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 anada   "Jason on                                                #          
 239         Vegetarians"              +###           +###    +####    +###  
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 16                          Jason   #    .#  ## #  #    .#  #   .#  #    .# 
 dec                                  *###  * #   *  *###  * *###  *  *###  *
 2000 .+#################################################################.net

        I've noticed something.  I've never met a vegetarian whom I believed
 was playing with a full set of marbles.  The few vegans I've met are
 definitely juggling with their hands tied behinds their backs.  I've never
 had the unique pleasure of meeting a fruitarian, but from what I've read on
 the Internet, they're the most crackheaded of them all.  Based on this
 evidence, I submit the thesis that the lack of animal protein disrupts the
 brain's normal functions, and creating a syndrome characterized by the
 disappearance of rational thought and the tendency to annoy people with
 constant pointless ranting.

        If you are one of those people who has arbitrarily eschewed the
 consumption of non-vegetable protein, please quit reading now and go back to
 talking to the little pink pixies buzzing around your head.

        I won't spend too much time with my litany of complaints against the
 mildly vegetarians and their fanatical ilk, vegans.  After all, a
 "vegetarian," one who still drinks milk, eats eggs, and wouldn't eat a pound
 of calomel to purge their systems just because it turned out they were
 eating a beef burrito, is usually a fairly normal person who's just out to
 do their own thing.  It makes them odd, but not overtly evil.  Vegans are
 the knuckleheaded crusaders who insist on not consuming or using anything
 that could have conceivably exploited one of our animal brethren.  I think
 that my fist-shaking at the devil-worshipping quasi-commie druggy PETA folks
 in the past more than covers their sins against sanity.

        Fruitarians, though, are the most cranially-deficient of them all.
 In case you haven't gathered by the name, these are people who wouldn't even
 exploit those helpful little vegetables, such as grains and beans.  Nope,
 you're only allowed to eat fruits, nuts, and seeds, and sometimes not even
 nuts and seeds!  That certainly is a limited menu, isn't it?  That means no
 more sandwiches, pies, fajitas, barbecues... come to think of it, all you're
 left with is fruit salad!  Egad!

        The flagship site of this madness is, appropriately enough,
 www.fruitarian.com.  This site has a long list of links to articles, but
 about 70% of them are inactive.  Some of their claims include that diseases,
 including AIDS, are caused by bad diets as opposed to microorganisms.  Never
 mind the fact that their source for this is an ex-drug addict, they insist
 that the consumption of animal protein causes cancer and all of the other
 maladies of humanity.  I didn't read it all, but I'm sure there's something
 in their about the flat Earth and the sun rotating around it.

        Then there's the Fruitarian Universal Network
 (http://www.student.nada.kth.se/~f95-mwi/fun/).  In this person's FAQ, there
 is the question of how one can get enough protein with a fruitarian diet.
 This person preposterously claims that a fruitarian's body changes to
 require far less protein than an omnivore (I call this condition death).
 The author then goes on to say that even if one still needed 30 grams of
 protein, they could get all of that from fruit.  The author said that he/she
 eats 2.5-3.5 kg of fruit a day, and gets all of the protein he/she needs.
 3.5 KG???  THAT'S ALMOST 8 POUNDS OF FOOD A DAY!  They've got to be shitting
 an arm length every two hours!  It figures that they use metric.  I would
 expect that from those Europeans who were too dumb and lame to cross the
 Atlantic.  If we can't expect them to be bright enough to bail from that
 armpit of a continent when the had the chance, how can we expect them to be
 sane in any other area?  They also insist on organically grown fruits,
 ignoring the fact that such plants have higher levels of natural pesticides
 that can make them more harmful than commercially-grown fruits.

        This little site (http://venus.nildram.co.uk/veganmc/laurie.htm)
 claims that unspecified fruit are the perfect food because they supposedly
 closely match the properties of boob milk.  Relative serving sizes are, of
 course, omitted, and the fact that the actual proportional deviance is LESS
 with cow's milk doesn't seem to have an impact.  One of this predictably
 European chick arguments justifying the lower protein in fruits is that
 grown adults need less protein than babies.  Right.  Of course a baby, which
 on average will weigh about 5% of what an adult weighs needs more protein.
 Proportionately, I would agree, but this idiot's talking in absolute values.
 I also kind of suspect that an adolescent needs more protein than an adult
 and a baby put together.  Heck, I needed to eat a hamburger a day just to
 sustain my penis growth!

