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          A                "Personality"               aNAda #17   A
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     A                       by Isaac                  02/28/00         A
 A                                                                          A
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        Sometimes we can watch a person, animal, or anything and use the
 information to form the object in our heads.  We think be can predict its
 actions, its general course, or some other determinable reality.  When it's
 a person, we feel like we can hold their minds in our hands because they are
 so small, and see every movement it makes and not feel surprised.  It is
 this mind that we hold or try to hold in our mind's hand that is a
 personality.  It's a picture we draw of another.  It's a picture we draw of
 ourselves because we also observe ourselves and predict ourselves, and this
 is how we can grow to be too large for another's hand and become mysterious
 and random, like a quiet child.

        Personality is related to fear.  The mind fears loss of personality.
 We fear experiences that may change us emotionally, physically, or in some
 way affect our future behavior to be something not planned or predicted.  We
 fear when some external object has changed its personnality.  It can be one
 of the most frightful experiences.

        Fear.  A human screams and all that is heard is random noise -- the
 product of a mind at a loss of what to do, sending out violent responses
 that signal one thing: "I am trying.  I am trying as hard as I can".  "Fear
 is the mind killer.  Fear is the little death that brings total oblivion...
 I will let it pass over me and through me... only I will remain".  Like a
 newborn screaming from the womb, the brain starts it engine, processing the
 many signals that bind it to its universe.  As this universe seems to be
 more and more constant to the child brain, the more the picture it draws of
 it becomes stable and unchanging, the personality of what is and what is
 not.  This model is to be built solid and unbreakable, but it can break.
 When it does, we become like babies once again, but the pieces are to be
 picked quickly and be a pretty picture again.

        Laughter is fear's sister.

        "Surprise me and don't bore me because I do not know much, but I have
 many guesses coming -- they are not conscious yet, and when you show me
 something new, I love you."

        Who am I.  Who are you.  Love me, trust me, lie to me, fuck with me.
        
        It's all good, like a plastic cherry jelly roll.

        It's all good, like a lead turtle egg.

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 {  (c)2000 aNAda e'zine *                           * aNAda017 * by Isaac  }
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