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 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .      "80s WARS: Duran Duran vs. INXS"
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  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .               by Phairgirl


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 *****  WELCOME TO '80s WARS: THE true test of what held up then, what  *****
 *****   holds up now, and what was a disease that hopefully the human  *****
 *****                        race will endure.                         *****

                 TONIGHT'S CONTENDERS: Duran Duran vs. INXS.
                                 Ding, Ding!


        Drooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool.

        Oh, to feel those beginning pangs of hormonal imbalance as a child
 once more!  Nothing taught a growing girl in the '80s what sex was REALLY
 all about with happiness in the crotch area like Simon LeBon and Nick Rhodes
 and ohhhh boy, I think I need to take a drink of water.

        Yes, Duran Duran was full of MAD HOTTIES.  And not the kind of mad
 hotties that little girls were supposed to like (think Leif Garrett, think
 Shaun Cassidy, think Andy Gibb) but instead were these sultry love gods from
 a land far far away that sang in that New Romantic style and had sexy hair
 and... dammit, I gotta quit doing this to myself.

        Let's not forget the music for a minute.  Duran Duran had like a
 BIZILLION hit songs.  The world would not be the same with out "The Reflex,"
 "Rio," "Hungry Like The Wolf," "Union of the Snake," "Girls On Film," "I
 Don't Want Your Love," "Notorious," my god I could go on for weeks, the
 unforgettable songs were everywhere.  Granted, _Notorious_ and everything
 after that point in the '80s wasn't that great (read: IT PRETTY WELL SUCKED)
 and band members started doing wacky things like leaving the band and
 starting side projects and basically being really annoying and bitchy and
 stuff, but hey, THAT'S FAME.

        And when the '90s rolled around, people who admitted they liked Duran
 Duran were outcast from society (until "Ordinary World" was released anyway)
 and forced to look back on what a horrid decade had just ended.  Oh, Duran
 Duran.  You had it, you lost it, you got it back again, and now you suck
 again.  Why couldn't one of your band members just died so you could be
 remembered fondly (for the most part), like INXS?

        Why yes, INXS.  Australian.  Really ugly guys, except for... oh my
 god... MICHAEL HUTCHENCE... OH BABY COME TO ME.  Dude.  DUDE.  Michael
 had enough hotness to make up for all the other dorky looking guys.  He held
 as much sexuality all on his own as the whole entire of Duran Duran.  Girls,
 try watching the video for "Need You Tonight" and all of his little gutteral
 "uh's" and "ah's" and try, JUST TRY not to cream your jeans.

        INXS was around just as long as Duran Duran; however, they sucked for
 a long time before finally coming out with something listenable.  They had
 a good song or two on _The Swing_, and a good song or four on _Listen Like
 Theives_, but finally released an entirely radass album with _Kick_.  And
 even though "What You Need" had been the introduction, suddenly EVERYONE was
 aware of INXS when "Devil Inside," "Never Tear Us Apart," and "New
 Sensation" started taking over.  Ohhhhhhh yeeeeeeah.

        And when the '90s started, they kept going a little bit with the
 album _X_, but then people started sticking them with the same treatment
 that they seemed to be giving all the hitmakers of the '80s.  And they
 sucked for a while, and then they came out with _Elegantly Wasted_, and then
 Michael Hutchence offed himself "supposedly" "accidentally" via the wonders
 of autoerotic asphyxiation.  Man.  What a fucking hot way to go.

        Anyway.  To compare, to contrast.  Duran Duran obviously sustained
 popularity and quality much longer than INXS ever did, had more hot guys
 than INXS, had more than one REALLY GOOD album, had a lot more hit songs.
 But you know... Michael Hutchence.  The man was a GOD in my eyes.  And to be
 honest, I heard so much Duran Duran on the radio that I didn't care about
 owning the tape, but I did own INXS's _Kick_.  I didn't get very upset when
 all the Duran Duran band members did all that juggling crap, but I did get
 very upset when Mr. Hutchence started dating Debbie Gibson.

        "The Reflex."  "Devil Inside."  I'm at a loss.

        I don't know.  I quite honestly like INXS better.  But something is
 nagging at me, because it doesn't seem fair to Duran Duran.  I've never
 wanted to buy an INXS Greatest Hits disc (what's the point, they only had
 one good album).  But buying the Duran Duran Greatest Hits disc made me so
 incredibly overjoyed.  And some residual Bon Jovi guilt is pointing me
 toward the Duran Duran fan favorites.

        Duran Duran appeared on the A View To A Kill soundtrack.  INXS
 appeared on The Lost Boys soundtrack.  Duran Duran appeared on the Tequila
 Sunrise soundtrack.  INXS appeared on the Pretty In Pink soundtrack.  Duran
 Duran appeared on that TRAVESTY of an album _Encomium: A Tribute to Led
 Zeppelin.  However, that was in the '90s.  But in 1989, INXS appeared on
 _Greenpeace: Rainbow Warriors_.  

        Say hello to our winners... Duran Duran.

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  .           anada 180                  by Phairgirl  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
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