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 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .        "20 Things I Learned Recently"
 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .
  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .               by Phairgirl


  . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 1.  If you work your ass off, you really will get promoted and raises and
     stuff.  If you have friends that are doing the promoting, that works,
     too.

 2.  It is fun to learn new things.  It is fun to be a complete nervous wreck
     at your job which you have been doing for months and then suddenly start
     doing something completely different.

 3.  A lot of people really dislike PIKACHU license plates.  In fact, they
     will tailgate and harass cars with PIKACHU license plates and nearly
     cause accidents.

 4.  Salsa does not promote adequate bowel health.

 5.  Some people will pay $129 for four raw steaks and $45 for a pie.

 6.  Employers do not like to have their entire businesses jeopardized by one
     mouthy, unruly employee.  Trust me, they will fire you.  Keep your mouth
     shut.

 7.  I am the third person in the text file scene to be fired because of a
     text file.  And I do it all for you.

 8.  I really do type 80 words per minute, I wasn't just blowing smoke out of
     my ass.  And if you're taking a typing test, don't get distracted when
     the girl next to you leaves the room because she cannot deal with taking
     the test with someone typing 80 wpm next to her.

 9.  Triscuits get stale even when you swear you've got the bag clamped tight
     and completely unexposed to the elements.

 10. Cooking a box of pizza rolls in the microwave for 2 minutes and 40
     seconds is far too long.

 11. Proper placement of milk jugs in refrigerators/freezers is essential to
     prevent them from flying out and splattering all over the floor.

 12. A lot of places aren't open on Labor Day.

 13. Keeping a toy with a giant magnet in the bottom of it on the top of your
     monitor for months generally isn't a good plan.

 14. Napster still rules for hearing bands I wouldn't have otherwise heard.

 15. When you don't pay your bills on time, telemarketers stop trying to sell
     you stuff.

 16. ASPERTAME WILL KILL YOU!  http://www.aspertame.com

 17. People actually believe #16.

 18. www.zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba.com is not taken.

 19. If you go to the door and check the mail, and there's nothing in the
     mailbox, and you walk away saying, "Damn, I can't believe the mail isn't
     here yet," then precisely twelve seconds later, the mailman is heard
     outside dropping letters into your mailbox.

 20. http://www.hooptie.com is not about cars.  And http://www.cooter.com is
     not about the Dukes of Hazzard.  Boo.

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  .           anada 150                  by Phairgirl  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
  . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
