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 anada   "The Tawdry                                              #          
 201        Chef"                      +###           +###    +####    +###  
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                                by   #     #  # ##  #     #  #    #  #     # 
 01                      Phairgirl   #    .#  ## #  #    .#  #   .#  #    .# 
 nov                                  *###  * #   *  *###  * *###  *  *###  *
 2000 .+#################################################################.net

        Here are a few of my favorite recipes, most of which I made up
 because I have nothing better to do with my time.  I am a vegetarian and I
 like cheese a lot (I could never be vegan), just to warn you ahead of time.
 Plus I like to drink, so I included some of my favorite drink recipes as
 well.  Enjoy!#@!

 ooooo

 "TangyMac"

 Ingredients:
 1 box any brand Macaroni and Cheese (I like generic stuff), not family size
 1/2 cup frozen peas
 2 tbsp lemon juice
 Enough pepper to make it look like it fell on the floor
 Salt to taste

 Directions:
 Make the macaroni and cheese like it tells you on the box.  When it's done,
 add the frozen peas, lemon juice, and pepper/salt and stir (you might need
 to reheat it for a bit depending on how hot you like it).  Makes however
 many servings the box tells you it does.

 ooooo

 "Portabella Is Italian For Fucking Yummy Mushrooms"

 Ingredients:
 3 portabella mushroom caps of decent size (4 inches across or so)
 1 small purple onion
 A block of pepperjack cheese
 An italian bread of your choice, focaccia rules

 Slice the purple onion (YAY, FUN).  Using a cheese slicer, make 6 slices of
 pepperjack cheese.
 Using the stove and preferably a pan, saute the purple onion slices and the
 mushroom caps.  *NOTE: this is a lot easier if you have a George Foreman
 grill.  We have an imitation George Foreman grill, it ROCKS, don't let
 George scare you into buying brand names.*  Prepare your bread appropriately
 for sandwichmaking, put 2 slices of pepperjack cheese on each sandwich.
 Place onions and mushroom cap on top.  Makes 3, believe it or not.

 Some people might like tomatoes on this.  I hate tomatoes.

 ooooo

 "Velveeta is only good for one thing: dip"

 Ingredients:
 Velveeta
 Salsa
 Tortilla chips

 Directions:
 Slice up some velveeta and toss it in a nice microwave-safe bowl (I really,
 REALLY recommend something glass/pottery).  Heat it until it's mostly melted
 (doesn't take long).  Add salsa so that the proportion of velveeta to salsa
 is 2:1.  Stir and heat again until nice, hot, and runny.  Eat with tortilla
 chips.  

 ooooo

 "Perfect Refried Beans"

 Ingredients:
 a can of Refried Beans (El Paso strongly recommended)
 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
 2 tbsp chili powder

 Directions:
 Heat up the refried beans in whatever way you like.  When they're almost
 done, add the cheese and chili powder and stir.  When everything is melted
 and happy, it's done.  Serves 1-4, depending on what you're making it for.

 ooooo

 "Smack Me Apple"

 Ingredients:
 1 part Apple Pucker
 1 part Vodka
 4 parts apple juice

 Directions:
 Pour and serve over ice.

 ooooo

 "SloppyYum Crackers"

 Ingredients:
 Triscuits or reasonable facsimilies
 Salsa of your choice
 Shredded cheddar or pepperjack cheese

 Directions:
 In a bowl or on a tray (depending on if you care how it looks), generously
 sprinkle cheese over Triscuits.  Microwave for 1 minute or until the cheese
 is 2/3 melted.  Pour salsa lightly and evenly over triscuits and cheese and
 top with another layer of shredded cheese.  Microwave for another 3 minutes
 or until second cheese layer is mostly melted.  Do not attempt to eat this
 without a fork, spoon, or other utensil unless you don't mind looking like
 you're eating from a slop bucket with your hands.

 ooooo

 "Simple Western Salad"

 Ingredients:
 Lettuce, prepared as you like it for salads (about 1/2 head)
 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
 2 tbsp fake bacos
 French/Western/Catalina dressing

 Directions:
 Toss ingredients.  Rough one, I'm sure.

 ooooo

 "Summer's Super Secret Baked Bean Goodness"

 Ingredients:
 1 can Bush's Baked Beans (the big ones), Vegetarian style
 Ketchup
 Barbecue sauce of your choice (honey-style is best)
 1/4 cup brown sugar
 1/4 cup fake bacos

 Directions:
 Open can of baked beans and DRAIN all of the soupy stuff off.  Pour
 remaining beans into a microwave-safe bowl (or crock pot).  Add 1/2 cup
 ketchup, 1/2 cup barbecue sauce, 1/4 cup brown sugar and 1/4 cup fake bacos.
 Stir and heat.  Mmmmm, good.  Makes enough for about 6 people unless they're
 pigs.

 ooooo

 I obviously did not invent these drinks, but I recommend them HIGHLY.

 "Brass Monkey"

 Ingredients:
 1 shot vodka
 1 shot rum (even better with Tropico rum)
 Orange juice

 Directions:
 Fill an 8-oz glass with ice, stir and enjoy.


 "Black Russian (modified)"

 Ingredients:
 1 shot rum
 1 shot Kaluha
 Coke

 Directions:
 Drink with ice in an 8-oz glass.

 ooooo

 "Mommy My Mouth Is On Fire Hashbrowns"

 Ingredients:
 1 bag frozen hashbrowned potatoes (shredded or cubed)
 1 cup shredded pepperjack cheese
 2 tbsp chili powder
 1/4 cup chopped jalapeno peppers (from a jar, include some juice)
 A few dashes of Tabasco sauce (Habanero if you're one of THOSE people)
 Salt and lots of pepper to taste

 Directions:
 Saute hashbrowns in small amount of cooking oil of your choice, adding salt,
 pepper, and chili powder while cooking.  When they are done, combine all
 remaining ingredients and continue to cook and stir until cheese is melted.
 Serves a lot of children who like to breathe fire, or 3-4 adults.

 ooooo

 "I Could Live On This Taco Salad"

 Ingredients:
 Lettuce (about half a head), prepared for a salad
 3/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese
 1 handful tortilla chips (if you need an amount, say, oh, 1 1/2 oz)
 1/2 cup salsa
 1/2 cup sour cream

 Directions:
 In microwave-safe bowl, combine salsa and sour cream; heat until hot.  In a
 large bowl, place lettuce and cheddar cheese.  Crush handful of tortilla
 chips and sprinkle overtop.  Pour hot salsa mixture overtop and serve!  This
 makes enough for one very hungry person or two average people.

 ooooo

 I wish I had some dessert recipes.  Instead, I will recommend Colombo fat-
 free yogurt.  It comes with a plastic spoon built right into the lid!  How's
 that for laziness!  (Try the Cherry Vanilla.  It's the best.)

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 anada201 by Phairgirl                                               (c) 2000
 ###################################################################anada.net
