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 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .            "I Have Every Reason"
 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .
  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .               by Phairgirl


  . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

        My brother and sister came home from lengthy vacations on Monday of
 this past week.  My sister in particular was in Austria for six weeks.
 Before she had left, I was having problems with her using my printer for
 everything--and I mean EVERYTHING--she could find.  She was downloading
 RealPlayer files and clogging up my computer and basically bringing all of
 my 24/7 running essentials like my inbox and my IRC to a stunning halt.
 It was annoying.  I put a password on my screensaver, and it seemed to do
 the trick.

        Of course now she's back, and she decided I suppose that she MUST USE
 MY COMPUTER.  So what does she do now?  Why, it's ctrl+alt+del of course.
 And she was getting away with it because we had stormy weather recently.
 However, today was bright and shiny, and when I came home to find nothing
 open on my taskbar whatsoever, I immediately suspected SOMETHING.  Were my
 cats laying on the power strip?  Could be.  But then again, my cats couldn't
 open WINAMP, which was left on my desktop, with the name of some lameass
 emo band scrolling nonchalantly.

        I hate emo.

        This led me to leave the particularly vicious note for my dear sister
 which is currently laying before her so that she may find it when she wakes
 up, reminding her that this isn't the family computer, it's MY computer, and
 I pay for it, and I don't want her grimy mitts on it without my permission.
 She has her own computer in her bedroom, laying patiently in wait for her to
 take it back to school this fall, and there's a WebTV in my mom's room that
 will check her e-mail just the same as my computer will.

        My brother was only gone for a week, off to the east coast to visit
 my dad.  Big whee fun, you know, whatever.  Before he left, he had decided
 to rearrange my stuff in the garage so he could park in it.  Note that all
 my furniture, kitchenware, etc, is in that garage from when I was rich
 enough and had enough friends to have an apartment.  I didn't really have
 a look at what he had done until the day before he was supposed to return,
 when I decided I really, REALLY wanted my old Marvel Comics trading cards so
 I could drool all over them.  Alas, upon venturing out to the garage, I
 noticed my brother didn't try especially hard in his rearranging to make
 sure that nothing was getting ruined.

        I found three very heavy boxes stacked on top of my stereo components
 and even more stacked on top of my cheapass $30 entertainment center, and
 the wood was warping in a pretty bad way.  My wall decorations had boxes
 stacked on top of them, smashing what wasn't mounted or matted, and moving
 any box just left you to face more boxes.  My cards were in the far corner.
 There was no way I was going to find them.

        My brother claims he's going to move some of my stuff up to the attic
 this weekend.  He's taking up the things that I most assuredly will never
 need anytime soon, like my boxes of CD jewel cases and my dishes.  I don't
 think he realizes just how much of that stuff I do access on a regular basis
 and that he might just have to face reality and not try parking in the
 garage until I move out.

        Which had BETTER BE SOON, because I'M GOING INSANE.

        I'm 23.  Why am I living at home?  Because I have racked up an
 enormous debt due to former roommates flaking out on me, and me having to
 charge charge charge my essentials while my income went strictly to rent and
 utilities.  Oh, and my car got wrecked (not my fault), so I'm still paying
 off my rad replacement car.  Oh, and I just had to have a new computer and
 home theater system, but that's beside the point.  And lookie lookie, I'm
 not in school, so I have to repay my student loans.

        I'm not looking for pity, I'm looking for sanity.  I'm looking for
 my job to stabilize (which, by the way, is looking quite possible) so that
 I can save my money faster than I can spend it.  I'm looking to move out
 next spring, after all the icky snow is gone.  That's quite a while, but I
 plan to be out before I'm 24.  God, that sounds so damned pathetic.  My dear
 friend Sarah Jean will be my roommate whether she wants to be or not.  We
 can watch Sailor Moon and Pokémon together and not have to worry about
 anyone but each other getting into our things or telling us what to do or
 how to live and we will live happily ever after.

        I have every reason to break down and cry.

        I have every reason to stab a fork in my eye.

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  .           anada 113                  by Phairgirl  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
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