____________________________________________________________________
That wraps it up! See ya next month for the REAL philes!

- End of Issue -
