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     ## ##  ###    I S S U E   # 0 6 5        0 5 - 2 3 - 0 0   ###  ####   
    ###  # ###                                                   #######    
    ####  ###              "Alek vs. The Melvins"                  ###       
     #######                      by Alek                            
      ####                                                                  

 THE MELVINS:
 King Buzzo: vocals, guitars
 Dale Crover: drums
 Various People: bass :)

        many people, probably even YOU, have never even heard of the melvins.
 what a shame this is.  if you were/are a fan of nirvana and various other
 "grunge bands", then you should thank the melvins for pretty much starting
 the whole fandangled thing.

        what's that you say alek, kurt cobain and nirvana aren't responsible
 for the creation of grunge?  sadly, no.  what kurt cobain did though was
 make grunge THE THING, even if it was for only like two years.  but, alas,
 it all started back in Aberdeen, Washington in the melvin's practice space.
 ya see, kurt was a melvins, um groupie i guess.  he and others like him
 would make their way over to the melvins practice space every night, watch
 the band practice, smoke some weed, and get fucking plastered.  they were
 dubbed "kling-ons" because, well, they were always fucking there.  another
 melvins "kling-on", was soon-to-be nirvana bassist chris novoselic, but
 that’s a whole other story for a whole other day.

        anyhow, after awhile, kurt became more than just another one of the
 "kling-ons" and he and the melvins became really good friends.  in fact,
 king buzzo (lead singer and guitarist of the melvins) is who got kurt into
 punk.  this is key because without this happening, music today would be
 DRASTICALLY different.  buzz gave kurt a compilation tape of various 
 California based punk bands such as flipper, black flag, millions of dead 
 cops, the angry Samoans, the circle jerks, and the germs.  kurt was 
 instantly hooked and he was soon looking to form a punk band.  kurt even 
 tried out for the melvins at a point, but he was so nervous, he just stood 
 there while his guitar wailed out horrific feed back.  imagine how different 
 music would be right now if he hadn’t been so nervous.

        so, anyhow, fast forward about 5 years and nirvana get really big
 which leads to every major label on god's green earth signing any band that
 calls themselves grunge to very lucrative contract deal thing-a-ma-bobs.
 this includes the melvins (who signed with atlantic), mudhoney, tad, stone
 temple pearl jam, and the list goes on and on until the sun comes up.  this
 is significant because this is how i got into the melvins, which IS the
 point of this big long ass essay.  ya see, like bagillions of other 12 yr
 old kids, i was obsessed with nirvana.  so, when i read that kurt cobain was
 producing (most of) the new album by the melvins, i knew i wanted it.  so, 
 as soon as i got the funds, i bought the melvins major label debut, HOUDINI. 
 i was instantly a fan and have been buying anything by the band that i 
 possibly could until this very day.

        so, if you have never heard of the melvins, i suggest picking up one
 and then all the rest of their albums.  because the great thing about the
 band is that they are always trying to do something different.  sometimes
 this pisses off their fans, but it shows that the band is more than just
 another grunge band and i think that's why they are still around while the
 likes of soundgarden, alice in chains, nirvana, and the rest have
 disappeared.

        so, i have included the melvins discography below as well as a short
 review for each that i own.  i hope this was enough to spark some people's
 interest in what is truly one of the most under-appreciated bands in music
 today.  i have not read this yet, so i also hope that it makes sense and its
 not just ramblings that no one other than me will understand.

 #.....#

 GLUEY PORCH TREATMENTS (1986)

 this album is fucking slow.  no, you cant even fathom how slow this is.  you
 see, before this record was recorded, the melvins mostly played relatively 
 upbeat punk type stuff.  then, they got popular and guess what? everyone 
 else started playing the same kind of shit as them.  so what did they do? 
 they played as fucking slow as possible.

 an example of just how slow this record is:  i first heard this album when
 my friend shawn bought it on vinyl.  he comes over my house to play it. i 
 put it on and im like, man this is fucking slow and it sounds like buzz's 
 voice sounds sooo weird.  about half way through the first side, i noticed 
 that i had left the turntable speed on 45 when it should have been on 33.  
 that’s how fucking slow the music is on here.  but guess what... it fucking 
 rules.  its like someone playing black sabbath though a fucking tub of mud.  
 standout songs are: "Over From Under The Excrement," "Bitten Into
 Sympathy,".

 rating: 7


 OZMA (1989)

 i have never heard this album, but i do know that it is similar to GLUEY
 PORCH TREATMENTS musically.  you can also get this album along with GPT on 
 one cd.  i plan on doing this soon. and so should you!
 

