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     ## ##  ###    I S S U E   # 0 8 0        0 6 - 1 6 - 0 0   ###  ####   
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    ####  ###                      "PH"                            ###       
     #######                     by Effy                            
      ####                                                                  

 Author's note:  Hey people!  Here is the tablature to the ORIGINAL PH SONG.  
                 That's right.  It's the uncut, uncensored, demoralized
                 version of this legendary ballad.  A sure hit as a campfire
                 tune, and a perpetual riot at any rock concert.  Enjoy.

 (you will need three people to sing the lyrics)

 (use plastic popcorn container as a drum)

 Boom boom boom boom duhhhhhhhhh....

 (tune guitar down 1/2 step!)

 I AM PH WOMAN!!!

 (E)

 We went my house
 one phine autumn day
 blasPHemy!

 (Am)

 with a ph!
 and another ph!
 
 (E)

 We went to dubuque
 to the mall
 to the phood court

 (Am)

 WIT A PH!!!
 
 (E)

 we sat down
 and first we got some shakes
 they were phun shakes

 (Am)

 WIT A PH!!!

 (E)

 We were watching phat dancers
 
 (Am)

 wit a ph!!!

 (E)

 IT REALLY PHUCKEN SUCKED

 (Am)

 wit a PH!!!
 anyway...

 (E)

 we smoked a couple cigarettes
 we burnt your nose hairs
 that really hurt
 I used a straw too
 
 (randomly rake pick across strings)

 Boy did you EVER
 your MOM
 do it AGAIN
 eh eh eh arrrarr!!!

 (E)

 It was lots of phun

 (Am)

 WIT A PH!!!

 (E)

 and very phly

 (Am)

 wit a PH!!!

 (E)

 anyway, we cruised the mall (cha cha chaaa)

 (Am)

 wit no ph!!!

 (E)

 we went to moondog
 it really sucked (wit a ph)
 they said you had to be 21 to go to the concert
 we were MAD
 I felt like a phool

 (Am)

 WIT A PH!!!
 because of them fags
 (that had a ph too, ya know...
 yeah, well...)

 (randomly spasmastic raping of the strings)

 Boy did it ever!!!@#
 your MOM!!!
 do it again!!!
 eh ehe earrrraer!!!

 (E)

 Then we got cappuccino
 at take phive video
 (or whatever that place is.)
 it had LOTS OF PHOAM!!!!

 (Am)

 wit a PH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 (phoam wit a ph!)

 (stick the guitar neck up your friend's ass and make him/her strum with 
 his/her intestine)

 MY MOM HAS A PHD IN PHOAM!!!
 WIT A PH!!!
 boy does she ever.
 your mom???
 do it again!
 ehehe arrra ra;r je!@!#!

 (E)

 Then...we went out
 to the party in Burton
 it really phucken sucked

 (am)

 WIT A PH!!!

 (E)

 we saw jesse buttcheese
 he was drunk off his arse
 he was reeeeally phucked up

 (Am)

 WIT A PH!!!

 (E)

 they were all phools
 it wasn't too phat
 it wasn't much phun

 (Am)

 witout a PH!
 
 (E)

 Head got us vodka
 cuz he's old enuph
 he's really phrooty

 (Am)

 wit a ph!!!

 (knock your friend's front teeth out and use them for the desired picking 
 effect)

 boy is he ever!
 your mom?...no, head!
 do it again!!!
 ehehehea arrrrrgh a l;sdjkfl;askj!#@$%!^%@%@%#@!!

 (E)

 We went back to niki's
 aleda drank some vodka
 and watched Pink PHloyd

 (Am)

 WIT A PH!

 (E)

 she got really sick
 and puked all over
 the phumes were phreak nasty

 (Am)

 WIT A PH!!

 (lubricate the strings with the blood of your friend's gums and play any 
 sort of sliding power chord transition)

 boy was it ever
 DON'T do it again!
 your mom?!
 she would be mad!

 (E)

 Now it is the end
 now it's time to go
 deez eez da phinish phoo.
 (doot doot doot ggooot)

 (Am)

 WIT A PH!@$#@!$$@!!!

 (go out to the road and dismember a raccoon with your guitar, it's a piece 
 of shit anyway)

 boy is it EVER.
 your mom?
 do it again.

 (doot doot doot DOOT)

 Uh...hope you liked our song...hope it wasn't too
 disappointing...we will see you on tour....*growl*
 uhhh...take it easy!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

 *PH*PH* *PH*PH* *PH*PH* *PH*PH* *PH*PH* *PH*PH* *PH*PH* *PH*PH*

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 # (c)2000 aNAda e'zine                               aNAda080 .*.  by Effy #
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