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 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .                "Pathetic"
 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .
  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .             by AphexTwin23


  . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

        I am so sick of everything.  I sit here and beg for someone to
 listen, for someone to show they actually care, and in return, I get
 nothing.  I get criticized, I get ridiculed, I get pushed down.  I am called
 selfish and pathetic for asking someone to talk to me, to understand, and to
 listen.  I walk around in a cloud of nothingness.

        Anymore that's what I feel, nothing.  I feel nothing for myself or
 for anyone else.  And really, I'm not very depressed.  Everyone thinks I'm
 depressed but I am come to a conclusion that it's not that.  It's not one of
 those natural things that are with you like that.  My mind is just too open
 to the reality of things.  I see things differently and I don't like what I
 see at all.  I see hatred, people slowly deteriorating.  I see pollutants
 being forced into our heads.  I see a world of conceited and greedy people.
 I see Reality.  It's strange, it's odd, it's different, it's the truth.

        I feel so isolated and secluded from the world.  I feel like I am
 tied down and chained just watching and observing what's going on.  I feel
 that even my friends don't understand me.  The basis of a friendship is
 honesty, loyalty, and understanding.  And I am lacking one or more of these
 qualities.  I am too honest, not loyal enough, and no one will even try to
 understand me.  I mean they think they already do.  They think they know me.
 I don't even know myself anymore.  I change things too much.

        I am running from one thing to the other trying to find what is right
 trying to find myself.  And I can't.  I just wish if I could have one
 person.  That's all I'm asking for, one person.  One person to care, to
 understand, to relate with, to listen to, to talk to, to cry with, to love
 me.  Why can't I have this?  Why can't someone just read this and feel for
 me.  Have empathy, something I lack.

        I can't handle talking to people anymore.  Maybe it's my own fault?
 Maybe I'm the one slowly secluding myself from others because I feel so
 different from them.  I don't know how to react to anything anymore and I am
 so confused.

        Sigh... I'm pathetic in my own way.

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  .           anada 115                by AphexTwin23  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
  . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
