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 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .               "Jason on PETA"
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  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .                 by Jason


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        I used to like PETA.  I'm all in favor of treating animals nicely.
 I've never been one to go out of my way to run over a squirrel in my car and
 I certainly frown upon setting cats on fire just for fun.  I've also heard
 how Spaniards hang greyhounds by their hind legs until they die, in addition
 to run-of-the-mill bullfighting.  I guess that shouldn't be a surprise,
 considering their past treatment of other humans...

        So like I said, I used to like PETA. 

        The first crack came over a town called Fishkill.  "Kill" is a Dutch
 word that means "creek".  "Fishkill" means "fish creek".  The brainiacs at
 PETA decided that, for the good of animals everywhere, this horrible name
 extolling the virtues of the slaughter of aquatic life must be changed.
 What a bunch of retards.

        Naturally, the townspeople balked at that suggestion.  Does that mean
 we have to change the Catskill Mountains?  Hell, I live near the Schuylkill
 River, and killing Schuyls must be stopped at all costs!

        Their most recent offense against my god, the unpopular Lord of
 Common Sense, comes in the form of their brand new campaign against drinking
 milk.  They claim that beer is healthier than milk.  Now I'll enjoy some
 suds as much as the next guy, but how retarded is that?  They gave a laundry
 list of compaints against milk, accusing it as causing various maladies
 including (but not limited to) heart disease, obesity, cancer, osteoperosis,
 and the friggin' COMMON COLD!  Earth to Moon Base Dumbass, come in please.
 
        These idiot assholes also claim that the average person consumes 600
 lbs. of dairy products a year (that's 1 lb. 10 oz. EVERY DAY), while only
 200 lbs. of meat and grains. HOW THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE??  There is NO
 way I eat that much dairy, and I like cheese!  I can't think of a single
 diet or MEAL, even, that has that proportion of dairy to meat and grain.
 Lies are one thing, but come on you morons, they have to at least be
 PLAUSIBLE.

        Remember when Bob Dole got blasted by saying that cigarettes were as
 harmless as milk?  The PETA nuts would no doubt agree with him.

        On top of that they give the usual speech about how animals aren't
 put to bed on silken pillows, how cow poop smells bad, and that we should
 all eat grass.  This is a rather non-subtle attempt to push their semi-
 communist hippie vegan mentality on normal people.  They have other sites,
 too, knocking meat and fishing, and providing appallingly weak proof that
 Jesus was a vegan.  Hell, you'd have better Biblical basis for Jesus driving
 a Yugo than being a vegan.

        It's all on www.milksucks.com.  What a bunch of morons.  I guess the
 lack of milk kills brain cells.

        Now, I may shy away from meat for a few very practical reasons.
 First, according to Time Magazine, it takes about 4 pounds of grain to make
 one pound of meat.  That offends my sense of economy.  Second, people eat
 too much meat in general for a balanced diet.  That offends my sense of
 moderation.  Third, I checked the USDA nutritional facts, and meat was
 disappointingly low in nutrients, including protein.  That offends my sense
 of efficiency (why waste the time digesting for little return?).  Finally,
 it's hard to keep fresh.  That offends my nose.

        Fish is SOOOOO much better for people than any other meat, and it
 comes cheap and in cans.  I like that!  PETA doesn't, but they can kiss my
 shiny white tush.

        Now I'm certainly not a PETA freak.  I'll still eat meat quite
 happily and as rare as is legal.  Come to think of it, I probably won't
 change my behavior at all.  That was just idle thought.

        I sent my dad a vegetarian starter pack from PETA.  That'll be a
 scream.

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 .           anada 108                      by Jason  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
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