        I saved the best for last: The Fruitarian Network
 (http://spot.acorn.net/fruitarian/).  I will entreat you to just a bit of
 the unbelievable bullshit this imbecile is spewing.  All errors are as they
 were verbatim on the web page.

        "Eat lima beans, peas.  Limas are better than potatoes.  Potatoes
 grow under the ground.  Just as a potato avoids the sunlight, its
 biochemical effect on us when we eat them is that we want to avoid the
 sunlight."

        "A green thumb comes to those who love plants.  The plants feel it,
 and grow more quickly around those who love them."

        "Only fruit contains the seeds of eternity.. as compared to the bones
 and grease left from a meat meal, the eggshells left after the bird's spirit
 has flown and her potential body been consumed."

        "Meat comes from butchered animals.  Vegetables comes from sacrificed
 plants.  Dairy products are stolen.  Only fruit is gently and totally given.
 Compare the screams of agony in a slaughterhouse.. to the silent growth in
 the orchard.. as fruit trees weave and spin the sun into pink peaches,
 golden pears, bronze nuts, limes (whose crosssections look like stained
 glass when held up to their sire the sun)."

        "No matter is needed to ground Spirit.  In addition Spirit can
 manifest in any being.  However, there are optimum diets for the
 transmission of Spirit, its grounding, alighting, descent, the Touch Down,
 just as platinum wiring is better than copper wiring is better than rusty
 old wiring.  Fruitarian biochemicals ground God's lightning.  Heavy thoughts
 create a desire for heavier food.  Light thoughts create a desire for light
 food.  When one is tired or angry or depressed that is the time for the
 greatest discipline.  "Expand in response to pain"."

        "Just as the infra-red to ultraviolet light spectrum increases in
 frequency from red through orange and yellow to green blue and violet, so in
 fruits and foods in general.  Therefore, limes are better than lemons.
 Violet grapes are better than crimson cherries."  (as proof that it promotes
 meditation)

        And there's more.  There's much more.  There is a limit to how much
 brain-dead drivel I can handle, though.  It gets more amusing when they
 contradict each other.

        Therefore, based on this evidence, I contend that the LACK of animal
 proteins makes people dumb and intellectually laconic.  For just as plants
 are stupid, their chemicals poison our brain cells, causing us to be as
 stupid as they are.  Many berries, such as the nightshade, are poisonous,
 and the same deadly toxins are found in their cousin, the tomato.  Fruits
 are full of natural insecticides which attack and eventually destroy our
 livers.  Citrus fruits are acidic enough to damage our teeth.  It is an
 adherence to fruitarianism that separates us from the beauty of nature,
 where, according to God's Plan, we kill and eat whatever we please, just as
 all other animals do.  It is the eating of fruits and vegetables that holds
 us back from aspiring to the spiritual heights we could achieve, since by
 eating animals we absorb their life-force and gain meditative insight into
 what it means to be them.

        "Wait a minute!" says the geeky guy near the front.  "Isn't that
 specious reasoning?"

        "Sure it is," I respond.

        A hush sweeps over the crowd, since for the first time ever I concur
 with the peanut gallery.

        Yep, that's the same kind of bitch-slap to logical thought that those
 fruitarians use.  All I did was paraphrase a few of their conclusions.
 Heck, I even took the trouble of using TRUE facts most of the time.  Well,
 the things about tomatoes, natural insecticides, and citrus fruit are true,
 anyway.  The rest is all solid B.S.  The real story is that these people are
 nutcases before they even decide to eat fruits (although if they included
 homosexuals in their menu, that would explain where they get their protein--
 HA HA!!).  After all, what sane person would do something like that?

        Is a little moderation too much to ask?  Is it insane to believe that
 we are biologically designed to eat a variety of foods?  Well whatever.  As
 long as their not killing and embezzling, I guess I don't care.  If they
 ever get into power and try to force their views on me, though, I'll feast
 upon their fruity hearts.

        And don't even get me started on the lunacy of the Adkins Diet. 

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 anada239 by Jason                                                   (c) 2000
 ###################################################################anada.net
