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 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .               "Jason on Food"
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  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .                 by Jason


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        People suck. 

        Anyway, people are kind of strange in the ways in which they choose
 to eat or not to eat certain foods.  Vegetarians and vegans are prime
 examples.  Actually, vegetarians are a prime example of my point.  Vegans
 are prime examples of lunacy.

        Now whether or not someone decides to eat meat is just about as
 important to me as whether or not they've clipped their toenails in the last
 week (i.e. it could CONCEIVABLY affect me, but the odds are very slim).  I
 can't help but find it odd that people would arbitrarily cut out an entire
 food group based on essentially nothing.  Sure, some of the morons say that
 meat isn't good for you.  Some dumbasses even say that people aren't "meant"
 to eat meat.  Hello, morons, if we weren't supposed to eat meat, it would
 kill us.  COWS aren't supposed to eat meat.  WE are.  That's why it tastes
 good.

        Of course, we aren't supposed to eat meat ALL the time.  The kind of
 diet we ARE supposed to have is one that is, as the dieticians have been
 telling us for years, extremely varied.  I suppose that puts us at a
 disadvantage in the animal world since cows can live off of nothing but
 grass and lions can live off nothing but meat but we need to mix and match.
 The problem is, people tend to eat TOO MUCH meat.  Does anyone know why
 western cultures east so much meat?  Anyone?  Anyone at all? 

        God, the state of education today IS pathetic. 

        Anyway, in medieval times, meat was hard to come by and only the
 wealthy people got to eat meat of any kind.  Hence it became a symbol of
 wealth if your teeth rotted out from scurvy because you never touched a
 vegetable.  I suspect that that held over to modern times somewhat.  When
 meat became available to regular people, they jumped on it and it's been
 with us ever since.  In the natural world, too, it would have been pretty
 hard to get.  That's why we like fatty foods so much, since in the wild we
 would never know where our next meal was coming from, so we eat the fat
 first.  So now, for the first time in history, we can get this stuff anytime
 we want, so we have to control ourselves.  Make sense?

        Back to vegetarians.  It seems to me that most of this crap is
 essentially a politial statement, since vegetarians are overwhelmingly part
 of some political movement and/or in weirdo fringe groups.  Or maybe it has
 to do with their remorse at killing something to eat it, never mind the fact
 that our foodstocks get much better lives up to the slaughterhouse than they
 do in nature.  Even then, their demises are much more efficient.  Also, most
 vegetables to not want to be eaten and definitely react when damaged.  What
 about vegetable rights, huh?  Now as a rule, I don't care about what someone
 eats as long as they don't try to convert me.  Or if I'm the one on the
 menu.  That would suck. 

        I've got some practical questions for vegetarians, though.  If one is
 giving some guy a blowjob, is she (or, I guess, he) obligated to spit it
 out?  What about carpet munching?  There's cells and protein in that, too.

        When you think about it, there are only two kinds of food that are
 meant to be consumed by humans.  The first is human breast milk, which gets
 to be pretty hard to come by once you grow teeth*.  The second is fruit.  I
 don't know about you, but that menu is a little too limited for my tastes.
 
        * This reminds me of a movie I saw in England, ON TV, called The Tit
 And The Moon.  It was, without a doubt, the most depraved, screwed up movie
 I've ever seen in my entire life (except for The Sound of Music).  It was
 also made in Barcelona, so the actors spoke Spanish, French, AND Catalan.
 Thank God for subtitles.  Anyway, the story revolves around this 10 year-old
 kid who's obsessed with this French chick's boobs and she's married to a
 circus performer who FARTS professionally but he's impotent so the chick has
 an affair with the kid's older brother.  Sound weird?  It gets better.  In
 one scene the kid tells the French chick that he "wants her milk" because
 his mom won't give him hers anymore.  So, naturally, the chick whips out a
 boob and squirts her milk about three feet where it streams into the kid's
 mouth.  Nevermind the fact that she hasn't recently had a baby, that's got
 to be Olympic calibre distance!  Then in the end she and her husband leave,
 but that she comes back and nurses the kid and then the kid's mom comes and
 nurses him.  This bizarre scene that must be some kind of fantasy because
 the kid is ACTUALLY climbing up one of those cool human towers they make at
 festivals at the same time he pulls up a seat at the milk bar.  It's
 basically the kind of movie that forces you to say "What the HELL was that?"
 as soon as it's over.

        Where was I?  Oh yeah, arbitrary limitations on your diet are a bit
 strange.  I haven't even gone into RELIGIOUS limitations, but my fingers are
 tired and I can't get the images of that damn movie out of my head. 

        What the HELL was that?

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  .           anada 138                      by Jason  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
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