 BULLHEAD (1990)
 in my opinion, this is THE melvins album to have.  it was great slow sludgy 
 stuff such as "Boris".  but it also has some faster stuff such as "It's 
 Shoved". awesome awesome shit.  if you don’t like this album, you can suck 
 ass and like it!

 rating: 10


 EGGNOG (1991)

 another one i don’t have :(


 LYSOL (1992)

 this album is now called MELVINS.  the band had to change the title after
 Lysol threatened legal action.  the only real problem i have with this album 
 is that its about 5 different songs but just one track on the disk and the 
 tracks aren’t listed at all.  i do know however that there is a cover of 
 Flipper's "Sacrifice" on it as well as an alice cooper cover and i believe 
 the rest are originals. all the songs kick major ass though.  the cover has 
 a horse on it has JOE in big letters on the back.

 rating: 8


 HOUDINI (1993)

 the melvins major label debut produced (mostly) by kurt cobain.  an awesome
 album all the way through with standouts being: "Lizzy", "hooch", and "hag 
 me".  kurt even plays some geetar on "sky pup" and does some percussion work 
 on "spread eagle beagle".  i think he may have done some vocals on the album 
 too, but the liner notes don’t credit him as doing so, so... i dunno :)

 rating: 9


 PRICK (1994)

 i don’t have this one but i heard it sucks a fat one so i'll wait to buy it
 last :)


 STONER WITCH (1994)

 the melvins at their fastest thus far in their careers and also at the
 beginnings of an experimental period.  this album just rawks, plain and 
 simple.  "sweet willy rollbar" is my favourite track on the album as it 
 rawks and rolls yr ass around the room.  as does "revolve".  "goose freight 
 train" is eerie. and the bass on "lividity" will rattle yr fucking brains.
 
 rating: 9


 STAG (1996)

 the melvins last major label album.  by this time, grunge was long dead and
 record labels had grown impatient with "grunge" acts diminishing record 
 sales.  so the melvins were dropped soon after this album failed to sell.  
 while it is an awesome album with some of my favourite melvins songs on it, 
 its just not as good as a whole as are HOUDINI and STONER WITCH.  
 "bar-x-the-rocking-m" is one of the albums best songs. it has some cool 
 horns in it, even though its pretty obvious that these horns are the product 
 of a keyboard :)  lotsa weird experimental type shit on here as well such as 
 "black bock" and "goggles".

 rating: 7


 HONKY (1997)

 the first post-major label album and its probably a good thing atlantic
 dropped them when they did, cuz if they would have heard this, they would 
 have dropped them anyhow :)

 now, i do like this album, but its not for everyone.  a lot of people who
 love the melvins hate this album cuz its so fucking weird.  there’s hardly 
 any singing on it too.  "Mombius Hibachi" and "In the Freaktose the Bugs are 
 Dying"  are great rawkin songs and the rest is rather odd to say the least 
 :)

 rating: 7


 SINGLES 1-12 (1998)

 okay here’s an idea.  release one 7" a month for a year in limited release,
 so all the melvins fans run out to get them while they're still around and 
 then, a few months later, put all the singles on a two disc set for 13 
 fucking bucks!  id be pissed if i actually bought the singles. for one, i 
 would have gotten fucking ripped off.  and 2, most of this album fucking 
 sucks.  the only songs worth mentioning are a covers the germ's "lexicon 
 devil" and flipper's "way of the world" all the rest seems like annoying 
 shitty filler to me.  oh, and it's not even available anymore (to my 
 knowledge).

 rating: 4


 THE MAGGOT (1999)

 part one of three discs to be released in the year.  this album fucking
 rawks.  it just rawks.  its fast, its loud and it rawks.  it rawks, yeah.  
 their best since BULLHEAD. the experimental stuff is no where to be found 
 here, just rawking songs.  not a bad song on here.

 rating: 9.5


 THE BOOTLICKER (1999)

 part 2 of 3...

 this album is so utterly different from THE MAGGOT, its frightening.
 there’s like no distortion on this album and no screaming and most of it is 
 very subdued and, dare i say, POPPY.  i feel dirty even thinking that, but 
 alas, its true, its true.  but ya know what, it still sounds like the 
 melvins and it still kicks major ass, yo.

 #.....#

        please send some feedback and let me know if you all enjoyed this.  i
 plan on doing this for other bands, but if no one will read them then i wont
 do them :)

        and if everyone hit the back button awhile ago then i have a few
 choice words: fuck, bitch, cunt, whore, slut, fucking fuckity fuck fuck
 fuck.

 ****************************************************************************
 # (c)2000 aNAda e'zine                               aNAda065 .*.  by Alek #
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