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          A                  "Eulogy"                  aNAda #11   A
        A                                                            A
     A                        by Effy                  02/16/00         A
 A                                                                          A
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	My dearest friends...

	It was a short life for this poor woman.  She only lived 18 years on
 this earth, but she saw too much, felt too much.  She took her own life.
 This could possibly be one of the hardest things that we will ever go
 through.  Oh... God... excuse me... let me get ahold of myself... OK.  I'm
 alright.  Really.

	The world was a burden.  It squashed her like a grape.  We ignored
 the signs.  She never said a word, but her actions cried out like a cat in
 heat.  We must bind ourselves together my friends; we must feel each other's
 love, so that we do not become lost in the void of emptiness and sorrow and 
 take our own lives.  She would've wanted it this way.  The greatest act of 
 dishonor that we could perform is joining her in Hell.  So I beg of each of 
 you, live your life and follow God, so we don't have to burn in eternal 
 damnation with her rotting, stinking, steaming carcass; while Satan feasts 
 upon the matter of our souls.  Forget about her.  She always talked trash 
 about herself.  Believe her.  It's what she would've wanted.  Really.

	Such words cannot express my grief.  My soul quivers at the thought
 of her putting that knife to her wrists.  If we had only gotten there in
 time, we could've done it for her, at least made an attempt to save her
 unsalvagable reputation, and fled to Canada or Mexico.  She would have been
 proud of us, and she wouldn't have gone to Hell for killing herself.  And we
 wouldn't have had to put up with her in Heaven when we died, because we
 would be kicking it in Hell with Satan, and he'd be praising us for brutally
 murdering such a worthless piece of shit like her.

	It's unfortunate that we'll never really know WHY she took her own 
 life... perhaps she felt that she could never return the love that we, her 
 friends, gave her.  Hopefully, it's because she knew she was an ugly, 
 pathetic, worthless IRC addict who smoked too much dope; because then at 
 least she would've been honest with herself and completely justified in... 
 taking... her... own... life... oh God... somebody give me a fucking 
 kleenex... I'm ok... I'm ok... really... OK.

	Now, my friends, comes the hardest part.  Words from the dead bitch 
 herself.  She left us a suicide note, with a request that this be read to 
 all the people she hated at this funeral.  I guess she thought that her 
 friends would be too shattered by her suicide to attend today.  The suicide 
 note had to be printed out from her computer, because she was found dead in 
 her desk chair, staring lifelessly at the screen.  An IRC script was still 
 displayed on the monitor; it appeared as if she had queried herself with the 
 intention of someone finding it upon her death.  It is with great dismay, 
 but a sense of duty, that I read to you her last words to the world:

 Session Start: Wed Feb 09 21:45:26 2000
 <effy> hahahahahaha, SUCKERS
 <effy> hahahahahaha, SUCKERS
 <effy> you didn't think I'd do it, did you?
 <effy> you didn't think I'd do it, did you?
 <effy> DID YOU?
 <effy> DID YOU?
 <effy> well look at me now
 <effy> well look at me now
 <effy> blood on the screen
 <effy> blood on the screen
 <effy> blood between the keys
 <effy> blood between the keys
 <effy> BLOOD FUCKING EVERYWHERE
 <effy> BLOOD FUCKING EVERYWHERE
 <effy> doot doot doot doot doot doot
 <effy> doot doot doot doot doot doot
 <effy> I'm dancing in HELL now, baby.
 <effy> I'm dancing in HELL now, baby.
 <effy> I'm burning.
 <effy> I'm burning.
 <effy> BURNING.
 <effy> BURNING.
 <effy> I WANT YOU TO CREMATE ME
 <effy> I WANT YOU TO CREMATE ME
 <effy> LACE SOME HIGH GRADE BUD WITH MY ASHES
 <effy> LACE SOME HIGH GRADE BUD WITH MY ASHES
 <effy> AND SMOKE ME YOU MOTHER FUCKERS
 <effy> AND SMOKE ME YOU MOTHER FUCKERS
 <effy> AND FUCKING READ THIS FUCKING NOTE TO ALL OF YOU FUCKS WHO
                 BARELY FUCKING PRETENDED TO CARE
 <effy> AND FUCKING READ THIS FUCKING NOTE TO ALL OF YOU FUCKS WHO
                 BARELY FUCKING PRETENDED TO CARE
 <effy> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA
 <effy> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA
 <effy> YOU ALL HATED ME BUT NOW YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE
                 I'M DEAD AND YOU HAVE TO PRETEND TO RESPECT ME
 <effy> YOU ALL HATED ME BUT NOW YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE
                 I'M DEAD AND YOU HAVE TO PRETEND TO RESPECT ME
 <effy> SERVE CHEESE AT MY FUCKING FUNERAL
 <effy> SERVE CHEESE AT MY FUCKING FUNERAL
 <effy> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA
 <effy> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA
 Session Close: Wed Feb 09 21:58:25 2000

	Harsh words spoken like this, my friends, are hard to cope with.  But
 they only scratch the surface of the true pain that Effy was feeling in the
 hours before she met her self-induced, well-deserved fate.  It is important
 now that we, as her friends, do exactly as she wished.  Following the
 funeral, there will be a gathering at my house, where we will eat much
 cheese, smoke this pot which is laced with Effy's ashes, get really high,
 and hopefully forget about this waste of space we used to call Effy.

	It will be exactly what she wanted.

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 {  (c)2000 aNAda e'zine *                            * aNAda011 * by Effy  }
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