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 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .             "Clean Is Divine"
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  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .                by Jphish


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 Washing Hands After Bathroom
 Reasons Why You Should Wash Your Hands 
 Author : John B. Kim (kim@cs.umass.edu) 
 Date : 19940811 

        I recently posted an article (in sci.med, etc) asking for reasons why
 one should wash his hands after using the bathroom, since I see that the
 majority of men don't.  I do, really!

        Some interesting things (if not obvious to some) were learned:

        Worsh (if you're from the Midwest) your hands!!!  Because your anus 
 has lots of really groovy germs that spread out to and party in your entire
 genital area.

        Plus your urine isn't sterile after it leaves your bladder, and even
 some virii are found in it.  And even if it was sterile, would you like to
 have it on your salad?  Peeing on your salad is no different than touching
 your salad with hands that were peed on.

        If you're anal (hee!) you should grab a towel without touching the
 faucet, dry your hands, THEN turn off the faucet with the towel so as to
 minimize the chance of catching the germs from the faucet, and then use the
 same towel to open the door to get out.

        But then maybe a little germ isn't all that bad since it helps you
 develop some immunity.

        Now, given all of this, I'm totally grossed out by the number of men
 I see in public bathrooms who don't wash their hands, some even after
 defecating.  I would guesstimate the percentage of men who don't wash their
 hands to be around 75%.  Furthermore, some who do wash their hands often
 simply run their hands under running water for a split second, no soap
 (they're usually the ones who pull out like three sheets of paper towel too,
 when one is sufficient).

        I'm surprised that foot-pedal operated faucets or automatic faucets 
 are not more common, not to mention no-touch doors/entries.

        Don't be offended if I don't shake your hand next time....

 . . . . . 


 Defecation

        Bowel movements take up a large amount of an individual's waking life
 and, in the fast-paced, hurried, etc. way of life these days, free time does
 not come easy.  I have found, through extensive research, that one's time on
 the throne is an excellent opportunity for relaxation, stimulating
 intellectual reading, or quiet reflection on one's life.

        My roommate and I have been keeping a defecation log in order to spot
 patterns or deduce the circumstances behind a good dump.  By numbering our
 dumps and dating them, plotting them against factors such as overall
 enjoyment (1-10), splash factor (1-10), significant odors, and other
 important variants, we have made some interesting discoveries.

        It seems the most important contribution to a satisfactory excretion
 is the rectal dilation; there is a definite direct proportion between the
 data in the Estimated Rectal Dilation column (cm) and the Overall Enjoyment
 column.  It seems the sensation from the rectal dilation is the most
 significant contributor to overall peace of mind, euphoria, and relaxation
 during a dump, to which all other factors depend on for enjoyment.  Further
 analyzing the data, we found that the most pleasing dilation fell in the
 interval of 2.75 to 3.5 centimeters.  Graphing the whole range of dilations
 produced a Maxwellian Distribution Curve, with 3.10 being the top of the
 curve.  To the left of this value, smaller dilations were less likely to
 produce significant sensations to affect one's state of mind, while to the
 right of this value, higher dilations produced bleeding, excruciating pain,
 and eventually unconsciousness, as my roommate found when experiencing an
 estimated dilation of 6.5 centimeters, as the proctologist later reported.
 
        To continue, there was also a direct proportion between Viscosity (1-
 10) and Estimated Rectal Dilation (cm), indicating that Viscosity is the
 direct controller of dilation.  After plotting the data, my roommate and I
 found a general equation relating Viscosity (V) to Rectal Dilation (D):
 V=kD, "k" being the Poop Constant.  However, this accounts only for
 Viscosity up to 8.5 (nearly rock solid) and dilations up to 6.5 cm, and
 should be subject to further research.

        Reading Materials were also an important variable.  While not
 actually affecting the nature of the bowel movement itself, it seemed that
 dumps were much more enjoyable if reading materials were involved.  This
 data is more prone to speculation, but comic books, letters from friends, or
 other more frivolous forms of reading were preferred over novels or other
 more serious forms of reading.  However, in the absence of the preferred
 reading material, it seems the subject would much prefer to have anything to
 read and, in extreme cases, would rather read the graffiti on the stall
 walls or the political ads than look at one's own stark naked torso sitting
 on the porcelain throne.

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  .           anada 136                     by Jphish  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
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