                             
            `````````````+++````````````````````+`````````````````               
           `````````````+```+```````````````````+``````````````````            
          '''''''''''''+''''+''+++''''+++''''++++'''+++'''''''''''''           
         ''''''''''''''+'++++''+''+''+'''+''+'''+''+'''+'''''''''''''       
        '''''''''''''''+'''''+'''''++'+++'++'+++'++'+++'+'''''''''''''    
       ||||||||||||||||+||||||+|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 
      |||||||||||||||||+||||||||||||||||||||||||anada.net|||||||||||||||
     '                                                                  '
    '   anada                   "First Contact"                  02 feb  '
   '     277                      by Michael                      2001    '
  `                                                                        `
 ````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
                                                                            
        never once approached another.  not that never had that interaction;
 twice to be exact.

        situations never went normally though.  always sort of known first.
 no chance of failure (who could ask for more?).  especially the second.

        innermost secrets known ahead of time.  made the experience easy and
 acting upon even easier.  awkwardness still abound though.  

        first planned encounter with second actually paired with first and
 firsts new third if that makes sense.  first and me talked too much.  inside
 jokes streaming.  unfortunate to be the other two at that time.  not that
 either wants back; me or the first i mean.  only connected closely forever.
 couldn’t let all of high school plus two years be a total waste.  probably
 messed me up more than ever imagined though.  not sad about the loss.  the
 muddled part spoken of is interaction with the opposite sex.

        since all of high school gone, never could hone those skills.  so
 now, longing and looking a major part of life. (luckily pickiness narrows
 down; only saw two or three others so far) not only longing and looking, but
 actually making up lives for them because attractiveness or more like
 attention getting (getting my attention) isn’t even half the battle.  and if
 i can justify the outward shortcomings somehow, will make it easier; easier
 for me not to talk to them anyway.  outward shortcomings = wearing band t-
 shirts (not that i don’t like bands, just not fishing--may elaborate on
 fishing later) or bad shoes i guess. (oh the flame-shoe girl... she will
 live infamous, so kawaii though, and probably came closest to her made up
 life likened to her real.  almost stalker-like, not really though.).

        anyway, life’s not that bad without that aspect.  though just wish
 wouldn’t be face-shoved so much.  everywhere and everyone around trying so
 hard.  from here, think shouldn’t try so hard.  trying hard probably makes
 things fake.  or maybe not.  could be the problem.  try.  i’m not trying, so
 will never happen.  would like to believe otherwise though.  allow to occur
 on own.

        internal struggles continue.  probably apparent though.  each side
 winning minor battles though.  on the one side, never approached anyone.  on
 the other side, the blimpie coupon stays on my person... (guess more
 elaboration necessary for blimpie coupon)

 front                    back    
 -----                    ----

 buy one get one free       hi, 
                               you may not know me,
 bring a friend to blimpie      but i’m ________________.
                            i’m wondering if you’d like to have a sub
 it’s a beautiful thing.        sandwich at blimpie with me?

 (hearts everywhere)       __ yes, i’d love to join you for a sub sadwich
                              at blimpie.  (as long as you pay for yours.)
                           __ no, i’ll buy my own blimpie sub, thank you very
                              much.

        very well known it’s a poor hope, but a hope nonetheless.

   ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||  
  '                                                                        ' 
 `   anada277   by Michael                          (c) 2001 anada e'zine   `
