                           .
                           .         a n a d a  1 8 9        1 0 - 2 1 - 0 0
                           .
  . .   . . .    . .    . .    . .
 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .   "80s WARS: Prince vs. Michael Jackson"
 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .
  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .               by Phairgirl


  . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 *****  WELCOME TO '80s WARS: THE true test of what held up then, what  *****
 *****   holds up now, and what was a disease that hopefully the human  *****
 *****                       race will endure.                          *****

                TONIGHT'S CONTENDERS: Prince vs. Michael Jackson.
                                 Ding, Ding!


        It's a really good thing that this little series is about the 80s,
 otherwise this battle would be downright pathetic.

        Yeah, you heard me.  Prince and Michael Jackson SUCKED once they left
 the wonderful decade of sparkle and smiles.  Oh, sure, it wasn't until maybe
 1992 or so that they REALLY went down the toilet, but it's amusing consider-
 ing how HUGE they once were.  There was a time when insulting the King of
 Pop or the Purple one was a death wish, where one could expect the wrath of
 thousands.

        They both came blazing from the '70s.  Prince was carrying on a funk
 tradition with even more of a sexual twist than his predecessors.  Prince,
 in fact, was downright dirty.  But that's okay, people were ready for it.
 Well, maybe not Tipper Gore, who took a particular disliking to "Darling
 Nikki," but then again, this was pretty new ground for a mainstream artist.

        The hits.  Where to begin?  Prince doesn't have a 2-disc Greatest
 Hits collection for nothing.  "Little Red Corvette."  "1999."  "When Doves
 Cry."  "U Got The Look."  That's SO the tip of the iceberg.  And let's also
 not forget that Prince wrote some of the other greatest hits of the decade:
 "Manic Monday" for The Bangles, "Nothing Compares 2 U" for Sinead O'Connor,
 and all those protoges.  BA-BAM!

        Prince was all about controversy--he even wrote a song about it.  And
 he was all about sex--I still remember my mom suddenly deciding I wasn't old
 enough to watch "Purple Rain" on HBO, and deciding we wouldn't be allowed to
 watch MTV after seeing the video for "Kiss."  And I loved Prince the whole
 time.  Not in the I-wanna-have-wild-monkey-sex kinda way, because I was
 pretty little, but in the way that inspired me to change the lyrics of
 "Raspberry Beret" to "Strawberry Shortcake" and singing about my kickass
 dolls.

        But there was one who was much bigger than Prince in the '80s, and
 I'm not making a height joke, either.  He was The Gloved One.  He was Not
 Billie Jean's Lover.  He was... Michael.

        I'll never forget first and second grade, where ALL the girls LOVED
 Michael Jackson.  EVERYONE had those silly red zipper leather jackets, and
 the big styles were those BMX biker gloves that had the fingertips cut out
 and legwarmers.  Ohhhh yeeeeah.  Michael Jackson OWNED my grade school.  I
 think I was the only person who didn't own _Thriller_.  I remember staying
 overnight at this girl Kim's house, and us jumping on her bed while
 listening to the album, Kim twisting her ankle, and us making makeshift
 crutches from folding chairs.  What a blast.

        And the music, oh it was pretty damned good, too.  I shouldn't over-
 look _Off The Wall_ but I'm going to anyway.  _Thriller_ was where it was
 at.  "Billie Jean," "Beat It," "Thriller"... there quite literally was
 NOTHING that could compete with it.  And what did Michael come up with after
 that?  _Bad_, which had some other brilliant songs like "The Way You Make
 Me Feel," "Dirty Diana," and... well, "Bad."  He STILL owned everything.
 And to top it all off, he had to go be Mr. Sensitive Guy and do "We Are The
 World," the PINNACLE of the '80s.  Damned Michael, he truly reigned as King
 of Pop.

        What can I say, the '80s just completely ruled for good pop music.

        And then came... the 1990s.  Heh heh heh.

        Although this is an '80s piece, my wicked side can't help but delve
 into what the '90s did to these two brilliant artists.  Prince got all
 whiney about his record contract and changed his name to THIS:
                                          
                                    .###.  
                                  .#######. 
                                  ##     ## 
                                  ##     ##   ,
                                  `##. .##' ,& 
                              .o00000000000000 
                             o  ,     $     *0 
                             L ' )    $       *
                              *o*     $
                                     $$$
                                      $ 
                                     .$.
                                      *

        ...pronounced BOY, THAT DID HIS CAREER A WORLD OF GOOD, HUH?

        And Michael Jackson, ohhhhh man.  He married Lisa Marie Presley, he
 turned white, he got wacky with some little boys, he erected a giant statue
 of himself for a commercial, he's more plastic than Barbie.  My god, there
 was just no limit to the stupidity.

        It's pretty amazing these two brilliant, diverse, and enterprising
 stars would just FLUSH THEIR ENTIRE CAREERS DOWN THE TOILET AND TARNISH
 THEIR NAMES FOR LIFE, but they both did it.  Quite tragic, really.  They
 could've taken some lessons from Madonna about how not to FUCK UP EVERYTHING
 THEY'VE EVER HAD.

        Anyway, back the the '80s.  Michael Jackson, of course, was more
 popular, made more money, has more worldwide recognition, and most certainly
 can dance better.  However, Prince WRITES all of his own songs and PLAYS
 instruments.  Michael saves the children and feeds the world while Prince
 makes innocent little girls into sex kittens and big stars.  Michael had
 a pet chimp and had rumors circulating about him sleeping in a hyperbaric
 chamber.  Prince was weird too, but at least he never had a smellyass
 monkey.

        My personal opinion is tainted because I own Prince CDs yet do not
 own any MJ discs.  Michael's hits fit on one disc of his _HISstory_ set, but
 Prince needed two.  And I never thought Michael was cute, but at least I
 could appreciate Prince's oozing sexuality.

        To this day, I don't understand what the whole Michael Jackson
 hysteria is all about.  Yeah, _Thriller_ was a good album with some great
 tunes.  But everything since then cannot compare in the least.  Prince kept
 a solid popularity throughout the '80s and into the early '90s, including
 penning megahits for other artists.  MJ is a dancer, Prince is a musician.
 And even though the '80s without Michael leaves a gap, the '80s without
 Prince would be downright empty.

        Prince takes the prize, baby.

  . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
                                                                             
  .           anada 189                  by Phairgirl  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
  . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
