                                                                  #
 anada   "Some Advice"                                            #          
 243                                   +###           +###    +####    +###  
                                      #    #  #  #   #    #  #    #   #    # 
                                by   #     #  # ##  #     #  #    #  #     # 
 21                   Pseudoficial   #    .#  ## #  #    .#  #   .#  #    .# 
 dec                                  *###  * #   *  *###  * *###  *  *###  *
 2000 .+#################################################################.net

        hi phairgirl.  it has been a while since i have written for you.  in
 that time i found out that the golden rule is probably the best thing to do
 when you have a question about what to do, it may not get you want you want,
 but neither will not following it.  do for others what you want yourself.
 it cuts down on depression in a major way to love people for who they are,
 and because they are striving for satisfactions just like you.  to recognize
 the real reasons why they do things, and why they act like people they are
 not at different times.  and to know your own real reasons for being
 different people to discover who you are at heart, to discover exactly what
 people hurt when they do hurt you.  to not be afraid of it anymore, so you
 don't have to act.  people act so that they can tell themselves that what
 other people say is not true, because those other people don't really know
 them.  there is a better way.

        i read "no. one"  boy meets girl.

        i think that if the relationship was based upon real love then it
 would not have been as tragic as it was.  if the boy had loved the girl as
 much as he loved himself, because he knew they were not different inside.
 the recognition that what you do around people and why can help you
 understand other people.

        this is the tragedy of horny teen relationships.  people go looking
 for sex and they still aren't satsified.  because they don't realize that
 sex is just an expression of love, and if you want it to feel good, you
 might as well fuck a warm baked potato for the same sensation.

        love is doing for others what you want yourself.  love is realizing
 that other people's feelings are just as important to them as yours are to
 you, and that ultimately you can love them like you love yourself.

        in a way i have the satisfaction of knowing what to do, but at the
 same time i am not sure if there is someone else for me in this way.  but i
 think there is.  i wonder if commitment to one person is right.

        i am not religious.  i am not christian.  i do not believe in a god.
 the only thing i believe in is what i am living.  the only "real things"
 there are is what you taste see hear smell feel for the moment, and even
 then you can't prove they are connected or related in any way.  you can't
 prove that these black marks mean anything more than the picture of them in
 front of you.  that is life, that is how to know everything.

        if you want to be happy, you can't make yourself happy.  happiness
 comes of its own accord.  true satisfaction in life comes after experience.
 you can only truly believe what i am saying if you figure it out on your
 own.

        satisfaction is finally knowing what you want and what to do.

        people always like this certain feeling.

        "mutual appreciation for the same feeling" that feeling of comfort
 around someone, that you can be yourself and they won't hurt you.  but if
 you analyze it, and ask why, you will not receive it, and you can only
 experience it if you don't have any good reason other than you love them
 because they are like you.  people always love themselves, even if they
 don't quite know who they are.  it is hard to find.

        phairgirl, i know you are a pessimistic fuck you type of bitch.  and
 honestly i have been there, and i can look at myself and say "pseudoficial,
 you're one fruity shithead."

        but ultimately i know in that mentality you are still missing
 something, even if you don't want to admit it.  and honestly i don't know
 you that well at all.  i know pretty much nothing, but i wanted something to
 reflect my current state of mind published.

        so i won't say anything stupid like i love you or i am here for you
 because i am not and i don't really give a shit because i don't know you.
 and maybe you won't believe what i say maybe you will and respect me for it.
 if you disagree with me okay.  i did the first time i heard it too.

        i think experience will lead everyone to it.  it is more like an
 ideal to be followed.  i think people can follow it if they truly believe
 it, and you must come to that from experience of finding out that these
 things you think are great in people, like how they act or external beauty
 are really a bunch of shit, because you are still separate from them when
 you consider your life.  and you are still alone.  and you are asking
 yourself what you should do rather than just doing for them what you want
 because you don't really love them.  you don't love them because you can't
 recognize what they really are inside because you can't see yourself yet.

        the way that you love them is stupid.  you don't recognize all of
 this attitude stuff and conflicting personalities is due to the fact that
 you don't want to get hurt, so you say:

        "look at me, look at me, aren't i opinionated?"  and you expect to be
 insulted.  they insult you and inside you don't care because you know that
 really isn't you.  you know you are more than that, but you still don't see
 that thing your protecting.

        i don't believe in a soul.  i don't believe  in some spirit thing
 that comes out of your body when you die, or anything that is more than your
 brain.  when you die, you can't think anymore.

        but soul is the best word i have to describe the most basic element
 that is that person.  soul is the best word i can use to describe what that
 person is to themselves, and what they are caring about when they strive to
 satisfy themselves.

        people need to love each other for that.  and not for anything less.
 anything less isn't love.  anything less is just you playing the game of
 "this is what i see people doing, monkey see monkey do."

        i am very opinionated.  if anyone wants to mow this down in some "you
 don't know shit you fruity flake" article go ahead.  i won't bother to
 respond, there is no point.  this is what i have come to by experience.
 this is not something that i believe from someone else.  i know i can't tell
 someone this who doesn't already believe it and have them believe it.  but i
 can say it because it is me, and affirm a place in the world for myself.

        and for everyone who is writing: keep writing, it is funny as shit
 (infernal).  and writing also helps people find out who they are eventually.
 it helps people be themselves because when you truly write for yourself, you
 don't have to worry about acting for other people.  or acting for yourself.
 
        don't you hate it when you are charismatic and in the middle of doing
 something and you stop for some second and realize that this is NOT what you
 really feel like?  that you are doing this and it is not you?  how can you
 find someone to really love YOU if YOU are always acting like something you
 think they will like?  HOW DUMB IS THAT?

        it is hard but it is better than making yourself be alone.  and
 eventually you will probably find someone.  i suggest you love someone as
 much as you love yourself and KNOW IT instead of just making things up in
 your head you would like them to be.  people do that.  you must love someone
 as much as you love yourself before you even think about kissing them.
 kissing really sucks and turns into shit if you do it for the sensation or
 if you do it because you want them to be a certain way, or because you think
 you can show them something to make them like you.  that is stupid.  people
 are who they are, and you must love them for being them.

        I think you'll find this out eventually, and until then you will
 probably have mad mood swings between elation and depression.

 .+##########################################################################

 anada243 by Pseudoficial                                            (c) 2000
 ###################################################################anada.net
