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  . .   . . .    . .    . .    . .
 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .            "That Sucks, Duder"
 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .
  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .              by Lachrymite


  . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

        I always thought Danny was the coolest a kid could possibly be.  He
 was significantly older than me, and he was everything I aspired to be; he
 rode a skateboard, had a long ponytail of hair, wore stylish clothes and
 listened to popular music.  My young ass was impressed.

        I hung out with him and his brother all the time.  His brother, Mike,
 was a sickly kid though.  He was blind, violently allergic to almost
 everything, not all that bright, and borderline deaf.  Due to these
 problems, he often had to go away for doctor's appointments, leaving myself
 and Danny alone.

        One day, while Mike was away sick, Danny and I were hanging out in
 his backyard.  Karen, a friend of his mom who occasionally hung out to make
 sure we didn't burn down the house or anything, was inside watching TV.
 Soon, we were enthusiastically making a fort in some particularly dense
 bushes, throwing down some old half rotten plywood as the floor in the
 thickets and bramble.  As we lay on our backs, looking up at the sky above
 through branches stretching over us, Danny smiled over at me.

        "We should keep this as our hidden place, and you and I should be the
 only members of a secret club."

        I thought this over for a bit, and it seemed reasonable.  After all,
 Mike hadn't helped us build it, so why should he be allowed in?  I voiced my
 agreement, and Danny continued.

        "We should also have some sort of an initiation.  You know, to prove
 we aren't wimps and should be the ones to have it."

        "What, like eat a bug or something?" I asked.

        Danny chuckled.  "Well, here's what I was thinking.  We have to do
 something very special, something we won't tell ANYONE else about.  I
 thought we could do something with our privates, just to show how serious we
 are about this."

        Hmm.  Well, generally the privates were supposed to be, err, private,
 right?  I wasn't totally sold on the idea yet.  I briefly thought of Karen,
 and how she supposedly had different private parts than I did.

        "What about Karen?"  Even though I had no sexual desire or knowledge
 at the time, I still found the large chested young woman rather appealing in
 some sort of way.  What can I say, I was a curious little bastard.  Getting
 her to play with her privates sounded like fun, somehow, even though I had
 no idea why.

        He didn't really go for the idea though.  "No, this is OUR club, and
 she shouldn't be able to join.  You can't even tell her about it, if you did
 I'd have to kick you out of the club."

        Few things are worse than being kicked out of a secret club by a boy
 far cooler and older than yourself, so I immediately dropped my pants and
 pulled out my small penis, as Danny followed suit, revealing a significantly
 larger organ.

        "OK, you start," he said in a nonchalant manner.

        I didn't know what to do, so my hand dropped to my penis and I began
 to play with it in a very non-sexual manner.  I pretended the penis was
 Clark Kent, and when I moved the testicles up close to the penis, it was
 like Superman because suddenly the penis appeared to have a huge muscular
 chest.  Obviously, I wasn't really understanding this private parts game
 thing.

        Danny chuckled in a good natured manner.  "OK, watch what I can do.
 Keep playing with yours for me though."

        He began to stroke his hardening penis, and soon the monument was
 erected in honor of my pre-pubescent self fondling.  He beat at it in a
 frenzy, and began to redden in the face and make little grunts, all while
 staring at me fondling myself.

        I had an idea something a little strange was going on, but I didn't
 really know what.  It was like some secret ritual of adulthood was being
 performed before me, like I was being initiated into something far greater
 than this mere club.

        Finally, with a grunt, Danny began to spray white stuff from his
 penis.  It was like he was peeing, but he wasn't, it didn't look anything
 like pee.  I was a bit confused, and was a little upset when some landed on
 my shoe.

        "What did you just do!?"  I asked in a combination of wonderment and
 apprehension.

        Danny smiled down at me.  "I just initiated you into my secret club.
 One day, you'll go out and initiate other people into your own secret club.
 But you can't ever tell anyone, alright?"

        "Well, OK, I guess."

        And I never did tell anyone, not for well over 10 years.

 . . . . . 

        I was laying on the floor.  She looked down at me from the bed after
 a few minutes.  "You don't have to stay down there, you know.  You can come
 up into the bed with me."

        I rose and gingerly crawled into bed.  She immediately manuvered her
 body to be spooned in mine.  She took my hand and placed it around her, so I
 held her body around the middle.

        We laid there for a few moments, and my hand started to massage her
 stomach.  It slowly moved up to her chest, feeling my first touch of a
 woman's full breast.  We began to kiss, and my hands moved down into the
 forbidden areas of her body.

        After a few minutes of feeling around, I pulled off my dark blue
 shirt, throwing it aside, and my pants soon followed.  She removed her
 Peanuts shirt, with Snoopy on it, and slipped out of her already unbuttoned
 pants.

        We continued to get more intimate, and then she went to grab my
 penis.

        I remembered Danny.

        "I can't do this, I'm sorry."

        "Why not?  What's wrong?"

        "I just can't."

        An awkward argument followed.  I stared down at my discarded shirt on
 the floor for most of it.  Danny seemed to smile up at me, from the folds in
 the shirt as it lay there.  Things got ugly, and I never talked to her
 again.  I never wore the shirt after that day, and I haven't done anything
 even semi-intimate with a girl since.  It's not a big deal though, right?  I
 mean, he didn't even touch me.

 . . . . .

        "Dude, I seriously think that counts as being sexually abused."

        "Umm, really?  I never told anyone else about it, and it just kinda
 never seemed like a huge deal to me."

        "Uhhh, yeah.  We've got Long Dong Silver over here who fucked the
 family turkey on Thanksgiving, and you, who apparently was a pedophile's
 personal model.  It's pretty scary when _I'm_ the most sexually normal
 person in the room.  I guess this is what we get for all getting wasted and
 babbling about sex."

        "Well, I never thought it was that big of a deal... I mean, it
 doesn't seem horrible or traumatic or anything, and it's not like he touched
 me."

        "No wonder you never fucked a girl.  I think we just figured out why
 you're so messed up.  At least that mystery is solved."

 . . . . .

        "I've only really told a handful of people since I realized it, but I
 apparently got sexually abused by that Danny kid who used to live across the
 street from me."

        "Whoa... are you serious?"

        "Yep."

        "Well, that sucks duder."

        "It's not a big deal, it doesn't really bother me.  He just came on
 my shoes.  I dont see why the few people I told thought it was this huge
 thing."

        "Henry Rollins got molested too."

        "Awesome.  Let's get something to eat."

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  .           anada 128                 by Lachrymite  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
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