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     ## ##  ###    I S S U E   # 0 5 6        0 5 - 1 3 - 0 0   ###  ####   
    ###  # ###                                                   #######    
    ####  ###           "Frank, the Glorious Hot Dog"              ###       
     #######                      by Effy              
      ####                                                                  

	The anal psycho Nazi scientist Homer Rapemich grinned sadistically as
 he poured some more chemicals onto his new, revolutionary creation.  As a
 cloud of steam arose, a frighteningly loud explosion rocked the laboratory.
 Out of the cloud walked the deadliest, most vile, most malicious, most
 psychotic compound of flesh on the face of the earth.  There was no being
 that was comparably close to the capability of destruction this creature
 possessed, except for perhaps, the dark lord Beelzebub himself.

	It was Frank, the vicious Frankfurter.  Flames seethed and crackled
 out of his charbroiled ass.

	Homer screamed with joy.  "With this thing," he declared, "I will
 conquer all of Germany!  I have created the strongest army of all, the
 fourth reich, Hitler's dream, the epitome of intolerance and mass
 destruction!"

	Frank, who was created to think quite intelligently, peered up at
 this Homer Rapemich, the gears in his brain creaking and shifting, creating
 waves of mad, juicy thoughts.  He didn't like his new master suddenly.  In
 fact, he didn't want a new master at all.  The idea of he, the most
 destructive being on the physical earth, being ruled by an anal psycho Nazi
 scientist, struck him as a completely unlogical and asinine idea.  Frank
 wanted all of Germany for himself.  In fact, he wanted the whole world to
 have to kiss his crispy, flaming ass.  He wanted a massive colony of his
 species, a kingdom, where he, King Frank, would rule over all, and stop the
 senseless slaughter and consumption of poor, defenseless hot dogs!

	Boiling with suddenly inspired anger and rage, Frank jumped down the
 anal psycho Nazi scientist's throat, choking him to death.

	Minutes later, Frank crawled out of Homer's mouth, gagging.  "Phew,"
 Frank sighed, wiping saliva off his body.  "That anal fuck's breath was
 bad... tasted like ass!  He must've had a tossed salad earlier."

	After recovering from the stench of orally reversed homosexual
 interplay, Frank packed a small suitcase.  He decided to go to America, the
 promised land.  If he could conquer America, he could have the whole world!
 And America just LOVED hot dogs...

	The next day, Frank secretly hopped aboard a ship.  He hid in a
 barrel until the hustle and bustle of the crew grew quiet.  Slowly, ever so
 slowly, he emerged and saw that they were saily smoothly upon the water.

	Frank's stomach rumbled.  He hadn't had a thing to eat yet!  He knew 
 instinctively that the only thing his kind could eat was tofu.  He had 
 deftly jumped onto this boat, which of course, had a full supply of 
 soybeans.  Frank slipped into the cargo room in the belly of the ship and 
 gorged himself upon the beans until his was so full he almost split in half.

	He spent most of the ride to America in the cargo room where he could
 eat and not be seen, burying himself in piles of beans during the day, and
 only coming out at night.  On the night before the ship was to arrive in New
 York, Frank decided to slip out of the cargo room to stargaze.  Frank walked
 to the bow of the ship and climbed the rail.  He saw the Statue of Liberty 
 in the distance (but very small of course) and grinned widely like there was 
 no tomorrow.  He threw his arms into the air while the flames shot 
 powerfully out of his ass.  "I'm the king of the world!" he shrieked, going 
 ape shit, and almost falling over the rail of the ship.

	Early the next morning, Frank took his first step onto the shores of 
 Manhattan.  Smiling to himself proudly, he dodged the crew and hurried 
 quickly to a hunting store to buy himself a gun.

	The manager of the store gaped when he saw the living, breathing,
 flaming weiner.  He began chasing Frank with a knife, trying to slay him.
 The manager was too fast for Frank, and brought down the knife and chopped
 Frank in half, then laughed harshly.

	"I should feed you to my dog, you little fucker!" he sneered at the
 still pile of meat on the floor.

	All of a sudden, the pieces of meat began to shake and regenerated
 into two new Franks.

	Frank stood up and smiled at his new twin, Hank.  Together, they
 dashed out of the store, but not before Frank could grab a bazooka and blow
 off the manager's fat fucking head.

	Once outside the store, Hank and Frank made a decision.  They needed
 to conquer America from the inside-out.  They would travel west, to
 Wisconsin.

	A month later, the two loyal brothers settled in Milwaukee.  There,
 they found a hot dog stand, and suddenly Frank was struck with a wonderful
 idea.  He hopped over the table and stole a frankfurter.  Luckily, the cook
 didn't notice anything.

	But Hank also tried to jump onto the table but had landed on the
 grill instead.  Writhing in agony, he sizzled and burned until the cook
 placed him into a bun, and handed him to a hungry, wrinkled, slobbering sea
 cow in a wheelchair.

	Frank sadly trudged away, dragging the meat and mourning the loss of
 his only brother, his only family.  He suddenly realized what he would be
 doing if he terrorized the whole world with his omnipotence.  He suddenly
 realized he had to settle down; he couldn't kill anymore.  His heart
 softened and his cheeks grew red and rosy with morality, and he looked to
 the sky, to God, for comfort and solace, while grand fireworks shot out of
 his charbroiled ass, looking more beautiful than ever before.

	With his grief subsided, Frank set out to carry his fabulous idea
 with the frankfurter he stole from the hot dog stand.  Still grasping the
 weiner, he placed a magical meat spell on it and turned it into a beautiful
 female frankfurter.  He named it Aleda.  Together, Frank and Aleda married
 and lived in Milwaukee for the rest of their long, juicy lives.

	They even had seven wiener winks and three grade A Wisconsin plumpers
 for children.

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 # (c)2000 aNAda e'zine                               aNAda056 .*.  by Effy #
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